Aesthete|Jenkook

10.

After the first orchestra night Jennie was still going on with concerts.

Not much has changed in all honesty, other than the fact that her and Jungkook were getting much closer, to her dismay.

She didn't want that.

She didn't want him to be hurt by her own cold facade.

Every time she would glance his direction, he would be there first, looking or even observing her.

The reason for this facade was that she couldn't and wouldn't burden anyone with her problems.

Surely Taehyung had gotten used to it as he didn't mind, and so she was a little less locked up, but never had she opened up to him either.

That cold facade however did hurt people as they thought she seemed uninterested in them, or better her didn't trust them.

That was the reason she hadn't had many friends.

Although she tried not to get hurt by the fact that she was lonely, she would never let it show.

She had to be strong not only for herself, but also for her single mother who worked hard for her years ago.

Now it was her turn.

A few years ago she wasn't like this.

Not at all.

Jennie used to be a bubbly personality, who was still shy, but she always used to have a smile light up her face.

Every raw emotion could be seen crystal clear through her expressions and her self.

But right after her mother started suffering, that was the walls came up and she started spiralling downwards.

She couldn't let emotions or feelings get in the way of what she needed to do, and after that those walls only thickened rather than broke.

Every day, her problems would only increase.

Insomnia, anxiety, restlessness. All these negative emotions she would never get checked.

The one time she visited a therapist, a shrink as most call them, she was diagnosed with depression.

Of course she didn't believe it.

It was just a misjudgement, right?

After that she didn't believe in them and refused to visit them.

Or was that just to prevent herself from confirming that it was right?

She didn't know.

It was definitely unhealthy to keep all those emotions inside, but what could she do?

People think she was naturally gifted and lived the perfect life or recognition.

But you would never really know unless you walked in her shoes.

And the piano, which she first learnt to make herself happy, now only added to those burdens.

The constant pressure of not failing, as her name would be lost in a split second, the feeling of not wanting to let anyone down, all the competitions, had gotten to her.

There were pills on her nightstand every night.

Sleeping pills, be it, or could be others.