Hobi
"Babe when can we renovate the guest room?"
"Why would we do that?" I asked
"Where else do you expect the twins to sleep?" YoonGi said so mater of factly
"The room with us. We can get them bassinets" I suggested
"No thank you. I'd rather not have them there. They need their own space and so do we. We can get a monitor so we can watch them and the guest room is right next to ours so it's not like they'll be on the opposite side of the apartment"
"Sorry I just assumed we'd have them in here since you'll be breast feeding them-"
"I'm not breastfeeding the traditional way. There's two of them. I'll pump milk so that way you can help feed them." He smiled
"I guess that's understandable. Two babies that's a lot of feeding" I laughed
"Yeah. So when are we renovating. I already have ideas but I want us to decorate together." He said while hugging me
Planning for 2 newborns is a lot of work. We already starting buying things and YoonGi got so emotional over prices. I completely forgot how expensive stuff was and we have to buy doubles. I assured him that I'll help out with things. I guess he assumed that because we're dating and not married he was on his own.
I hate that he thought that. I mean the divorce was hard on him. He cried so much. He kept telling me he felt guilty for everything. He kept saying sorry to me.
I told him it wasn't his fault. I told him that Tae was cheating and when ever I brought that up he would tear up. He would give me this look. I don't know why he looks that way but what ever it is I'm sure he'll tell me.
"Daddy, Yoonie, I'm home!" Dewon yelled
I smiled and heard the sound of her running.
Like always the first thing she did was walk up to YoonGi and hugged his belly.
"Hi babies. I missed you. Did you miss me? Hi YoonGi I miss you too. I brought you some ginger candies. I told grandma that the babies make you sick and she said ginger helps" she smiled
"Thank you. I miss you too and I know the babies did" he replied
"Hi daddy, I missed you. Did you miss me?"
"Of course I miss you. I miss you every weekend. How was it?" I asked
"Well on Friday grandpa picked me up and took me to school and I spent that day and some of Saturday with them" she beamed
"Why weren't you with papa?" I asked her
"Oh grandpa said papa was having a sad day. I tried to ask and grandma said that papa was missing someone special to him. She didn't tell me who but I made him a cupcake and uncle Minnie and uncle Taemin helped me make cards for papa" she said sadly
Who would he be missing?
Fuck.
The baby. Friday would have been his due date. I could feel tears in my eyes. YoonGi looked at me. He knew about my son. I couldn't keep it from him. Honestly I'm surprised he stayed with me after I told him what I did.
"How was he?" I asked
"Well when I got there he wasn't sad anymore and then we went shopping with Kookie and he got me a new play set. Kookie grandpa and uncle Taemin helped build it. Daddy it's amazing and Papa said my friends can come over and play on it with me"
"Love bug who's Kookie?" I asked
"Oh he's papa's friend. He's nice, he lives next door and he has the cutest dog. His dog let me put him a tiara on him and he followed me all over the yard and I got to sleep with Hannie because Kookie said it was okay." She explained
Is Tae seeing someone? I feel pissed off. Who is this man? I know he won't ever let anyone near Dewon that's possibly dangerous. But that means he's moved on.
Ugh why do I even care? I have a boyfriend and Two kids on the way. Plus he's a cheater so who knows if he was with this guy before.
"Who's Taemin?" I asked
YoonGi instantly jumped.
"Hey are you okay?" I asked him
"Yeah one of the babies kicked me really hard. Maybe I should go and lay down"
"Okay good idea. I'll check on you in a few."
"Are sissy's being naughty?" Dewon asked
"Very. They move too much" YoonGi laughed
"Feel better Yoonie" she smiled
He left to go lay down. I feel
So bad. The babies are really active and he's always in pain.
"So bug who's Taemin?"
"Oh he's minnie's boyfriend. He's really nice and Papa says that's his brother"
"Oh like how your papa calls Jimin his brother?"
"Um I guess. Daddy can I go to my room? I missed my toys and tomorrow is show and tell and I have to pick something but I like all my toys. So it's going to be difficult" she signed
To be a kid. To have picking a toy for a class project be the only major problem.
•
"Hey love are you okay?" I asked Yoon
He's been in the room all day since Dewon came home. I know this pregnancy hasn't been easy for him. I wish I could take all his pain away and make him feel better.
But I'm so thankful. I always wanted a big family and he's giving me two little princesses. I just wish this wasn't so difficult for him.
"I'm fine."
"I've known you since we were 18. I can tell when you're lying. Now tell me what's the matter."
"I'm just nervous. This wasn't a planned pregnancy and instead of one baby there's two. What if I'm a bad dad? I can't help but compare myself to Tae. He jumped in and helped raise D since she was a baby and he was barely even an adult. I've already messed up with her with the whole spanking thing" he signed
"Hey we talked about it. You haven't don't it since and Dewon warmed up to you. She likes you and she's excited for the babies. You're doing really good with all this change. I love you yoon" I said just before kissing him
He started to cry.
"Yoon, babe, why are you crying?" I asked
"You said you loved me" he sobbed
"Yeah. Because I do" I assured him
"But like will you still love me if I did something bad? Like I've been in love with you for years and I'm happy we're together but part of me feels like I stole you for Tae"
"Don't think about him okay. I love you. Tae and I are over."
"But I can't help it. He lost his baby and I'm living in his home, raising his kid and pregnant by his ex. It's kind of fucked up. Especially since I was so mean to him growing up" YoonGi cried
"What do you mean growing up?"
"Tae and I know each other, from before I moved and met you. I know Jimin too and Taemin."
"Excuse me? Please explain" I asked
"My mom was married to Jimin's dad. I was so mean to Jimin because I was jealous over how his dad cared about him. My dad hates me for being gay and there was Jimin wearing girls clothes and his dad was so proud of him."
Jimin use to wear girl clothes? I never knew that
"I was so mean to him and Tae was there to stick up for him so I started to be mean to him too. I knew it was wrong because I was literally 8 years older but I was jealous you know. And then I met Taemin."
"Who's Taemin?" I asked
"He's Tae's older brother. We dated. I knew he loved me but I literally dated him to piss my mom off. I know it was fucked up but I was stupid back then."
I don't know what to think. I never thought YoonGi would do that.
"One night I went to a party and I was pissed at Taemin I don't even remember why. But I ended up drinking. I drank before but that night felt different. I remember finding a place to lay down."
Tears started to run down his face
"When I woke up I was having sex with some guy. I don't even remember taking off my clothes or asking for sex. I tried to get him off me but I could barely move. All he did was laugh at me and called me his dirty slut. I tire to fight but he held me down.
When it was over I felt so numb. I waited an hour before I could even move. I felt sick and dirty. I walked all the way to the hospital."
He stoped talking to catch his breath.
"I told them how sick i felt and they took my blood. After test they said I had some drugs in my system but I never took drugs. The doctor explained that I was most likely given a spiked drink. I broke down and told her what happened and she said that what happened to me was a crime. That guy at the party raped me." He cried
I couldn't even think about what to say. What do you even say to comfort a rape victim. I just pulled him into my arms.
"I didn't tell anyone. I was too ashamed. A month later I started getting sick. I was confused and I researched my symptoms. And I took a pregnancy test and I was pregnant. I was pregnant with my rapists child. I panic because Taemin and I never had sex but I knew I wanted to keep my baby. So I took his virginity. I thought that if he believed the baby was his no one would know about my rape."
"Wow" I can't even comprehend anything.
"Please don't hate me. I didn't know what to do and I just wanted my baby to have a dad that wasn't a monster."
"I could never hate you" I replied and he smiled
"Anyway I waited a month and told him I was pregnant. God he was scared but he told his dad and stepmom. He got a job and everything to help support me. It was honestly so sweet of him. He stepped up and he was only 16." YoonGI explained
"At least he was willing to be responsible. Thinking it was his" was the the only thing I could say.
"And then when I was 3 months pregnant the girlfriend of the guy who raped me somehow found me. I guess he confessed to cheating. When she found me she called me all these names. I told her how I didn't choose to sleep with her boyfriend. I said he raped me and for me pregnant. She called me a liar and wanted me to abort my baby and I said no. The next day she posted about how I seduced her boyfriend and trapped him with my pregnancy. The kids were so freaking mean. And then Taemin came over and begged me to say it wasn't true. I was too scared to admit that I had been raped what if he thought I was dirty so I let him think I cheated."
"Hey you were a kid yourself. What happened to you didn't make you dirty. You were drugged. You were suffering from that attack and you did want you did to help yourself heal."
"Yeah after taemin left Jimin came into my room. I knew he had a crush on Taemin so he was mad. He kept yelling at me. He called me a slut and said I was dirty. I lost it. All I could hear was that guy saying those things to me. It was like I was back in that room with him. I just reacted and I ended up pushing Jimin down the stairs. He hit head and was in a coma for a week. I was so stressed that I ended up loosing the baby. But me hurting Jimin was the last straw and my step dad kicked us out. Taemin tried to commit suicide because of me and Tae was livid that I hurt his brother. I was just going through so much and I ended up hitting Tae. I broke his nose."
So he was that childhood bully that Tae always talked about. Why didn't Tae never told me
"When I moved I was so scared to even be near a guy. I was afraid the same thing would happen. But then you showed up and kept bothering me to be friends. That's when I realized that not all guys were like him. I felt safe around you." YoonGI replied
I hated that he felt scared to be around people. I hated that someone took something from him. I hated how after suffering a traumatic event he was made to be the bad guy.
"Honestly when you I found out you and him were together I was such a bitch to him again. I was jealous because I wanted to be with you. You were the only guy that made me feel safe. When ever you sent me to his office I would saying try and start problems because I was jealous. And now that I'm pregnant again I realized how terrible of a person I am."
He was sobbing. Screaming almost. I don't know how to handle this. This was a man was convinced that he was terrible. He was still a kid when he was attacked. He did the best he could. Yeah it was wrong to make Taemin think the baby was his but I understand why he did was he did. He's such a strong man for going what he went through and not letting it dictate his life. He's the father to my kids.
"Shhhh. It's okay."
"I just don't want you to hate me. I'm a terrible human. I made a great guy believe he was going to be a father because I was too scared to tell him about my rape. After it happened I would go to bars and watch. I wanted to make sure no one was slipping drugs into another's drink. I thought that I could somehow protect people from suffering the same fate. But when I saw you at the bar I was happy. The guy that I was hopelessly in love work was right in front of me."
"Stop. Don't say that. I don't hate you. You were a victim. Please forgive yourself. You're having two beautiful babies who will love you and think that their papa is the best person ever" I said while wiping his tears
"You know when we had sex, that was the first time I sex since I lose my baby." he whispered before closing his eyes
All this crying wore himself out. When i find The fucker that hurt him I just might kill him.
I wrapped YoonGI in a blanket until he fell asleep. I don't want him to stress to much. He already lost a baby and I don't want him be at risk for losing the twins.
My poor Yoongi. He went through all of this alone. But I'm here for him. I'll always be here.