The Limits of Forever

Chapter 13- Love vs Lust

I hear a knock at my apartment door. I groan. I can feel the sunlight streaming through my blinds but I'm not making any effort to move. I hear another knock. I lift myself up and look at the clock on my bedside table. 11.00. I flop back down on my bed. It's so early. Another knock sounds. This person is not going away. I throw the sheets off and stumble to the door. I look through the peephole and sigh. I unlock the door.

'Hiya.' Alice stands there with a great big smile.

I stare at her. My brain's too fuzzy to reply so I just grunt and then take myself right back into my warm bed.

'Do you want me to make you a coffee?' She asks

I don't reply.

'I'll make you coffee.'

I hear the kettle boil and the pouring of water before Alice shoves a mug of steaming liquid in my face. Just the smell of it makes my eyes open wider.

I take a sip. 'Why are you here?'

'Well I came to talk about Theo. I think that you should go see him. ASAP.'

I blink at her. For a moment I forgot about the whole situation yesterday. I sigh.

'Please, he's your perfect guy. Don't lose him.' She pauses before shrugging and carrying on. 'Plus, he's really hurt.'

I sit up. 'Is he heartbroken?' I feel bad.

'You could say heartbroken. I would say mad. Angry. Upset. Jealous. Depressed-'

'Seriously Alice.'

She shrugs. 'Suffering. Devastated. Miserable. Crestfallen. But yeah, you could say heartbroken.'

I blink at her. 'You quite finished.'

'Yup.'

'I was going to see him anyway. But yeah I'll go.'

She smiles. 'Good. Now tell me about Sebastian.'

I down the rest of my coffee and hand her the mug. 'I thought Theo was my perfect guy.'

'Uh, yeah. But Sebastian...' She gives me an abstract gesture to show how great Sebastian is.

'Nope.' I pull the covers over my head and roll away from her.

I hear her place the mug down on the bedside table before she jumps onto the bed and lands next to me.

'I know something's going on between you two. You can't hide it from me Lexi.'

I peek over the covers.

Her face is right next to mine. 'Sebastian's infatuated with you isn't he.' Her face breaks into a wide grin.

'I'm not talking about Sebastian because nothing is happening.'

'Lie.'

'No.'

'Yes.'

'You should want the best for me. I'm not getting myself into another relationship that's going to end with my heart in pieces again.'

'Okay that happened once.'

'That happened twice.'

She gives me a sad smile. 'How do you know Sebastian is like those other guys? This could be the love that ends all loves. The ultimate love.'

'I'm actually convinced you need mental help.'

'Come on. You used to believe in the ultimate love.'

'Yeah... that's before he cheated on me with my best friend.'

'Yeah well, she was a bitch and he was a dick. That just proves that he wasn't your ultimate love.'

I don't answer.

'You have to give other people a chance you know.'

'Yeah... I'm giving Theo a chance.'

'Why cause he's the safe option?' She asks

'I thought you loved Theo.'

'Duh, of course I do. I just think it's unfair if you don't choose between the two.' She pauses before whispering. 'If I was in your shoes. I would pick Sebastian. He's hot.'

I laugh. 'Well I pick Theo. And I made that clear to Sebastian, he just won't leave me alone.'

'Yeah. That's because he likes you.' She mutters

I roll my eyes and slide out of bed. I walk to the bathroom. In some ways Alice is right. Theo might be perfect but he might not make me happy. I turn on the shower. Trust Alice to screw with my mind.

_______________________________________________________

I knock on Theo's door. I still haven't figured out what to say. All I've got right now is, I'm sorry. And that's probably not going to cut it. The door swings open.

I give him a smile. 'Hey.'

He looks me up and down. 'Hi.'

'Can I come in?'

He looks away before pressing himself against the door to let me through.

I walk to the kitchen and take a deep breath.

'Theo-'

'Alexis stop.' He pauses. 'Are you sleeping with Sebastian?'

I feel my heart rate rise. 'No.'

'Swear to me Alexis, because I can't do this if you aren't really mine.'

'Theo,' I walk closer to him and take his face in my hands. 'I'm picking you. You're the one I want to give my heart to. You're the one I see myself with in the future. Me and Sebastian have nothing going on. I swear.'

I only have my parents to thank for teaching me how to tell a good lie. But this one. This one I'm going to make good on. I can't keep doing this to Theo. And I can't put my heart out there to get broken. I don't care what Alice says.

'So what was that yesterday?'

'I don't know. I promise. My job is so important to me and that is the only reason I went with him.'

He puts his hands on my waist and pulls me forward. 'Swear?'

'I swear.' I whisper.

I let my hands fall onto his shoulder. Then he kisses me and I kiss him back. He lifts me up and puts me on the counter behind us. His hands run along my legs before travelling up my body. His kisses move away from my mouth and start to travel down my body. I moan when I feel his teeth against my skin.

But he doesn't run his fingers through my hair or touch me like he needs me to survive. Everything he does is gentle. His kisses are soft. When he pulls down my joggers his fingers move delicately. He touches me like he doesn't want to hurt me.

He asks me if I'm okay after he enters me. His hands stay placed on my waist. He kisses my shoulder, then my cheek and then my lips. Then he looks at me and tells me I'm beautiful.

Theo makes love to me, it's slow and perfect love.

But, Sebastian fucks. It's full of passion and lust and he makes it clear he wants me. And it's becoming harder and harder to say that I don't want him back.