MANAL

65: Na'eem

"What do you think about me?"

Mana's question took me by surprise. I certainly wasn't expecting her to ask me that. "Huh?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Please tell me." She beseeched. I could see the Inquisition in her eyes. She really did want to know what I thought of her. "I want to hear your opinion of me."

Sincerely, I had so many adjectives to describe her with. So many. "You're smart." I began.

I watched as she shook her head in denial.

"You're beautiful."

Skepticism marred her demeanor. It was sad that some guy made her insecure about herself. I wished there was something I could do to prove to her that she was better off without him. She deserved someone better. Someone that wasn't Jawaad...

"You're amazing. You're a go-getter."

She flashed me a smile.

I smiled back. "And most of all, you're committed to the practice of Islam. You have a very good upbringing." I had always admired how well-mannered she was. I always wondered how one person was so full of humanity. Without mincing words, her parents did an awesome job raising her. I could go on and on describing her, but I knew I had to stop. I was beginning to sound cringy even to my own ears.

"You described me so perfectly." She mumbled and shook her head. "I'm not perfect." 

I wished I could make her understand that her she was perfect, just the way she was. She was everything and more.  "Of course you're not perfect, but you're a good human. That's my point. Any man would be lucky to have you as a wife.."

"Any man?"

"Any man." I repeated. I was a hundred and one percent sure about that. Who wouldn't want such an amazing woman as a life partner? Indisputably, Jawaad was a dunderhead to have let her slip out of his hands.

"Does this include you?"

For a moment, my heart stopped beating. The question resounded in my ears. It seemed I was hallucinating. I couldn't believe she asked me that question. I was tongue-tied.

"Do you also want me?"

For the longest time, I had loved Manal beyond measures. I had tried to hide my feelings from her—from everyone. I really did. So many times, I stayed up late in the night, browsing on how to get rid of my feelings for her.

I had been told that if you repeat a word over and over again, it tends to lose its meaning. I had stayed up countless nights, repeating her name, hoping that she'd mean less to me with each breath.

Yes. It was that pathetic of me!

The worst feeling in the world, is knowing you love someone with your whole heart, but they love someone else instead and would always choose that person over you.

In the whole of the department, Manal was the closest to me. We did practically everything together in school. Many people referred to us as twins. I thought if I distanced myself from her a little, maybe, just maybe I would be able to get rid of my feelings for her. I thought if I mingled with other girls in the department, I'd be able to quench the love I had for her, but on the contrary, I found myself missing her presence..

I couldn't do anything to stop myself. The more I tried, the more I found myself falling even deeper in love with her. 

My heart clenched each time I realized I had gotten enttangled in an unrequited love. The feeling of finding out you meant nothing to the person that meant everything to you was heart-wrenching.