Great love means great loneliness.
If one loves their significant other more than they love themselves, saying goodbye when the time comes is the hardest thing one must do.
Death.
It is unavoidable. It ends great love, it brings it to its finish line. It brings emptiness and sadness. It brings loneliness.
I never understood it. I never understood how one could love a person so much they would psychically and emotionally shut down once they lost them. At least not if the person you lost wasn't your blood.
I understood the pain and loneliness in your heart when you lost someone, yes, I did. But that person I knew my whole life. I did love him more than I loved myself. And life had to take him away from me. It had to take one of the most important people in my whole existence away from me.
But I kept searching for love. I kept trying to find it, and I still am trying. I wanted to find someone to fill in the emptiness that I felt once I lost my grandpa. I wanted to feel the kind of love everyone talks about, not the one that practically comes served when you're born.
I was jealous. I was jealous of the people that already got to experience that kind of love. The love that brings you to marriage and starting a family.
I was craving love. And my cravings led me to Harry. That didn't turn out good. But Harry is the reason I found out Luke is really a good person overall. A person who cares about others, whatever his reasons seem to be.
And if I hadn't found out, I don't know what would've happened today.
I woke up with a hangover, which is weird because I've never had a hangover. My head was heavy and I could barely keep my eyes open, but as soon as I sat up from a really uncomfortable laying position, everything that I've drunk yesterday came up and before I realized, I was running into the bathroom.
After a few minutes of unwanted getting drunk results, I decided to take a cold shower and then take a hot bath right afterwards just to stay in the hot bubbly water for a long while.
What actually happened yesterday? Or should I say today? I remember a lot of drinking and a bunch of dancing. I also remember wishing Calum new year's... Wait. Calum... Oh right! Calum was making out with that girl of his. I have to ask him why he hasn't introduced us.
Lisa was there... Lisa and Michael were making out. Oh my God! How the hell did they happen. They were totally working it!
Then Luke interrupted my staring at Lisa and Michael... Oh. Oh shit. Okay, yeah. We wished each other happy new year and...
Thinking about all that's happened yesterday, I took the shampoo I had bought and poured it into the water to get the sweet smell and more bubbles. Then I dove in the water for a few seconds to get my hair wet. The hot water was relaxing me and the cold shower and previous emptying of my stomach from unhealthy liquor lessened my hangover. My head was still pounding but I didn't feel as sick as before.
So Calum, Michael and Luke all made out with someone yesterday. That's nice. Stupid fuckboys.
I was happy for Calum because I knew he's gone out with the girl before. I wasn't sure if it was the girl he went on a date with, but I assumed so since Calum wasn't one to mess around with a few people at the same time.
I was happy for Lisa too. She told me she's known Michael since forever and that they stopped talking since something happened, but what I didn't understand is how they met up like ... that yesterday.
But for Luke I wasn't happy. I wanted to smack him in the face. But at the same time I wanted to not talk to him at all. And on the third note, I wanted to just ignore everything and act like nothing happened. That's the most reasonable option, right?
I mean, nothing actually has happened. As far as I know, and I think not knowing it all is better. Why should I smack him in the face?! He did what every single person did yesterday. Well, except for me, of course. Because I'm a stupid idiot who doesn't know how to have fun when I'm drunk. He made out with someone, what a crime.
And why should I ignore him? Because he had fun? It's my own fault that I didn't have fun. I did laugh a lot though, but most of it probably wasn't even funny. It was just the alcohol making it seem so.
I decided to get out of the bath so I put on a bathrobe and put my hair up in a towel. Slipping into my slippers, I exited the bathroom and walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast.
Or should I say lunch. It was 1 pm, I must've slept in late.
The tv was on and I turned around on my toes to see if Luke is in the living room. The dirty blonde hair was sticking out from the couch and I couldn't stop the small smile that crept up on my face just to push it away a second later.
I took two slices of bread and reached for Nutella up on the shelf. Luke put it in the fridge first but I took it back out because it would be impossible to spread since it's too cold and hard that way.
Apparently I brought Luke's attention as he stood up from the couch and walked over, lankily dragging his own slippers on the wooden floor.
"Morning." He yawned sleepily.
I opened the Nutella and started spreading it over the slice of bread.
"Hey." I said blankly, not turning back to look at him.
The quietness hovered over us and I was finishing making my breakfast in a complete silence and then put it on a plate. Sitting by the kitchen counter, I started eating as Luke studied me.
I raised my eyebrows. "What?" I snapped a bit too harshly, looking away from him when I saw his confused reaction.
He then shook his head, pretending to be ignorant.
"We should really get a kitchen table. It's hard to use this as one." Luke tapped his finger on the kitchen counter and pretended to look around the kitchen as if he was trying to find something else we could change about it.
"Hm." I shrugged, not really making an effort to respond.
He didn't say anything again as we both looked around the apartment like it's our first time we're here. Luke's leg was nervously jumping up and down on the floor and I had to restrain myself from sewing it to the ground.
"You slept in late today." Luke then said cheerfully, messing the edges of his quiff with his fingers quickly.
"Yup." I agreed, looking at the Nutella that was spread over the slice of bread.
What is up with me.
"So, yesterday was fun." Luke informed and that made me put my breakfast back on the plate and gaze at him.
"Yes. Very." I agreed with a sour smile on my face and I probably looked like I was in physical pain or something.
"It would've been more fun if I remembered it." Luke sighed and looked down at his hands.
"You don't remember anything?" I asked, finally adding a bit more sympathetic tone to my voice.
"Well, no. Not after the point when I started drinking." He admitted and an unwanted thought crept into my mind.
Did he start drinking before or after he almost kissed me?
I shook my head at the question floating around in my head and Luke looked at me questioningly, probably thinking I shook my head at his excuse.
"Great." I glued a fake smile to my face and stood up from the kitchen stool to throw the rest of my breakfast away. I was full.
I heard a knock on the door and quickly jogged around Luke into our small hallway, outrunning him.
"Calum!" I squealed excitedly when I saw my best friend standing in front of the door. I hugged him and then let him inside.
"Recovered from the hangover yet?" Calum asked, laughing first at me and then at Luke.
I chuckled in a what-does-it-look-like way and took the towel off of my head. I bowed my head down and ran my fingers through it a couple of times just so it doesn't get all tangled.
"I did. Can't say the same for her." Luke waved his hand towards me and I gazed at him.
"I'm not hangover." I protested just because I wanted to make Luke seem to be wrong. I didn't know why, but my stubborn mouth just kept responding with not-so-nice replies.
"Well you are grumpy." Luke mumbled and I decided to ignore him.
"So Calum, how's your mouth? Sour much? I mean, my lips would've probably banished by now if I made out with someone as much as you did yesterday." I propped myself on my hip and smiled at Calum jokingly.
He acted offended and we both started chuckling.
"You're talking. You two were nearly the same." Calum waved his hand towards me and Luke and I blushed more than I ever have in my life.
"What?" Luke stuttered but I didn't want to turn around to look at him.
"The 'happy new year but now I have to go cause I'm going to make out with my roommate' excuse? Yeah, I saw you." Calum smirked cheekily and at that point I wanted to kill him and then myself.
"Layla and I made out?" Luke asked quietly and I prayed to God that the earth opens beneath me and swallows me to lessen my current embarrassment.
"No. No, we didn't." I snapped as I turned around to look at Luke. "And that's great, because your girlfriend would be pretty jealous if we did, now, wouldn't she?!"
Luke looked taken aback as he opened his mouth to say something but then confusedly peeked at Calum. "What?" Luke then asked, looking extremely confused.
I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. What am I doing? What the hell am I doing?! I shouldn't be acting this way. I should be acting normally. Why am I making drama? No one likes drama queens, and I sure as hell have never been a drama queen. And I'm not intending to become one now.
"I'm going to call my mum to wish her happy new year." I smiled as I excused myself quietly, hoping talking to my mum would relax me a bit.
I walked to my bedroom and took my phone from the nightstand. Typing in the digits, I pressed call and waited for my mum to answer.
"Hey, baby." My mum greeted me cheerfully and I smiled immediately.
"Hi mum. Happy new year!" I smiled and sat on the edge of my bed.
"Happy new year sweetie." My mum laughed and we spent a few more minutes talking. She was telling me how she spent new year's with Anna and Chloe and how Chloe couldn't wait for it to be midnight so she just kept yelling 'happy new year' throughout the whole evening and ended up falling asleep at 11 pm. I then told my mum about my new year's experience, skipping some bits, of course.
When we were done talking I went back to the living room just to find Calum and Luke sitting one across from the other and talking about something with serious expressions on their faces.
"My mum told me to say hi to you." I told Calum and then looked at Luke.
"Me too?" Luke asked surprised and I nodded unwillingly. "How nice of her." He then smiled and I rolled my eyes.
"Wow, you really are grumpy." Calum remarked and I punched him on the shoulder.
"Leave me alone." I pouted and Calum put his arm over my shoulder so he could mess my hair up with his other hand. "Calum! Stop it!" Yelling, I tried to get away from his grip.
"Jesus, you're all the same." I frowned and went to sit on the couch in the living room. The program on the tv was showing some old movie and I decided I'd actually watch it.
The movie was at its ending when Calum left and Luke jumped on the couch next to me, a cheery smile on his face. Not acknowledging him at all, I just kept staring at the tv. I didn't know why I was like this, and I wanted to stop being that way but every time I tried and looked at him, the bad mood hovered over me all over again.
"Okay, are you on your period or something?" Luke asked impatiently and I slapped my forehead.
"No." I moaned frustratedly. "I'm just hangover." I tried to get out of it and act normally.
"Can I watch with you? We can watch Doctor Which." Luke bumped my shoulder with his and I finally bursted our laughing, the tension temporarily disappearing.
"It's Doctor Who, you idiot." I laughed and caught my stomach, Luke looking at me with a wide smile on his face. "And you don't like that show." I waved my hand and Luke squirmed closer to me.
"Yeah, but I'll watch it if you like it." Luke put his legs on the table and spread his arms all over the couch back rest.
"No. I'm going outside." I stood up and wanted to go get dressed but Luke grabbed my hand and stopped me from leaving.
"I'm coming with you." He ordered and I rolled my eyes.
So he asks my permission if he can watch a tv show with me but he doesn't ask if I want his company in my, what it should be, relaxing walk.
"Fine." I mumbled and finally jogged to my room to take off my bathrobe and get dressed.
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A/N: is this long enough, I hope so
And sorry for the long wait, I hope this wasn't too boring and disappointing cause nothing really happened cause they're two lame people who only hang out with each other and I'm sorry haha.
Just a heads up, in the next chapter (?) or the one after that you'll start finding out the whole thing about Luke and the backstory to everything and yeah so I hope you all keep reading!! <3<3