The Radiant Reira

14. What is love?

"Mama, what made you fall in love with Daddy?" Reira asked.

"Well, it was one of those love at first sight moments when we first met, but I can't say I truly loved him until we had baby Rose." Her mother explained

Reira was weirded out, how could her mother have a child with her father but not "truly love" him until later?

"Mama I'm confused." She tilted her head, "I thought you're supposed to fall in love first, get married, and then have a baby."

Her mother looked at her, "Honey, I thought you knew that things happened unexpectedly sometimes. We were only 18 and I did love him before Rose but, I don't think I truly knew how much he loved and cared about me until we had her."

Reira's mother and father were both 17 years old when they met, she had an unexpected pregnancy at the age of 18 and the young couple were nervous but excited for an adventure. They both moved to an apartment, and managed to make a decent amount of money. He proposed to her and they prepared for the arrival of their baby who they would name "Rose."

"He showed me that he really loved me by caring for me at my worst Rei, and I assumed he would've left me when we heard that Rose wasn't going to make it." Her mother explained.

Reira felt sad for a second but she wanted to hear more.

"My, I was a mess and I was awful to be around. I grieved and I hated every second of it, I projected all of that anger and despair. But your father was empathetic and extremely supportive to me, even when he was going through his stages of grief."

"How did you guys handle all of that? How could you both handle it all over again with Davis?" Reira asked.

She sighed, "It was a day by day process and some days it felt like things were getting better, some days felt like I was going to lose it. Either way, I had your father. He really was someone I could depend on and most importantly, he gave me hope during one of the two darkest times of my life. He promised me a much better future, a life of travel and a family. We went to school, worked really hard to have the careers we have today, and we took one trip to Japan, which changed our lives forever." Her mother began to tear up, due to sadness but also due to gratitude.

"Wow mom, but... what about Davis?" Reira asked

"It was hard, but during that time I didn't only have your father." She said as she let out a smile.

Reira gave her mother a hug, a big hug. "I don't know how you do it." She said

Her mother shook her head, "I'm just trying my best to give you everything and I'm trying to simply live. I'm actually the lucky one Rei, your father saved me and you made me a mother again, and it's the greatest gift that could never be replaced."

While her father was at work, both of them had dinner. Sushi and Ramen at a lovely restaurant. Reira wanted advice and she was nervous about Orion. She's never been on a date despite the amount of times she's been asked out.

After she took a bite of her ramen, she told her mother, "I'm going on a date."

Her mother immediately looked up and smiled, "With Orion?"

"Yeah. And I don't know what to expect, he wants to take me out to dinner but I don't know... I'm not sure" She looked down.

"Rei, are you scared? You don't have to go on a date if you're not ready" She said in a reassuring voice.

"I am ready, I've been wanting him to ask me on a date for a long time... I'm just nervous."

She looked down and looked back up, "I don't know, actually I have no idea why I'm nervous."

"You must really like him... is that why you started asking me about love earlier?" Her mother asked.

Reira's eyes widened, "Oh my gosh mom, I don't love him. I mean I've only known him for a little bit."

Her mother laughed, "It's normal to be nervous, especially if you're going on a date with someone you really like. Eventually, once you guys are settled and more calm during the date, things will typically flow. If it doesn't, well... then it doesn't. You guys can still be friends."

They went back home and Reira couldn't help but lay in bed, thinking. Thinking about what her mother said about love. It did come to a shock to her that her mother said she didn't know she loved her husband until a tragedy came about. Reira guessed that love for a partner isn't really proven until they show that they'll stick by you through your worst. "But love shouldn't have to be defined by heartbreak, does it?" She was a little lost. At 16, love is confusing and relationships can be complicated to understand. Although they've known each other for a couple of weeks, she felt love emerging between them. But there was another part of her doubting that thought, that maybe it was a fantasy and that love takes time to build. Her thoughts contradicted each other again, she began to think that love doesn't always associate with time. It was an explosion of confusion. She was still too young to over contemplate the definition of love, she told herself to just live in the moment during their upcoming date.

Reira knew that the answer wouldn't be given to her but she was willing to learn.

Seeing him the other day when he came over to her place, she saw exhaustion in his eyes. She could tell there was something going on, he looked like he was trying to heal. After sharing personal moments and hardships to each other, she felt there was a connection, an openness in sharing those intimate moments in life. Reira felt an energy of love every time they were together.

"There must be something there." She thought.

She was willing to make that effort to build that love and learn what love really meant.