Two Ghosts - Ruel Van Dijk (Completed)

Chapter 30 - You're all he's been talking about

TW this chapter lightly discusses suicide

Today was the day. I was going to see Ruel at the hospital. Apparently he was now awake, he had woken up in the middle of the night, and nobody had seen him except for Kate and the doctors. I asked Coco and Sylvie to come with me, but they insisted I see him first. Of course I insisted otherwise, but they can be very stubborn.

I didn't know how to feel. Obviously I was glad that Ruel was awake. I was so happy. I could talk for hours about how happy I was he was awake. But I was also scared, and sad. I was nervous to see him. I was nervous he was still sad. I was nervous he would blame me for his...incident. I knew I was probably overthinking, but it is so scary to see someone who was literally 'dead' the other day. Especially when the last time I saw him, he was lying in a pool of his own fucking blood.

I was now sitting in the car, in the carpark of the hospital by myself. My mum had offered to drop me, but I wanted to drive alone. It gave me time to think, time to reflect. Or more commonly known as: I wanted to drive myself so I could have a panic attack freely in my car by myself. Which I mostly did. I didn't know why I was so damn nervous. I had shown this guy parts of me nobody else had seen. I guess it was just scary to talk to him because I felt bad that I had been so ignorant. I so badly wished I could go back and change the past. I wished I could've seen how forced he had been into that situation he was in. I wished I could've been someone he felt comfortable talking to about Valory, instead of leaving him to suffer in silence. I wished I had been there. 

I had to get out of the car. I couldn't let Ruel down a second time. I didn't know whether he knew I was coming, but still. I reached to open the door, and slid slowly out of the driver's side of the car. I walked cautiously over to the lifts and pushed the up button. Ruel was on level 5, I was on B1. The lift doors chimed and opened immediately, revealing an empty lift. I stood in the lift, looking for number 5 on the button board. I stood in the lift alone, anxiously waiting to get out. Strangely, the lift didn't stop to pick anyone else up, it just went straight to 5. 

I stepped quickly out of the lift, to be met with a receptionist's desk. I walked briskly to the front of the desk, meeting a young-ish girl's eyes.

"Hi, how can I help?" she asked cheerily.

"I'm looking for Ruel Van Dijk," I asked timidly, fiddling with my fingers.

"Are you Sunday?" she smiled and tilted her head. I nodded, a confused look spreading across my face. How did she know who I was? "You're all he's been talking about since he woke up last night. You must mean a lot to him," she shook her head. He'd been talking about me? What was he saying? I started to overthink before the lady interrupted me. "He's room 12, ward 5A."

"Thank you," I flashed her a quick smile before scurrying off. I walked through a set of double doors with a sign that read 'Ward 5A' and began to walk down the hallway. 9, 10, 11...12. I stopped outside his room. Do I really want to do this? The anxiety in my gut began to fill my body as my head began to burn with worry. What if he hated me now? What if that was what he was telling the nurses? What if he blamed me for this? What if he was mad at me for ignoring him? What if-

"You can go in hun," a nurse said kindly, snapping me out of my worries. 

"Right. I was just...er...nevermind," I stuttered, watching her face flutter with a smile. She was watching me now. It would look stupid if I just stood there. So I took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. Before you come at me, yes, I know he wasn't going to answer the door. I was just making sure he acknowledged my presence.

I pushed open the door, squeezing my eyes shut. I slammed it shut behind me, still not opening my eyes. I leaned against the door, letting go of a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I slowly peeled open one eye after the other, the small hospital room coming into view. The first thing that hit me was the beep of the heart monitor, slow and constant. I guess though it was annoying, it made you grateful to hear the sound of his heartbeat. 

I looked around the room, observing the details. It was a pretty boring room. Pasty white walls, bright white lights, a really ugly couch chair in the corner, a small window, a small wardrobe, a hell of a lot of machines, and a bed. A bed in which sat Ruel. Ruel. He was hooked up to about a billion machines, one for his heart, one for blood, one for other fluids of some sort et cetera, his wrists were covered in plaster, bright and white, and he, well he was reading a book. Surprising? Absolutely not. His knees were almost to his chest, resting the book on them. He looked insanely tired, his hair hanging messily, his eyes touched with browny-red bags, his face seeming to droop more than normal. His eyes looked...unusually brown. But he was alive. His chest was rising and falling. He was...alright.

His eyes flickered, landing on mine, seeming to morph into a green. I thought I would cry right then and there. I thought I would never see those eyes again. I watched him blink a few times, the long-black mess that were his eyelashes tickling his rosy-pink cheeks. Even in this state he seemed so gentle and delicate. 

"Sunday," he said, rather plainly for a person who had been dead a few days ago. I bit down on my lip, trying my hardest not to cry now.

"Ruel," I quivered, definitely sounding fucking terrified. But I was. I was so scared. I watched him shuffle over slightly, an invitation to sit next to him. I furrowed a brow, shaking my head.

"Please?" he whispered, knowing I had to give in. Fuck. Why did he have to have this effect on me? So I did. I walked silently over to the other side of the bed, and sat down as gently as I could, careful not to sit on any of the tubes connected to him. I didn't want to hurt him, so I was careful. 

We just sat there, quietly, peacefully, for a while. I felt my nerves beginning to melt away as I listened to the beep of his heart, and his gentle breathing. We were both staring blankly ahead at the pasty white wall, both unsure of what to say next. I ended up breaking the silence.

"You scared me Ruel," I whispered, tears beginning to form in my eyes. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"I know, and I'm sorry," he sighed, a huff of worry. "I didn't intend for you to be the one to find me."

"But you didn't intend to come back either," I almost-whimpered, tears starting to stream from my eyes. I had now turned my head to face him. His eyes were glistening with guilt as he tried not to look at me. I silently sobbed until he turned to face me.

"Please don't cry over me," he said quietly, wiping the tears from under my eyes. "I don't deserve your tears."

"B-but..." I started, now fully sobbing. I didn't manage anything else before he gently rested my head on his shoulder, waiting for my tears to stop. It took a few minutes, but with the warmth of his body, I eventually calmed down. 

"I'm sorry you had to see...me and Valory," he mumbled, the sound vibrating through his skin. I lifted my head slowly off of his shoulder, the tear stains sticking to his shirt. 

"Ruel, I don't care about Valory anymore. If you love her, I get it. If you want to be with her, I get it. I'm just happy you are still here," I said directly, speaking truthfully. At this point, I literally did not care whether he loved Valory. I just wanted him to be safe and happy.

"What? I'm not in love with Valory," he questioned, furrowing a brow at my statement. "Sunday, I'm in love with you."

A/N

idk if i like this chapter, but i was trying to write it in one night. So here you go:)

I love you all so so much, thank you for reading this far! Remember to eat some food, food is fuel. You deserve to eat. And sleep, and drink water so please do that.

29/11/21

- Bri<3🍇

Quote of the day:

Get busy living or get busy dying.

 - Stephen King

Word Count: 1555