Everything You Never Had

Truthful

You wake up in an empty bed. The tears which you uncontrollably sobbed last night in your pillow, have dried down. After Noah had told you the news yesterday, he was quick to notice your blank demeanour. Unable to pretend to be cheerful, you explained yourself. You told him about Cate. About the time you've spend with her, about your ongoing connection, about your confession for love. And ofcourse, because he hadn't been notified for some time about you two, he was startled. Still is startled, just as you are. But like he said before, he supports you, always.

"Get some sleep." He said. "Make up your mind."

But what good has this night been. Having only been able to sleep for an hour or two, the rest of the time you've spend pondering, and sorrowing, and crying. You know that pursuing your lifelong dream is the right thing to do. And although it doesn't feel right, you keep telling yourself that it is. It's Monday, usually the beginning of a work week, but because of your sudden departure on Sunday, you don't have anything to do this week.

You know the worst has yet to come, for you'll have to inform Cate. Right now, you can't bare the thought of having to tell her. To see the shift in her face when you do. But you must, because every minute you'll avoid it, will be a minute lost. So you decide to send her a message, because you don't want to bottle up a sob over a phone call.

You: Can you come over?

Cate: If you want me to distract you from your job, yes ;)

You close your eyes upon seeing her message. The unknowingness she carries, the carelessness and innocence she obtains, won't be for long. You don't want to shimmer anything through just yet, not over text, but you can't make yourself send an upbeat reply.

You: I'm free this week, so no work. Are you available?

Cate: Sure, I'm on my way.

And after an hour, that what you've dreaded, happens. The doorbell is heard, and you know that it'll all be told in a few moments. The steps you take towards the door feel heavy, and dread claws at your stomach.

When you open the door, you're greeting by a kind, smiling face. You're greeting with a warm hug, and a loving kiss. You let your eyes wander on everything but her. She takes notice of your shifting gaze, for her content expression fades.

"What's the matter?" She asks, and for the first time since she's entered, you make eye contact.

You gaze into those wishful blue eyes, before your own eyes begin to water. As a reaction, you're pulled into a hug, the gentle strokes of Cate's hand on your back cause a soothing effect. You whimper while you let your head rest on her shoulder, and when she pulls back, she takes your hand in hers, guiding you to the couch.

Sitting down, you receive a lingering gaze of Cate, as she waits for you to speak. So you do. You tell her about the so called 'good news' that Noah's told you yesterday. You manage not to break down right then and there, but the tone of your voice stays sorrowful. As the words come out of your mouth, Cate's demeanour stays blank. It isn't before you're done with telling the news, that she begins to talk.

"That's wonderful." She tells you with a forced smile.

"No it's not." You bluntly respond.

"Y/N," She calmly says, and takes your hand in hers. "you've earned this. I'm not involved in your industry, but I know that this is big. No other opportunity will fall on your path like this, ever."

She tells her words with such intention, such devotion, that you start to comprehend and understand. Slight doubt starts to make an appearance on her face, before she decides to shut it off. "So you must go."