Head Over Heels

Chapter 23- Lila Freaking Daniels

Last night I got the best sleep I've had in a long time. The fog of sadness is finally starting to clear the atmosphere of my mind. No, I haven't forgotten about Tyler. If only it were that easy. He's not the kind of guy I can easily let go of. But even despite that, I'm feeling content this morning. The dark storm cloud of guilt, anger and rejection is no longer consuming my whole being and that feels refreshing.

I look out my window. The sun is just barely starting to crest over the horizon. It's late October now so the dazzling orange, yellow and red leaves are mostly fallen off the trees but the beauty of the season hasn't been completely overtaken by winter just yet. Since I'm up earlier than usual feeling rejuvenated, I do something I never thought I would willingly do. I throw on some leggings and a comfy fleece, having decided to get a morning run in before school. I've never really enjoyed running if I'm honest. Running has always been a means to an end. I ran to keep in shape for gymnastics but never willingly for fun. This morning though something has inspired me to get out and push my body. At least if nothing else I can watch as the sun paints the sky brilliant shades of peaches, pinks and reds.

I lace up my running shoes, put in my earbuds and slip out the side door. The brutal chill outside smacks me in the face.

Why did I think this was a good idea again?

Determined not to give up so easily, I take off down our block in a jog to my workout playlist. It's a little ironic. It's completely still and quiet out here. By the looks of things most of my neighbors are still fast asleep in their warm houses. In my head though, it's completely different. My feet hit the pavement to the rhythm of Demi Lovato's "Confident" pounding in my ears. It's one of my favorite hype songs I would play before competing in gymnastics meets. With each stride I take I pick up the pace. It feels good to push myself. After feeling essentially like crap all week it feels great to remember this part of me exists. The confident, fearless, strong, powerful parts of me I let go dormant. I hadn't realized until now how much I had forgotten about this part of me recently.

I think I had let my insecurities about the move to Romeo and my sadness about Tyler trick me into forgetting my self worth. But I'm not some weak, helpless, damsel in distress. I don't define who I am based on how other people see me. I don't need a man to call me his girlfriend to know that I am good enough. I'm so much better than that. I'm a strong, independent girl who faces challenges head on. A girl who is fiercely loyal and protective of her inner circle. I'm an athlete who doesn't buckle under pressure and knows what it means to persevere after countless obstacles. I'm smart and funny and genuinely want to make the world a better place. That's who I am, plus so much more I'm still discovering. I'm Lila Freaking Daniels and I'm never going to let myself forget that again.

The pep talk in my head got me so amped up that I'm practically sprinting down the street. I don't know that I've ever ran this hard before. Suddenly my phone dings in my earbuds with a text which breaks me from my inner monologue. It's probably Payton waking up and checking in on me like she has all week. She promised not to let stuff between us get weird since Tyler is her brother and I don't want her taking sides, but we both know she has a hard time not meddling. I pull my phone from my armband with a little chuckle.

Stud Muffin: Hey....Can we talk?

My stomach jumps to my throat.

Is he serious? Why now?!

All I've wanted for a week was to hear Tyler say this to me, but now.....now I'm not sure. I'm finally feeling better, back to myself...at least mostly. What could he possibly have to say that's so important he's texting me before the sun is fully up?

Stud Muffin: Please Lila. Give me ten minutes, just to clear the air. We could meet before school?

Maybe I'm high off endorphins from running or maybe I'm taking the words from Demi's song too literally but I write back.