A/N: And we're down to the last two chapters! The #DecemberDenouement begins today!
LORELEI
THE DAY that I feared has come. Ilang beses kong pinanalangin na sana'y hindi dumating ang araw na 'to. Na sana'y maging maayos ang relasyon naming apat. Na sana'y hindi malagay sa matinding pagsubok ang pagsasamahan namin.
But I guess, this was supposed to happen. This was meant to happen. We could delay the inevitable for as long as we want, but we would still arrive at this point inevitably. It's always been a matter of when or where.
I wish this unfortunate event ended in a more positive note. But who was I kidding? It ended in the worst way possible.
And it's my fault why this happened.
Days since my dad Walter's death and my uncle Fritz' incarceration, my three friends have become my support system all throughout this heartbreaking ordeal. Nandyan sila noong nagdadalamhati ako. Nandyan sila noong malungkot ako. Kahit may iba silang pwedeng pagkaabalahan, pinili pa rin nilang samahan ako.
Loki, Alistair, and Jamie. They have been my crutch that helped me stand on my two feet. I couldn't imagine myself coping with the situation without them. For that, I am really thankful.
Now let me tell you about the night when everything broke down. The night that almost broke my heart again.
Kakatapos pa lang ng aming execom duties noong araw na 'yon. Napagpasiyahan naming tumambay muna sa apartment at enjoy-in ang hapon. Bumili pa kami ng snacks at drinks.
We watched a movie on Netflix. Gusto ni Jamie na panoorin ang isang romantic film, but Loki strongly objected to the idea. Isang mystery teen flick na lang ang pinili namin. Jamie got bored because there's no romance between the two main characters. Loki slept halfway through, but he wrote in a piece of paper who he believed was the culprit. Only Alistair and I enjoyed the film until the end.
We played UNO cards right after. It's the only card game that we have in our unit. Kahit hindi kami nag-usap-usap, the three of us conspired against the poor Loki. Laging siya ang binababaan namin ng +2, +4 at skip cards. Inihagis niya ang mga baraha sa amin nang mapagtanto niyang pinagtutulungan namin siya.
Everything's going so well, right? Ang saya-saya naming apat. Well, Loki wasn't visibly happy, but he's not walking out, so I guess this was kinda okay for him? We felt like we were teenagers and high school students enjoying our free time.
I wish I had already called it a day. I wish na sinabihan ko na sina Jamie at Alistair na umuwi na lalo't kailangan pa nilang mag-commute.
Well, I didn't think that things would take a serious turn.
"So ano pa'ng gusto n'yong pag-usapin natin?" masiglang tanong ni Jamie.
"It's already six o'clock," tugon ni Alistair sabay tingin sa clock display ng kanyang phone. Iniangat niya ang kanyang tingin kay Jamie. "Ayaw mo pa bang umuwi?"
"Ano ka ba naman, Al? Six pa lang!" sagot ni Jamie. "Para sa isang normal high school student, maaga pa 'yan. At saka hindi tayo mauubusan ng tricycle at jeep pauwi! We can stay here for another hour."
"Baka nakakaistorbo na tayo kina Lori at Loki?" Nagbaling ng tingin sa akin si Alistair.
I shook my head. "Pwede pa kayong mag-stay kung gusto n'yo. Pwede rin kayong mag-overnight, kung sanang may dala kayong damit na pampalit. Loki wouldn't mind. Mas masaya nga kapag nandito kayo. Tahimik kapag kaming dalawa lang ang nandito."
I cast a glance at Loki who was standing in front of his magnum opus: the spider's web of conspiracy. His fingers followed one of the scarlet threads leading to the sticky note at the center where the name Jaime Santiago was written. He's been silent for quite some time.
"So ano na, guys?" tanong ulit ni Jamie. She rubbed her palms together and smirked at us. "Magsasayang lang ba tayo ng oras dito?"
"Ano pa ba'ng pwedeng pag-usapan?" bulong ko.
"How about the photo that you brought last week from the faculty room?" Loki asked.
Iniangat ko ang aking mga mata sa kanya at nahuli ko siyang nakatingin sa akin. Ano ba'ng photo ang tinutukoy niya? Meron bang nagbigay sa akin ng—
Oh, I remember. The photo that Sir Jim Morayta gave me. The one where Jaime Santiago and Stein Alberts could be seen together.
Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. How did he know? Hindi ko ipinakita sa kanya o kahit kanino—Oh, nevermind. Matalas ang mga mata niya kaya siguro nahagilap niya agad nang pasimple kong inilabas noong isang araw. I didn't intend to show the photo to anyone, especially not in Jamie's presence.
"What photo?" Jamie asked. Uh-oh. She's starting to look interested. Kasalanan 'to ni Loki!
"It's nothing!" palusot ko sabay iling ng aking ulo at kaway ng aking mga kamay. "Huwag n'yo na masyadong isipin."
Pasimple kong binato ng may kahulugang tingin si Loki. I couldn't mentally tell him to shut up or change the topic, but I hope he could read my face. This wasn't the time to bring that up!
Mukhang hindi niya nakuha ang facial expressions ko. Instead of saying or doing anything, he gave me a slow nod. He probably saw what's on the photo. He probably recognized the faces there.
Was he telling me to address the elephant in the room? That's becoming my favorite expression already. There's always something that we try not to talk about, in consideration of other people's feelings.
Talaga? Ngayon na?
Bumuntong hininga muna ako bago pumasok sa aking kuwarto. I dragged my feet going there. Sinundan ako ng tingin nina Alistair at Jamie. I hope Loki knows what he's doing. I trust that he has a plan for this discussion.
Pagbalik ko sa sala, dala-dala ko na ang litrato na ibinigay sa akin ni Sir Jim. I stared at it for a minute, touching Jaime's seemingly innocent face. Nagdalawang-isip akong ipakita sa kanila.
"What's in it, Lori?" tanong ni Jamie. Alistair was probably asking the same based on the look in his face.
Sa ikalawang pagkakataon, bumuntong-hininga ako. Looked like I had no choice but to show them. Wala naman sigurong masama kung ipapakita ko na sa kanila ngayon. Jamie might have some useful comments about it.
Hawak ng magkabila kong kamay ang litrato at iniharap ko sa kanila. They all squinted their eyes and they tried to lean forward. I stretched forward my arms so they'd see the picture much closer. Naningkit pa rin ang mga mata nila.
Fine! Ibinigay ko kay Alistair ang litrato para mas malapitan niyang makita. Jamie inched closer to him while Loki stood behind him, peering over his shoulder.
"Sir Jim gave that photo to me when I visited the faculty room," I said while they were busy scrutinizing the photo. "Remember when I went there last week to inquire about Jamie's brother? Naalala niya ang tanong ko kaya naisipan niya yatang i-check ang mga gamit niya. He found that picture which may or may not help us with our quest for the truth."
"That's my brother..." Jamie muttered, her eyes narrowing into slits. "... and Stein. Nandito rin si Sir Morayta sa gitna. They're together in this picture."
Thanks for stating the obvious.
"This was taken in the Math and Physics Society clubroom, right?" Loki asked. I nodded at him. He's still probably familiar with the room. Tanda ko rin ang itsura ng lugar na 'yon. Halos walang pinagkaiba sa itsura nito ngayon.
"So they're members of that club two years ago?" tanong ni Alistair sabay angat ng tingin sa akin. "Oh, wait. Sir Jim mentioned na president ng Math and Physics Society si Jaime bago siya tumakbo sa pagka-president ng student council, 'di ba?"
Tumango ako. Inihanda ko ang aking sarili sa isa pang pasabog. "Sir Jim also told me something else that might surprise you. He recalled Jaime mentioning to him that he and Stein went to the same elementary school. Apparently he saved him from being bullied."
Nagbato ako ng tingin kay Jamie na nakatulala sa akin. Was she surprised to know that as well?
"Same school?" she repeated. "Bakit hindi ko matandaan na may nabanggit siya sa akin tungkol kay Stein noon?"
Nanliit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. I rarely hear her say the words "hindi ko matandaan." "You sure?"
"You know me, Lori," she answered. Itinuro niya ang kanyang sentido. "I have an excellent memory. Imposibleng makalimutan ko ang kahit anong bagay basta tinandaan ko."
Gusto ko siyang paniwalaan pero may sumaging thought sa isip ko. Ayaw kong i-entertain 'yon dahil gusto kong magtiwala sa sinasabi niya. But my mind kept pestering about the possibility that she's deliberating lying to us right now? Either she's telling the truth or she's not.
"Mukhang close na close silang dalawa rito, ah?" pansin ni Alistair. He traced a circle around the faces of the two boys using his forefinger. "Something doesn't feel quite right about this."
Loki only crossed his arms across his chest as he was watching us discuss. I was waiting for his input, but he offered none. What's with him? Why was he becoming a passive participant here?
Jaime held up both of her hands in the air, making us to turn to her. "What can this possibly mean?"
I knew what this photo meant. Jaime and Stein were friends. The latter might have viewed the former as a hero. That would explain the respect that the current mastermind had for the late student council president.
How could I introduce the idea to her in the gentlest way possible? Ayaw kong i-bring up sa kanya sa paraang magugulat siya at basta-basta niya ire-reject.
I had no idea what to do next. Should I end the conversation now? Pwede naman. Now's maybe not the time to talk about it.
Muling nagawi ang tingin ko kay Loki. Saan na ba ang back up niya? He was only observing behind the couch without saying anything! I was already making face to ask for his help. He only nodded at me again. A meaningful nod. Parang gusto niyang ipagpatuloy ko pa. Was he serious?
What's going on in his mind?
Huminga ako nang malalim at sandaling ipinikit ang mga mata ko. Pagkamulat ng mga ito, humarap ako kay Jamie na kanina pa yata naghihintay ng sagot ko. How do I put it without offending her?
"Let's keep an open mind, shall we?" panimula ko. I had to tread carefully. Sana'y tama ang sasabihin at gagawin ko. "Subukan nating tanggalin ang mga bias natin."
Walang kumibo sa kanila. Nakatitig lang silang lahat sa akin. Na-conscious tuloy ako sa susunod na salitang lalabas sa aking bibig.
Fine. Kung walang tututol, itutuloy ko na.
"We have already established that Stein is the successor to the crown of Moriarty. There's an original Moriarty who's either dead or currently unavailable."
"And?" Jamie furrowed her eyebrows.
Hindi ko siya nilubayan ng tingin. If I was gonna say it, I had to say it while looking into her eyes. "Have you considered that your brother may not be who seemed to be?"
There you go. That's the gentlest way I could break the possibility to her. Wala na akong ibang maisip na paraan. Hindi pwedeng diretsahin ko agad siya dahil paniguradong magugulat siya at kaagad magtataas ng guard.
"What are you trying to say, Lori?" Jamie asked, chuckling nervously. "Are you implying that I don't know my brother that well? Paano naging connected 'to kay M?"
"You mentioned to me the other day that there were some things your brother kept from you," I spoke slowly so she'd absorb every word that came out of my mouth. "What if he had a secret that you didn't know about him?"
Habang nagsasalita ako, lalo akong nahihirapan na i-share ang nalaman ko. Parang umuurong ang dila ko. The words almost got stuck in my throat.
"Just say it, Lorelei," Jamie slightly raised her voice. Nag-iiba na ang timpla ng kanyang mukha. "Just say it. Don't beat around the bush."
I let out a sharp breath. Siya na mismo ang nagsabi. Prangkahin ko na siya.
"What if your brother is the original M?"
Dahan-dahang nanlaki ang mga mata niya. Aakalain mong mahuhulog na ang mga 'to mula sa kanilang socket. She sat there frozen, staring at me with her lips parted slightly. May maliliit na paggalaw sa labi niya pero walang boses na lumalabas.
Seryoso namang nakatingin sa akin sina Loki at Alistair. They seemed to have held their breaths while waiting for me to continue. Loki already knew about it so it didn't come as a surprise to him. As for Alistair, there's still a surprised look in his face.
"I've been trying to put together everything that we know," I went on even without hearing Jamie's reply. I don't know if she's listening anymore. "Your brother had a strong sense of justice. The original M also shared the same quality. Remember the audio clips? Ginantihan niya ang mga estudyanteng nam-bully at nang-harass sa kapwa nila estudyante."
She still kept staring at me. I tried to look away because her stare was making me uncomfortable.
"Dumagdag pa 'tong picture kung saan magkasama ang kuya mo at si Stein. Kung talagang close sila gaya ng nakikita natin dito, hindi na kataka-taka kung pipiliin ng iyong kuya na gawing successor si Stein. They went to the same elementary school. They belonged to the same club."
Finally Jamie moved. She slowly shook her head as she reclined on the couch. "You know that's impossible, Lori. Stein had my brother killed. The same manner he tried to have Alistair and me killed. Through a car accident!"
"That's not the case," Loki spoke at last. Sa kanya naman nabaling ang tingin namin. Naglakad siya papasok sa kanyang kuwarto. We waited for him to return so an awkward silence ensued. Pagbalik niya, may dala-dala na siyang folder. He tossed it to the table. It's the same folder that Inspector Estrada gave us before.
"Ano'ng ibig mong sabihin, Loki dear?" tanong ni Jamie.
"Your brother died in a car accident—"
"—that was planned by Stein—"
"—the police found no evidence or hint that the car brakes were tampered with," Loki finished, his slightly modulated voice drowned Jamie's words. "There was no foul play here. Your brother became careless on the day he died."
"NO!" napasigaw si Jamie sabay tayo. Napapikit ang mga mata ko sa gulat. Nagsimula nang mangilid ang luha sa kanyang mga mata. Here we go again. May namumuong tensyon na naman dito sa apartment namin. It felt like deja vu. It happened two weekends ago. It's happening right now again. This time, kaming dalawa na ni Loki ang may pakana.
Oh, my God. Have I made a mistake?
"Malakas ang kutob ko na may kinalaman si Stein sa pagkamatay ng kuya ko!"
"No matter what your gut feelings say, the facts speak louder," Loki said. "You got it all wrong."
"So you want me to believe na namatay ang kuya ko sa aksidente at siya ang unang lider ng organisasyon na pinapatakbo ni Stein ngayon?" Jamie was close to getting hysterical. I wanted to calm her down, but she might shush me. "Do you know how absurd that sounds? You're slandering him!"
"It's not slander if it's true," Loki replied. "I apologize if we confronted you this way."
I asked myself kung kailan ba ang tamang panahon para pag-usapan 'to? Dapat ba ngayon na? O dapat ipinagpa-bukas o ipinagpa-next week namin? Either way, we had to deal with it.
Did Loki choose to do it today habang nasa mas relaxed kaming environment? Was it safer to talk about it here than at school? He wouldn't have nudged me to open the topic if he didn't consider all factors.
"This is unacceptable!" pailing-iling na sabi ni Jamie. She started pacing back and forth around the center table. Sinusundan namin siya ng tingin. "You're accusing my brother—my dearly beloved brother—of being the bad guy! He's no longer here to defend himself so I'm gonna do it for him."
I could imagine how I looked and sounded like when Alistair and I had our disagreements about Sir Rich being the third party—which turned out to be true. Alam ko kung ano ang nararamdaman ni Jamie ngayon. I had been in her shoes. Kahit na pakiramdam ko'y mali siya, naiintindihan ko ang pinanggagalingan niya. That reaction was kinda expected from her.
Loki wouldn't back down. "What's more unacceptable is your brother's legacy, not as the good and great student council president that almost everyone was duped into believing, but as the original M whose twisted view of justice took the lives of a number of students in Clark High."
"HOW DARE YOU!" Napaduro na si Jamie sa kanya. That would be the first time na pinagtaasan niya ng boses na puno ng gigil ang kanyang Loki dear. The mask was falling off, and I was afraid to see what's behind it. "How dare you speak ill of my brother!"
"Jamie, please calm down." Alistair tried to push her down, but Jamie slapped his hands away.
"No, Al! I can't calm down! Not when my brother's honor is being questioned by people who I trust the most!" Tumingin siya kay Loki bago sa akin. Her glares were sharp. If they could only hurt, I would be bleeding right now. "Take back what you said, and I will forget we ever had this conversation!"
Please stop. Sumisikip na ang dibdib ko. Nahihirapan na naman akong huminga.
Bakit ba humantong dito ang masayang usapan namin kanina? Could I turn back the time and stop myself from showing the photo a few minutes ago?
"I will not," Loki said firmly.
They stood face to face. Loki kept his cool and his bored face while Jamie gritted her teeth, one of her eyes shedding tears already.
"Your brother is the reason why Rhea died," Loki said as he began taking sharp breaths.
Oh, my God. This was getting out of control. He clenched his shaking fists!
Alistair stood between them as he stretched his arms to keep their distance from each other. "Guys, kalma lang kayo, okay? Let's take a pause, breathe and talk about this issue calmly."
"No, Alistair," Loki said sharply. "It's about time that we wake Jamie up from the nightmare she's been living in."
"What?!" Jamie shook her head. "Ikaw yata ang nananaginip, Loki. My brother's already dead when your precious Rhea died! Why are you blaming him for something he didn't do—"
"RHEA HAD TO BE KILLED TO PROTECT YOUR BROTHER'S GODDAMN LEGACY!" Loki couldn't take it anymore. He yelled at her. He bit his lower lip, trying to control himself. Naging malalim ang paghinga niya at patuloy ang pagkuyom ng kanyang mga kamao. "That's right. Rhea was getting closer to the truth. Stein probably realized it so he ordered the late Officer Bastien to kill her. Once she finds out that your brother was directly involved in the M mystery, the illusion of him being a good student and a great person would be shattered into pieces—"
Jamie slapped him in the face, making him stop. I gasped as I covered my mouth. She took a few steps backward, shaking her head. Her face was wet with tears. I wish I could hug her to calm her down. Pero ramdam kong mainit ang aura niya ngayon. I'd be burnt.
"I can't believe this." Her voice cracked. "I can't believe that I'm hearing this from you. Maggie's death must have affected the way you think—"
"Maggie's death had nothing to do with me," Loki retorted. "If anything, my mind became clear."
"I don't want to hear anymore of this."
Jamie grabbed her shoulder bag and walked out of the room, slamming the door. I buried my face in my hands as I shut my eyes. Iilan lang 'to sa mga pagkakataong gusto kong magmura.
What the hell happened here tonight?
"Leave her be," Loki muttered as Alistair was about to follow Jamie outside. He seemed to have calmed down.
"Surely this could have waited until tomorrow. Or another day," Alistair said, his hands on his waist. Napahinto siya sa kalagitnaan ng sala. "Why did it have to be today?"
"We can no longer delay the justice that has been long overdue," Loki answered. "Jamie has to swallow the bitter truth. If she cannot, she doesn't deserve to be one of us."
I squeezed my eyes shut. Ako ang nasasaktan para kay Jamie.
"Kaya ba parang nagmamadali ka nitong mga nakaraang linggo?" tanong ni Alistair. Bahagyang tumaas ang boses niya. "Even if what you said about his late brother is true, you could have talked to her in a way that she'd feel less offended!"
Oh, please! Not again.
"She's being biased and stubborn. I had to hammer the idea like a nail into her head."
"You kept on hammering until it almost broke her!" Halos mapasigaw na si Alistair sa kanya. Huminga muna siya nang malalim at napatingin sa kisame. "You could have handled this situation better, but you chose not to. You let your emotions get the better of you."
"Sorry if I cannot be as gentle as you," Loki said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Sorry for having a sharp tongue. Sorry for not sugarcoating my words."
"You being sarcastic cannot make things any better," Alistair replied.
"Can you two please shut up?" Namagitan na ako sa kanilang dalawa. Ayaw ko nang maulit pa ang nangyari kay Jamie kanina. Please, we had too much already!
"You better tell Loki that," Alistair said, turning to me. "He should know when to shut up and when to open his mouth. It's all about timing. Gano'n ba kahirap intindihin 'yon?"
Shaking his head while exhaling sharply, Alistair also left the room.
Sa sobrang tense ng sitwasyon, pinagpawisan ako. Napaupo na ako sa couch matapos manghina ang mga tuhod ko. Halos maiyak na rin ako sa sobrang sakit sa aking puso.
Hindi ko gusto ang nakita ko. Hindi ko gusto ang narinig ko. Bakit kinailangang humantong sa ganito?
I couldn't help but blame myself for what happened that night.
q.e.d.
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