Hyung (HeeJayWon short story) ✔

Chapter 26

Jay

Why would he leave?

"Why?"

"For the better . . Heeseung needs you"

"I know . . . "

I will go crazy literally if I will loose another one.

I just walked pass him realizing he's determined to leave. If he's happy with that then who I am to hold him back? Even if it means I will loose my sanity.

When I entered the room, Heeseung was staring into nothingness as he played with the hem of his sleeve.

I walk to him before slowly grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers before I ask him the question I want to ask since I saw that folder.

"You never told me you only have weeks . . . why?"

I am crying, for the first time in years I am sobbing.

I laid my head on the side of his bed as I wait for what he has to say.

"I hid it because I was too selfish. . . I hid it because I want you all by myself. . . I want to feel that you love me too, you love me for who I am . . . I hid it because I want to show you the best of me. . . I guess it worked as our relationship is amazing with no distractions. . I hid it because I am afraid you will not see me as someone worthy to be with you"

"That's insane Hee. . . but what's done is done. . whatever I wish right now that you did, it won't change the fact that . . .you will leave soon. . . it hurts Hee. . it hurts that you didn't trust me enough. .  it hurts that you doubted my love for you, that you lied to me. .  it hurts .  . I love you so much . . why? What did I not do that you didn't see that?"

"I'm sorry . . I'm just scared you'd leave me . . "

"But you will be leaving me soon baby . . . it hurts that I didn't know. . . but tell me, why? . . what did I do that you got that fear? .. "

"I'm sorry . . . but it is my problem. . I loved you too much that I got jealous of your relationship with Jungwon. . but I set it aside because I know he's your brother. . but with the revelation, I got scared . . . and I just thought that I gacr to prove myself to you . .  so that you will see me at my best . .  and not Jungwon. . I'm sorry Jay .  ."

I cannot believe what I am hearing now. The guilt inside me is bubbling and I know I contributed to his fear more than I can tell.

I should have known.

I should have been careful. I know Heeseung is possessive of me as I am his only person to call his family and yet, I manage to instill fear in him. I didnt mean to because I really love Jungwon.

I didn't realize it myself and now, Heeseung is suffering because of my carelessness.

"I'm sorry . . I should've known . .  I failed I'm so sorry. . I should've known my limits . .  I should've treated you the way you deserve to.. . I'm sorry . . . but you must know that I love you so much and I'm sorry if how I showed it isn't enough. . . I love you"

"I love you Jay. .  but what's done is done . . thank you for making me live my life with you . . I'm sorry if I an being selfish . . I love you but I know this is the end of us. ."

"how can I possibly continue now Hee? . . . how? "

"You have Jungwon. . . you're all I have but you got us . . . please, don't fail to show him how much he means to you . . I don't want you in this situation right now again . . "

"Heeseung? How can I do that? . . "

"I spoke with him a while ago . . . I realized he's as unlucky as I am but the difference is he will live . . . he's meant to live for you . . . ever since the beginning, heavens destined you two. . they just happen to pity me and allowed me to get in the way to experience love. . . but now my time is up and I am surprisingly happy because I know, I am not leaving you alone . . . "

"Wait . . . no . . don't say that . . there could be miracles"

Jungwon

I just stood there in tears as I heard their conversation. I want so bad to interrupt and tell them it is not like that but I can't find myself to do so.

I don't want Heeseung hyung to feel that way because of me.

Slowly, I enter the room and they both look at me.

"Don't bother leaving Jungwon. I don't think Jay can handle another heartbreak"

I smiled as I look at Jay whose confused.

"I just gave the form to the doctor. "

"What form?"

"Heeseung decided to donate his other organs and the doctor approved after checking. I mean it is unusual for them but they found his organs in a very good condition. . ."

"Won't you tell Jay what you told me Jungwon?"

Before I could even speak, the doctor enters.

"Ok Jungwon and Heeseung, the two of you holds the last words. . Jungwon, we found a perfect donor for you in the form of Heeseung. I know it is painful but Jungwon, if you agree to Heeseung's arrangements, you have a higher chance to live as the heart is very compatible with you. . "

"What the heck? What else did I miss for God's sake?!"

Jay hyung's eyes are furious but sad and desperate.

Never did I tell him I am also in the edge of death due to my weak and diseased heart.
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