Song recommendation: God's Eyes by Roddy Rich "I overcome obstacles and they still come, I was tryna make a way out, like it was my first day out"
"Ay yo, East." Dave popped his airpods in before crashing onto the chair by the bed.
"Yo," he answered his brother.
"You ain't gon like this but no one can find this little nigga, Jay..." Aubrey let out an exasperated sigh. On the other side of the phone he was laid up with Ella but she was sound asleep, missing the conversation. He was grateful because he needed to notify Dave as soon as possible without interruptions. The only thing holding them back was the fact that Jay was grimey and out to get them and they needed to get him before he got to them.
"Man, we gon have to pull out the big guns..."
"Bad cop?" That's what Dave and Aubrey referred to the few cops working with them who provided services in exchange for money and drugs. Those services included protection and freedom to run their "businesses" without the fear of being locked up. This time they needed more than the cops to look the other way, they wanted to utilize their tech guys to find him.
"Yeah, man. That's what we gon have to turn to--"
"Dave?" Sage's voice rang through their home, cutting in the conversation at hand.
"Lemme call you back, bro," he said before a giddy Sage trudged into the room with her fluffy slippers. She plopped on his lap, "Finally up from your nap? Who was that?"
"The bro. Why you cheesin' so hard?" Her happiness made him happy even if he wasn't always the direct source. He enclosed his arms around her and waited for her response.
"Well, first, your sobriety mentor called and he said it was normal to relapse," she took his much bigger hand into her own and squeezed it, "but is there anything you need to talk to me about? Anything bothering you?" He didn't expect her to be so calm and understanding about his setback but he should've. She's always had a sense of compassion and tolerance for plenty of his situations.
He released a breath he didn't know he was holding, he knew exactly why he was stressing and it had all to do with protecting her. Jay was his main opp and he was nowhere to be found, which meant there was a large possibility he was ready to hurt them again. He didn't know for sure but Dave isn't that trusting. His paranoia is justified most times when a circumstance arises so it wasn't any different this time. Despite having this strong hunch that drove him to white girl, he didn't want to pass that same worry to Sage, particularly pregnant Sage.
"Not really, baby, we done spoke about the baby. I'm fine," he lied. It stung him when he saw she believed him but it was for the greater good in his eyes. She turned her body and pecked his lips. "You sure?"
"Yeah, baby, everything's fine. Now why was you cheesin'?" He quickly brought the conversation to his original question.
Sage waved her phone in his face and broke out into that wide smile again. "Mom and Ella are planning this beautiful babyshower for us.They basically want full reign but some of our input at a certain point," she said that last part with a playful eye roll.
"Of course I wanna hear all about it," he stated. Dave leaned forward and placed a small peck on her noise as she began ranting about how the guest list shouldn't go past a certain number of guests. Truthfully, he hoped her declaration would distract him for a moment and help him focus on the happiness that is their child. For a minute it did, he got lost in thoughts about how the baby might look or how he or she might act. Dave beamed when he imagined his son loving basketball like he did but instead of just playing in the hood he could pursue it professionally. He imagined if he had a daughter she'd love photography like his mother or maybe modeling instead.
"Dave, what're you smiling about now?" She had stopped her babbling since she noticed a dazed look on his face.
"Nothing, just that we have a beautiful family." His response was simple but it meant a lot. Even before the child was conceived the couple knew they were a family.
"Why do you love me?" She seemed to ask this question out of nowhere but she always pondered this question. Certainly she had an idea based on what Dave's shown her throughout the course of their relationship but it was always good to hear explicitly from the source's mouth.
"Because ain't no one like you. I knew that since the first time I met you," he remarked. His voice was smooth like silk that even if he was dishonest she'd fall for it. His candor prevailed in that moment though. She shied away from the gaze he was holding and let her curls fall in her face as a veil. She was more than flattered, she was enamored but she didn't expect such a powerful answer. He reached out and cupped her face softly and pushed the hair out the way, "I'm also scared to lose you. I ain't felt that about a girl yet."
She was forced to catch his eyes, the same dark ones that assure her when she's unsure, and speaks to her without him saying words, her favorite pair. The ones staring at her in the club for the first time, eyes never moving. "You make me feel alive. I didn't even know it but my heart was numb. I couldn't feel shit. You make me feel alive though..."
Sage moved her face from his grip and kissed him hard and he kissed back just as hard. When she pulled back he was left breathless like that first night he noticed her.
***
"Aubrey, how are you really?" Dr. Union queried, tapping her perfectly manicured nails together.The sound of the nails and two handed clock synced together, distracting him.
"Huh?" He pulled the toothpick he was chewing on from the side of his mouth and looked up at her.
"How are you?" She reiterated. She gave him a pointed look and sat back in her own chair.
They were silent for a good minute, neither person speaking but letting the clock create most of the noise in the room, similar to how it was when he first arrived. The doctor already asked him how he was, but he didn't answer very honestly. She figured she would try again but he was still quiet.
"I didn't really wanna come today..." He finally remarked, but she wasn't phased at all. One thing about Aubrey that made her job as a psychologist easier was his transparency, his reluctance to participate in this week's session was apparent from the moment he entered her office.
"You could have cancelled but you didn't, so you probably still need to get something off your chest? Or maybe a moment to yourself here?" Even though she posed it as a question she was 95% sure she knew the answer.
He nodded, popping the toothpick back in his mouth. He wished he could smoke in here but that wasn't possible so he continued to chew. "Am I crazy?"
"Is this about your bipolar disorder diagnosis?" The doctor's brow arched slightly, as she waited for Aubrey. She felt like she was waiting on him a lot all day and it was okay, she knew his transition to knowledge surrounding his mental health was strenuous. For Aubrey to go through various big changes in his life simultaneously, it was heavy and he was trying his best to carry on. He was leaving the one thing that shaped him into the man he's become, the one thing he used to survive and the one thing that he and his brother, Dave, took on together. This was a big step but at least he was tied by the brotherships and love created, still it wasn't enough to ease his mind.
On top of that to find out he was confirmed deranged and had to maneuver life with that fact. Ella kept telling him it was good that he knew but somehow he was stuck between being frustrated and sad about it. He wished his mom were here so he could look to her for guidance and simply because he missed her. Certainly his dad tried his best as a single parent, but that wasn't enough for Aubrey either. His dad wasn't there mentally after his mother's tragic passing and oftentimes, left him to fend for himself.The funny part about it was that he never harbored anger for him, they just switched roles and he started taking care of his dad. Aubrey knew it wasn't healthy on his father's part to neglect his child but he understood entirely.
"You're responsible and courageous, I don't know about crazy... The fact that you even came to see me as a black man shows that. I know that having bipolar disorder can sound scary but you're still you." She unfolded her legs and tilted forward, "you're stigmatizing your situation and it's consuming you. You aren't your mental health."
He couldn't tell if the psychologist was saying this to make him feel better but if she did it was working. In the back of his mind, he thought beginning therapy had to show for something and he couldn't stop now. He nodded his head as he took in all the wisdom being fed to him. "Thank you."
"It's the truth. I appreciate you coming still." The two said their goodbyes as the end of the session approached. Aubrey went home that day with a new outlook on life.
Endnote: Any predictions for the upcoming chapters? What're y'all hoping to see?