All or nothing

Chapter Four

You're welcome, Chewing gum

Saina's

"YOUR mom smells so good! She smells like coffee!"

I smiled right after hearing what Joshua just said. We ended up having a late meryenda inside the school cafeteria – kasama si Joshua, of course at ang tatay niyang mukhang chewing gum na nakaupo lang doon at nakatingin kung saan. I really wanted to go home, gusto ko kasing masigurong maayos si Haniel kahit na natingnan na siya ng school doctor. I wanted to bring him to the hospital and get him checked again, but then my precious boy suddenly said that he's hungry, so I decided to eat with him, iyon nga lang dahil na rin best friend niya talaga si Joshua ay inaya niya rin itong kumain.

"Mommy smells like rainbows and butterflies!" Haniel giggled and then he faced me. I was trying to feed him, nang tingnan ko ang anak ko ay nakangisi siya sa akin.

"Really, baby love? I smell like that?" He nodded.

"Yes! I love you, Mommy!" Affection comes easy to my son. He's touchy, and feely, palagi siyang nangyayakap, kundi man ay bigla na lang siyang uupo sa tabi ko at hihiga siya sa mga binti ko, he would request me to caress his hair or he'll just sit on my lap while he rest his head on my chest. Those were my favorite moments with Haniel, with that, I feel like I have my whole world on my hands – Haniel is my whole world and I love him so much. I kissed the top of his head.

"I love you too, Love, come and eat." I put the fork in front of him. I ordered the cheesy baked mac and toasted garlic bread for my son, si Joshua naman ay hotdog sandwich. I looked at Joshua, his smile suddenly faltered and then he looked at his father. Birada sighed and gave his son a small smile.

"Kain na, Joshua, hindi ka ba napagod?" Tanong niya sa anak niya. It's obvious that the child is missing his mother, I wonder what happened – well that's all I could do, wonder, hindi naman kami close ni Birada para magtanong ako sa kanya kung anong nangyari sa kanila noong nanay ng bata, I don't see any wedding ring in his fingers, it could be the classing nagka-anak pero naghiwalay sa huli or maybe he's annulled, maybe they didn't find the happy ending they both wanted for each other.

Ganoon naman ang panahon ngayon. People say that the olde days were so much better for relationships, but then in my opinion, kaya lang naman nagtatagal ang relasyon noon – well hindi ko naman nilalahat – ay dahil takot ang mga tao na harapin ang katotohanan ng isang failed relationship, hindi kasi maganda sa paningin ng lahat ang isang relasyong hindi naging successful, it's like a red tag on a woman, yes, mula noon ang mga babae ang napupulaan kapag hindi nagtagumpay ang isang relasyon and that's just bullshit.

Nowadays, both men and women are braver to free themselves than to suffer the consequences of a failed relationship. Tama naman, sa panahon ngayon tayo bilang tao ang hahanap ng sarili nating happiness. No one should depend on someone to be happy – I was once like that – I made Uriel the center of my universe so when we failed, I was so lost and so angry that I even vented this anger towards him. Nagkamali ako noon, and from that mistake, I learned and I made sure to become a better person for my son. Para rin naman sa kanya ang ginawa ko, he's now able to enjoy his time with his father.

"Joshua, are you okay?" I asked the little boy. His eyes sparkled when I acknowledged him. Poor boy, maybe he is missing his mom so much.

"Yes po." Yumuko siya, I reached for his hand and squeezed it a bit. "Don't worry, baby love..." I said in a light tone. "Hanhan will be okay, his arm is going to heal up real good because I am going to make sure of that, saka hindi naman ako galit, so you need not to worry, alright, baby love?" I gave him my sweetest smile, noong makita kong nakangiti na siya ay kinindatan ko pa siya. He suddenly had the appetite to eat.