tw: some self-deprecating thoughts because this is set in reader's pov! read with caution
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when you woke up again, you were still in bertholdt's arms as he struggled to balance on the armored titan. out of the corner of your eye, you saw krista being held by ymir's titan and engaging in conversation with her.
why was krista here? you fought in bertholdt's grip, trying your best to ignore the searing pain in your back.
"[y/n]! don't make me drop you!" bertholdt called out frantically. not like he'd already thought of that beforehand, but you knew that he couldn't do it.
you were his friend and you were his comrade. surely, you meant a little more to him than innocent strangers.
you noticed that there was a crowd of horses coming from behind you, realizing that the green capes meant that the scouts were behind you. you moved around even more, hoping to get at least someone to notice you struggling.
"[y/n], you need to calm down!" bertholdt was even more anxious and panicky now that the scouts were closing in on them, "we're not going to hurt you!"
you didn't care if they planned to hurt you. you just wanted to go home.
you could hear the sound of the odm lines latching onto the nearby tall rocks. the terrain would certainly make it difficult for them to rescue you and eren like this. you heard a blond man yell, he charged towards the armored titan's ankles and tried to make a cut. you knew that his blades were going to break upon impact, watching the man uselessly roll away due to gravity and momentum.
the blond man looked familiar, like the man that eren once described to you when you visited him in the dungeon. hannes? was that his name? you couldn't see his regiment logo.
it was at that moment when eren started to shift around on bertholdt's back, finally waking up and realizing that the scouts were chasing after him once again. more scouts started flying up towards bertholdt and one was even pulled away by ymir, ultimately leading to their death.
you started moving around even more, trying to get eren's attention. trying to find a way to even look at him and maintain some form of eye contact with him.
"ehren!" you yelled through the cloth and you saw his head turn towards your direction, trying his best to try to look at you.
he yelled something back at you but it was too muffled for you to properly process. his train of thought was interrupted when a loud cry sounded next to the both of you.
next to you, ymir's titan's eye was slashed out, blood spraying everywhere and the healing powers rushing to heal the injury. in the air you could hear a set of odm gear rushing towards the both of you; it was mikasa.
bertholdt quickly flew over to the armored titan's collarbone area and called out for reiner. the three of you were shielded away from mikasa's blades thanks to the armored titan's hands. you made eye contact with mikasa, who looked at you with crazed eyes then back to bertholdt, who looked like he would've pissed his pants in that moment. you swore that she was the scariest person in that moment.
mikasa was forced to jump off of the armored titan due to ymir's arm reaching out for her, she quickly dodged and she was out of sight, off to deal with the titan on reiner's back.
you started kicking in bertholdt's arms once again and yelled at him to let you and eren go, though he probably could not understand your muffled voice. eren soon joined in, kicking him and pushing him around while you moved around in his arm. he was struggling to remain patient with you both.
he knew that his patience was all that he could afford to you. after everything he's done, it was the least he could do not to lash out at the both of you.
"eren! [y/n]! stop moving around!" berholdt's face was pushed up against the hand of the armored titan, "quit it!"
"good luck with that one, bertholdt!" an awfully familiar voice outside called, "it's impossible to get the both of them to calm down you know." you could hear jean's smirk from outside, "he's the most irritating guy out there! and hanji helped raise [y/n]! they're the most annoying duo out there! i know this better than anyone!"
you smiled a little bit at jean's comment, finding humor in the situation and paused your movements. you noticed that eren stopped moving as much, but continued to push bertholdt as much as he could with the remaining strength in his legs.
"so c'mon," jean tried to coax bertholdt out of reiner's hands, "let's beat him up together."
"bertholdt! give them back!" mikasa yelled out, clearly frustrated and impatient.
"you're both kidding, right?" connie's uneasy voice rung out, "bertholdt? reiner? you both mean to tell us that.. you spent all that time deceiving us like that? that's just wrong!"
"this is all a lie right?" sasha's voice broke, "tell us that this is all a lie!"
the both of them stayed quiet and no response was given to the group standing outside on reiner's arms.
"you can't believe that you both can just run away like that!" jean yelled, "didn't we sleep together under the same roof for three years? went through the same training as comrades? bertholdt, your sleeping forms are truly an art form. did you know that we used to predict the weather with it?" you could hear jean sigh outside, "to think that we shared a roof with two invaders, right next to your victims too!"
"was everything a lie?" connie asked, "remember when we discussed surviving this together? how we would go out drinking when we were older.. was everything.. a lie?"
you could feel bertholdt's heart beat even quicker now, his breath coming out quick and almost borderline hyperventilating. you could tell that he was having a small panic attack at the moment, with all of the memories of training crashing down onto him and all of the guilt he'd felt throughout the years.
"what were you both thinking this entire time?" connie asked innocently.
"why does that even matter?" mikasa spoke up, "just focus on cutting his neck, if we hesitate for even a moment, it could risk eren and [y/n]'s lives," you could tell that mikasa was at the end of her patience, "they are enemies of humanity, that's all we need to know."
it was in that moment that bertholdt snapped and for the first time you heard him yell out of blatant frustration and guilt.
"t-tell me who! who the hell would want to kill people by choice?" there was a brief pause from the outside at bertholdt's words, "who the hell would even like doing this? do you think i wanted to do this? people hate and discriminate us and we've done so many horrible things that we deserve to die," you felt his tears gently drop onto your face, "the only time we were able to relax was when we were pretending to be soldiers."
you felt bertholdt take in a deep breath before continuing, "it wasn't a lie! connie! jean! yes, we did deceive you all but i swear it wasn't all a lie! we really did consider you all comrades! we don't even have the right to apologize, but someone.. please.. someone come save us!"
there was another brief pause and silence filled everyone after bertholdt's confession and overwhelming guilt. mikasa broke the silence with a sharp, "give them back." to which bertholdt refused and told her that he could not, that someone had to be the one to get their hands dirty, to get their hands stained in blood.
"you guys! get down from there!" the blond man from earlier called out to your friends on the armored titan.
through the small crack, you could see and hear a hoard of footsteps approaching you all. you assumed that it was another fleet of horses with even more scouts and artillery, until you saw the tall beings chasing after the horses.
titans. the titans were being led to the armored titan.
you heard the sound of odm gear being used and all of your friends flew off of the armored titan, most likely back to their horses to avoid the titan crowd coming their way. reiner held onto bertholdt even tighter, bracing himself and trying to protect the three of you as best as possible; he knew that ymir would give an arm an a leg to protect krista, this was a given.
he began charging against the titans, doing his best to fight them off with pure strength and running away as quickly as he could. you couldn't see what was going on outside, but with reiner stopping in his tracks, you knew that the titans had successfully stopped reiner.
you started panicking in bertholdt's arms. you didn't want to die, and you certainly didn't want to die because of a titan. you mentally cursed at yourself for accidentally getting into the situation.
you heard a guttural yell that most likely came from reiner and it rang in your ears. you knew that he was scared and you were disgusted at yourself for even offering him your sympathy.
you were sick of it. sick of the titans. sick of being captured. sick of being away from home. you knew that bertholdt and reiner were also sick of it as well. maybe they were forced into doing this.
outside of the titans, you could hear the soldiers yell, their cries grabbing the attention of some of the titans.
no, there were simply too many titans. just how many people were going to die trying to bring back you and eren? eren was a top priority, but there was a sinking feeling in your chest that you were partially responsible for their foreshadowed deaths.
the hands that protected bertholdt and you and eren came off and started punching away all of the titans. you tried your best to cling onto bertholdt, desperate to not fall or get grabbed by a titan. eren, by now, had stopped off of his movements.
your eyes scanned for the scouts, who were trying to catch up to the horde of titans, trying to look for your friends, uncle erwin, or even your aunt hanji. it wasn't until you saw a titan that started running through the horde, dragging a blond man along with him, his right arm being dragged off while his left arm held out his sword.
it was your uncle erwin.
you started panicking even more. this couldn't be. you couldn't bear to see you uncle get dragged off like that. was this your fault? were you going to lead all of these soldiers to their downfall? countless soldiers were being put to death, being dragged off horses and eaten by mindless titans while you sat helpless.
were you even useful to the scouts? your brain offered too many negative answers for you to stay properly focused on what was happening, which made you feel even worse. at least you had the privilege of getting rescued; many of the soldiers here did not.
it was a complete and utter bloodbath.
it wasn't until you heard a set of odm gear racing behind you, the familiar red scarf offering you slight comfort. mikasa had managed to catch up with the armored titan and began flying towards bertholdt. her sights most likely to get eren first and foremost, you were probably just a secondary target.
berholdt moved out of her way, which led her to flying out of the armored titan's away. you wished that bertholdt hadn't moved, but you knew that he must've had a reason for taking the both of you anyway.
you saw a hand behind mikasa and you and eren both yelled at her as loud as you could. your voices were still muffled, but it managed to get mikasa to look behind her quickly.
but it was too late, the set of hands grabbed onto her and its grip made her cry out. it must've broken some bones at least, since this was the first time you'd ever heard mikasa in pain.
jean rushed in to save her, slashing out the titan's eyes and coming in to catch her from falling. another two scouts rushed towards bertholdt, but reiner pulled their lines out, leading to their senseless deaths.
he cupped his hand around bertholdt, trying to shield him once again.
"we've made it out this far.. we're almost there," bertholdt muttered to himself, "we're taking eren with us and we're going home."
bertholdt's last statement made you wonder: why were they taking you home and why were you being protected by them? sure, you're an important person to eren but armin and mikasa are just as important. so why? why did you have to get dragged along with them?
unless, there was an ulterior motive to this, and everyone was going to suffer because of this, because of their decision to take both you, the daughter and one of humanities strongest, and eren, the future of humanity.
you heard another line get closer to the armored titan and this time another voice called out.
"bertholdt!" armin yelled, landing on top of the armored titan's collarbone and stared right at bertholdt. there was a pause from armin, but you could tell that it was just him thinking of something to say. he was cunning, you knew that he would be able to say something to get bertholdt to fold and release both you and eren, "are you both really okay with this?" armin looked down at bertholdt with dark eyes, "leaving behind a precious comrade in order to go home?"
you could feel the tall man stiffen at even hearing the slight mention of annie. bingo. armin's train of thought had hit bertholdt spot on.
"you're going to leave annie? do you know where she is? she's far underground in the utopia district, being tortured day and night," armin said out loud, "it was her screams that taught us something, that even with healing powers, it can never take away the pain."
you knew that after this, you'd have to applaud armin for his quick thinking, maybe reward him with a new book to read.
"they're being careful so that she doesn't die and even as we speak, they're not letting her get any rest. they're torturing her every way we know how."
bertholdt snapped once again at armin's comment, "you're the spawn of the devil! i'll kill you!"
in that moment, bertholdt had lost his grip on you and dropped you, with your bound hands and tied mouth, you thought that this would be the end for you.
you felt another set of arms grab onto you, it was connie, who miraculously grabbed onto you and flew you away from the titans. you saw a blond head come up and slash the middle of bertholdt's back, effectively freeing eren and mikasa grabbed him before he could drop any further.
connie brought you onto his horse and held onto you as the other scouts retreated, comforting you silently as he was trying to steer the horse away from the titans. in the distance, there was a small blonde figure standing by herself.
connie held out his arm and snatched up krista, the horse now carrying 3 fairly small people.
"what the hell are you doing? we're leaving now!" connie said to krista, who was still dangling on the side of the horse.
"we need to go home and eat!" sasha yelled out.
"let me go!" krista yelled at connie, "ymir said that if i don't go with her, she'll be killed!"
"what the hell," connie looked at sasha, "did she really say that?"
"yes, so let me go!"
"she must be lying to you!" sasha said, it was obvious that she couldn't trust ymir after what she did, "it has to be!"
"sasha's right," connie said, looking back at ymir, "you think someone who would kill to protect you would do something like that? would give you up like that? the only time she ever shows any effort is when she has to protect you."
"that's right!" sasha said, "if you keep this up, you both will get killed and it'll get even worse!"
krista was in mid thought, trying to absorb the information given from sasha and connie, but was interrupted when a titan flew over the the scouts, halting people in their tracks.
reiner had begun throwing titans around aimlessly, trying to halt the scout's retreat. some of the scouts had gotten knocked off of their horses and the smoke made it almost unbearable to breathe.
you couldn't see anything through the smoke, panicking once again because you couldn't see any of your comrades besides connie and krista and a part of sasha.
all of the titans surrounded the scouts and you thought that this would be the end for you. you wished once again that you were at home with your father, noticing a titan approaching you, but you knew that ymir would be there to fend it off.
but you also knew that ymir could only do so much.
it felt like a momentary forever, and you struggled to catch your breath. you knew that a soldier's greatest honor was dying during battle but this wasn't your battle, this was your rescue and you would not be a failed mission.
there was a pause from all of the titans in the vicinity, before they ran off in a different direction. a whole group of titans attacking one singular titan. your eyes widened, looking over at connie, who'd noticed your still-bound arms and gagged mouth. he quickly undid your binding and took out the cloth.
you spoke your first words clearly, "we need to leave. now."
there was a horse in the corner, which connie promptly chased after on his horse and got krista to get on, you continued to share a horse with connie.
the armored titan chased after eren, who was carrying mikasa on his back but reiner was stopped in his tracks when a horde of titans chased after him instead, allowing eren to get away safely.
the retreat commence once again, krista and ymir running behind you and connie. you felt safe, you were going back home now and you would be reunited with your father.
it wasn't until ymir stopped in her tracks and looked back at the armored titan, then back at krista. through her black beady eyes, you knew that she had to make a tough decision to make.
"hey ugly!" connie yelled at her, "we're going home!"
ymir brought her hand up to krista's face and gently patted her on the head with her thumb and said a small, "i sorry," before letting go and running over to bertholdt and reiner.
before krista could even react, ymir was gone. she called out to ymir and connie told her to leave her be and grabbed onto the reins of krista's horse. krista's eyes never left ymir and your heart broke; it reminded you of when eren had transformed into a titan and left you to fight annie, leaving you in the forest alone.
you understood the pain and betrayal she must've felt.
the remaining scouts effectively escaped and the mission was a success and you felt somewhat happy for the first time in a while.
[a/n]: it is still dec 25 where i am so merry christmas! and if you don't celebrate Christmas, i hope you have a good day/night wherever you are :) this is my gift to you guys, i hope you enjoyed <3
[edit]: i wrote bertholdt's name so many times it doesn't even look right anymore
who is your favorite character? my favorite character is armin because you can really see the progression in his personality (especially in the manga) and he's just so soft <33 i also like reiner because he's such a complex character!
until next time!
yours truly, rosé <33