The Flyer

CHAPTER 28

Cc: Today.

VALYRA.

Everything went by so quickly and it gave me such a headache. Not only can't I concentrate in our trainings the past few days, I also have to deal with my brother after school.

Do you know how difficult that is? 

It's so suffocating to walk on eggshells around him, but even if I wasn't told to, I would've because of how suspicious he's been acting the past month.

Today, he was supposed to be in school, but he came home because he felt homesick. What behavior is that? And he's just lounging around doing nothing. Nik normally wouldn't come back home because for him it was a waste of money to come back just to do nothing. He'd probably skip a class or chill during free time and talk to me through a video call.

Nik had always taught me the importance of education and responsibility. Especially considering that we pretty much chose our paths, he had always told me to never slack off and only take breaks when needed. I took that to heart. Even when I was exhausted from school work, I never asked for a day off and always gave my hundred percent on the field or in the court.

It was difficult for me because I was someone who gave my all to the point that I would cheer my louded, jump my highest, and hustle and hustle as much as I could. Some people who have truly seen me work often told me that I always seemed like I couldn't catch a break, but still somehow managed to look energetic enough like I had everything in life going smoothly for me.

I wish that were so.

These days, though, even though I could tell that I didn't look tired like usual, my body felt very tired. All I could think about was how to get where I want to be.

However, all day, all I could truly think about was things like the chemical composition of grass for it to smell so fresh or how perspiration and dirt and bacteria are so connected yet seemingly so unnoticed until smelled or seen. 

It was such an annoyance. It was basically my brain pushing away what I think is most important and the worst thing about it was that I couldn't control these thoughts. Kat tried to help me saying that she wanted to return the favor, but in the end, I kept getting distracted still. 

At night, I just decided to sleep it off rather than stress about it and put myself in bad shape for tomorrow's competition.

If Mom were to write me a letter, I'm sure it would say something like not being too hard on myself and thinking of what I'm truly cheering for so I would be able to recover and give it my all. I smiled at the thought, but droop when I realized that the thing was... my mom wasn't here, and hasn't been here for almost all my life.

The next day I woke up with a call from Kelly.

"Wake up, Valyra."

"Hvmnh vuhefrhvn?" I asked in gibberish. Even I didn't know what I was trying to say. It was too early. So early that it was still quite dark in my room.

"Get up," she said curtly and ended the call. Why is she so icy?

I did get up quickly, or else I wouldn't ever be able to get to the Jalopy in time. I stuffed everything I needed in my duffle bag and quickly went out to walk to the gym. I didn't use my car today because that would mean that I'd be parking at the side of the Jalopy almost the whole day, and that's not very ideal, especially since someone else might need that parking spot.

When I got there, only Oliver was present. He had earphones on and was playing something on his phone.

I didn't approach him because I didn't want to add to the pressure I feel. I'm staying quiet today, so I can drown everything and move on to our competition okay, or at least, better.

He noticed me when he passed by where I sat to greet the others, but didn't say much. EVen his face was blank. He's disappointed.

We rode the bus and Ylleria was my seatmate. We didn't talk much and just slept through the whole hour-long ride, except when we were woken up to eat and drink and have a restroom break. I gave her the window seat, too, even though it was usually something I try to claim for myself.

Later on, I realized that I was definitely going to drag our team down.

Nothing seems to be going my way today. Whenever I tried to smile, my muscles tighten and my forehead freezes. Like the tension built up even more because I wasn't sincere enough.

Jess and Hestia tried to comfort me in the locker room, and I can tell Annie was already irritated with me. I wouldn't blame her. I was irritated with myself too. But it made me feel even more terrible that someone else felt that way towards me. First, Oliver, and now, Annie.

I wondered what I could do, but what would a few minutes of pondering do when I failed to compose myself in days.

Kat brought me some water, and the others, besides Jess and Hestia who were still on either side of me, opted to go through their routines instead.

Why am I such a mess up?

I...

Cried.

I cried in front of the three of them, quietly, tears falling. I don't sniff when I cry because I practiced not to so that I don't sound disgusting to myself. Now, I'm glad I did, so that I didn't attract anymore attention.

"I'm sorry."

What surprised me was that when I looked up to say these words, Kat, Jess, and Hestia were actually crying with me.

Why?

"It must've been hard," Kat said simply, like for the first time, she understood me just perfectly. 

I cried even harder.

They should be mad at me, irritated, annoyed, upset, but why were they trying so hard to be here for me and letting me be?

Jess patted my hair down and Hestia held an opened bottle of water out, gesturing for me to drink it. 

I just... really don't deserve these girls.