~KUNMI~
I stared at the message, hands frozen on my phone.
Oluwabukunmi Afolabi!!
Of course, it was Tara. No one else called me like that. When was the last time we saw each other? The last time I saw her?
In Royal's high recording studio, bleeding to death because she had apparently slit her own wrist.
My 14 year old best friend had gotten to that point where she could actually think to kill herself and she actually had the courage to pick a blade and to slit her own wrist.
God! Kunmi, it's really you.
Do you have an idea how much I've searched for you? It's like you simply vanished from earth
There were still tons of messages after that but I couldn't bring myself to even read. That was Tara? Really? I did not even know what to say. Everything that I had forced myself to forget over the years were threatening to resurface, how everything happened, Debby Atafo and her clique, the taunts, the bullying, then Tara, music, piano lessons, our music teacher and how it ended with me walking into the recording room to meet my only friend passed out and in the pool of her own blood.
"Kunmi, are you okay?"
Adam asked suddenly and I startled out of my reverie, my phone dropping to the ground. He picked it up before I got to it and he handed it to me while looking at me quizzically.
"You look like you just saw a ghost. Are. You. Okay?"
He asked, his eyes still not leaving mine and I nodded or did I shook my head? I wasn't sure.
"Are you sure? Do you want to return home?"
"Yes... I mean No."
I heaved a sigh. I wasn't even sure what I wanted. Did I really want go return home? Stayed holed up in my room where my thoughts would spring up unsuppressed? I didn't want that. I just wanted to forget.
I've always wanted to forget.
I've even forgotten for the better part of the last year but she was in my dm now and I'd be forced to remember whether I like it or not.
Adam was still looking at me quizzically, a frown and a puzzled look on his face as if trying to gauge my expression.
"We can always return if you want us to."
I shook my head and muttered a quiet no. I needed this cool breeze to calm my nerves and to reorganize my thoughts. I heaved a sigh, trying to think about what to think of what to do. Why would she even message me? Wasn't she supposed to be mad at me? And again, I could always ignore her messages but then, if she was willing to talk to me, do I really get to choose to ignore her?
I closed my eyes. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep. I just wanted to forget everything, get it off my chest.
"What was that? Did you see something?"
Adam asked again, his tone worried and I shook my head.
"No, not exactly. It's just a message from an old friend."
An old friend.
"It doesn't seem to be a good one."
I said nothing, staring into oblivion. Of course it wasn't a good one. I blinked and turned towards him. His whole attention was on me and he looked really worried.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I looked away from him. The night was very dark with a very sad sky. I mean, there was no moon and no stars, just endless dark skies.
"She's a friend from my former school."
I replied quietly, surprisingly myself that I actually replied. He said nothing and he just waited patiently for me to go on.
"She wasn't only a friend though. She was the only friend I had then."
Tara would probably be the best friend I'd ever have. I don't think it'd be possible for me to completely be myself with another person other than her. She could have easily joined the other girls, especially Debby Atafo and her gang in making me an outcast and whatever other girls they choose to ignore and make their lives a living hell.
"We were both similar in lot of ways. We both did not find ourselves in any cliques that my classmates were quick to form just weeks into resumption so it was very easy for us to become really close."
Royals High fed on that. There were thousands of cliques in my set that I lost count of them. In Royals', it's either you belong somewhere or nowhere. While most girls scrambled to belong somewhere, even kissing up to bullies like Debby right then from JSS1, I just belonged nowhere. I just wanted to attend my classes and return back to the solitude of my room. I couldn't even belong anywhere if I tried, I was the fat girl and it's always easier for girls like me to become an outcast. I was just the lone girl who had no friends. That wasn't my choice but for Tara, it was her choice, she could easily belong to anywhere she wanted. Her parents were influential politicians who funded most of the school's activities so everybody wanted to be her friend. I forced myself to stop thinking so I'd start talking.
"We became really close. My friendship with her was one of the best thing then and then the other thing I really enjoyed back then was the music classes, especially the piano lessons. I really enjoyed playing back then."
I smiled subconsciously, remembering the many piano lessons I had with Tara, how we bonded and how she became so close to me. She became the sister I never had but everything ended up becoming a nightmare.
"You play the piano?"
Adam asked, something like incredulousness in his voice. I was doing more thinking than talking that I had forgotten that I was even talking to him.
I shook my head. Then nodded, then shook my head again.
"Played actually. It was just an hobby to me. My favorite hobby though."
"So why did you stop playing?"
He asked again, repositioning himself on the bench so his whole body was now facing me.
Why exactly did I stop playing?
Because playing reminded me of Tara. She was the major reason why I became that good at playing in the first place and then, things went south and I discovered her in the recording studio, her parents did not allow anybody from school to visit her and the school did not say anything about the whole issue because of their public image and I was just forced to bear it all.
He was still watching me, watching my every expressions, then he shook his head.
"I'm always here. You can tell me all about it any time."
I nodded and I looked away from his probing gaze. The night was still very dark and quiet and it stayed like that for a while until I felt something cold on my feet. I looked down, only to see a very small animal picking at something on the ground beside my feet.
It looked like a cat.
Yes, it was a cat until I looked closely and I discovered that it was Dog.
A dog!
A dog was busy picking at something on the floor beside my feet. I yelped and the dangerous animal yelped too before running off.
My eyes were still closed, legs raised above the ground when I heard someone trying to stifle laughter. I opened my eyes slowly and of course, it was Adam looking at me with his face full of laughter. He looked like he was using all his self restraints not to laugh. How he was holding that laughter in was even baffling.
"Relax. It's just a harmless and a poor dog."
I opened my mouth and I closed it again. Harmless and poor couldn't coexist with dogs. What was a dog doing alone in the estate by this time of the night anyway?
"And it was more of a puppy anyway."
I shook my head. This boy has no idea of what he was talking about.
"Have you ever been chased by a dog?"
He shook his head and muttered No.
Of course, he hadn't been chased by a dog before. That's the only reason why he would call dogs harmless and poor.
"I witnessed someone being chased by a dog years ago and I never want to experience that. I'd go in the opposite direction if I should see a dog coming from afar. I can't even risk it."
He burst into laughter this time, unrestrained and wild laughter that I could hear his ribs cracking.
Figuratively.
"You and Sophia have so much in common. But if it was her, she'd have probably said something like I'm not stepping outside the house again because I can't afford to run into a dog."
I started laughing before I could stop myself. That was exactly what Sophia would have said or she'd have even came up with something worst self. Only God understand how her brain works with all her irrational ideas.
I trailed off when I realized that he was no longer laughing but was watching me with a little smile on his face. I subconsciously moved back, my hand moving out of its own volition to tuck a loose braid behind my ear. He was still staring at me.
"Is there something on my face?"
"No."
"Then why do you keep staring at me like that?"
"Beautiful things are meant to be stared at."
My heart flipped and butterflies fluttered at the pit of my stomach and I found myself smiling subconsciously.
The harsh reality of Royals high wiped that smile off my face and he noticed because he was quick to ask me what's wrong. I shook my head. He said nothing, just staring at me.
"There was an incidence at my former school....."
I opened my mouth, deciding to tell him what I've done. Maybe he would finally see me for who I truly was.
************
~ADAM~
"There was an incidence at my former school...."
She started before she trailed off again. I really wanted her to trust me with whatever happened in her former school, why she paled like that after seeing that message but I also understood Kunmi, understood how difficult trusting someone with whatever it was, for her.
"You don't have to tell me."
I said, placing my hand over hers reassuringly.
"No, I want to."
She replied before she trailed off again. I waited, watching her every features illuminated by the distant street lights. When I heard her sing that other time at Ibadan, I knew she couldn't just be doing music for doing sake but she played the piano too? I understand next to nothing about music or musical instruments but I've always had a grudging respect for people who have a thing for music.
"So I became friends with Tara. More like she became my friend. She could have easily became friends with any other girls in the school but she choosed me because of reasons known to her."
She must have choosen her because she liked her but Kunmi doesn't even understand that, probably doesn't want to understand that.
"She was the one who played musical instruments like a pro. She was the one whose whole life was centered around music but I know her parents would never allow her to venture into anything music because they were this kind of strict parents and well, they were respected politicians whose kids shouldn't be seen doing trite things such as Music or Art."
Sounds so similar to a man I know especially dad would allow me to do Art for as long as I wanted as long as it doesn't affect me taking over his company.
"It was after I became closer to Tara that I started to take music seriously. She was more like a mentor. We became so close that most of our teachers and students knew how close we were. I guessed that was when the problems started."
Her voice was still firm but I could almost cracks beneath it, almost like whatever she dreaded whatever she was about to say next.
"Many other girls liked Tara because she was outspoken and smart and beautiful and was from her very reputable family so they did not understand why she would be friends with someone like me. Debby Atafo especially had a problem with me because of my friendship with Tara. She was so obsessed with Tara, wanted to please her, wanted to get her to like her but Tara did not even like the girl, she hated how proud and stucked up she was. Debby hated that but I was the one who got the brunt of it."
I frowned, not liking where this was going at at. I noticed the trembles in her voice and my hand tightened around hers.
"You can always tell me any other time."
"No no. I want to tell you now."
She said nothing for a while before she cleared her throat.
"It started with bumping into me in the hallways, snide remarks and comments, pages of my books getting torn and all other things Debby was capable of doing to people she doesn't like. I kept it away from Tara at first but she ended up finding out anyway. She flared up and even got into a physical brawl with one of Debby's friend. Now, that was everything because Tara hated anything that had to do with violence but she got into a fight because of me. She got suspended for a week."
I still said nothing. Taking it all in. I was surprised that she was really telling me all these and even more terrified that she had to go through all that.
"I couldn't visit her during the one week. Her parents were disciplinarians and they don't exactly allow friends to visit their kids at once. I only get to visit her whenever they weren't at home or on other very few occasions and I never knew for sure that they would never allow me to see her when I was the cause of her suspension."
I frowned again. Were there really parents like that? Parents who hoard their kids like that? To the point of not allowing friends to visit them at home? The weather had became more chilly and it was obvious that it was going to start raining anytime soon. She must have noticed the change too because she hugged herself and I subconsciously moved closer and I wrapped my free hand around her shoulders so she was practically snuggling against me.
"She was a bit more withdrawn after she returned to school. Not withdrawn from me but withdrawn from other school activities like music which was something because Music was everything to her. At first, I thought it was because of the dent suspension would have on her records but it dragged longer than that and then one day, while we were changing in the locker room for P.E, I saw all these belt marks on her back as if someone had beaten her with a belt severally. She did not know that I saw the marks and did you know what I did?
Ask her obviously. I thought to myself and she shook her head as if she could read my thoughts.
"No, I did not. I ignored it. I convinced myself that I was being paranoid. That it wasn't belt marks, that it couldn't be belt marks. Because Tara was always happy and carefree and outgoing, that it wasn't possible for her to have something like that going on with her."
I shook my head, understanding her point but totally disapproving of it. I've done that too, ignore the marks on mom's body, pretending they weren't there but pretending and ignoring doesn't turn reality into a facade.
"We were in JSS2 then and we soon forgot all about that. We remained good friends. She knew everything about me, my greatest fears, insecurities and all that. I actually thought I knew everything about her too. Debby and her minions continued their atrocities in secrecy because they did not want to get on Tara's bad side, Like sabotaging the piano whenever I was supposed to play, making really rude jokes and Tara constantly standing up for me and telling me they were the losers and the joke was on them."
Of course, the joke was on them. Losers always pick on better things because they couldn't be that thing. Most times, because they wanted to be that thing. I was understanding now, everything I knew about her, why she was withdrawn and quiet.
"We still remained best of friends, doing things together, making plans together, playing piano together, growing together until we had a new music teacher when we got to JSS3. A male music teacher."
That unsettled me, a whole lot. A male music teacher coming into the picture in this kind of story couldn't end well. Could it? And I desperately hoped that it wasn't one of those ideas pooling at the back of my mind.
"He was young, like 20 or 21 and he really bonded well with us, the students. He was like a big brother to us all, the one we could all go to for advice and he bonded especially well with Tara and I. He always wanted to talk with us about music, about every other thing. To me, it was flattering because I wasn't used to male's attention and he was the first guy to pay that kind of flattering attention to me."
Her voice faltered and I shook my head. Nooo. I definitely don't like where this was going at all. I closed my eye and I heaved a sigh, hoping this wouldn't be what I was thinking at all. Dreading what this could mean.
"He became our mentor, our go to person. He was always there to listen to us, advice us, tutor us, help us become better, took us to music concerts and contests and all that. He was just the first constant male figure in my life so I think I developed some sort of crush on him."
I took a deep breath that I had to breathe out with my mouth. I've heard stories about teachers taking advantage of students and now, thousands of thoughts were swimming through my head. Terrible thoughts. Very terrible ones. At this point, I don't think I wanted to know again.
"I started noticing changes in Tara or better still, in the relationship between Tara and Uncle Ben but like always, I ignored it because I thought there couldn't be anything wrong going on between the both of them. They started spending more time together without me. I was so used to having Tara around and to myself that I found it difficult not to have her around. She was my only friend and Mr Ben was my favorite teacher and I felt more left out when they started spending more time together than I felt when the whole set made me an outcast."
An outcast...
I thigtened my hand around hers, trying to imagine what she must have gone through and trying to understand how she must have felt when her only friend started ignoring her but for whatever reason.
"I was young and stupid so instead of trying to find out what was going on behind my back and the naive me just wished I was the one receiving that flattering attention."
Oooh. I released another shaky breath. Why do I feel like I'd end up being glad that you never got to be the one receiving that flattering attention?
"So I just locked up, ignored her too and then one day, she came to me, puffy face and all and she said she wanted to tell me something important but I just came up with a silly excuse and I left her. It was the first time she ever needed my help, the first time she actually told she had something important to tell me but because I was blinded with childish envy and plain stupidity, I left her, I refused to listen to her."
Her voice was very low and she stifled back what I supposed to be tears.
"Kunmi......."
"The next time I found her, she was bleeding to death in the music studio and that was the last time I saw her before I saw her massage just now."
Wait, what?
She stopped talking and she buried her face in her palms and it took me a while to realize that she was crying into her palm. I moved even closer to her so her head was now on my shoulder, my hand on her back. My heart constricting painfully in my chest, thinking of how she must have felt, walking into a room and seeing her best friend bleeding to death and feeling her pain. Her shoulders shook and I could feel sobs richocheted through her whole body.
"In the end, I'm just a bad friend and a very bad person."
My hand stilled on her back. Other than being traumatized after witnessing her friend attempted suicide. She also blamed herself for it?
All these while? All the years?
"Kunmi, what happened wasn't your fault. Even if you had actually listened to her, that wouldn't have stopped her. You had no control over what your friend would have done or not done."
She looked up suddenly, her eyes still glassy from tears.
"No, you don't understand. The belt marks was her dad hitting her anytime she does something bad. I would've known if I had probed but I did and the time I got jealous because Mr Ben was focusing more on her, of course, I noticed something off about her then, like her discomfort and uneasiness whenever he was around but I dismissed her but all that time, he was molesting her, abusing her sexually and the first and only time she ever needed me, I wasn't there for her because of a stupid and childish crush and in the end, I had to walk in on her unconscious body in the pool of her own blood."
"Kunmi, none of that is your fault. You ain't her dad and you weren't the music teacher who abused her......"
"No, I was worst than them. She was my friend and I was probably her last option at that time but I failed her...."
Her voice was very firm now and her eyes had an eerie glint in them, as if she actually believed what she was saying, that she was the one at fault in the middle of all this when she was just an innocent bystander, a victim even.
"Kunmi..."
"And do you know what happened afterwards, her parents did not want the world to know that their daughter was sexually abused and that she attempted to commit suicide. The school did not want to ruin it's reputation by the news of a teacher molesting a student getting out so I was told to remain quiet and because of the kind of person that I am, I kept quiet. It would have been very easy to spread the rumor back then but I just kept quiet. Tara stopped coming to school and her parents wouldn't allow anyone to see her and that was it. I've not said a word about it till now."
Jesus! She had to keep it to herself all these while? What kind of parents? What kind of school would do something as outrageous as that?
"So I deserve none of it, you looking at me as if there's something worth looking at, treating me like that and making me feel that I'm worth it all. I deserve none of it. I failed the only person that ever truly cared about me. I don't.."
"Kunmi...."
"No, you don't understand......"
"And I don't want to." I almost shouted, feeling incredibly angry and sad that she had blamed herself all these while.
"I don't care if I have to split your head open so you'd believe me. I look at you that way because there's everything in you worth looking at and you deserve and you're worth it all. You're the best person out there and it's not your fault that your friend's dad was an abuser and it's not your fault either that your music teacher was a pedophile who fed on your friend's insecurities. You wouldn't have been able to stop it in the first place...."
"Adam......"
"Kunmi, you witnessed something traumatic that you needed healing from. Your school and her parents are psychos that deserves to be locked up. You had no control over what happened so you shouldn't blame yourself for it. The real villians of the story have probably forgotten all about it."
She shook her head, her face determined.
"What happened to your friend was tragic but you couldn't have helped it. You shouldn't blame yourself for it. You're a very good person, with a good heart and if anything, I'm sorry you had to go through that."
She turned to look at me again, her eyes, a mirade of emotions I couldn't decipher. It was her shoulders quaking that I noticed before she started crying silently.
I hugged her, allowing her to cry it all out and we remained like that for a very long time with my heart shattering and splitting that she had to go through something like that.
**********
~Kunmi~
I woke up with a splitting headache the next morning. We returned back quite late yesterday and I stayed in bed during breakfast. Mom ended up coming upstairs to make me swallow pain relievers.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
Tara was the only one who deserved to hear those kind of words. She was the one who went through something horrific and terrible and she was alone because I had left her. My phone chimed and I instantly got reminded of Tara's messages that were waiting for me.
I don't think I want to answer them.
I'd probably never answer them.
I picked the phone up only to see new messages from Aminah.
Girlfriend! Good Morning.
I was about to exit WhatsApp when another message came in from her. This time, it was a snapchat video that made her look like a cow and she was asking me if I slept well. I smiled subconsciously before typing a reply to her.
She did four more similar snapchat video that made me smile and I burst into laughter when she mimicked one of our teachers, Mr Badmus who pronounced Sh as s and F as v when she used a filter that made her look like a monkey. I cried myself to sleep last night and now, Aminah was making me smile, I was even laughing.
This babe!!
Kunmi, I'm going to the salon tomorrow. Should we go together?
I frowned, the last thing I wanted was to step out of this house. I started to type my reply which was in the negative when another message came in.
And don't think of saying no because I'm going to show up at your house by noon tomorrow and drag you out!!
I imagined her saying that and it made me burst into laughter again. Maybe I should go, for her and besides, it was going to be for a couple of hours anyway.
Aminah in some sort of weird way reminded me of Tara, especially with whatever was happening Sophia and Kunle but then, whatever it was, it couldn't be a dead end like what happened with Tara.
Or could it?
Omo
It's to consult the terrestrial forces for this kind of matter.
Well, we finally got a glimpse into Kunmi's history with Tara and honestly, do you blame her for her the choices she made back then?
Honestly, we made most mistakes as teenagers. Most times, we were blinded by stupid jealousy and envy that we ended up jeopardizing good relationships. That's not even the problem. The problem is not accepting that you made a mistake and trying not to allow history repeat itself but then, in Kunmi's case, well, you can start getting your conspiracy theories ready.
And all these hierarchy in school ehn. E be things. My secondary school wasn't like that tho. Should I say we were just really mature in my set? But most of my friends school, it was more like a nightmare.
Don't mind Kunmi oo, I really fear dogs too. After I was chased by a dog when I was 8, the rest is history. It wasn't funny 😂😂😂💔💔
And, I got inspired by dheenmah to create an IG page for wattpad so please follow me on IG @_ririwrites. I'd be posting teasers, aesthetics and the likes on the page. Don't forget to follow me. You can also make covers and aesthetics for me, I'd very much appreciate it. Some people even discovered the page and they followed me already. Thank you guys ❤️❤️😩
See you when I see you ❤️❤️