"good afternoon, eunha." greeted miss lee as she sat on the empty sofa before eunha.
"good afternoon, miss." eunha replied.
it's her second therapy session after the diagnosis. although she's still having a hard time accepting the fact, she remembered the promise she made to miss lee, as well as the promise she made to herself.
"how are you feeling today?" asked miss lee to start off the session.
"i've been feeling better this week, miss. compared to previous week." eunha commented.
"did you had a rough one last week?" asked miss lee, trying to make eunha speak of her week comfortably.
"yeah. the same week hits me really hard every year." eunha stopped, eyes landed on her fidgeting fingers before she continued, "last week was my mom's death anniversary week."
"i'm sorry for your loss, eunha." miss lee spoke as she hands over a few sheets of tissue to eunha who started tearing up upon speaking of her mom's passing.
"do you want to talk about it?" asked miss lee. as much as she wanted eunha to open up, she didn't want to push the young adult too much.
"do you mind if i do?" eunha asked.
eunha never shared her grief with anyone - not even her father, the only person she has left in her life.
but for the past few years, it felt like she was all alone in her journey of healing from losing her mom. the urge to let out all of the pain she's been carrying alone was very strong.
"of course i don't mind, my dear. everything that we speak of in here stays with us. you can share anything you want and i'll be happy to listen." replied miss lee and a smile instantly formed on eunha's face.
"it was mom's 12th death anniversary, last week. i lost my mom just a few weeks before i turned 8. she's always been the one to stay with me through every phase of my life. that night, she passed away from a car accident. it was a horrible one, the memory is still very clear in my head." eunha said.
"how did you cope with the loss?" the older asked.
eunha sighed, "i don't think i've ever coped with it," a tear then left her eyes once again.
"what about your father?" miss lee asked again.
"surprisingly, he coped with it quite well. he's a successful businessman. in every interview, he would mention that he was having a hard time coping with mom's death. to get people's support, that is. but just a month after mom's death, he started bringing another woman to our place, whom he claimed to be his business partner. i was young, but i wasn't dumb to believe what he said. i knew he moved on from mom's passing already and that fact pained me," eunha expressed.
miss lee remained quiet, knowing that eunha is yet to finish her rant.
"a lot of the times i wish i had it easy like him. but i just don't think that's right. mom has always been there for us. she died horribly. i wondered often how my father moved on so quick, as if all the time mom was there didn't matter to him at all. as time passed and as more of his business partners came over, i just couldn't help but feel hateful to my father." eunha continued.
"it's normal to grow hatred for others, even to our own family sometimes. people always say that hating on a parent isn't right. but what do they know? not everyone is good at parenting, so why do people expect everyone to love their parents? your feelings are valid, eunha. whatever you're feeling towards the whole situation, is valid. and no one can invalidate it." miss lee replied.
"thank you, miss lee." eunha replied.
she truly felt appreciated that her feelings were validated. a small weight was lifted off her shoulders, though it still felt heavy to her.
"did you visit her last week?" she asked, continuing with their session.
"i did. i went alone. i skipped a whole week of school to go back to our old place, to visit her grave and to visit her room once again in our old home. it's so empty there and it feels gloomy." eunha said.
the room filled with silence as miss lee waited for eunha to continue. but the room soon filled with the sound of sobbing from the girl.
"what is it, eunha?" with a low tone and a voice so soft, miss lee made her way next to eunha. grabbing her client lightly by her shoulders before she embraces eunha into a warm hug.
"i'm so scared," eunha mumbled in between her tears with a child-like tone.
"what are you scared of, sweetheart?" asked miss lee again.
"he's scary. i don't want to stay with him anymore," the younger sobbed more as she snuggled herself into her therapist's arms.
"it's fine, sweetheart. let it all out," miss lee comforted, giving rubs in circles on eunha's back.
within a few minutes, her sobbing slowed down and her breathing became more stable. miss lee loosened their hug as eunha removed herself from her therapist's embrace.
"i'm sorry, miss. i don't know how and why i suddenly cried." eunha said as she wiped the tears with the back of her hand.
"you don't remember anything?" asked miss lee, returning to her original seat.
"no i don't remember why i cried. it's normal, i easily forget things." eunha replied.
"yes it is normal for you. but it's not because you're forgetful," miss lee said before continuing, "eunha, would you like to have some drink?"
"uh yeah sure that'd be great, miss. i'll just have some water." eunha replied.
miss lee walked away, returning with a glass of water in her hand and handing it over to eunha.
"do you always experience it? seeing yourself in situations you don't remember getting in?" asked miss lee.
the asked girl hummed and nodded in response.
"it's actually not because you are forgetful. the one who cried to me just now wasn't you and this will explain as to why you don't remember getting yourself in that situation. in dissociative identity disorder, the term switching is used to explain the switch from an identity to another. so while you were sharing your grief to me, another identity in you took over and they were the one crying to me. in short, it wasn't you - eunha, but instead another alter whom may have been triggered to come out." explained miss lee as eunha attentively listened to her.
"so it's only normal because i have this disorder?" asked eunha and miss lee responded with a nod, "so if i've always had these memory gaps since young, does that mean i've been dissociating since then?"
"that could be it. do you remember when you first had it?" asked miss lee.
"i think it wasn't long after my mom's death. i found myself cleaning and rearranging mom's closet out of nowhere." eunha explained.
"it is possible that at that moment, an alter came forward to help you out with coping her death," miss lee replied and eunha nodded, accepting all her explanations as the first step to accepting herself.
•
•
•
"welcome! what would you like to have?" asked the man behind the counter to eunha.
just like last week, eunha dropped by the cafe next door right after her therapy session.
"i'll have iced americano, please." ordered eunha as she hands over her notes.
she then made her way to the same seat as last week's as she waits for her order.
a few minutes later, jaemin came and handed over eunha's order, muttering a "hey," before he seated himself on the empty seat before eunha.
"hey," greeted eunha back as she forms a smile to jaemin.
"so i'm guessing your weekly routine is attending your therapy session and then dropping by here?" asked jaemin as he released a small chuckle.
eunha nodded with a small laugh before continuing, "what about you? your shift always ends at 5 pm?"
"yeah," jaemin replied, "do you want to hangout here every week? we can even study here,"
"sure, why not. that doesn't sound bad," eunha said, "wait, what subjects are you taking?"
"my main is physics, along with biology and psychology," replied jaemin, taking a sip of the iced coffee he bought for himself.
"ahh so you're taking psychology. no wonder you're interested in helping me out," eunha chuckled.
"well, i guess you can say so," jaemin replied with a soft chuckle. "is miss lee your therapist?"
"yeah, how did you know?" she asked in return.
"she handles dissociative patients. she was also my sister's therapist." he replied.
"your sister was also diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder?" asked eunha, surprised with the fact that she only found out now.
"yeah. it all makes sense now why mark-hyung said he sees something in you that resembles jinhye-noona, right?" jaemin said.
"does that also mean mark sort of knew i have dissociative identity disorder since the first time he talked to me?" eunha replied after humming a response to jaemin's question.
"mark-hyung was there for jinhye-noona all the time. i don't find it surprising at all that he knew so much about the disorder." he replied.
and the two continued talking on random topics until the sun sets and the moon stands high up in the night sky.
jaemin offered to walk eunha home, considering that it was already dark outside. but she pushed away his offer without a hesitation. she was aware of her fate if she was caught by her father, like what happened when jeno walked her home.
• • •
who do you ship eunha with?
comment down the name(s)!