Incomplete love

Efforts

Jin

'Leave me! Stop!' i was surprised at my own tone. I didn't care if anyone else did as well, but I had to find a place to park my ass. Standing felt like hardship. But Taehyung's hand moved to loop around my shoulder, forcefully holding me in place. 'Jin-ah, a few more ste-' he insisted.

'NO! You walk!' How is his grip so tight?  He froze in place, scanning my face intently. The moment he let go, i rushed to the nearest chair.  He sighed, i know i know. I am not actually in pain or hurting. But i am exhausted. In my defence, i just finished a long shoot. Walking and standing for two out of three hours. 'Ba-' i turned to him, absolutely scandalised. 'Sorry, but you need to walk a little more!' Not on set. Not our set and definitely not on a fashion shoot in Korea. WE DO NOT CALL EACH OTHER BABY.  It was bad enough that he refused to let go of me, now more than ever. 'You missed rehab yesterday, and now today as well.' 

'Rehab can wait.' I hated that stupid Rehab centre. They always made me exercise for hours. Without Taehyung.

'Jin-ah, these are just commercial shoots. They can be rescheduled!' Does he now know me? Where is this coming from? He kneeled down, hands curling in mine. Warmth course through my tired heart. He was wearing his ring. On the set. 

'Come now! You are the one who promised Eommoni. How will you dance with her at this rate?!' fuzzy feeling gone! Disappeared. He was getting on my nerves now. And i knew why. The hope in his eyes, daunting.  Daring me to expect it from me!

'NO! I am tired!' i jerked his grip. Turning my head stubbornly. To look at anything but his eyes. 

'Alright. In a few minutes then, i am staying right her-'

I SAID NO!'  He was startled. So did the staff approaching him. Since he was kneeling on his toes, he lost balance when i pushed him with the unexpected force. Throwing him off balance. But its not my fault! What part of 'I am tired' does he not understand?! I can't meet his expectations, ok! I am scared of getting addicted to this endless hope of his.  'GO!' the staff flinched again. Poor girl. My tone was inconsiderably harsh.

He brushed me off. Walking away with the staff. My jaw clenched to watch him treat me like nothing. Even if i pushed him to. This! This is my fear. Just when my thoughts were spiralling,  my eyes stung with unnecessary strain. I was gazing at the van without blinking.  His fingers crawled back in my hand, to entwine. He had come back with a chair to sit next to me. Reassuring me of his presence, while the staff worked on his makeup. Guilt crushed me, he was just trying to help! Why did you have to be so harsh? The poor thing endured it all. I was irritated with myself. After six months of rehab i was still just starting to walk. Don't get me wrong. I have come a long way. And i love my husband for supporting me throughout. But when i see other artists breaking records, releasing music albums. I tend to murder my spirits . And Taehyung becomes the sole witness to it. He is always rescuing me. But then on some occasions, he runs low on tolerance. Ken once said to me, that one of these days i will snap Taehyung so hard he won't bounce back. He is human after all. 

And I got a taste of this in exactly two weeks. With the upcoming concert, rehearsals had started. I was already demotivated with all my solos scrapped on stage. Atleast the recordings went well, but then PD-nim added onto my fears. All of my stage presence was scrapped by sitting me on a mechanical chair for the entire thing. All those painful practises were in vain. So on a bright Monday of August morning, two months before the concert, i arrived at the company with a fruit basket to bribe PD-nim. Taehyung was unaware and a bit over-occupied with his extra rehearsals for vocals, the poor thing was so stressed he couldn't focus on vocal exercises. I decided to hang out with some of the members learning solos on the third floor.  Somehow, Jungkook's teasing stirred the child in me. I wanted to catch him and make him suffer. But the boy ran so fast and my poor, still enduring lungs couldn't keep up. He caught me to indicate his victory but I struggled out of his hold gasping for air flat on the floor. My vision blurred from the sudden lack of oxygen. I could hear the music stop, and a murmur amongst the audience. But the loudest of them, Jungkook was panicking. Fortunately or unfortunately, I saw a familiar figure in the mirror rushing towards me. 'MOVE BACK!' Taehyung's voice boomed in the room. Everyone, including Jungkook shut up and stepped away from me. His arms wrapped around me quickly just in the right places to lean me against the wall. 'Jin-ah, breathe, one....two...three...' he continued counting and my lungs followed, air came back in my body. I chuckled at him, he just knew my body so well. But instead his frown only grew deeper.  Nobody spoke as my vision cleared and I found the reahearsals had stopped, people were staring at us. And the worst, Taehyung's face was screaming terror as he clutched the phone tighter. 'Hello Aboji!' he sighed, sharing a look with Sejin. After a brief update to my parents, he helped me walk, not letting anyone but Sejin Hyung shoulder my other half. The reason for his expression a few minutes ago was, Sejin Hyung had suggested taking me home even if he wanted to send me to the hospital. But he had stay back, his schedule was tight and he wasn't happy about me, alone, home. Hence, the summon for my parents. He still looked worried waving a goodbye in the garage.
And like I had anticipated, my mother had  guessed and my father had warned,  he was fuming when he came back home in the evening. But remained silent, for we had guests. All of that unwound in the privacy of our room.