Incomplete love

Sting

The loud beeping noise and rattling disturbed the peaceful darkness he had dwelled into, his ears responding to the loud guttural voice echoing in the room 'WHY IS HE HERE!?' the owner of the voice was angry, no! furious! but another voice whispered and shushed him, were they talking about him? The siren was getting louder in his head, with the realized why. Namjoon's warning repeated in his mind and his chest painfully contracted. The image of his handsome, perfect Jin, the body that he worshipped shriveled up under the blanket with shadows of suffering marking his ghastly pale skin. His mind played in the loop the face that would light up with the slightest smile, cheeks dipping in as his eyes crinkled and plump lips lined up the jawline in a peal of beautiful laughter, that was before he had hurt him. The way his ego had blinded him to ignore the pain behind tears-stained cheeks, trembling in his crooked fingers clutching his pants, and even the painful choking in his coarse sobs, begging him to reconsider, to trust him, to stop and help him. He didn't deserve to be near him, let alone touch him or talk to him. He would lock himself in the washroom, coughing and choking by himself, he must have been so terrified and yet he didn't let on. Why? Why didn't he tell me he was so seriously ill...why didn't I notice it? now he was waiting for his life to end. he was choking, causing his eyes to open, searching around the white ceiling, but two sets of palms held him back into the bed and forced him into guided breathing.  The language was illegible but the rise and fall of his chest, his pale irises soothing momentarily, fair with blonde hair, the blue uniform paled him out further, Taehyung soon felt his racing heart once again beat rhythmically.  There was a brief exchange of illegible words with one another burly face wearing a white coat, which he guessed was a doctor. 

'Mr. Kim, do you know where you are?' broken in syllables, Taehyung concentrated on the words. English. His throat refused to cooperate, he answered with a nod. He tilted his head to find the angry whispers and found the same coat, Namjoon, but the other one, a burlier black-haired figure was not clear as Namjoon stood in front of him, his voice was familiar though. The doctor caught his attention again with the startling question, 'Do you have a history of panic disorder?' and then he realised what had happened, it was Jin and Jin alone who had witnessed his last panic attack, scarring his fragile state of mind after his grandmother's death. He had manifested Taehyung's reaction, protecting him from another bout where Jin himself was the cause. Jin's sobbing voice refusing to tell him why Namjoon was helping him get dressed up returned rushing to his mind, tears stung his eyes. He was brought back when Namjoon's fingers touched his arm, he was standing closer now rubbing a hand along his palm, how jealous had he been to doubt the ones protecting him. Namjoon whispered to him softly, his gaze softer now 'Taehyungie, the doctor is asking if you have the prescribed medicines? Can you sit up?' he could only nod, pointing to his bag. Namjoon got busy rummaging through his bag quickly, spilling over half the things but he had no energy to stop him or do it himself. It was only when the doctor left and Namjoon helped him sit up, he noticed the taller man by the door became clearer, recognising those bloodshot eyes and fuming stance 'Hyung...' he could hardly whisper, scared to see Kim Seokjoong.

Quickly averting his gaze, away from those hollow hurt gaze, the once intimidating figure had succumbed under all that the situation demanded of him, and yet his voice woke up every cell in his body 'Why are YOU HERE, KIM TAEHYUNG?'

'Breathe Taehyung-ah' Namjoon stroked his arm to remind a mechanical inhale and exhale exercise.

'Why the FUCK did you come? Answer me you-' 

Taehyung rushed in to answer before he cursed, Jin would always hate his brother cursing 'I-I wan-ted to see him' his throat contracting under the stinging gaze. 

'See him? Why? Why would YOU want to see him? Correct me if I am wrong, but you DUMPED  him!' Taehyung jolted at his tone, shamelessly shriveling away into the mattress when Seokjoong stepped closer and his voice dropped to an eerie whisper, 'Kim Taehyung, I saw the red marks on his throat.' A cold chill ran down Taehyung's spine at the memory. After Namjoon left, all he could see was red and in that Jin was pinned to the wall, struggling to breathe. He had tried to hurt the man he loved the most. He had no right to see him again.