tainted transparency || a harry potter story

Chapter Twenty-Four: Never Alone

"You know, I can't believe you three," I stormed into the Gryffindor common room towards the trio sitting on the couch together.

I tried ignoring my brother sitting with Seamus and Dean in the corner of the room.

"What are you on about?" Ron scowled. "Honestly, Hazel, you've gone mental since you've come back."

"Tricking me with that letter?!" I scoffed. "How could you?!"

"We figured time with Fred and George would help!!" Hermione stood up in front of me. She's quite a force to be reckoned with when she's upset. "But it looks like not even your best friends can pull you out of whatever you've been stuck on lately! We're trying to help you, Hazel!"

"You did the opposite!! Because Fred's drinking now, and I'm not friends with them anymore! I had to cut it off! And you put them in danger! Both of them!"

"Danger?" Ron stood this time. "What do you mean?! What did you do?!"

"I'm a danger to everyone I'm around!" I fired back. "And they know everything now! So they've both got targets on their backs because of you three!"

"They know everything, do they?" Harry asked. "Maybe we'll have to write them to figure out what's changed you, then."

"Fine!!" I growled. "But you might as well be committing suicide."

"Like you almost did days ago if it weren't for me?!" Ron yelled a little too loud.

I felt myself shrink in my skin. Like a turtle in it's shell.

"What...?" Neville gasped. "You... what?"

"Yeah, mate. She nearly killed herself if I hadn't stepped in and saved her. Didn't tell anyone about that, did you?" Ron scowled at me. "You're not as strong as you make everyone think you are."

My eyes landed on Harry's shocked face. And that was the last straw for me. I left.

But. As I should have expected. Someone followed me.

Someone always follows me.

"Hazel, wait..." Neville's hand gently took mine. "Please..."

I can't face him. I can't.

"Neville, I don't want to have to threaten you again."

"Threaten me all you want. You won't actually hurt me," Neville said, then turned me around to face him. "Hazel, we're all each other has left. Don't shut me out."

"I have to," I replied numbly. "I have to keep you safe."

"But- but you almost took your own life?" He scoffed. "Hazel...?"

"Nev..." I shook my head, rubbing my face with my hands. "You don't understand. But you will. I promise you will. This is for your own good."

"You almost killing yourself is for my own good?" He questioned. "Hazel it's the complete opposite! Why don't you tell someone about this? Because I will!"

"Neville," I warned. "Don't. I'm serious. You could ruin the whole plan."

"Plan?" He backed off a bit. "You- you have a plan?"

"Yes. Yes, Draco and I have a plan to get ourselves out of this. My... my disturbing behavior and self harm issues are... symptoms I'm learning to control. But it's hard. It's really hard. Just- just know that we're going to get out of this, okay? And leave... leave me alone. Please. Don't get involved. You're just gonna make it worse."

"I miss you," Neville's voice cracked. "I miss herbology class with you! I miss late night talks and being there for each other! No one cares about anything I do like you do! I don't have anyone to be myself with anymore... I feel like I'm alone again..."