Apologies in advance if you discover all the Hamilton references in here...
12th March 1917- Private 2 Dylan Alvarez's point of view
We thought Danny was doing well after reliving some trauma on the exercise last week. Well, it turns out that we all thought wrong as he woke up screaming in terror about ten minutes ago. He then started crying and has yet to stop the painful sobs. It is worrying both Jorel and I as well as Jordon and Matthew because we cannot get him to calm down. "I think it is time to get Rigo. We need him or Danny is not going to calm down any time soon," Jorel says. You know it is bad when Rigo is needed. "Okay I will go and get him," I reply. Jorel tries his best to comfort Danny. Everyone else is awake but no one can comfort him it seems. It is awful to be watching on knowing that Danny is sobbing his heart out and you cannot do anything to help him.
I knock on Rigo's door and he opens it straight away which made me feel a bit better. "We cannot calm Danny down," I tell him. That was all he need to hear as he walked over to Danny and picked up his younger brother to hold him as tightly as he dared. It must be hard when you are constantly dealing with 17 year old trauma over and over again. "Shh Dan, it is okay it was just a bad dream," Rigo says, as Danny has a death grip on his brother's shirt. It breaks my heart to see my Danny like this. Whatever it was about was definitely very upsetting. I just want my boyfriend to be okay. Rigo keeps saying soothing things in Danny's ear. I can imagine this being a reoccurring thing that would have been done after that night in 1901 when that bastard of a man made his poor youngest child go through hell with nothing nice to comfort him.
You just do not do that to any 5 year old let alone your own son. After a while Danny starts showing signs that he is finally calming down. Jordon and Matthew have gone back to sleep and we know George is asleep in his room. Rigo managed to get Danny to stop sobbing which is a huge relief to everyone involved. He is not going to be in the mood or wanting to go back to sleep, but we will try and help him in whatever way we can. "I am sorry," Danny says, and Jorel and I just join Rigo in hugging Danny as comfortingly as possible. He should not have to feel like he needs to say sorry. He has not done anything wrong. Nobody else in this whole camp has been through the hell that Rigo and Danny as well as Kyle have had to endure. It is understandable that nightmares will happen as part of the recovery process. Not all of them end up in screams of terror though.
"Do not be sorry Danny. Nightmares happen and we are here for you no matter what," Jorel tells him. Then Danny hugs both Jorel and I in turn. We hug him back and then let him go back to hugging Rigo. "We are still proud of you Danny. You have done really well considering what you have been going through," I tell him. It makes him smile a little bit. He looks like he is feeling happier now which is good. Now to find out how much longer we have before it is breakfast time. That will give us a good idea on if we can all have some more sleep which if I am being honest Danny definitely needs more of. It will be a challenge to actually get him back to sleep but so worth it in the end. Rigo knows the schedule better than we do which will help.
One of the reasons is because he is afraid of being on his own. We all noticed that he glues himself to a person and stays as close to them as possible without annoying them. Rigo explained that their so called father would do the worst punishments when they were alone which would have obviously cemented a fear of being on your own in a young child's brain. He even admitted he was the same as Danny to begin with but with a lot of help from George he has been able to overcome it. He also has ten years more experience of life than Danny. As soon as Rigo turned 18 he made the difficult decision to leave his brothers behind and join the army. He never completely abandoned them because he was home every chance he got. He didn't want it to be seen as abandoning his two baby brothers and sister at their time of need but when the time came they all understood how amazing the break was.
"We have a while yet before breakfast so I would try and get some more sleep," Rigo tells us and Danny instantly shakes his head. We can see the fear in his eyes and I will let Rigo keep comforting his brother since it might help him more than it will if I was the one trying to keep him calm. Rigo has been there for Danny throughout all of the trauma he has suffered in the last twenty years. I will try my best to comfort him in the meantime though. "We will all be here for you Danny. You are not going to be all by yourself for the rest of the night," I tell him. I bet nobody else in this billet will question if Jorel and I are with Rigo in comforting Danny tonight. "Yeah if Jorel and Dylan push one of those spare beds to this one then we will all fit together," Rigo tells us. Jorel and I do not hesitate in doing what he suggests.
We all settle around Danny comfortably. After around maybe twenty minutes and a lot of quiet encouragement we get Danny to fall asleep and shortly after that Jorel falls asleep. Only Rigo and I are still awake at this point. "Your secret is safe with me," Rigo whispers and I could imagine his face as I try and hide and not be too loud with my shocked reaction. "I do not know what you are talking about," I whisper back. I probably do know what he is hinting at, I just am not one hundred percent sure if I want to admit it. He looks at Danny who is now peacefully sleeping between us. "I see the way you and Danny look at each other the way someone would romantically. You make him the happiest I will ever see him and I will happily support you both," he whispers to me.
Out of all of the people that we knew that we would eventually have had to have come out to it figures that big brother Rigo would be instantly supportive. He knows that I will look after Danny and keep him safe to the best of my abilities. "Thank you Rigo, I will love and protect Danny for as long as I live," I whisper and I could just about see Rigo smiling at me. that night Danny and I came back from the training exercise Danny had told him about how I lay with him cuddled up to me evert night that we were out there and Rigo had already thanked me for it. "I know you will Dylan. You have proved that so many times already and that even started before you had properly met him," Rigo says. It does feel nice to be appreciated for doing some good naturally.
I often think back to that night at the café shortly before we boarded the train. I had assumed that I would never have seen Danny again but when I saw him board that train with Jorel my heart skipped a beat. I was so excited to see him and to be able to make sure that he was okay. I did get worried when he became really ill but he was in the best place because I doubt that his father would have let his mother try and save his life. It would give him one less child to use as a punching bag but it seems like he never really cared about any of his children to begin with so it would not matter too much. Rigo and Danny shared their mother's letters with us that even stated he never once shed a tear when he thought that he murdered his youngest child.
Everyone tends to assume that because I am the son of two rich parents that I would be a very lazy and spoiled brat as I entered into adulthood. I know for a fact that I am not a spoiled brat as my parents have never raised me that way and I certainly never take anything for granted. When I told them that I had signed up for the army to join in on any potential future war efforts they that that they were happy for me. They are happy that I have chosen to give back to the community I was born and raised in. They could not be any prouder of me. I will help Rigo and his family leave their horrible situation one day. They deserve that much at least after everything they have been through. I will pay with my own personal savings if I need to.
I could be at home right now in that big warm comfortable mansion, oblivious to the plight of my fellow peers who are in less fortunate circumstances but I chose not to. I will happily chose this cold and damp billet over that mansion if it means that I can achieve something, be worth more than that rich Mexican child who would have had everything handed to him on a silver plate. That is not the legacy I want to leave behind, that is not the story I want future generations of my family to tell to their children or grandchildren. This is my one shot to be something great and I am not going to throw it away. You do not get to control who lives, who dies or who tells your story, so you do the best that you can to leave a lasting good impression.
"Hey Rigo, if your mother and sister need to leave the house sooner than they have planned to please let me help. I can see if I can either get my parents to help or pay for somewhere to stay where your father will never find them. My parents will only know whatever you feel comfortable with them knowing," I tell him. We are still whispering, but it is important that he knows. I am sure it will comfort both Rigo and Danny knowing that their mother and sister are safe and well. "Thank you Dylan. I will suggest to mother in my next letter and I will keep you updated on it," Rigo says. As he knows by now, I am not a stranger to the anger of Captain Murillo. I was not hurt but I hated how Danny was badly hurt and I was powerless to stop it.
I am still stunned by how quickly he became so unwell and how much it worried me. It was the first time the fact hit me full on in the face that I was in love. I have a very protective instinct when it comes to Danny. Rigo has fallen asleep after a period of silence, but I do not think that I can fall asleep. Danny is probably going to be fine from now until he wakes up naturally for breakfast time, but I want to keep an eye on him. We have a good reason to suspect he dreamed about the night in the basher which must have been awful to be forced to relive over and over again. I can just about see a little bit of light coming in through the window. It is still too early for daylight just yet. Just a few more hours to go I think unless the moonlight is tricking me.
George is the first one awake. I had eventually fallen asleep and had a little cat nap but I am not that tired. He looks at the four of us awkwardly laying between two beds squashed together. It is not that comfortable despite me being the closest to Danny with Jorel behind me. "Danny had a really bad nightmare and once Rigo managed to calm him down he did not want to go back to sleep so we improvised," I explain. I could tell George was confused. Being in those rooms does give a little bit of peace from the noise of the main sleeping area. "Yeah I must have slept through that. I feel sorry for Dan as the poor kid can't seem to catch a break at the moment," George says, and I could not agree with the older officer more. He needs a day to go off exploring the nearby village Rigo talked about. It would probably help.
Danny was unusually quiet when he first woke up a little while later, but he let everyone give him a hug at least. The others are getting ready for breakfast when Rigo says that Danny and I are going to be a little late. He wants to talk to us both, and it is probably regarding our little whisper conversation that we had this morning/last night. "Danny I am so proud of you. Please do not let what happened late last night or earlier this morning set you back. You have done so well considering everything that has been going on. You have a great boyfriend by your side and the rest of us are here for you," Rigo says, it has got to be the most informal way I have seen. I watch as Danny looks at the both of us with a big smile on his face. I love making him smile. "Wait, how did you know?" Danny asks. It is really nice to have Rigo on our side. "A big brother always knows," he tells us.
Did I mention that I go weak at the knees when Danny smiles? It's not every smile that he does or I would be weak all day every day. There is a particular smile which gets me and if I explain it then people understand why. That one when he looks at you and smiles almost from ear to ear and you just want to melt inside. I am fully aware of the potentials of how insane I sound but god damn it I am in love with this man and proud to be because he is the best. No one could ever compare or come close to how he makes me feel. The last 3 years have been the weirdest anyone has ever known and this year alone has been awful and we are only three months into it. I have a feeling that congress is going to declare war on Germany soon.
"We also talked about it last night while you slept," I add. We would talk more; however I think that we need to go to breakfast before we become very late and get ourselves into trouble. Danny seems to be in a better mood today than he was earlier and now he has woken up more. I feel happier knowing that he is happy. "I am glad that you are okay with all of this Rigo," Danny says. Rigo hugs his little brother rightly as I finish up lacing my boots. "I know Dylan well enough and I know that he will treat you well and that is all I need in order to feel confident that I can fully support it," Rigo says which makes both of us happy. now we can go to breakfast as I could hear more boots crunching on the icy ground outside. That is the officers making sure no one is late or anything.
I have a feeling that we would have to come out to Jorel by the end of today. The first thing that I learned about the two of them when I met Jorel back in the factory days was that they were almost always glued to the hip. If Danny and I are going to keep going the way that we have been then Jorel is bound to find out. I think Jorel is going to be supportive of us just like Rigo has been. Jorel is definitely a brother to Danny and was making sure that he was feeling okay after last night. Danny keeps telling everyone he is fine, but we know he isn't. At least not one hundred percent fine. He also just came out to his brother who is completely fine with it which is not something which typically happens. I do not want to go into the details of what usually happens.
That night terror he had today is clearly still affecting him as well as something else. Rigo tried gently encouraging him to say what is bothering him. I have never seen Danny go from being happy to shut down like this before. Based on the concerned look on Rigo, George and Jorel's faces that have not seen it either. Even some of the officers including our drill sergeant wanted to know if Danny was okay. "No one here is mad at you," I whisper to him. I want to reassure him if I can. I also have a feeling that he is still terrified of the possibility of his father coming to camp and hurting everyone for covering up the lie that he died. Even Rigo who always is the calmest one here has a fear of Captain Murillo causing hell here for everyone.
After breakfast we go back to the billet to polish our boots as per usual and get ready for our first parade which is usually where we get our uniform inspected and told what the plans are for today. Danny tugs on my sleeve and I follow him to Rigo's room which was currently empty. "Dylan I am really scared. What if my father comes here?" Danny asks me, it was the quietest I had ever heard him. I hold his hands and make him look into my eyes. If I can keep him looking at me he can feel safe and grounded than lost in his emotions. "If your father does come here then we will all do our best to keep you and Rigo safe," I tell him. Rigo walked in and hugged Danny tightly from behind. Danny turns around to hug him back. "Dylan is right, if father does come back to try anything we'll be safe," Rigo says. I can tell today is going to be full of us trying to reassure Danny in-between training.
The one thing I want to avoid though is any attempt to try and invalidate Danny's feelings. After everything he has a right to have that fear that his father could come back. There is no guarantee that their father has accepted the fact that we have said that his son is dead. He could look at this camps records and find his youngest son alive and well and quickly rising up through the ranks. Rigo also told me once that he was afraid of his father being so angry that he would kill anyone who knew them and tried to help them. That is not something that any of us want to take lightly. Especially when the man in question has a 32 year history of abusing his own children and snapping for literally no reason.
The others yell that it is time to go to first parade and we let them know we are not going to be long. This has got to be the weirdest day of our military careers and most of us have not been in the army for that long. I can not help but feel like there is something missing and this day has not started like all of our other ones. We got some new recruits a couple of days ago but we were told when they were coming that it was not going to affect our training as they have the staff capable of training two different levels at the same time. We are getting breaks in between lessons where they will be teaching the new ones but no one has been told when that is going to be started. I've also heard a newbie being told of for referring to our trench shoes as boots when we have been doing it this whole time.
"Lets go and own the day," Rigo tells us. Our trench shoes are nice and polish and we had all just about mastered the technique of wrapping the Puttees over them. No I had not heard of those either until I joined the army, they are bits of cloth that go from our ankles to just below the knee supposedly to keep the damp out and to protect us. We are going to stay positive today and see how it goes. We all give Danny a little pep talk as George gives a brotherly shoulder rub. I rub Danny's had as I briefly sneak a bit of hand holding in. It is already 6.30 in the morning but it feels like much later since so much has already happened. Today we are learning about how to clean and maintain our weapons since this is a skill we will definitely need on the frontlines.
There will not be a man cleaning everyone's guns when we go to the frontlines. Each man will care for their own weapons, just as they have been caring for themselves and their own uniforms. There is a lot we have to learn, but we are in a good squad. We all help each other when we are struggling with something. Steve and James were helping each other take their rifles apart. Our instructor said that it is perfectly fine to help each other, but when it comes to the test we will have to do the whole thing on our own. I swear that Danny has a photographic memory because I have not seen him take a single not this whole time. My notes are a hastily scribbled mess, but I will rewrite them later on as I have another notebook which I write neater notes on.
Danny stays close to me throughout the entire lesson which I do not mind. Steve and James came up to talk to us at one point, but I noticed that Danny always stayed within arms reach from me. No one questioned it though as for all they know is we are close friends and he is quite shy. Some of the officers know that Rigo went through similar to what Danny is currently going through. Years of abuse take their toll on the mind. Growing up I would often hear about people who got brain sick and were sent away for a long time. that is not going to happen to Rigo, Kyle or Danny though. We will support them through anything. We would be pretty awful friends if we suddenly decided to abandon them during their time of need.
It has been a weird morning so far. We have not done any physical training which usually comes before breakfast. They also have not made us march in formation anywhere either like they normally do. I have not seen Rigo once since first parade and he usually wanders around when he is not teaching to make sure everyone is okay. There also seems to be a sense of urgency as we are told to jog to our next lesson in single file rather than walk. We do as we are told since nobody wants to get into trouble. We have another first aid lesson which is again more frontline focused as if we are sent to the frontlines like they are anticipating then we aren't going to have access to the same equipment that a medic based on camp would.
They say that President Woodrow Wilson and congress as vert close to declaring war on Germany. The president's neutral approach has not been working well in his favour so far. It did work well in the beginning until the Germans sank a British ocean liner which had 128 Americans on board who all died. I heard that even Theodore Roosevelt was critical of Wilson. Then last year they sent some troops to Mexico to hunt down a guy and Kyle was included in that squadron of troops. It led to some concerns about if America would have a good enough army for the war which brings us to now where we have been signed up and sent for training so when war happens we will be ready for it. The final nail in the coffin of Wilson's neutrality stance has got to be when we all found out about the Zimmerman telegraph. The American people are quite rightly angry and want something done.
At least lunchtime seemed like it was normal. Rigo and George do seem to be on high alert through, but they are not allowed to tell us anything. "Everyone doing alright?" George asks us and we all nod because for some reason he decided to ask while we all had a bite of food in our mouths. Lunch is not always the best or tastes good but it helps keep us going at least. I am also going to be grateful for it since I know it was a huge privilege for me to grow up with the access to the variety of food that I had growing up. If this turns into the massive war that everyone is anticipating then I am going to expect some form of rationing for everyone, not just us in the army. Rigo smiles at Danny and I as Danny decides he is going to stay close to me again. Danny did eventually shuffle over on the bench to Jorel and sat with him for a little while.
They announced that two of our afternoon lessons have been cancelled and that we are to stay in our billets until it is time for our final lesson of the day. The commanding officer of the entire camp said that if he hears of anyone disobeying his direct order then they will be sent home and banned from joining any armed forces again in their life. Whatever is going on must be extremely serious. They can not deny that there is something unusual happening on camp. Rigo and George have said that they have not experienced anything like this before. Due to how high they rank they have to go to an emergency meeting and trust that we will behave ourselves in the billet with no senior supervision. That is gonna be the case for every billet bar the ones with the newbies in as they have instructed the Private 2 who are in those billets to keep everyone in line.
Danny is technically the most senior ranking after his brother and George in our billet. He is Private First Class while the rest of us are Private 2. He is not letting that get to his head though. Surprisingly, Danny was the calmest about the whole thing despite having the responsibility for 4 idiots. Then again he did do all of his panicking this morning. Matt and Jordon walk talking to each other in a corner which leaves Danny, Jorel and I to talk amongst ourselves in our billet. This is where I suspect that Danny and I are going to reveal our relationship to Jorel. "Feeling any better now Danny?" Jorel asks. Danny is currently sitting on his best next to his best friend while I sit on the dresser. I love how close they are. "I am mostly calmer now, but the fear is still there especially now the whole camp is basically on lockdown," Danny replies, which is fair enough.
There have been whispers going around camp that there is a threat of an attack happening. Many suspect the Germans as the telegraph was all about how Germany would ally itself with Mexico and try and take back some territories like New Mexico, Texas, and Arizona if America were to enter the war and side with the allies which are Britain, and France to name a couple of countries. Obviously, the rumours are just that rumours as nothing has been confirmed as of yet. I highly doubt anything would be confirmed tonight let alone it being about the Germans making Mexico attack one army base in the middle of nowhere like somewhere near Maryland or Virginia. There is also a group of new recruits that they do not want to scare to death.
I know all these rumours will not help with that, but even the higher ups know that they can not control everyone having thoughts like this. All they can do is try and keep everyone calm while they figure out what the right thing to do is. Jordon and Matt are still talking amongst themselves and as far as we can tell they are not paying the slightest bit of attention to what we are talking about. This gives us the perfect opportunity to talk about anything that we want. "So, when did you two become a thing then?" Jorel asks us both, in the calmest manner possible. Well, at least it is confirmed right of the bat that he is not angry with us. It also makes me question if we have been quite obvious to people or not. I know homophobia is a massive thing here so we have been trying to keep it lowkey.
"Just under a month ag. I will be honest I was not sure how you would react that's why I did not say anything sooner," Danny tells him. it makes sense because of how close they are, relationships can break that bond sometimes. Jorel responds by hugging us both. It was a better reaction than the one that I was expecting. "I am happy and I will support you both. I know Dylan will look after you," he tells us. I am glad that Jorel is happy about it. He has known me for long enough now that he will know I am a trustworthy and reliable enough to look after Danny no matter what happens. "That is great, Rigo found out about it early this morning," I tell Jorel. It helps to just let Jorel know all of the facts right off the bat so he does not feel like we are lying to him.
Not that we would ever consider lying to him ever. "I had a feeling Rigo knew something was going on," Jorel says. Rigo was quite happy this morning seeing Danny and I together and all the subtle ways I was trying to keep him calm. It is like I have two supportive big brothers now. Everyone else are like brothers to me as well do not get me wrong, but they do not know what Rigo and Jorel know. I have been an only child for so long, now I have 5 super amazing brothers and one loving boyfriend. There is nothing else I could want or need during these strange times. My parents have said that they are very proud of me. While Jorel and Danny talk all things cats I decide to rewrite my notes from earlier in the other notebook.
I then decide to write a letter to my parents. I don't put a date on it because I don't know when it will be sent as I am waiting for Rigo's permission. This will be where I try and explain the situation that Rigo and Danny's mother and sister are currently in. It will be a huge relief to the boys if they know that their bastard of a father can not touch them any longer. From what they have said their mother and sister have never been physically harmed by Captain Murillo but he is abusive to them in other ways which would still not be nice to live through. I do not know them that well, but I do know they deserve better than that and I know my parents could help them escape from the hell he is putting them through. They are definitely super women.
The rest of the day honestly went by pretty quickly. They still would not tell us what the heck is going on and there is definitely some kind of threat we are going to deal with. Just not a war related one I suspect. They have said that we are safe to continue on with our training as long as we follow the new rules that they have been working on throughout the afternoon while the lessons were cancelled. They said they would explain the new rules after our final lesson and to be fair on them they did deliver on that promise. Everyone on camp was there which all made us realise something big was going on. The new recruits seem to be handling this pretty well, but as I look around at all the recruits that joined the same time as we did are showing complete calmness which would help influence their moods.
I bet they will be so confused right now. They will be thinking that this is a normal occurrence by how calm everyone is. I just wish that they would explain why we have to do these changes. Dinner went by in a weird silence and today we also did not get the chance to talk to our drill sergeant other than for him to quickly check up on Danny and see how he was doing. It is understandable though there are hundreds of curious recruits desperate to ask the same question and as much as they want to someone higher up than them has told them not to. It honestly makes no sense, but nothing that has happened for the last three years has made any sense. No one could have predicted that the war was going to go this bad this soon.
When we got back to the billet we had realised no one had put the beds back to normal still. We couldn't be bothered to move the beds away from each other and our room inspection is not happening for another day or two. Rigo also suggested it might help Danny having someone comfort him from the moment he falls asleep as he had a pretty good sleep when we all cuddled with him. Jorel and I decided we would be the ones who would do it because I think Matt and Jordon are going to do the same thing. I have a feeling they are together in the same way that Danny and I are together but like Danny and I are too afraid to come out just yet to everyone. George still does not know because Rigo will not tell him unless we say he can. I think we are gonna get a pretty good sleep tonight.
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And that is the end of another chapter. Let me know what you think and Happy holidays.