Two Ghosts - Ruel Van Dijk (Completed)

Chapter 29 - Sleep, crying, books, music

TW this chapter discusses abuse and suicide!!

It was a long week. A long week of constant sleep, crying and drowning myself in books and music. Those 4 things was all that was keeping me from going insane. They hadn't told us anything about Ruel. He could've died for all we know, but I didn't want to think about that. So I just lost my mind. Distracted my thoughts. It was the best possible way to keep me from melting on the floor in my tears. Not that I didn't do that anyway, but still.

I wasn't okay. I couldn't break the hold on the thought that this whole situation was my fault. I hadn't only hurt Ruel. I had hurt all of his family and friends. And now he could be gone. Forever. 

I couldn't stop thinking about that text he had sent me. How he had said he didn't want to hurt me. Mum was right. Valory was probably forcing him. Abusing him. And I'd pushed him away to a point where he felt so alone that he tried to kill himself. 

I was coming to the realisation that I was all he had. His own family stopped trying to connect with him just because he was so emotionally sensitive. I was about the only person he could talk to without getting either yelled at or left. And when I left him, I guess he felt he had nobody. And the thought of that made me want to die myself. 

I lay there on my bed, as I had for the previous 7 days. I had learnt that if I didn't move, I wouldn't cry. And if I grabbed a book quick enough, I could make the feeling melt away. And so, I grabbed my copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and opened it to the last page I had read, letting my tears melt away. 

And I stayed like that for a while, drowning myself in the non-existent world of my book. I don't know how long it had been before someone knocked softly on my door.

"Come in," I mumbled croakily. I surprised myself with how tired I sounded. I turned my head towards the door, happy to see that familiar blonde bob. I hadn't seen Coco since before I had found Ruel, so I didn't really know how she was doing with the whole situation, or how involved she was with Ruel at the moment.

I watched her sit on the edge of my bed and turn around to face me. I was scared, to be frank. I didn't know what she was going to tell me. I closed my book and chucked it next to my bed. She grabbed both of my hands and looked into my eyes, hers glistening with tears. 

Fuck. That could be good or bad.

I started to panic. What if he wasn't okay? What if he lost too much blood? What if he was...

"Sunday," she said quietly, bringing my attention back to her. "He's okay."

Tears immediately started to pool my eyes as I took my hands out of hers and threw my arms around her body, nearly pushing her off the bed. I didn't really care about personal space, or if she didn't feel like hugging me. Luckily, she embraced me back, both of our tears slightly staining the other's shirt. 

Those two words were the most reassuring words I think I had ever heard. Ruel was okay. Ruel was okay. He wasn't gone. He was here. He was okay. 

"He is still unconscious," she said pulling away. "And he lost a lot of blood, but apparently Sylvie has the same blood type, so she donated a pint. The doctors say he should wake up in the next week or so."

I just smiled at her through the tears falling softly down my face. I was just so happy to hear the news Ruel was okay. I was happy to hear he was still here.

"I also need to ask you something, but if you don't feel comfortable answering it that is completely okay," she sighed, looking at me seriously. I nodded, giving her a slightly worried look. I knew she would ask about Ruel. What else could she possibly be asking about? "Did he tell you anything about..wanting to do this?"

"Um no, he didn't," I shifted uncomfortably. I knew Coco wasn't being nosy, she was concerned for Ruel as we all were, and it was okay for her to ask questions about it.

"Do you have any idea of why?" she asked, making a lump form in my throat. Because of me. I felt my eyes begin to well as I started to wave my hands around nervously. "Hey, if you don't want to answer it that's okay," she said reassuringly. But I did want to answer it. Coco deserved to know the truth about her brother.

"It was partially my fault," I whispered, looking down into my lap. "You know, I think part of the reason he was hiding in his room was because Valory was abusing him, and I failed to realise," I wiped my eyes.

"No, we failed to realise Sunday. But he was obviously hiding it for a reason, you couldn't have known. Please don't blame yourself," she pleaded, rubbing my arm. I looked up at her with teary eyes.

"But I ran away when she forced him to kiss her," I mumbled, looking directly at Coco. I watched her eyes remain the same size, unfazed by my comment.

"Sunday, we know you love Ruel," she smiled weakly, making my eyes widen. She knew? How did she find out? "I didn't ask anyone, I can just see it from the way you look at him. But how would you have known Valory forced him? You were probably too caught up in the fact he was kissing someone else to read between the lines. And besides, it isn't your fault he is as broken as he is. It is not your fault he did what he did."

I sat there for a minute, processing what had just been said, before throwing my arms around Coco in another hug. She hesitantly hugged me back, squeezing me tightly. I didn't know how much I needed this.

a/n

hi my loves!

we are nearing the end of the book, i promise, just a couple more chapters! I seem to have a habit of REALLY LONG BOOKS and im sorry.

anyways, remember to be a delightful human, not that youll have to try, and treat yourself with kindness:)

25/11/21

- Bri <3🍇

instead of a quote, i thought i would give you some messages:

- you are loved

- you are worthy of love

- you deserve more than someone who will treat you like shit

- you are beautiful

- i love you

- you are a lovely-ass human who deserves the whole world

Word Count: 1162