All or nothing

Prologo: Hopeful

All or Nothing

Damsel Series # 07

A novel written by xxakanexx

PROLOGUE

"HANIEL... he left home..."

My tears kept falling, I couldn't even see the road anymore. Hilam na hilam ang mga mata ko ng luha. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. I've been looking for my son for the last three hours and it's driving me crazy! Ang sabi ko, hahanapin ko si Haniel, he's a kid. Hindi siya makakalayo mula sa residential building kung saan kami nakatira. Maybe he was just in the park, or in the pool area. I even looked for him in the rooftop, thinking that he'd be there even though I told him countless times that he shouldn't go up there.

But he wasn't.

I asked our neighbors if they had seen him, but nobody did. Doon ng sobra – sobrang kumabog ang puso ko. I cannot lose my son. He is my sunshine, he is my better half and if I lose him, I'd go insane.

"WHAT THE HELL, SAINA?!" I gasped hard after hearing Uriel Consunji's voice on the other line. He is Haniel's father. We're not together. We used to have a complicated relationship, but now, we're friends and we are co-parenting. He's always there for Haniel, in every school activities, in ever milestones in our son's life, Uriel is involved. Ayoko nga sanang sabihin sa kanya ang nangyayari ngayon, pero hindi ko na kaya. Uriel needs to know, and I need his help. Kahit na magalit siya sa akin ngayon, kailangan ko ng tulong niya.

I sobbed harder when he raised his voice at me. Alam kong magagalit siya. Nawala ko iyong anak namin. Haniel is just a kid. What does he know about life? Nothing! He's only ten years old and he's so innocent! Oh my innocent baby boy, where could he be? It's six in the evening already and we usually have dinner this time of the night. Sure akong gutom na ang anak ko. Sure akong natatakot na siya. I pampered him so much, baka mamaya iyak nang iyak na si Haniel kung nasaan man siya ngayon.

"What the fuck happened, Saina? Where are you?!"

"At the parking lot near my unit. Uriel, anong gagawin ko? He must be very scared now."

"Ahh fuck!" I winced when Uriel cursed on the other line. "I will be there! Stay still, Saina." I was biting my lip. I ended the call and got out of the car. I was looking around, people are staring at me – probably because of the way I am now. Gulo – gulo ang buhok ko, tapos iyak pa ako nang iyak. I was only wearing my house dress, I don't even have the same pair of slippers.

I tried to think back of what happened earlier today. Haniel was playing with his toys in the living room. I was peeling soma apples for him. He seemed to be enjoying himself, nakatingin lang naman ako sa kanya, he seemed quiet, but to me, he looks normal, tahimik naman talaga si Haniel but he's a happy kid despite of his silence, and then my phone rang. Sinagot ko ang tawag na iyon. I told Haniel that I'll be at the balcony. I swear I closed the sliding door, but when I turned around, I found the sliding door ajar and Haniel nowhere to be found.

That was three hours ago, and now, I can't find my son.

I leaned on my car door. I was shaking. Where could he be?

"Baby, where are you?" I sobbed again. I looked around and I realized that I didn't even look at the park in front of our building. Ang lakas – lakas ng kabog ng puso ko. Naalala kong madalas niyang sabihin sa akin na gusto niya raw iyong mga monkey bars sa park na iyon. We go there every weekend morning to walk the dog and then I'll watch him play.

Dali – dali akong tumawid upang makapunta sa park na iyon. May kaunting liwanag pang natitira mula sa palubog na araw. I kept on crying while looking around. Where is he? Sana nandito na siya. All I could think about is finding Haniel and getting him back home to feed him, tuck him in bed and hug him all night. I want to make sure that he is safe.

As if it's not enough, it started raining. Lalong napalakas ang iyak ko. I need to find my son, asap!

I started to run. I stayed under a huge tree near the slide. I stood there, I crossed my arms while biting my lower lip.

"Haniel, baby, where are you?" I prayed hard for him to be okay, and maybe that's how fast my prayers are answered because not a moment later, I heard little sniffles. Nanggagaling iyon sa may slide. My heartbeat so fast – so fast that I could almost hear it. Ang bilis ng lakad ko. There is something familiar about those sniffles. I followed the sound and my heart melted when I saw my baby boy, under the long slide, crying while embracing himself.

He must be so cold.

"Haniel..." It was a whisper but it was loud enough for him to look up at me. He pouted and that pout turned to loud cries.

"Mommy!" He stood up, I walked to him, he embraced my waist. I enveloped him in my protective arms. I thanked all the angels above because I found my boy, and he's safe – wet, but safe and that's the most wonderful thing.

"Why did you leave our home? Baby, what happened?" Lumayo siya sa akin, I cupped his face and looked at him with so much worry. I am waiting for his answer.

"I don't want to go back to Italy." He sobbed. My heart broke. "I'm sorry, Mommy, but I don't want to go back to Italy. It's lonely there and I'm going to miss Papa, and Tita Avery and the twins. I don't want to leave..."

"Baby, why did you think of that?" Malumanay na wika ko. Sakto naman na huminto ang ulan. Nakaupo na kaming dalawa sa isa sa mga benches roon. Basa na kaming mag – ina, I don't mind, what's important is that I have my son now, and I am going to listen to whatever he wants to say.

"I heard you... it didn't work out with him, Mommy and now you want to leave."

Wala akong masabi. Haniel bit his lower lip.

"It's okay if I change schools, if I don't talk to my best friend anymore, Mommy, I just don't want to go back to Italy." Muli na naman siyang umiyak at yumakap sa akin. Tulad ni Haniel ay napaiyak na rin ako. He's too young to mind my problems – lalo na iyomh problema pagdating sa puso ko.

"Shhh, baby, stop, we're not going back to Italy, okay?"

"But... but... you said, on the phone..." His voice was muffled because he was crying so hard. I just sighed.

"No, baby... Mommy will do everything for you. I love you, if you don't want to go back, we won't and no you don't need to avoid your best friend or change schools. You don't need to deal with anything Mommy is dealing, anak. Okay? Okay?"

He continued crying, I did too.

It wasn't like this before, Haniel and I are completely happy, but as they say, change is the only constant thing in this world, and that change brought some good and bad things in our lives...

I just wished that I could go back to where we are happy. Although I know that we're going to be okay, pero baka matagalan pa, baka hindi ko pa kayanin, pero kakayanin ko para kay Haniel...