Incomplete love

Breathe

Jin

'Breathe' he whispered, I know I should, but there was no air.  All of my senses were bewitched by those beautiful dark orbs, the crinkling sides of his eyes and his flawless pale skin glowed in the soft sunlight. His rosy thin lips dropped to one side in a lopsided smirk, making my heart jump. I tried to inhale, gasping for any oxygen in the room. But it all swirled around his husky voice, dear god, I have missed him. Noo! He cannot know that! Where is all the air? Oh, I am plugged in with a tank. But what is with the machine then? Is it not working? What kind of spell has this man cast on me?!  Air. His long fingers grazed the side of my arm, my skin tingled and a spark of electricity coursed to my core. His eyes had a spark of confidence in them, his earlier demeanour of helplessness and regret was gone. And the way they were glued on me. Fuck! Air! I lowered the oxygen mask to gasp for air. Get your head out of the gutter, Jin. But he does...and it feels so good...noo, survival, breathe...one, two, three, shit he looks worried now... His eyes grew softer and shifted from me to the screen. The lopsided smirk was gone, his lips pressed in a thin line. Fuck, he looks even sexier when concerned for me. Shut up! Shut your dirty mind Jin!

'Darling, breathe.' he repeated. I inhaled sharply, involuntarily hypnotised by his husky drawling. And I repeated, holding his gaze on me. What kind of magic is this, Kim Taehyung? How do you do this?  No, he cannot know. He has to go. You will break him, Jin. It only gets worse from here and there will be a point when he won't be able to save you, Jin, god forbid he does something to himself... No!

'Wha- are yu doin heeer?' I hissed, shutting my eyes, trying to articulate and breathe, and also to gather some courage. barely recognising my own voice. 'I ask-ed you- leave.' 

His hand wrapped in my palm, and my stupid brain wrapped around his fingers. It was quicksand. I couldn't let go, it felt so good, reassuring, home. How did I live without your touch, Taehyung-ah? 

'I did leave' He answered.

'But you-are-here, why?'I struggled to finish sentences, distracted by his lips drawing into a smirk. What the fuck is wrong with me? I could talk to the therapist, doctor and Hyung yesterday! What do you do to me, Taehyung-ah? Just go. But that would take away this warm touch...

'I left my jacket here.' he answered. Mischief swirled in his eyes. The brat was teasing me, but his lopsided smirk made my core rumble. My skin tingled where he drew circles on my palm, I tightened my hold on his habitually. I don't want to let go. Why did you touch me, Taehyung-ah?' 'It's expensive.' he whispered, teasing me. His other hand pointed to the jacket sprawled on the couch, the one Hyung wanted to throw out. But I made a big deal of how expensive it was, while all I wanted was the feeling of calmness waking from my sleep full of our sweet memories. No, he is teasing you, Jin, because you are being weak. He can sense your thumping heart. Let him go!

'Is this funny to you?' I slurred, trying to sound as harsh as I could. But my coughing made me seem desperate. 'I asked you to leave, Please-LEAVE! The very sight of you makes me angry' I hissed at him, unable to yell. Frustrated at me now, tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. Was I in pain? Yes, my words stabbed fresh scars in my chest. I jerked his hand away and filled the darkness with the bedsheet. This was my fate now. I cannot give him something that I don't have anymore. He deserves better. I turned away from him, staring out the window trying to hold tears. He cannot see them. 

'Your words hurt, Jin-ah.' he said, sounding very low. I could feel his gaze on me, travelling from my eyes to my chest, where it rose and fell unsteadily. He sighed before continuing 'I tried, I tried to stay away from you-' his voice broke. My tear made its way across the nose bridge and seeped into the pillow as I dug my head further. It hurt so much to hear his voice in pain. He doesn't deserve this. 'I cannot live without you, Jin. It hurts so much to do anything without you, baby. I have to see you just to breathe-'