Symphony - Tsukishima Kei

My Dear Brother

I follow my brother into the hotel room and look around. It's actually really nice. How long does he plan to stay out here?

What's he even out here for? And why does he need a hotel room if our parents live not too far away? He has a room there and they love him.

"So you and that Tsukishima kid, eh?"

I freeze, glaring at the back of his head before I quickly stop when he turns around.

"What are you talking about Seiji?" I sigh, inviting myself to sit down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't play that with me. I know you've been seeing him- you're my sister. I know everything about you. I know that you're homeless but you still have him walk you to mom and dad's house- you just leave and go find someplace else to sleep when he walks off. I know you've been visiting Akia-San's gym a lot these days-"

"So you're a stalker." I cut him off and his eyes turn dark before he marches up to me and grips my face tightly with one hand.

I slightly wince at the feeling of the flesh inside my cheeks scraping against my teeth, but don't move as Seiji glares down at me.

"Show some fucking respect- and wipe that stupid look off of your face! I'm tired of that dumb blank expression, it's pissing me off." He sneers though I still don't do anything.

With a frustrated grunt he lets go of me and turns around, walking towards the opposite end of the room with his hands on his hips.

The room is quiet and I just want nothing more than to leave. I don't understand. I never in my life did anything to him to make him hate me so much. It's not like he ever had a reason to hate me either.

Both of our parents paid attention to him more, cared for him more, loved him more. He got to do anything he wanted growing up and yet he still has this resentment towards me.

"I went to school with Tsukishima's older brother. He's a nice guy so I'm sure the younger one is too. Your Tsukishima is a lot taller though so you lucked out there." Seiji speaks up as if he didn't just have a damn outburst.

"What do you want from me?" I ask. What's the point in all of this? "I don't want to see you so just get to the point."

"Why do you treat me like this? I'm your brother." He sucks his teeth and I resist the urge to scoff.

It's seriously unbelievable how entitled he feels. He's my brother? Family is just a fucking title.

He means absolutely nothing to me.

"I don't care who you are. You're a disgusting piece of shit to me."

Fuck it. Fuck it all. Every time I would see him I would bite my tongue so he wouldn't get upset but I'm not doing that anymore.

I'm so tired. I'm exhausted.

"You must want to get fucked up don't you?" He asks in a low voice

"I don't care anymore Seiji. I won't be here long enough to deal with whatever you do so go ahead." Tiredness and surrender lace my tone as I cross my arms.

Seiji turns around to face me again, slight shock on his face before pursing his lips.

"Mom and dad told me a while ago that you told them you were going to kill yourself but I didn't think you'd actually do it." He takes a few steps towards me again but stops in the middle of the room.

"I told them that a long time ago when I went over to grab some of my things. They got mad at me and said that they wished I wasn't born so I said that they don't have to worry because I'll just kill myself." I shrug, laying back on the bed.

"How can you say that so casually? Do you really want to die?" Seiji asks and my eyebrows furrow.

"You beat me everyday as a kid and our parents verbally abused me every chance they got. I was kicked out and become homeless when I was 13 and you still come around to harass me. You really have some damn audacity to ask if I actually want to die." I close my eyes, draping an arm over them as I let out a long sigh.

"I hit you because you never showed emotion. Your face was always blank like it is now and it bothered me. I just wanted you to feel something and I tried to give you a teddy bear once but you didn't react. So I hit you- at least you cried. That's the only time you weren't expressionless." He says and I clench my fists so hard that I feel my nails digging into my hand.

"You are fucking sick." I sit up, narrowing my eyes at the man. "Do you even hear yourself? Do you understand how messed up that is? You-" I cut myself off, staring at him in disgust.

"Never mind. I can't do this." I grab my bag and start walking towards the door.

"Hold on, geez." Seiji grabs my arm and sighs. I stay facing away from him, not wanting to see him at all anymore.

I can't believe him. He'd fucking beat me so I can feel something? What the fuck is wrong with him?

"I came to see you today because I wanted to make up." He sighs and I rip my arm out of his hand, whirling around to look at him.

"Make up?! Seiji. I. Hate. You. You are the worst person in the world right next to our parents. I won't accept whatever shitty apology you have and I don't want to be some happy fucking family with you. Fuck you!" I make my way to the door again but he moves in front of it, sighing.

"I know you hate me." He says as his eyebrows furrow a bit. "I lose control sometimes and just...yeah."

I cross my arms over my chest, looking away from him. I want to leave. I'm not talking to him anymore. I'm so done with this.

I hate him. I never want to see him again.

"I'm dating this girl. I really really like her too- she's the sweetest woman I've met in my life and she's gorgeous. I don't deserve her at all but I plan on proposing to her soon. The other day I was thinking out loud and I was wondering how you were doing. I guess she heard me because she asked who you were. She was surprised to hear I had a sister and I told her we weren't on good terms but she said she wants us to make up because family is important to her. That's why I'm here."

Seiji let's out a sigh and runs a hand down his face as he looks at me.

"I know I was mean to you for the wrong reasons and I'm sorry. And I know I'm still mean and I'm going to get some help if you want me to. When I see you I just get irritated- it's nothing personal." He says and I narrow my eyes at him.

"You're an ass." I say but he chuckles.

"It's your damn blank expression. I want you to feel things but before I know it I'm just saying mean things." He crosses his arms over his chest and lets out a small breath. "I never hated you. And before my girlfriend suggested I try to make amends with you I was already thinking about it. So don't die, okay?"

Even though he's apologizing, I feel nothing. I don't care. Years of torture and abuse cannot be fixed with a single apology that was ensued by his girlfriend.

I still hate him. He's still a disgusting piece of shit.

"I tried calling you but I seen your phone didn't have service. What carrier do you have? I'll pay for it from now on. That way you won't have to use wifi to text people." He awkwardly rubs the back of his head before his eyes slightly brighten and he pulls out the hotel key from his pocket. "Ah, this place is also for you. I got a room that even has a little kitchen, see? So you won't have to sleep outside anymore..."

He places the key in my hand and I rear away from him, cautiously looking him up and down.

"What are you doing?" I ask but he reaches for the doorknob.

"I told you I want to make up. I'll support you financially until you're able to do so yourself. I'm going to come see you again next weekend so you better be here. Take care of yourself, yeah?" He gives a simple wave before disappearing from the room and shutting the door behind him.

I stare at the hotel key in a mix of confusion and shock. This hotel key is like the holy grail to me. I haven't slept on a bed in how long...?

I still don't like Seiji though. Fuck him.