*HEY GUYS, HERE'S ANOTHER UPDATE. SORRY THIS ONE TOOK A WHILE. LITTLE OL' LAUGHTER GOT A BIT CONFUSED ON WHAT TO WRITE. I ALSO WANTED TO MENTION SOMETHING. I HAVE CREATED AN OFFICIAL FANPAGE FOR Killer Protector (_killer.protector.series.fp_) AND FOR ANYTHING ELSE INVOLVED WITH IT. IT'S AN INSTAGRAM PAGE, SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE IG, GO AHEAD AND CHECK THAT OUT. I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING, LIKE I HAVE NOTHING ON THAT THING. XD BUUUUUUT I CAN FILL THAT THANG UP WITH STUFF FROM YOU GUYS! IF YOU HAVE ANY SORT OF ART OR WRITING OR SOMETHING YOU'VE CREATED THAT YOU'D TO SHARE WITH THIS WONDERFUL FANDOM (it's officially a fandom, apparently, like WHOA) THEN GO AHEAD AND SEND THAT BEAUTY TO MY GMAIL jefferysaysgotosleep@gmail.com, AND I'LL PUT YOUR WORK UP ON THE FANPAGE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE, I'LL GIVE CREDIT TO WHATEVER NAME YOU GO BY, OF COURSE. JUST MAKE SURE TO STATE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE CREDIT, I'M SURE YOU GUYS WOULD, OR ANY OTHER INFORMATION IMPORTANT TO YOU. OKAY, I'M RAMBLING A BIT.
QUESTIONS!!:
-Are you a sub or dub person?? (I'm talking about anime, of course. I'm a sub kinda gal c: )
-What is one of the most toughest decisions of your life? (Choosing a candy at Walmart. You have not felt true pressure and frustration if you haven't gone through this xD.)
ON WITH THE STORY!!! :D *
Stay Creepy, My Friends!~
Chapter 21
I woke up to nothing but blinding white light and the faint, muffled sound of a machine. My vision blurred in and out of focus and my head felt like there were cotton balls inside of it. All of my senses were pulsating and I worried that my disorientation would never stop. Finally, there was an end to it as everything settled down and my surroundings became clear.
White. White ceiling. Bright light seeped into the room from a window to the right of me. My fingers brushed against soft fabric and I tried to speak only to discover a dry mouth. I heard the sound of a pencil scribbling over a writing board and I looked to my right to see a dark skinned woman in blue scrubs. Her hair was tied pack into a neat bun and she seemed about late twenties or early thirties. She spotted my gaze on her and her face lit up a bit. With a kind smile, she greeted me. "Hello, Miss. Matsukochi. I'm glad to see you're responsive."
I tried talking but my dry mouth wouldn't allow me. The nurse grabbed a bottle of water with a straw from a nearby table and held it to my lips. I drank from the straw and relieved my mouth and throat. Once I had my fill, the nurse placed the water bottle back in its place and looked down at me. "Where...where am I...?" I asked her tiredly.
"You're in the Gracewood Hospital and Psychiatric Center," she answered me clearly, "You were admitted here as a patient yesterday at three in the morning. You've been unconscious for approximately seven hours since then."
"Wh...Why am I here again...?" I murmured, but my question was quickly answered as I remembered the events of last night. Panicked, I jolted in my spot and a machine beside my bed started beeping frantically. The nurse was quick to lay me back down and subdue me. "Please refrain from moving so vigorously, Miss," she told me in a steady voice, "you're still recovering from your shock."
"B-But th-the thing on my back," I rambled, "th-there's a thing o-on my back..!"
"Miss. Matsukochi, we checked you for any signs of trauma, both internally and externally and doctors found nothing out of the ordinary," she told me. My panic ceased to make way for confusion. "What..?" I murmured in disbelief. By the look in her eyes, she was being honest, which disturbed me more than the idea of there actually being something wrong. I was back to panicking. "No," I started, "I-I saw it. There was a mark on my back, a huge mark...! There's no way doctors would've missed it...! It has to be there..."
The nurse gave me a soft look and said, "Miss, there was nothing there. You're clean of any trauma. Right now, you're possibly hallucinating from all of the morphine we've given you. We had to use a lot so it's likely that you'd feel this way."
"But I saw it..," I whispered weakly. The nurse allowed me another sip from the water bottle to calm me down. After she set the drink down, she told me, "Your parents will be coming to visit you in the next hour or so. Unfortunately, you'll be back to sleep by then because you need to rest more."
"I'm fine...," I mumbled feebly. Despite my stubbornness, she flashed me another kind smile and fixed my blankets for me. "Please get some more rest, Miss," she told me. I abided to what she said and relaxed my body again. After a minute, she left me alone in my room to lay around in silence. I stared up at the ceiling for a while, the sunlight from the window coming in and illuminating the room. I felt weak yet I couldn't fall back to sleep. The news that the proxy symbol wasn't on my back concerned me. I know I should be grateful that it's not there, but I can't help but wonder. I saw it. I really saw it. It's the reason why I'm here in the first place. How could a mark so large and prominent just disappear? It doesn't make any sense..
The room was utterly isolated and quiet, despite the soft whirring of the machine next to me and the sounds of nurses and doctors walking about outside my door. I figured out why it was so quiet, and I croaked, "Sam..? Are you there...?"
Nothing happened. I sucked in a breath, dreading the moment where Sam's disappearance would be official. Luckily though...
I'm here.
Sighing in relief, I said, "Thank goodness.. I thought I was actually alone."
No, I'm here. Don't worry.
"What happened while I was out?" I asked.
I don't really know.
I pouted. "This sucks," I remarked sadly.
Big time.
"I don't want to be here anymore," I said.
You can't leave. The nurse is right. You need sleep. You're tired, I can feel it.
"I can't sleep though.."
How about I sing to you? Will that help?
I cracked a smile and chuckled. "Yes," I answered.
Okay. I'll keep singing until you fall asleep.
I closed my eyes and relaxed on my hospital bed. Every other faint sound around me was drowned out as Sam began gorgeously singing to me. His voice resonating within my head and my senses dulled as I fell into a deep relaxation. I didn't want to fall asleep because I want to keep listening to Sam's voice, but I could feel myself go in and out of consciousness, until finally I fell asleep like I was told to do.
...
I woke up to the sound of singing. For a moment, I thought it was Sam and I was surprised that he sang for so long. Though, I was corrected as I saw my mother siting beside my hospital bed, holding my hand gently and singing ever so softly to me, the same lullaby Sam sung to help me sleep. I looked up at her with tired eyes and it took her a few moments to notice that I was awake. She gave me a sweet smile and said in a hushed voice, "Hello, my little rairakku."
"H...Hi...Okaasan...," I murmured. I felt her squeeze my hand and she pursed her lips. I scanned my hospital room to find that only my mother and I occupied it. "Where's ChiChi," I asked.
"He just left to go back to work," my mother answered, "He couldn't stay long, unfortunately. But, he did get you something nice."
She let go of my hand to lean down out of my sight. She sat up straight again and held something out to me. After a moment, I registered it as a little teddy bear with a blue bow around its neck. A smile came upon my lips and I gingerly took it within my hands. I sat it up on my chest and fiddled with the bow and the ears. "I love it," I said and my mother giggled.
"I'll make sure to tell him that later," she remarked. The room got quiet after that. My fingers only brushed against the teddy bear's fur slowly until I stopped and turned my head to my mother. She gave me a smile. Out of nowhere, I said, "I'm sorry for scaring you and ChiChi last night.."
She waved her hand at me. "Its okay, Blue," she replied, "you don't have to be sorry. It's not your fault. I'm just glad that you're okay."
"Me too," I said, though that didn't feel right to say. I'm not really okay. I'm still flustered by the discovery that the symbol wasn't on my back anymore. I couldn't have hallucinated. Could I have? Does overwhelming pain make people hallucinate? I'm sure that's possible but could I have been able to just hallucinate the mark? No, no it was real and it was there. I saw it. It was there.. Was... There's gotta be an explanation for its disappearance. But what sort of explanation could there be other than "I freaked out"?
"Okaasan," I said. She looked at me. I continued. "Is there....something wrong with me...?"
She sighed and shook her head. "No sweetie, you're perfectly fine. The doctor said you can come back home tomorrow in the morning."
"That's not really what I meant...," I whispered and before she could figure out what I said, the same nurse from before came walking in with another kind smile.
"Hello there, Mrs. Matsukochi," she said to my mother, "I've just come to bring lunch to your daughter." She brought in a cart with a lunch tray on it and set everything up for me. The nurse inclined my bed forward so I could reach, she gave me one of those tables that go over the bed, and she made sure I could actually eat too. Of course I could.
The nurse soon left my mother and I to sit alone in the room again. My mother didn't say anything to me as she wanted to let me eat properly and fully. As I was barely getting to the Jell-O cup, my mother's phone rang and she had to pick up the call. She went off into a corner of the room to speak and when she finished and came back, she looked upset. "What's wrong?" I mumbled through Jell-O.
She sighed and answered, "I have to go back into work."
"You too," I said.
She nodded and blew some strands of hair out of her face. I looked down at my Jell-O, which had a dent in it from the one time I ate some just now with my spoon. Pursing my lips, I made a decision and I handed the Jell-O cup over to my mother. "You can have it," I told her and she was a bit surprised. Giving her a smile, I said, "It's the red one so you know it tastes good."
She stifled a chuckle and took the Jell-O cup and my spoon from me. She took a bite and I could tell she was already feeling better. After she had finished up, she started putting her coat on and hanging her purse on her shoulder. "I'll be going now," she told me. She came to the side of my bed and leaned over to give me a warm hug. "Get some rest," she whispered into my ear. Then, she snuck a kiss at my forehead before pulling away from the hug.
"Daisuki, my little rairakku," she said.
"Daisuki, Okaasan," I murmured as she started leaving the room. She blew me a little kiss before stepping out and closing the door. After that I was back in silence, alone once again. "Can't wait to go back home," I murmured aloud.
Me too.
I smiled.
Hey Ao..?
"Yes?"
...What did you mean when you asked your mother if there was something wrong with you...?
I paused for a few moments, contemplating my true reason for my question. My only response was, "I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right. I don't feel okay anymore."
Well...as long as you have me, you will be.
I smiled once again.
My nurse eventually came back to get rid of the tray and whatever else I left behind. After that, she told me to keep resting throughout the day. She had left me alone to bathe in the quiet and loneliness of the patient room. I did as she said and laid back down onto my plush pillow. It was easy for me to fall back to sleep as I was still exhausted, both physically and mentally. Soon enough I was drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
...
The room was dark and when I awoke, the only bit of light was the city lights shining through the closed blinds of the window. I sat up straight and rubbed at my eyes, wondering how late it was, how long I had slept. The hospital felt utterly quiet, and for a moment I thought I was the only one inhabiting it, though the sound of walking, mopping and keys jingling told me the custodian was on a night shift. Everything felt quiet and normal, a little too much though... There's something wrong here, I know it.
I searched the room for anything out of the ordinary, and despite the darkness, I spotted nothing. I was still hooked up to a machine that tracked my health. I still had the teddy my father gave me, which sat right beside me. Nothing felt weird or out of place. I guess I was just a little paranoid. I shrugged off my feeling and laid back down to sleep again. I stared at my teddy bear for a while as I was drifting back off into sleep. Turning over onto my side, I placed a hand on the teddy bear, pressing its silk blue bow between my fingers.
"Your name is blue?", I heard a young voice resonate within my head.
"In that case...you're my favorite color.."
With my eyes closed, I furrowed my brow and gulped.
"How can I forget my favorite color?" A deeper, more mature voice said.
Surprisingly enough, I heard myself, "I'll regret my words once you stop loving the color blue!"
"Damn.." The lower voice muttered.
I shifted in my place, feeling restless now. I was already having enough. Couldn't take it anymore. I opened my eyes to see the teddy bear's black eyes staring into mine. Pursing my lips, I leaned in and snuggled my head against its torso. I shut my eyes tight, wishing for something, something, but I wasn't sure what. What was I hoping for? What was I desperate for? Why? I found out once I opened my eyes.
Instead of the teddy bear's plush fur brushing against my face it was soft auburn hair. I stifled a small, quiet gasp as I stared at the body lying next to me calmly. My hand was on the side of their head, my fingers pressing the edge of their ear gently. Their breathing was soft and steady and it nearly lulled me to sleep. I brushed my fingers through their hair, feeling their warmth on my skin. Suddenly, they placed a hand on top of mine and squeezed, gingerly. In the dim light of the hospital room, I could faintly, faintly, make out a gray complexion and bandages. My heart raced.
"How are you here?" I whispered curiously.
"Didn't you want me here?" they asked.
"I-I don't really know what I want," I said.
"Isn't it obvious," they muttered, and shifted in their place, "you want me.."
"I-I'm confused..," I mumbled.
"What's there to be confused about, Blue?"
I frowned a bit. "I don't really know what I truly want. It's hard to understand."
"You do understand," they said, "you just don't want to accept the truth."
"What truth?" I asked.
They squeezed my hand tighter and lifted their head up. All I saw in the dimness was a blue mask. My pulse nearly stopped at the familiar sight. "Who am I?" He had asked.
Confusion filled me. Despite this, I answered anyway, "You're Jack.."
"Who am I really?"
I paused. He's Jack. He's my friend, at least I think. He's...he's..
"I don't know..." I mumbled.
"There's the truth," Jack told me, "you don't know who I am and you refuse to accept that."
I furrowed my brow, puzzled. "But, you're so familiar to me.. How can I not know who you are...?"
"People change, Ao," he said and a sense of disappointment came over me. Though, I quickly ignored this feeling and refused.
"Do you still want me?" He asked. As quickly as I had brushed aside my disappointment, I answered, "Yes."
Jack's hold on my hand tightened and I suppressed a wince. "Why?" He asked me.
"Because," I started, hesitantly, "you're..."
"Familiar?"
"Well, n-not just that, but-."
"Why do you want me? Give me another reason. A better reason," he demanded.
"I..." Couldn't speak. Of course there are other reasons I want him but I can't put those reasons into words. I don't know how to express them. Are they really even true? Do I only want him as an act of possessiveness? Like a child who captures a firefly; once they have something so unique and different they want to keep it to themselves, never let it go. Is that how I'm treating Jack? Like a firefly left to struggle in a glass jar? That's not how I want to come off as.
"What's your reason?" He asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I could feel my panic rise. One wrong word could possibly send him away. I was so nervous, so worried that he'd leave me even before I said a thing, that in an act of desperation, I hugged him to my body as tightly as I could without suffocating him. He hadn't rejected me but I felt like he would at any moment.
"I just want you," I whispered to him, "I just do."
He was still in my arms, and for a moment I thought he wasn't even breathing. But, he proved this wrong as he slowly; hesitantly slid a hand up my back and clutched at my clothing. I could feel the warmth of his hand through my hospital gown and I wanted to feel it across my skin, comforting me and capturing me into a sense of security and shelter.
In the quiet of the hospital room, Jack whispered, "Someday I'll leave you." I didn't say anything. He added, "What will you do then?"
I softly clutched some locks of his hair into my hand and clenched my jaw. I replied with, "I'll follow."
"And if you lose me along the way?"
Leaning my head against his, I said, "Then I will find you again."
A pause of silence.
"Ao," Jack whispered.
"Yes?"
He didn't say anything for a few moments. I listened to his steady, soft breathing during these moments and stroked my fingers through his hair. I accidentally snagged on the string of his mask but he hadn't done anything. Suddenly, he shifted his mask just enough to reveal his mouth and he sat up in place. I watched him as he leaned over towards me and hovered his lips over mine. I could feel my face grow warm at how close he was. He had a hand holding my head in place, making sure I didn't move an inch away from him. So I lay there, still, staring up at him, anticipating the contact of our lips. But the contact never came.
Instead, Jack ignored my lips and leaned his head down beside mine, his lips near my temple now. In a soft, deep whisper, he told me, "Wake up..."
I froze.
Next thing I knew, I bolted upright in my spot, panting and frantic. "Jack!!" I exclaimed breathlessly. I looked all around my room to see no one else but me. My teddy bear was in the same spot I left it, the blue bow taunting me somehow, reminding me of that mysterious blue mask Jack wears. The room was filled with daylight now, as the blinds had been opened to let in some sunshine. I was so puzzled by the serenity of the room that I hadn't noticed the manic beeping from the machine I was hooked up to. Soon enough, my nurse, along with another, came rushing in to see what was wrong. I hadn't paid attention to anything they did. Everything seemed like a blur and the sound around me seemed to be muffled. After a while, I was placed back down onto my bed to relax. The nurses checked my vitals but I paid no attention to the words they said, either to me or to each other. My focus was on nothing and I only stared blankly at the sun streaked ceiling. I gulped and clenched my blanket within my hands. It was only a dream. Yet, it felt real. Just...just how much of it was a dream? What did it even mean? I blanked out, not even into my mind, which was a mess of scrambled thoughts and emotions. All because of him..
What are you doing to me, Jack?
...
The girl; the little blue lilac, was finally feeling a confusion unlike any other she has felt. No life lesson, no troubling equation, no strange phenomenon could ever bestow such a great amount of regard and befuddlement. She was blind to her emotions in her own way, thrown back behind the stage curtains, unable to see the truth that lay behind them. They refused to open. She was left to muddle, wondering how she could get those curtains to open, wondering when she can see the show she came for. For the yajuu, he too was blind to the situation. But there was a difference.
He chose to keep those curtains shut.