To Have Loved [BxB] Book I ✓

Chapter 41

a/n: Hey, so I'm finally back with another chapter. I've been waiting to write this one for a long time. I also just want to quickly say that I know there isn't a lot of representation for asexuality and officially established queerplatonic relationships in books, so I'm kind of taking on a big responsibility to represent them correctly. They do not all develop by one person explicitly asking to enter into a queerplatonic relationship, I think a lot of the time they actually form without people really knowing it, but this is how mine started and I'm going off of my own experience. Honestly, Theo and Brooks' relationship is mostly based off of the one I have with my best friend and queerplatonic partner. Also, I recently discovered Leith Ross and their music is just phenomenal, We'll Never Have Sex along with I'd Have To Think About It are two of my new favorite songs. Anyways, I hope everyone's doing good and had a fun Halloween. Enjoy the chapter!

A gentle breeze graced the air. Wildflowers were just beginning to pop up as the snow had mostly melted and soaked the ground. That day in particular was beautiful, one of the first warm days of spring.

Theo and Brooks brought a picnic basket along and laid out a blanket on the ground at the overlook so they could eat and enjoy the view together. They'd begun doing more things together lately. Ever since that night in the music room, something had changed, they'd grown closer. Theo was one of the first people Brooks felt like they could fully trust. Before that conversation with Theo, they'd never talked much about gender and the possibility of going by different pronouns or being any different than the default. They also hadn't brought it up to him much again after that night, but they'd thought about it. They'd spent whole nights thinking, and researching, and trying to figure out what felt right and what seemed to fit them.

"So, I looked into it more...and I think I might be non-binary," Brooks said, struggling a bit to get it out. It still felt odd, to be so honest. They knew Theo wouldn't ridicule them, but even so, it was new and a bit terrifying to say something like that out loud.

Theo smiled in that bright, sunshiny way he did when he was excited about something. "That's great! Have you thought more about what pronouns you'd like to use if you're changing them?" He asked. Brooks nodded.

"Yeah, I'd kind of prefer to go by they/them, but you can keep using the old ones until I'm out to the group at least. Also, I think I might keep my name the same, at least for now. It doesn't really give me dysphoria and it's just easier that way," they said, running their fingers through their hair. "And thank you...for being so cool about all of this. I mean, I might not have even thought to ask for things to change if it weren't for you, I didn't think I was allowed to," they said with a shrug, picking up a can of cherry coke, pulling on the tab until the metal popped.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want you to go on thinking that you had to keep pretending for the rest of your life," Theo said as he took out a can of diet coke and a ham and cheese sandwich, also picking up one of the serving-size bags of potato chips. Brooks watched as he quietly pulled the chips out one by one and counted them up. They knew not to interrupt him to ask questions, it would only restart the process and then Theo would have to do it over and over again because he'd get it in his head that he'd counted them up wrong and he wanted to make sure.

Once he had finished counting, Theo set aside five of them and offered them to Brooks who took them happily. "There's thirty-three without those," he murmured as an explanation.

"I figured," Brooks said, opening their own bag of chips and throwing the extras in.

They'd always known Theo liked 3's, but now they also knew that he loved spring even though he felt a bit guilty about it because so many people had allergies. They knew he liked the diet versions of drinks because he liked the taste of artificial sweetener. He couldn't mismatch his socks but he wished he could be one of those people that did, and he really wanted to own a plant shop someday. They also knew he sometimes wished he could fall in love, even if he didn't think he ever would. Theo had a dream of living in a quiet house in the countryside with a sheepdog and someone to eat toast with.