Just Two Boys - Jaspar - boyxboy

Chapter 13 - Fantasies

-Joe POV-

I sit at my desk, editing next week's Sugg Sunday Special. And then, once again, Caspar crosses my mind.

I use my new technique of pushing him out of my mind, I think of absolutely everything else. It seems to work at first, but my mind keeps coming back to the boy who has a crush on me.

I start to do my thing again, when a thought occurs. What if I don't. What would happen happen if for once, I don't remove Caspar from my mind.

I let myself start thinking about him. First, his appearance.

I think of those breathtakingly beautiful eyes. Did I just think that? I think of him without his shirt on. Stop it Joe, stop.

But don't stop. In my head I imagine some random scenes with me and Cas.
I imagine us getting married, of all things.

I see myself walking down the isle with Daddy Sugg holding tight onto my forearm. I watch myself give him a reassuring squeeze before I detach and stand next to Caspar.

He is crying.

I am crying.

Oh shit, I'm actually crying in real life! I feel the hot tears drip down my face as I throw myself on my bed.

I taste salt as one of the tears drips into my mouth. I am soaking my bed sheet. But I don't care.

I vaguely hear Caspar come into my room to ask me about something. I faintly hear him running over to my bed.

But I am too far gone in fantasy. I grab Caspar's hands at our wedding, balling up my blanket in real life.

I start to say my vows. Luckily, I only say them in my head.

"Caspar Richard Lee, I have loved you since the moment I laid my eyes on you."

Huh, I guess in this reality I don't have all these complicated feelings.

"Every moment we spent together was pure bliss. I was too afraid to tell you at first, but once I confessed my love, we we inseparable."

I hope that's how it goes in the real world. But this one is a dark and unforgiving one, I'm sure it wouldn't skip over me in it's cruelty.

"I remember the day you proposed to me. I almost fainted." That earns a few laughs from the crowd. "But of course I said yes. There was no doubt in my mind that you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

Caspar is on the phone in the real world. I am now at a beach with him.

I am laying on a towel on the sand with Caspar by my side. Our hands are intertwined. I sigh at how beautiful the day is.

I sigh in real life too, but it comes out as more of a sob. Caspar is back by my said. He is saying things I can't hear.

In my fake world, I look over at Caspar. I lean down and give him a kiss. He smiles into it.

As I pull away, he whispers to me:

"I love you." I grin and respond by repeating his words.

I hear the doorbell in our actual house. Footsteps from two people. Inaudible words. Footsteps retreating and footsteps entering. A closing door.

I have been listening for too long to the real world. I can no longer return to my fantasies. I cry harder.

Someone is hugging me. Saying they love me. Caspar?

No, a girl's voice. But I don't have a girlfriend. And my mom is on vacation. That means it must be Zoë.

I sit up and embrace her. She seems surprised but relaxes into the hug.

"What's wrong, broseph?" She asks jokingly, with a twinge of sadness.

I take a shaky breath before informing her on my life.

"I have these feelings about Caspar. I have these fantasies." I hear her chuckle.

"NOT dirty!" I laugh a little too before continuing.

"I didn't think I was gay, but now... I don't know. I want to be with Cas, but I'm NOT gay!"

I look up to see Zoë has a sad smile on her face.

"Joe. If you let yourself think for a moment that you might possibly be gay, I think your life will be so much better.

"Maybe not even gay! Maybe bisexual. But Joe, I don't understand how you can think these things when obviously you care for Caspar a lot."

I take a second to mull over what Zoë's said. She always gives the best advice.

"I'm scared, Zoë."

"Of what, Joe?"

"I don't know! I guess maybe I don't like change. Especially when something I thought was true for years turns out to be not true."

"Oh, Joe. I think everyone hates it. But change doesn't have to be a bad thing. If you open up your mind, I'm sure you'll soon realize that this is the right thing.

"I can tell that you want to be with Caspar. A lot. So why deny that to yourself? You know he has a crush on you, so you should be able to just let it happen. Trust me, Joe, it's for the best."

"I love you, Zoë." Is all I can manage to say. And I pull her into a tight hug.

"I love you too, Joe. And if you ever need anything, I'll always be there."

-----A/N-----

Big shoutout to NAN LASTED😂😂😂 AKA Gay_Satan for helping me write this. I was struggling, guys. Really was. But next chapter will be great so stay tuned for that.

Ugh the snow did something weird and made our heat turn off upstairs so I have to sleep downstairs fml.

I always have so much I want to say in these but I always forget what it is.

Oh well.

Love you❤️

-Rebecca xxo