Ginny, Neville and Luna had been discovered. They had tried to get the sword, but they had barely cracked into Snape's office before he discovered them. He had screamed at them, threatened them, and finally given them detention with Hagrid for a week.
"With Hagrid? Well, that's not very bad!" I encouraged, noticing Luna's eyes lingering on my cheek.
"Better than what you got. What were you thinking, Lizzie?" Ginny asked, looking at me disapprovingly.
"Yes, Elizabeth, what were you thinking?" A voice came from behind me. I spun, seeing a very angry Bonnie and Astoria staring down at me.
"I-I wasn't." I said quickly. Bonnie narrowed her eyes at me.
"Can we talk to you? You know--in private?" She asked, tapping her foot delicately. I nodded and stood up, following them into a hallway. Bonnie huffed, spinning to face me.
"Lizzie, what the actual fuck? You've been distant this year, you didn't speak to either of us all summer, and suddenly you're bowing up to SNAPE?" Bonnie screeched, causing other students in the area to look over. I shushed her, fiddling with my tie.
"Look, Bon...I'm sorry. Last year really fucked me up-
"I totally get that, Lizzie, but we were there for you! If you're going through something, that's when you talk to your friends. Not get yourself mutilated by Psychos 1 and 2!" she said, casting her eyes around to make sure that the Carrows were not hiding in the shadows.
"I--yeah. I know. Can you just trust me that it was necessary, what I did? It wasn't for nothing?" I asked, looking between her and Astoria. They eyed each other warily.
"Then tell us why, Lizzie. We're your best friends...or we're supposed to be. Talk to us." Astoria said, her soft voice instantly calming me. Bonnie was the fire, but Astoria was the ice. She knew how to calm a situation down easily. Looking around, I grabbed both of their arms in each of my hands. I pulled them into a quiet alcove near us, making sure we were alone.
"We--I am...I'm helping Harry Potter. Or, I want to help him. I want him to defeat You-Know-Who. I am trying...to help him as much as I can from inside the castle." I whispered under my breath. Both Bonnie and Astoria gasped, leaping away from me as if I had just combusted.
"Lizzie, are you suicidal? The Dark Lord would kill you! If you're discovered, he will murder you without blinking!" Bonnie gasped, her hand covering her mouth.
"Bon, I know this. Believe me, I know. I'm---I just have to try, okay? His army...his people killed my parents. Don't you guys know that?" I asked, squeezing their hands. Astoria was studying me carefully, not saying a word.
"Of course we know that. We know who your parents were...and who killed them." Bonnie said, rubbing my shoulder sympathetically.
"Did you also know that my only living family is You-Know-Who's right hand man?" I asked, my voice cold and emotionless.
The tension between us could have been sliced with a knife. Both girls were deathly silent.
"Er...no." Astoria said, swallowing hard.
"Does- does that mean you're..." Bonnie trailed off, her eyes flashing to my left arm.
"What? NO! Are you crazy? I want...him...dead! Why would I be working for him?" I asked, pulling up the sleeve of my left arm to reveal creamy, unmarked skin. I saw Astoria let out a sigh of relief.
"Look. This war- this whole thing is personal. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know what I have to do. I know where my allegiance is, and it's not with You-Know-Who. I will not be an innocent bystander in this war. My parents died for this cause, you guys! I can't...you know I can't. I'm not asking you guys to understand...I just need you to be easy on me." I begged, looking back and forth between them. They were silent.
"He will kill people. He'll kill friends--family...he'll rule everything into the ground, if I let him. If we let him. I can't sit back and just let it happen." I tried again. Still, both girls were silent. Finally, Astoria sucked in a breath. What she said next shocked me to my core.
"You're right. He would. I'm...with you, Lizzie. Whatever I can do to help you." She said, squeezing my hand in hers. My eyes got so big I thought they were going to pop out of my head. Before I could reply, Bonnie was rubbing my shoulder again.
"M-m-me too, Liz. I don't support Potter...but I support you. I want life to go back to how it was...before Dumbledore died. Whatever you need from us." She said, and I felt woozy. My two best friends...on my side?
"I- really? Are you two sure? It's extremely dangerous- and we don't even know if what we're doing will help, and-
"Lizzie, we're Slytherins. It's not only bloody Hufflepuff that's loyal to their friends. We're with you." Bonnie scoffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
"T-thank you. Both of you. Right now...We just need to figure out what You-Know-Who is up to. I'm- trying to get it out of Malfoy, but it's not working. We just...need spies." I said, biting my lip. Astoria pondered for a second.
"Goyle. His dad's a supporter. I can...I dunno, flirt with him. He'll tell me anything so long as I'm giving him attention. He's so predictable." She said finally, stifling a giggle. I nodded enthusiastically.
"I can work on Nott. His parents are supporters too. He may not give me anything, but it's worth a shot. Look-- tell your Gryffindor friends that we're in, just so they know we aren't working against them. I'm getting tired of the nasty looks." Bonnie said, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah, for sure. I'll tell them. Thank you both so much." I gushed, pulling them both into a bone-crushing hug.
"Yeah, yeah, Lizzie. Look, if it comes down to it, I'm not dying for you, okay? If the Dark Lord wants to kill you, you are own your own." Bonnie said, quickly. I laughed out loud.
"I wouldn't ask you to die for me, Bonnie. I'm just grateful for whatever you're willing to give me. I got to go to class...but we'll talk later, okay?" I asked, and both girls nodded. We parted in the hallway, each of us going a separate direction. I skipped to Potions, feeling lighter than I had in months.
-------------------
"I'm sorry I'm late, Professor." I muttered as I pushed my way into the potions classroom. It was my last class of the day, and it was combined with the 7th years. I barely made eye contact with Draco, who was watching me impassively.
"Ah, yes, Miss Clarke. Quite alright, quite alright. Take your seat next to Mr. Nott. Now then, today we will be brewing a potion that some may already know. It can cause the recipient to have very strong infatuation with the sender. Can anyone tell me what potion this is?" Professor Slughorn said, stirring an already bubbling pewter cauldron.
"It's Amortentia, sir. A rather powerful love potion. Its smell reflects what the person most desires." Cho said, eyeing the cauldron hungrily.
"Great." I muttered, dejectedly.
"What's wrong, Clarke? Afraid you'll smell old Malfoy?" Theo teased. I looked at him in surprise. His voice held an edge that hadn't been there the previous school year.
"No, Theo. I'm afraid it'll smell like your dad, y'know, from those incredible nights we spent together." I said, batting my eyes. Theo pretended to retch, shoving my shoulder.
"Disgusting, Clarke. Just brew your fucking potion." He commanded, rolling his eyes.
Almost an hour later, my potion was completed. I had been very careful not to breath over it, scared of what I might smell.
"Ah, yes, Mr. Malfoy. Excellent potion. Would you please share with the class what your potion scent is?" Slughorn asked. Malfoy scowled.
"I'd rather not, Slughorn." He sneered. I rolled my eyes.
"Nonsense. Your potion scent, if you please." Slughorn prompted, more firmly this time. Malfoy scowled again, but leaned forward over his cauldron. Just before he breathed in, his eyes met mine. The steel grey was warm now, like the molten color that usually made me weak.
"I smell...cinnamon, honeysuckle and rose." He said, simply.
If I had not been leaning against the table, I would have fallen onto the floor.
My soap was rose. My shampoo was honeysuckle. I almost always reeked of fire whiskey nowadays.
There was no way. He couldn't mean me. He had to have been thinking about Pansy, or Daphne. His eyes were still locked on mine.
Out of curiosity, I leaned over my cauldron. As I took a deep breath, Draco's scent punched its way down my throat like fire. Spearmint, cologne, faint cigarette.
I nearly choked.
"Excellent, Mr. Malfoy. 10 points to Slytherin. Class is dismissed, I hope you all enjoy your weekend." Slughorn said, jovially. Students flooded from the corridors and into the hallways. I packed up my shoulder bag, my mind still in shock. As I walked out of the room, a hand grabbed my arm firmly.
My shriek of terror lasted only a few seconds.
"Shut the fuck up. Calm down." Draco said, rolling his eyes. I huffed, crossing my arms.
"What do you want?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Your Amortentia. What did it smell like?" Draco demanded suddenly. Well, I guess he wasn't beating around the bush. I fumbled in my bag, grabbing my flask and bringing it to my lips. Before I could take a drink, Draco growled and snatched it from my hands.
"Lose the fucking drinking problem, Clarke. It's stupid and gross. Your amortentia." He prompted again.
"Hand soap. Chocolate cookies. Sage." I lied smoothly.
"Bullshit. Bullshit and you know it. Do you know how fucking awful it was to breathe that shit in and smell you? YOU?" He demanded, stepping closer to me. I had the urge to step back, but there was a wall behind me.
"It bloody fucking sucked, Clarke. Let me just tell you, it bloody fucking sucked. So I hope it sucked for you just as badly as it sucked for me. Because that—that was painful." Draco said, angrily. Spinning, he stomped away down the hall.
Painful? What in the world did that mean?
"Hey!" I yelled after him, running to meet him. I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. He whirled to face me with a huff.
"Painful? What the fuck do you mean by that?" I demanded.
Draco stared at me, and for a brief moment I saw it. The boy I had fallen in love with. His molten grey eyes were staring at me, causing my teeth to chatter. His pink tongue flicked out to wet his lips, and I couldn't help my eyes watching it happen. He sighed, a free hand running through his hair.
"Painful, Clarke. Don't make me explain it. You know the answer already." He said, quietly. All anger was gone from his voice, and I fought the urge to touch him.
If I reached out my hand, like I wanted to, and stroked his arm, I would cave. I would wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his chest. I would kiss a trail up his neck to the corner of his jaw, just where he liked it. I would latch my mouth to his and never let him go.
Instead, I balled my hands into fists by my sides.
He stared at me quietly for another moment, and then sighed. He took a step around me and began to walk away. I spun to watch him.
"D-Draco?" I called after him, fighting the urge to slap my hand over my mouth. He spun around, a look of confusion and surprise on his face.
"Do you— have you like...picked up smoking?" I called, praying that he would say no.
He paused, a faint smile on his lips.
"You aren't the only one with bad coping habits, Clarke." He called, turning around to walk away. When he was out of sight, I sunk to the floor in the middle of the corridor. My heart pounded out a ragged rhythm, threatening to beat against my chest until my ribs broke. I reached my hand up to my mouth and clamped down, feeling my breathing get very fast and shallow.
And for the first time in a long time, I began to sob. Openly, bitterly, painfully. In the middle of the fucking Hogwarts corridor. I sobbed for me. I sobbed for my friends, who were God knows where trying to fight a war they should never be in.
I sobbed for my godfather, my poor, broken godfather.
I sobbed for Draco. My Draco. Not the stranger with the Death Eater tattoo on his skin, but for the boy who kissed me like we were the only two people on the planet. I cried for the boy who told me he loved me, as the world burned around us.
I cried so hard I thought I would vomit. I stayed in the middle of the corridor for far too long, before standing up slowly and brushing my robes off. I took a shuddering breath and wiped my face.
Never again. I promised myself then that I would never again cry like that. This was war, and I was a pawn now. I was needed. I desperately needed to turn off my feelings, and go into this with an unbothered mind.
I would be a soldier. I would be a pillar of strength. I would be invincible.
——————————-
"I think something big is happening." Ginny said, as we walked quickly down the hall. It had been a few days since her "detention" with Hagrid, which consisted of searching the Forbidden Forest for acromantula fangs. All of them came back in one piece, with all of their limbs, so I was satisfied.
"Big? Big as in...what?" I asked, lowering my voice as we passed Professor Sprout.
"Big as in big. Every time I see Snape, he's whispering to the Carrows. I have no idea what's happening, but we need to find out." Ginny said, fervently.
"O-Okay. Yeah, you're right. We need to think of a plan." I said, chewing the inside of my lip.
"I'll talk to Neville and Seamus. I'm sure we can figure something out." she whispered, and I nodded in agreement.
"So, what do we do if we hear something? How can we get the word out to the Order?" I asked, my voice so low it was barely audible. The last thing we needed was someone hearing us speak about the Order.
"Dean Thomas has been working on that. I think he has some sort of Muggle contraption that would work. It's like this metal thing that you speak into, and somehow someone on the other end can hear you. Like a feletone or something like that." Ginny whispered urgently. I paused, looking at her with humor.
"Like a telephone?" I offered, trying not to giggle out loud. Ginny slapped her hand against her forehead.
"That, too. It's similar to that. He was calling it a 'ray-dee-oh' or something like that. He said that it is linked to Tonks' house. If we call anything over it, they can hear us. How cool is that?" She asked, eagerly. I saw a glimpse of her dad in her, and chuckled lightly.
"Extremely cool, Gin." I agreed as we rounded the corner.
If I hadn't been looking, I would've bumped straight into Amycus Carrow. He sneered down at us, looking very pleased with himself.
"Oh, look! A ickle Gryffindor and her Slytherin side kick. Looks like you healed up nicely, Clarke. No doubt with help." He taunted, and I smashed my lips together tightly. The last thing I needed was another detention with the Carrows.
"Now, now. Run along, you too. Wouldn't want anything to happen to you." Amycus cooed, and Ginny and I stepped around him quickly.
"He's hiding something. He's far too giddy...whatever is about to happen must be really good for their side. We've got to figure it out." Ginny said, almost frantically. I nodded along with her.
"I'll work on it. The Carrows office is in the dungeons, and Snape goes in there a lot. We'll figure it out, don't worry." I promised, grabbing her arm. We had reached the stairway leading down to the dungeons, and it was almost curfew.
"I'll go tonight, I promise." I whispered, and Ginny nodded.
"Don't get yourself caught. I doubt they would be as nice to you this time." She whispered, eyeing my scabbed cheek.
"I know, I won't. Go!" I hissed, turning to the stairs.
As I reached the landing, something moved in the shadows. I jumped, already reaching for my wand.
"Go where tonight?" Draco's voice asked, eerily calm. I slapped my hand to my chest, breathing heavily.
"Nowhere. Merlin, Malfoy, you always evesdrop like that?" I asked, breathlessly.
"Don't lie, Clarke." He said, angrily.
"Would it help if I said 'none of your business'? Look, honestly, it would be better for both of us if you'd just leave me alone." I said.
"You're going to do something that'll get you in trouble again. Have you even looked at your face, Clarke? There are first years chained in the Carrows' office. They aren't above doing that to you, too." Draco warned, and I gasped.
"Chained? They have kids fucking chained?" I screeched. Draco jumped forward, clapping his hand down on my mouth. I had a brief memory of something eerily similar, and shook the unwanted memory out of my head.
"Shut up! Tell me now Elizabeth: What the hell are you hiding?" He seethed.
I narrowed my eyes at him dangerously, yanking his hand off of my mouth.
"I said nothing." I repeated, my voice even. Draco sighed, taking a step back.
"I'm sorry." He said, simply. Before I could ask what he was sorry for, he withdrew his wand and pointed it directly at me. My eyes widened to the size of saucers.
"Draco-
"Legilimens." Draco whispered, and that was all it took.
He was in my head again, and I dropped back against the wall. I heard the groan I released stab at my ears. Draco was in my head again, peeling away at it layer by layer. I tried to push against the intrusion, but it was too strong.
He saw my conversation with Ginny. He knew that I was planning to listen in to the Carrows' nightly meeting with Snape. I was planning to be a source of information.
Immediately, he withdrew. I gasped in relief as the sudden release of pressure consumed me. I slid down the length of the wall, cradling my throbbing head in my hands.
"Get up, Clarke." Draco demanded, standing in front of me.
I ignored him, trying desperately to fight off the wave of nausea.
"I said get up!" Draco said louder, reaching down. His hand grabbed my upper arm firmly, but he didn't yank me to my feet. He waited, allowing me to climb steadily onto them.
"Come on. Follow me." he said, gruffly. He pulled me steadily down the remaining steps. As we entered the dungeons, he stopped and looked around. Satisfied that we were not being followed, he aimed his wand at the nearest classroom door and whispered "Alohamora."
The door swung open, and Draco pulled me in before I could protest.
"Are you bloody joking?!" Draco screamed, quickly casting a Silencing charm on the door. I winced slightly.
"It's actually none of your business, Malfoy." I said, flipping my dark hair over my shoulders.
"Of course it's my fucking business, Elizabeth. You're feeding information to fucking Potter!" He said, raising his hands to tug at his hair. His cloak sleeve fell slightly, revealing his dark tattoo. I stifled a gasp as I stared at it. Draco noticed, dropping his arms quickly.
"No need to hide it anymore. It's not like I don't know." I said, motioning to his arm. He stood very still, staring at me angrily.
"Do you realize that I'm...I'm supposed to turn you in? My whole mission in being at Hogwarts is to find Potter sympathizers and turn them in to the Dark Lord." Draco said, his voice cracking slightly.
I gasped loudly.
"Y-You...you arse! So what, you'll turn me in to You-Know-Who and I'll-
"I never said I was going to turn you in, Clarke. I said I was supposed to." He said, cutting me off in a low voice.
"And you're not?" I asked, timidly.
"Fuck no I'm not. Are you joking? You'd be murdered before you could blink." Draco rolled his eyes.
I stood, silently staring at him. "Okay, so what?"
"You need to learn to protect your mind. I can rifle through it far too easy. If someone not so...forgiving...were to look through it, you're as good as dead." Draco said, casually. I fought a shiver that threatened to rip through me.
"Protect my mind? How in the world do you do that?" I asked.
"Occlumency. Also known as the way to protect your mind from invaders. Why do you think I'm standing here, telling you all of this? If someone looks through my mind, they won't see it. It will cease to exist, to anyone but me." Draco said, lowering his voice.
"So...what? You're going to teach me?" I asked.
Draco nodded, slowly.
"Why?" I finally asked. Draco sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He leaned against the wall, his face shadowed by the setting sun. He looked much older than 17. His skin was pale and sallow, stretched across his face like it was too tight. The deep shadows under his eyes were even darker than the year before. He opened his grey eyes and looked at me for almost a minute. The sounds of our even breathing was the only thing permeating the room.
"Believe what you want, Clarke, but I'm not a monster. And if you went and bloody got yourself killed because you can't protect your mind...I'd lose it. Okay?" Draco asked impatiently.
"Lose it? Why would you-
"Leave it, Clarke! You need to go." Draco huffed.
"Alright, have it your way." I said, walking around him toward the door.
As I neared him, he reached out and grabbed my wrist to stop me. Goosebumps ripped up my arm and to my shoulder, instinctively causing me to shiver. My nerve endings sang with pleasure, wanting nothing more than to sink myself into his arms.
"Be fucking careful tonight. I'll be in that meeting. If...if I say something weird or off, something that doesn't sound like me...it's a warning that someone's about to find you lurking. Do not hesitate-run. Got it?" Draco asked.
I could barely hear him over the thrum of my pulse, but I swallowed against my dry mouth and nodded.
His hand lingered on my arm longer than it should've, and I found myself subconsciously leaning toward him.
Draco smirked as he leaned toward me, barely shifting to the side before his face pressed to mine. His lips were near my ear now, and I bit my lip to keep from panting.
Suddenly, I felt the tip of his wand press to my skull. My momentary panic lasted only a few seconds as I felt a warm feeling spread all over my scalp. When I turned to look at him, I gasped in shock. My hair, which had been raven black, was now my original auburn color, and it hung past my shoulders in curls again.
Draco shifted his eyes to mine, smirking again.
"Sorry, Clarke. I just prefer redheads." He whispered, his cool breath touching the shell of my ear and making me dangerously distracted. Before I could turn my face to his, he was gone.
I was left alone in the classroom, touching my old hair over and over again to make sure it was still there. A sense of dread overtook my stomach as the same words repeated over and over again in my head.
I prefer blondes.