Bonds of Light and Fire

25. Dismal Return

"You are so lucky to have your own room," Nascha sighed, flopping onto Luciana's bed. She rolled onto her back and crossed her arms beneath her head.

Luciana sat down beside her. "What do you mean?" She asked with a small laugh.

"When I moved in with Fenrys, we had to share a bed because he didn't have a spare bedroom or extra blankets."

"That sounds like it might have been awkward."

Nascha shot her an incredulous look. "It was. That male has no shame. We barely knew each other and he still couldn't be bothered to wear clothes to bed."

Luciana's eyes widened. "Sleeping in the same bed as a strange male? A naked one at that? I never would've survived."

"Like I said, you're lucky to have your own room. Although..." Nascha sat up, a mischievous glint in her hickory eyes. She could've only learned that look from Fenrys. "Surely you've had your own share of awkward situations. Have you and Vaughan walked in on each other in the bathroom? While you're changing? When you're..."

"No," Luciana interrupted, her face burning. "We lock the bathroom door and Vaughan always knocks before coming into my room. I'm not allowed in his."

"Oh?" Nascha arched a brow.

"It's his one rule, so I obey it. He's entitled to his privacy." Luciana twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "Although, sometimes I worry about what he does with that privacy."

"Do you think he's still hurting himself?"

"If he does, it's not very often, or he's good at not letting it show. I just know that he has a lot of sleepless nights, so I wonder what he does while he's awake."

"Maybe you should ask him sometime."

Luciana shook her head. "He wouldn't tell me. He's trying to put some distance between us."

Nascha furrowed her brows. "Why?"

"He wouldn't say, but..." Luciana managed to meet Nascha's gaze. "I think I've made him uncomfortable." Nascha said nothing and waited for her to continue. "Lately, I suppose that I've been seeing him in a different light. He's not a stoic mentor. He's a hurting male. He's been trying to help me heal the wounds my past left behind, and I want to do the same for him, but he barely lets me."

"The times that he has though, I can tell it made a difference. I've made him laugh. Not one of those small fake laughs he does around people. A real laugh. He was smiling more often, and Aeron told me that he even made a joke to Lorcan. But every time we seem to make progress, something happens that sets us back again. He was talking to me, and now he basically ignores me."

Luciana sighed. "I'm worried that he might have picked up on my new...feelings, and that it made him uncomfortable. He hasn't said anything to me specifically, but I don't think his preference is females."

"I don't think Vaughan has ever told anyone his specific preferences," Nascha replied. "He could be like Fenrys or Connall. Fenrys prefers females but occasionally likes male company. Connall was the opposite. He preferred males, but occasionally liked females."

A question sat on the tip of Luciana's tongue, but she knew she couldn't ask it. Even if Nascha knew the answer, she probably wouldn't share. Instead, Luciana rephrased her real question and asked, "Has Vaughan had a male lover before? One that he chose for himself?"

Nascha hesitated, then replied, "I know he was in love with a male once, but nothing ever happened between them."

"Where is that male now?"