All or nothing

Chapter Three

Cute

Saina's

I WOKE up extra early that Monday morning. Ughh! I have always hated Mondays. I remember, I used to ask myself why Monday is so far from Saturday and Sunday. It's only seven in the morning and I was walking along the long corridors of the 27th floor where my office is located. Tulad pa rin ng dati, hindi pa rin tumitigil si Papa. Araw – araw pa rin siyang pumapasok sa office tapos niyayamot niya ako, halos nakikialam na nga siya sa mga imbestigador, mabuti na lang at professional talaga ang mga iyon, maybe other than the fact that they are loyal to Gabriel Consunji kaya hindi sila nagpapaapekto sa mga nangyayari sa paligid nila.

I sighed as I took a sip of my coffee, I just wish this will end soon. Gusto ko nang bumalik sa normal na buhay, iyong kaming dalawa lang ni Haniel at focused ako sa kanya. I have a lot of businesses with my friends, I co-founded a beauty line which is now one of the top selling brands in the Philippines, and we are trying to enter the Sout East Asian market pero hindi ako maka-focus ngayon sa trabahong iyin dahil sa kawalang-hiyaang nangyari dito sa family business na kagagawan naman ng sarili kong tatay. I rolled my eyes, why is everything in my life so complicated? Ang gusto ko lang naman ay tahimik na buhay – kunsabagay, wala namang bagay sa mundo ang ginusto natin at madali nating nakuha.

Isang example noon si Haniel, when I found out I was pregnant with him, I was really happy, I told myself that finally, I have something of my own, a person that I know will love me unconditionally – but having him wasn't easy. I have my mom with me, but because Haniel was my first baby, ang hirap – hirap niyang dalhin. He keeps on slipping – maselan ang pagbubuntis ko noon, the doctors put me to bed rest and then I had to gain weight because I was too thin, ang hirap magpataba noon, sobrang hirap ng dinaanan ko just to have Haniel with me, but then when I finally held him in my arms the day he was born, I told myself that everything is worth it.

I smiled upon remembering my baby boy. He really is my baby, kahit anong edad yata ni Haniel, I will treat him as my baby because he will always be my baby.

Paliko na ako papuntsa sa office ko when I bumped to the floor cleaner, dahil sa pagkakabangga niya sa akin ay natapon ang coffee ko sa damit ko, glad na hindi na ganoong kainit ang iniinom ko.

"Naku, Miss Saina! Sorry po! Sorry po talaga!" Todo naman ang paghingi niya sa akin ng tawad. I looked at the old man apologizing to me and I tried so hard to smile – kahit sa loob – loob ko ay hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang inis, but then, I understand na hindi niya sinadya kaya mas pinili ko na lang na ngumiti sa kanya.

"Okay lang po, sa susunod, ingat na lang po ha?" Wika ko. Imbes na sa office ako magpunta ay dumiretso ako sa common restroom, may sarili sana akong restroom kaya lang kandado ang office ni Papa ngayon. I rolled my eyes. Kailan kaya siya susuko, I just want this to end.

Nakatayo ako sa tapat ng salamin. Hindi naman ganoon karami ang dumi sa blazer ko. Mabuti nga at hindi puti ang suot kong inner shirt kundi wala rin akong masusuot. Maybe I'll just ask a friend of mine to get me clothes to the mall para mapalitan ko ito. I took my blazer of, ininspeksyon ko muna kung okay naman ang inner shirt ko, kung masagwa ba ang pagkakatapon ng kape o kung kailangan kong umuwi para magpalit. I even smelled myself to make sure that I smell fine – but I smell like coffee, and maybe that's good enough.

I sighed again. Nag-wisik na lang ako ng kaunting pabango, I brushed my hair and then I left the restroom. Tinutupi ko ang blazer ko habang naglalakad, siyempre hindi na naman ako nakatingin sa dinaraanan ko kaya nabunggo na naman ako, I was so sure that because of the impact, I will fall on the floor, and I was waiting for the impact but then, I felt something warm and hard wrapped around my waist, nakapikit ako noon, but when I felt a warm air near my neck, I opened my eyes and I found my father's lead attorney – si Jose Gerardo Birada, noong una ay walang reaction sa mukha niya, but maybe when he recognized me, he grinned – oh that fucking grin – inis na inis na naman ako.