"A𝒍𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒂"
LEO | mar
MAY 2020
Atlanta 📍
"Mar, I got some dominoes!" Jay called from the kicthen.
I didn't want any.
He silently came into my room and left the plate on my nightstand. I could get up and get it myself if I wanted to. I took ate one slice of the three he left. It was the first thing I ate all day, but I wasn't hungry.
This was becoming routine. Jay came in after being with Key. He would announce that he brought home some food, and then he would leave it on the night stand or dresser without saying anything. This was the fourth time.
As I laid in my bed, I couldn't get my heart to stop hurting. It felt dull and confused after I let Ali get what she needed. At this point, I didn't care if it worked anymore because I just wanted it to come back to life.
I heard the front door close. However long later, I heard some loud knocking on the door. I didn't plan on getting it.
A couple minutes later another knock, knock, knock.
Then, the one that made me get up to fuck up whoever was at my door. I threw on some sweat pants and swung the door open. It was the girl that lived next door.
"I'm so so sorry! I have to pee soooo bad and my pipes are like broken." The girl stood there with her legs crossed liz
"Uh, ight. the bathrooms over there. The first door in the hallway." She was already annoying.
The girl came out and immediately asked, "wait, what's your name?"
"Mar."
"Mine is Phia."
I didn't answer her , but she still felt the need to say something.
"I'm just gonna be honest and tell you that I think you're fine as fuck and I definitely wouldn't mind talking to ya." Phoebe told me.
I stayed silent in shock.
"You got a girl?"
I was about to say yes, but then I remembered that she wasn't my girl. A nigga single single.
"Nah. I'm not looking for a relationship."
"Ight, then it'll be a friendship." She shrugged.
I knew she wouldn't stop until I said yes, "ight, that's cool."
"Don't be surprised when I come over here to chill witchu." Pherdenan gave me a weird look. Am I about to be violated? Um.
"That's cool." It wasn't.
I made sure to watch her walk out and shut the door and I made sure to lock that bitch too. I got
back under my covers and turned on my TV. I was trying to find a new show to watch. It couldn't be Grey's, so I had to find something else.
Giving up and not wanting to bother Ali, I just turned on the game and hopped on COD with Germ and Demon.
"Mar, my nigga?! Where you been?" Demon yelled into my headset.
"Doing me, like them hoes say." Why couldn't we just play the game?
"Heard you."
We played some rounds and these niggas were trash as shit. I shouldn't have had to carry the whole team.
"Can y'all hold some fucking weight?! Why do I gotta carry every time?!"
"Yo, Mar, calm down. Bro, it's not that deep."
"I don't give a fuck, bro! Fuck y'all. Im off this stupid ass shit." I aggressively turned off my PS4.
As I did that, I saw my phone beside my game. I hadn't looked at my phone in some days, so I took it into bed with me.
Real Estate Agent (3 missed calls)
Riri🙄 (6 texts)
Jay ‼️😈( 2 missed calls)
Dr. Davis (4 texts and 2 calls)
I only called Davis back.
"What up, what up, what up?!" Lord have mercy, "Hi, Mar! I'm so glad to hear from you."
"Hey, doc. Wassup?"
"Nothing. I'm just very worried about you. The last time I saw you was when you were in the hospital and you haven't came to your last two sessions. Also, I went to your graduation and didn't see you anywhere after. Would you like to talk about it?" She sounded concerned.
"Uh, Ion a lot has been going on."
"Okay. Let's just start off and rate you anger." I heard Davis shuffling through the phone.
"About a 6."
"Okay, can you explain for me please"
"I haven't been as angry as I was when I last saw you, but I just be getting angry at random stuff sometimes and I don't really see the point of continuing anything I started, like with my shop and stuff too. Like everything is just coming to an end and I don't mind it."
"What do you mean by 'pointless'?"
"Ion know. Nothing seems to be working out and I just be spending my time in my room."
"Okay, how long have you been in your room?"
"Like 5 days or sum. I'm just comfortable, or well, trying to be more comfortable by myself."
"Mhmm, have you talked to Ali about this?"
"Doc, Ali was like upset that she had to do so much to keep me going. After my graduation, she got into it with Maya, R.I.P, and then she just broke down crying. So, I decided that I would give her her space."
"I'm just gonna ignore the 'R.I.P.' So when was the last time you talked to Ali?"
"Graduation day."
"Okay. Well, what I want you to do, today or tomorrow, is to go check up on your shop. Start to set little goals for yourself, because, Mar, I can tell that you are falling into a state of depression and I don't want it to worsen."
"No, I'm not. I'm not going into a depression, bruh. I'm just seeing things for how they are."
"It's okay to recognize the state of your mental health right now. I'm being honest with you, therefore I want you to be honest with me. Will you go to your shop tomorrow?" Davis pressured me.
"Okay. I'll go."
"Yay! Alright, and what I want you to do is to text me what you do everyday. For example, tomorrow you would write 'I went to my shop and blah blah blah." She sounded so accomplished.
"Okay, I can do that. Thanks, Davis." I hung up my phone.
I had been depressed before and this didn't feel like it did the last times. I, honestly, couldn't believe I was depressed because it didn't seem like it. But, I was gonna do what Doc asked and set some goals for myself. Right now, my first goal would be to get in the shower and get something to eat. If Ali were here, I could just hear her voice: 'Mar, have you eaten? Please-'. She was so good at looking out for me.
I forced myself into the shower and then into the kitchen, where Jay was seated at the dining room table.
"Uh, Mar?"
"Yea, whattup?"
"Bro, I just want you to know that I'm here, ight? You don't have to shut me out. I'm my brothers keeper, just like you are yours."
"I know, man. I'm trying my best."
"It's all good. Let's watch the game."
As we watched the Patriots play the Seahawks, my mind was trying so hard to drift off. I set a goal for myself to focus on what was going on in the moment and stop worrying about everything else.
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I swear the next chapters get better, I just wanted to try my best to make this more of a realistic story.
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