Royal Games

Chapter 40

Author's notes:

This is a trigger warning for content relating to self harm. I have made it clear where you should stop reading if this may be upsetting for you. This is a very important chapter, so please continue reading after the warning ends.

Me, Isaac, and Kelly sneak into their house around midnight. We dropped Adrianna off at her lair. I was reluctant to leave her alone, but Isaac insisted she would be alright overnight. We compromised, agreeing to drive straight back to her early in the morning once we've all had some much needed sleep.

Isaac makes sure Kelly goes straight to bed. She still seems shaken and broken, but there is a spark of hope in her eyes as she takes in the familiar surroundings.

I go straight to my room and shut the door behind me. I don't know what to feel. I don't want to feel.

Trigger Warning

Pulling off my boots, I grab the golden hilt of my dagger. I swivel the dagger round in my right hand, deep in thought as I stare at my distorted self in the silvery blade. It feels heavier than usual. I put it down and continue undressing, changing into my fuzzy pyjamas.

This time I can't take everything out on my room; not if I don't want to be discovered. Sat on my bed, I seize the dagger once more

I hover the dagger above my left wrist. Just as I'm about to press the blade to my skin, I think better of it. I roll up my pyjama bottoms and move the blade to my thigh instead. For a moment, I stare.

Then I slice the cool blade across my exposed skin. I wince as the metal bites into me. Thick crimson blood oozes slowly from the thin cut across the side of my left thigh. I wince again as I carve a symmetrical line into my other leg.

Blood seeps out from the cracks in my body. I watch, transfixed. The pain is already a little duller than it was initially, turning my hurt emotions into something much more tangible. Now I can see the pain. Smell it. I'm almost tempted to taste it with the tip of my tongue. Almost. This doesn't feel like death, or even danger. It feels like living.

The blood dripping down my shivering legs reminds me that I'm still alive. I have things to lose, including myself. Blood regenerates. Life doesn't.

"Ally?"

My head snaps up at the sound of his velvety voice, meeting the crushing gaze of his silvery sapphire eyes. Only one word could ever be used to describe the range of emotion I see in them: troubled.

"What have you done?" Isaac whispers. He stalks over to me, snatching the dagger from my shaking hand. I'm too shocked and drained to even put up a fight. I never wanted him to see this. I don't want to scare him away.

But it seems I've had the opposite effect. He scoops me up into his arms, holding me close to his chest as he carries me into his own room. Gently, he lowers me onto the bed.

"He said he'd help me kill her." I mutter, blurting out the only explanation I can give.

"What are you talking about?" Isaac asks, rooting around his desk.

"I think I might have to do it." I reply. I'm so exhausted that all other thoughts are incoherent.

"I'm still not understanding." His face is neutral as he comes back over to me, holding a vial of clear liquid. I can't tell which of his troubled emotions is winning. Disappointment? Disgust? Concern? Confusion? Or something else entirely?

He pours a drop from the vial onto each of my cuts. Magic water. I feel its healing properties working immediately, sealing up the small lines carved into my legs. The magic flows through the trails of blood across my skin, clearing them as if wiped away by a towel.

Trigger Warning Over

In this moment, I know I have to tell Isaac the entire truth. If he can care for me unquestioningly in my darkest moments, then I can trust him with my secret.

"I haven't been completely honest with you." I can't meet Isaac's eyes. "My mum is the one sending assassins after me. I think the only way to stop her is to kill her. And..." I take a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "My mum is Queen Dahlia of Opa."

"You're Princess Alyssa." Isaac's voice is flat. I expected him to be more shocked.

"Yes."

"I... The possibility has crossed my mind before, but I never really thought it was true. So, what does that make Liam?"

"My guard. Or, more recently, my spy. He still works at the palace for my parents." I explain.

Isaac strokes my cheek. I close my eyes, enjoying his touch. "What's the proper way to act around a princess?" He asks quietly.

"Not like this." I murmur. "But I haven't been acting like a proper princess recently." Guilt and sorrow punch my in the gut. Tears suddenly well up in my eyes. I let myself sob in the comfort of his presence.

"This changes nothing between us." Isaac says. "I don't care if you're a princess or a pirate; I'm here for you. We'll get through this together." He lies down on the bed beside me, continuing his gentle caresses against my cheek. I open my eyes and meet his gaze for the first time since admitting the truth. His eyes tell me everything will be alright. They seem to glimmer with fighting fire and something akin to love. He would destroy the world if it would keep me safe.

I press my lips to his. They are soft and inviting. My tears stop falling. Our kiss is charged with broken emotion. It is long overdue, and everything I need in this moment. It's over far too soon.

"Go to sleep." Isaac whispers gently, pulling me tightly towards him. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." I murmur, eyes already closing once more. I fall asleep in his embrace. Only he matters right now. Everything else that overwhelmed me only minutes ago fades away into blackness.

Fragments of dreams pester my sleep. One moment I'm sat on the Opa throne, Isaac by my side. Then I watch in paralysed fear as my mum swings an axe at Marco. Next, I'm laughing in the sunshine with Helena and Nessa. Another moment has me crying over Eliza's bleeding body. Nightmares and possibilities war across my vision. I toss and turn, trying to shake the persisting images that keep coming.

I wake up sweating and alone.