📌I shoved this chapter right out the window. I wanted them to leave on good terms. This right here was too toxic. Well anyway, stories have bloopers too, and here's mine.
Okay, so maybe it's not a blooper 🙄 more like a deleted chapter?
🤍 🤍
MY WINDOW SLID open and I didn't bother looking back, already too accustomed to Raymond barging in whenever he wanted to. He was the only one who passed through my window.
If my father knew this. He would kill me, but for Raymond, it would be worth it.
"He's here. He's back with one leg and a smile with no explanation and expects everything to be normal again. I wanted nothing more than to see him and now that he's here I can't face him right now, Shorts. I guess I'm just too afraid to."
"Who's he?" I asked, his voice causing me to drop everything I was doing and turn around.
"My father." That came out shakier than he intended to. He didn't elaborate any further and pulled me out of my chair.
He was angry and that excited me. I tugged on his t-shirt, but he pushed me against the wall, putting my hands above my head. Usually, he nibbled on my neck but this time he wasn't so patient. He didn't have time to touch me like he was putting me back together again.
"No foreplay?" I inquired. He didn't respond.
This was serious.
Ray wasn't making eye contact, he was too focused on having me out of my clothes. Whenever he wanted to escape from reality and get lost, he turned to me instead of a bottle. I don't think that was any better, but I didn't care.
He was my escape and I wanted to be his.
I wanted him to have his way with me. To use me. To put his anger out on me in the only way he knew how to.
Not because of seven months, but because I knew that even in his angry state, he would never break me more than I already was. He'd used me just enough to escape reality and pass time.
And he did. Every time.
"What have I ever done to you? Why do you hate me?" Ray uttered into the silence, but he couldn't be more wrong.
I didn't hate him. I didn't love him either. But I felt this need for him and it was more than sexual. Although I'd never admit it to anyone, I was happy when he was around. I always caught myself smiling at something he'd do.
"'Cause you get me, Raymond. I'm always so mean to you because you get me," I shouted.
"And that's a bad thing?"
I yanked my hands out of his protective ones. "YES! Can't you see how you make me feel, Raymond? I can't go through this again."
"Again?"
I didn't feel like explaining an unwanted past to him. I didn't want him to see me differently, so to avoid that I placed my lips on his.
"You think this is healthy, Shorts?" He asked, finally pulling away. He still had the urge to kiss me again, but I have to give it to him. He had a lot of willpower.
"No, but it's how we cope."
He sat on his elbows to hover over me and give me that penetrating stare again. Even up to this day, I hated it.
"No, it's how you cope," he averred, "but I just can't control myself around you. I want you all the time. I'm tired of getting pieces from you, Shorts. You've seen every part of me. The part that I don't ever think I'll be able to share that with anyone."
"Just fuck someone like you fuck me. Problem solved."
If words were a bullet mine certainly did the trick. I think I just killed Raymond.
"That's what you think of me?"
He opened his mouth to continue but snapped it shut and fiddled around for his shirt. I pulled him back by the neck before he had the chance to put it on.
"Please, don't go." I felt deeply sorry for my choice of words, but I couldn't take them back. "I'm sorry for being impulsive."
Instead of responding to my lips on his birthmark like he always does, he shrugged me off as if I was toxic. As if another second next to me would be too much. Defeated and more hurt than I wanted to feel, I watched him hastily put on the rest of his clothes and climbed out the window.
What or who did he turn to when he wanted to escape from me?