Chapter 19- Bad enough for you by All Time Low
Austin and I had spent a lot of time just being. I liked sitting and reading on his lap whilst he strocked my hair and watched Supernatural. With him, I could just be, I didn't have to put up a front, I was just myself.
"I'm going to the bathroom" he patted my hip so I'd shift off him. I pouted slightly in response so he'd kiss my lips slightly before getting up. I repositioned myself for comfort as his heavy steps thudded up the stairs. A buzzed came from underneath me and I lifted my body up slightly to sweep my hand underneath and pull out Austin's phone. I was just about to throw it recklessly onto the coffee table when I saw the texts that formed. The senders name was Maddy and the works that spurred across the screen made my eyes damp and blurry.
I heard the large body trotting down the steps so I quickly stood up then spun around to face him. "Really" my voice cracked in pas I held the screen facing him "why is Maddy flirting with you and sending you pictures with way too much cleavage?"
He moves closer and squints his eyes to look at the screen. "Why are you looking at my phone?" He asks
"I felt it buzz and when I went to move it I caught am glimpse out of the corner of my eye" Im not sure why of had defend myself, I'm not the one getting close to sexts from other people. "Why can't you just answer my question?" I raise my voice, not meaning to let my angry interior soak to the exterior.
"She likes me but I swear I want nothing to do with her" he finally admits before reaching out to grab his device. I jerk my arm back, not letting him win just yet, but my small body was weaker than the force of my arm apparently because I stumbled backwards, hitting the wall.
"Als! Oh my god did I hit you are you okay?" He rushes over.
"Why haven't you told her to stop?" I ask trying to figure out what wasn't adding up. I type in the four digit code, clicking open the phone and began to scroll through the messages. She was basically begging for Austin to go over there and fuck her and Austin would reply casually, neither saying yes or no. When she asked if he had a girlfriend he even said no. I mean he has a boyfriend-me- but I woulda said 'yeah I'm dating someone' "Am I not good enough for you anymore? Am I too boring!" I shout
"God Alan!" He groans, voice at the same level as mine "I love you!"
"This girl here wants to fuck you and you aren't doing anything to negate this!"
"I don't want to be rude!"
"Saying 'hey, I'm dating someone'is so fucking rude isn't it?" I yell sarcastically
"I'm sorry I'm not okay going around shooting rainbows out of my ass screaming about how much I love am good cock!"
"I never said you had to! I just ask that you respect our relationship and not lead that girl on." I defend. He has no reply, we just stand there, breathing heavily, eyes unable to meet each others but they stay perfectly magnetized to the space between our lips. In that moment we didn't need words, his forehead rested against mine in apology.
"You are my only, Ashby" his lips said, formulating the words so smoothly. Our noses rubbed slightly before our lips connected in a tender, fiery passion. His hands slipped down to my hips from where they were placed firmly on the wall. I only smiled against his lips, as an apology and forgiveness.
"There's a pool party today at my friends house" he explained, I felt am twinge inside my stomach. Water; my arch enemy. "It's for the football team and I really need to go."
I nodded, understanding, he had a life outside of mine and I can't be attached to him twenty four seven, no matter how much I craved him.
"I mean you can come, it's like the whole class, not just the team." He offered. But a pool party? That was as far off my list as Austin being with Maddy... Austin Being with Maddy... shit! She did say she was going to that thing in those texts. Can I trust my boyfriend? He's never given me a reason why I shouldn't. Then again why not start now? But I would be so out of place there, I wouldn't talk to anyone and I don't really have any other friends there. Against all better judgement, I muttered out a "yeah, I'll come" and we were off, going to my own personal hell. I shook my leg anxiously, regretting every decision I made.
"Babe" he places one hand on my knee to calm it. "I know we can't act couple-y but just let me know if you need me. Okay?"
I nodded, watching him pull up to the curb, I could already hear the shitty pop music and drunken laughter. As I walked next to Austin I resisted the urge to grab a hold of his significantly larger hand. He brushes our skin together and smirks down at me with a smile that I wanted to smack and kiss simultaneously. Immediately he sticks his hand in the red cooler full of freezing cold ice to grab two beers. Quickly I noticed how long it truly has been since I socialised with someone beside Austin and how much what him and I did together we now cannot do. I grabbed the frozen can from him, both tabs cracking open together.
"Nice to see you again Alan" a man said bringing me into reality, I didn't even see Tino chatting with Austin. "I promise not to punch you" he laughs holding out his first, this time I timidly gave him what he wanted, clashing my knuckles with his.
"Austieeeeeee" a squeal came out of a tanned blonde with a too tight, too short dress, presumably with an even sluttier bikini on underneath. Austie? That's my pet name for him. At this point I felt bad for him because he had that whore, Maddy, attached to his arm and a secret boyfriend that's going to kill him later.
"Uh...um...hi Maddy" Austin tried to shrug her off, obviously not trying hard enough.
"Dude" Tino whispered to me "he's totally getting laid tonight!"
Oh, not if I can help it. No amount of magic fingers will work on me tonight.
"You look a little hot, we should take a dip in the pool" Maddy purred
"I... um... was going to talk to my friends for a bit" he stammered.
"Suit yourself" she says wiggling her dress down to her feet, exposing her swim suit that was too small, before throwing it into the bench and sliding into the pool.
"Dude" Tino cheered "she wants you with more than just your shirt off"
"I don't know man" Austin rubbed the back of his neck.
"Dude, you'd have to be gay not to want to hit that"
Oh this is getting interesting.
"Dude, I don't care if you're dating some anonymous mystery girl or whatever other lame excuse you have boiling in that head of yours. I'm you're wingman and I haven't failed you yet"
Good thing Austin could read thoughts because he'd see me stabbing him with Maddy's high heels.
"Look man" Austin sighed, dropping his hand to his side and brushing my hand ever so slightly in reassurance. "I'm just not that into her. I am dating someone and intend to stay loyal"
"Not if I get you drunk enough" Tino mumbled, I'm pretty sure Austin didn't hear that since he didn't react. Someone called Austin over closer to the pool area and I, of course, followed him regardless of the water. He got to the small group and sat cross legged, which I mimicked.
"Will you play us a song again?" One girl begged.
"Yeah. Yeah." Another cheered "you guys were epic at the campfire that one night"
That was a good night, I recalled to myself, how could I ever forget my first kiss?
The group of guys and girls waited with anticipation, all eyes were on me since Austin made it clear that it was up to me. Oh god this really sucks. Why god? Why the fuck did I come here? I didn't even answer but they were putting the acoustic guitar on my lap, and I know that I can't resist it once I've touched it. I place it on my knee and hands. I searched my head for good enough tabs for this occasion until I found the perfect one.
"I'm here to collect your hearts" Austin's milky voice sang better than the birds "its the only reason that I sing. I don't believe a word you say but I can't stop listening"
Everyone was so into it, cuddling with their boyfriends, rocking out with their friends, it felt amazing but still a little overwhelming.
"God. You guys are amazing" and girl says astonished.
"Do you know 'teenagers' by My Chem too?" A guy asked
It only took me a second to begin the tabs for it in reply. By this time I'm smiling at my talented boyfriend who was totally loving the attention from everyone.
"Sweetie" the annoying voice spoke once the song ended. "You're amazing" she sat a little too close to him. Actually, no, too close would be China, she was sitting on his lap.
"Uh, thanks Maddy" Austin cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Come on." She tugged at his arm. "You have to come swim now"
Bitch, he doesn't have to do anything, especially with you.
Austin was gone, slipping into the pool.
"You look like you need a hit" a very, very high guy said offering me the weed sented roll of paper. I nodded thankfully taking a hit then passed it back and forth. I couldn't help but watch Austin. He was smiling and splashing people. He looked so hot with the sun glistening off the water droplets on his back. The only thing on him that was not hot was that clingy bitch Maddy. Maybe falling in love with him was a mistake, football players can't be gay. They are meant to date cheerleaders who have bigger boobs than brains. They aren't meant to date geeky, phobia-filled, mute boys with messy orange hair. I stood up, shakily, trying to keep the tears from spilling. Just as I pushed through the crowd to go inside I saw it. The thing that made me nauseous and dizzy. They kissed. I'm so disgusted I can't even say either of their names. I was out of there so quickly, and no one noticed, I am a nobody. I ran and in no particular direction, I just needed to get away from him. How could he? I was right there!
"Alan!" He yells, trying to catch up to me "wait up"
Wait up? He's the fucking athletic one.
"Come on Als!" He begs gaining on me. At this point I didn't want to talk to him. I pushed my legs to run faster and harder, it was like they weren't even there. But my lungs were. Good god, I can feel the fire that scolded my lungs, questioning why I thought this was a good idea. I couldn't do it anymore, I collapsed onto the grass of some place I was not familiar with.
"Damn" he panted falling next to me "how the fuck did you run that fast"
My legs were jello so I tried to roll away but he grabbed my wrist.
"Ah! You're still wet" I cry out as if the water was acid, well I guess it kinda is to me.
"Shit. Als I'm sorry"
"For which part" I scream through my tears
"All of it" he attempts to soothe with his voice "being a wet mess, being a horrible boyfriend, Maddy kissing me. Emphasis on her kissing me. I promise Alan I only love you. I pushed her off right away. She's probably onto some new guy already."
"Austin," I was still sobbing hard. "It's not that. Its that I love you and it's always going to be me that gets hurt. You'll still have your friends, you'll still be the guy every girl wants. I'm just invisible."
"I love you. I only want and need you. When I'm around you, everything else is invisible except you" he almost goes into a hug but stops remembering his body. At this point I was still sobbing but I didn't know why. "Please Alan. Please forgive me" he begs
I look up at his tear stained face through my blurry eyes. "I don't need to forgive you because you didn't do anything wrong."
It was at that moment when I could see the raw appreciation on his face. It wasn't his fault. They say nobody's perfect but I swear he's perfect for me. "I love you" I crawl into his lap. He was only slightly damp, the sun stole all the water off of him.
"I love you too" he mumbles into my hair, holding me tight
At that point my life felt complete. It truly was a perfect end to a perfect summer