MANAL

63: Jawaad

Instead of being relieved for closing Manal's chapter in my life, there was a part of me that felt low in status—unguarded. There was a part of me that resented myself.

Is this guilt?

Sadness?

I shook my head with the aim of spurning the thought from my mind. I was just overthinking. "I didn't do anything bad." I reminded myself.

Of course I didn't do anything wrong, but why was I feeling some type of way? Why couldn't I get her crying face out of my mind. Why did the memory of her thanking me for breaking her hunting me?

Restless, I got out of bed and sauntered to Farida's room. She was seated in the middle of her bed, reading what I assumed to be a novel. "Assalamualaikum," I mumbled, though the door was standing ajar.

"Waalaykum Salam." She responded; her gaze still fixed on the book on her laps.

"Can we talk?" I drew a chair closer to her bed and sat.

Still, Farida didn't look up at me.

By the way she was behaving, I knew she was mad at me as well. I knew Farida too well. Whenever she gets mad at me, she avoids me.

"Now?"

She closed the book and kept it aside, then looked up at me. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Manal."

Farida shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it, please."

I furrowed my eyebrows in incomprehension. "Why?"

"Because I don't want to end up saying something I'm not supposed to say to you. I have so much respect for you."

"No, please. Don't hold anything back. I want us to be open with each other—like we've always been." I shifted closer to her. "What did Manal tell you?"

"What do you think?" She huffed. "Of course she was heartbroken. You broke her heart. How did you expect her to react after finding out that the man she has been waiting for, for almost three years has not been doing the same?" She shook her head. "Manal is a beautiful lady. She gets many admirers. By many, I mean a lot of suitors."

I felt a twitch in my heart. For some inexplicable reason, the thought of her getting so many suitors was unsettling.

"But everytime, she turns them all down. Why? Simply because she loved none other, but you. She trusted you a lot. She believed her feelings were reciprocated."

"But you know I've never loved her. She's a nice lady, beautiful, respectful and all, but I just can't force myself to love her, can I?" I sighed. "I shouldn't have even agreed to what you wanted. This was your idea and now, I'm the bad guy."

"You're right." Farida swallowed. "This is all my fault. I should have found another way of helping Manal. We shouldn't have played with her feelings. I feel so bad right now." Tears leaked from the sides of her eyes.

For a moment, I was rendered speechless. Farida was right though.

"Manal was so sad. Her eyes were so red and puffy. I wonder how long she cried."

I remained silent.

"She must have cried herself to sleep. Poor Manal!"

"Is there..." My voice trailed. "Is there anything I can do to make her feel better?"

My conscience was slowing eating me up. I couldn't bear the thought of her crying because of me. My heart clenched at the imagination.

"Call off the marriage."