Chapter 19
I was driving to Lexi's house again. And it wasn't because I was going to go full on stalker and just park on the other side of the street and play peeping tom. I was actually going to spend more time with Lexi alone.
I hadn't completely alienated her after the trip the Creek.
Everything about this felt so odd.
It wasn't the first time I'd been to the Creek while Lexi was there.
I had never tried to ride in the same car with her there, but it had happened a couple of times before. She had always ignored me in the car and at the Creek.
She had interactions with me, but the way you interact with home appliances or someone that clears up your table at the restaurant, but doesn't take your order. You just, don't really notice that they're there, and you don't have any kind of particular feeling about them.
I never knew what was worse, when she completely ignored me like that, or when she yelled at me, calling me every bad name in the book.
Lexi had a special talent at completely destroying me without making any kind of effort.
I parked in front of her house, trying to not get my hopes up, trying not to make scenarios in my head where I was part of Lexi's life and spending an afternoon with her was just something normal.
I walked I knocked on the front door.
Tyler's beaming face greeted me. "BLAKINA! RAVAGE ME!" he yelled throwing himself in my arms.
"There's something fundamentally wrong with you."
"Love is never wrong Blakina, love is never wrong," he said dramatically, kinda tearing up, grabbing my face with one hand, squishing my cheeks.
"I don't even know what to say."
"Then don't say anything, just give in," he told me making kissy sounds at me.
"Eventually, you're probably going to meet my friend Josh, and once you do, I'm not sure what kind of fragment in reality it's going to cause, but it's going to be like, nuclear force." They were a similar kind of weird. It would definitely be interesting.
Tyler shook my face. Ow. "HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT OTHER BOYS!"
I rolled my eyes and swatted his hand away. "Is your sister here?"
"She's sleeping upstairs. I tried to wake her up earlier to offer food, but she wouldn't budge. Have fun," he said, and stepped away from the door, motioning for me to get inside.
"You want me to wake her?" I snorted, not convinced. "She's going to kill me."
"Potentially. You're going to the library?"
"Yeah," I frowned confused by the turn of the conversation.
"You should be extra annoying, I think she'll need the distraction."
"Why?"
"We used to go all the time... you know, with Mom," he trailed, not needed to explain more.
"Oh. Maybe we should skip it then," I answered automatically. I wasn't going to bring up hurtful memories for her.
Tyler shook his head. "No, it'll be good for her. She hasn't gone in a while. I'm pretty sure it's because of that. You forcing her to go there is good for her."
I looked at the youngest Grayson, feeling grateful for him. I wasn't the only one who should be. "One day your sister is going to have to know everything you did for her."
"I don't do it for the praise, I do it because it's my sister and I love her," he replied, "But don't you ever fucking told her that."
I laughed. "Alright."
"Have fun. Don't do anything weird to her," he said and left to go to his room.
"Promise."
I went up the stairs following him, and stopped in front of Lexi's door. It was cracked opened.
I walked in.
Lexi was there, sleeping soundly, her breathing slow and steady.
Even if I had slept more than I generally slept last night, I still felt tired and it took all of my self control to not just go and cuddle with her back in her bed. If last night was any proof, apparently, she didn't want to murder me in her sleep.
Instead, I grabbed a Sharpie off her desk and went to work.
Part of me wanted to start drawing something really complicated and beautiful and she'd freak out, realizing that I was actually talented at something other than smirking.
But, I didn't know what I wanted to draw. And I didn't know how long I had till she woke up, so instead, I sat on the ground beside her, laid her arm flat on her bed and started to draw heart shapes with my name in it.
I laughed alone.
Writing on her arm wasn't going to do anything to convince her, so I decided to try my hand at sleep conditioning. "Blake is amazing," I whispered in a sing-song voice, "I really, really love him. I want to see him all the time. I'm obsess with him really. He thinks it's adorable, that I'm adorable. Blake's the greatest..."
I'd been holding her arm down by the wrist, but her hand moved and closed around mine.
I stopped talking and writing. I looked at her face.
Her eyes were still closed, her breathing even.
She was still sleeping.
"Hey Pumpkin, could you like, act this way when you're up, not just when you're sleeping," I whispered teasingly, gave her hand a squeeze and let it go.
I was about done writing Blake is my God on her arm when I felt her stir.
She opened her eyes, but I kept writing.
"What the hell are you doing?" Lexi asked, not panicking or anything, just like she was genuinely curious.
"I'm improving your arms," I replied with a smirk.
She appraised her improved arm and scowled. My smile grew bigger.
"This is getting into a problem," she said, sitting up.
Getting into a problem? This had been a problem for a while.
"Hey, it was that or something disgusting like peeing in your face." What? Peeing? Where did that come from? Now she was going to think I was some kind of deviant on top of everything. "If I were you I'd be thankful. And I didn't even write anything in your face... or maybe I did..." I trailed, and smirked.
Her outrage was instantaneous
She rushed to a mirror, in a panic. "Good lord, Blake, never scare me like that again," she whispered when she realized I'd been joking.
"It's all your fault Pumpkin. You have only yourself to blame. I told you I'd pick you up at two, it's like fifteen past two now," I teased her. "You brought this on yourself."
She hadn't really, it was my own deviance, but I wanted to distract her, and getting her riled up always seemed to do the trick.
She shook her head at me, clearly not surprised and not impress. "You know what; I'm not even going to argue with you, there's no point."
Hmm, I was going to have to step up my annoying game.
"Aw, come on Pumpkin, don't be like that."
"Whatever," she rolled her eyes at me, picked up clothes from the ground and went to hide in her bathroom.
I was alone in her room. I suddenly didn't know where to stand or what to look at.
I took a few steps and checked her small bookcase.
She had all of my mother's book. I tried not to laugh.
"You read Tales of the Traveler?" I asked her, with a door separating us.
And suddenly, I was arguing with Lexi about my mother's stories.
It felt absolutely bonkers. I wonder how she would react if she knew who my mother was, and that I knew exactly how that series was going to end. I'd already read the last chapters.
I was hoping some kind of kinky, interrogatory scenarios. Something where we're both shirtless, preferably.
"Now let's just go," Lexi said pushing my back. I kinda wanted to turn around and kiss her.
Well, I always kinda wanted to turn around and kiss her, so nothing new here.
"So eager to be done with me?" I asked playfully.
She snorted. "I wouldn't be Lexi if I wasn't."
Unfortunately, painfully, true.
I wasn't going to let that just pass though, "Oh please, you like me, look at your arm."
Lexi realized she was still covered in Blake fan art. "Oh right... shit..." she rubbed her arms but she was just making more of a mess. "Give me two seconds," she huffed, heading downstairs, and went to wash my mess.
I followed her and kept bickering with her.
When she saw her brother, she glared at him, "He's the one who let you in again?" she asked me.
I grinned and used her ridiculous expression. "Yope!"
"Ty, care to explain why the hell you like to torture me this much? Do you want me to throw your PS3 out the window?" she threatened her brother.
"No I just like annoying you and he seems to do the trick," Tyler with an evil smile.
"When I'll come back, you better hide, or be ready to get your ass majorly kicked," she threatened. I laugh at her threat. Lexi playing the menace was always amusing to me. She wasn't convincing enough.
"Alright, to the library," I announced cheerfully, like I was Batman leading us to the Batmobile.
Lexi wasn't moving anymore and she looked like I had shot her puppy.
"Aw, come on Pumpkin, don't give me that face," I said, heading for the driver's side.
"What face?" she said, waiting by the passenger one.
"Your Blake is an ass and I'd like to see him dead in a gutter and then spit on his corpse and kick it a little while waiting for the crows to feed on his eye balls face."
"Wow that was really specific."
I unlocked the doors, ignoring her comment. "It's open!"
We kept bickering during the whole ride, in between directions. It felt like we were an old married couple on the road. I kept wanting to tell her "Pumpkin, honey, let's not argue in front of the kids."
I shouldn't let my imagination run that wild, let myself imagine anything more than a stupid car ride to the library.
When I finally parked, Lexi's eyes looked sad, remembering something.
I guess I hadn't distracted her enough.
"I can't believe I'm going to go in that library," I mumbled, probably mirroring her thoughts, just for a completely different reason.
Lexi had good memories here. I had, well my mother had groupies.
I didn't like that kind of attention. It was always weird following my mother to any kind of event. The admiration baffled me.
"Yeah must be a shocker going on your own will to a place filled with books and knowledge for another reason than to have a quickie," she said.
She could insult me. She could misjudge me, it was okay. As long as it distracted her from her own pain. God knew I could take an insult from her.
"You know there's a reason why I don't come to this library," I answered, opening the front door of the building for her.
"Other than your lack of brain capacity?" she teased.
I couldn't answer, because the reaction to my walking in was instantaneous. "Oh goodness gracious! Mister Eaton? It's so nice to have you here. How's your mother? Let me tell you that speak she made last night was simply beyond me. Oh I'm so glad to see the son of a genius such as herself here," one of the ladies at the desk said.
I'd seen her once of twice when I had helped my mother set up an event.
"I'll be sure to tell her. I'm sure she'll be very happy to hear such nice things coming from you," I answered, trying to stay polite, and trying not to find this very very weird.
"Oh you're too kind," she kinda giggled. It was funny. "And who's the lovely lady with you?" she asked him, her smile turning into something else.
Oh. She thought...
I wished...
"A friend of mine, she's helping me with my homework," I explained.
"A little lady friend?" she said, like we were sharing a naughty secret.
Lexi was not having any of it. "No, no. None of that," she said and motioned for me to keep walking. "Blake let's just get your books already, okay?"
"Fine," I snorted.
Yeah, having someone simply implying that we were dating was pissing her off. I guess my actual liking her would not warm her heart.
"I would have offered you help but I guess you know your way around books," the lady said after us.
"Yes, we'll be fine thanks," I answered and followed Lexi.
"Okay, what the hell was that all about?" Lexi asked softly when we were in the middle of the isles of books.
"I told you my mom was a writer, didn't I?" I whispered.
"Yeah, but you didn't tell me some old ladies almost worshipped her," she pressed.
I tried to contain my laugh.
"What can I say, those ladies get emotional over nothing," I replied, thoroughly enjoying this. Lexi was unobservant so she often didn't notice things, but it was nice for her to realize there as something she didn't know that she probably should know.
Lexi stopped in her tracks and looked at me. "What did your mother write?"
One of your favorite series apparently. "A lot of things. The woman's got a lot of imagination. You should have heard the bed time stories me and my brother got before going to sleep," I answered, playing with the books on the shelves.
She never told us the same story twice. She always came up with crazy scenarios. My father used to sit with us and he would laugh as much as Jay and I did.
She stopped telling bedtime stories when Jay died.
"And let me guess? You complained because her characters were wuss?" Lexi said.
"Something along those lines," I trailed.
Jayden did. I didn't. I loved my mother's stories, and never had the courage back then to say anything critical to her.
When we were in the History section, Lexi went back to the computer to get a list of books for us. I stayed behind.
I had a fairly good idea where the books I was going to need where, but I was letting Lexi be in charge. It would probably help my cause if I stopped playing the idiot playboy.
I was just being petty. She didn't see me, the real me, so I didn't feel like making it easy for her.
It was kind of contradictory.
As it had been established numerous times previously, I really had issues.
I looked at the shelves of books around me. My eyes caught one titled All My Love, Forever: Letters Home from a World War II Citizen Soldier.
Tragic love stories.
Perfect.
I grabbed it and started to read letters.
Lexi came back a few minutes later.
"What've you got here?" she asked me. I hadn't heard her approach, too engrossed with my reading. That happened often. Whenever I read, I'd stop noticing everything around me.
"Hmm? Oh nothing," I replied, putting the book back where I had taken it. No reason to explain why tragic love stories spoke to me to Lexi.
"Please tell me you know how to look for books with Dewey codes?" Lexi said, handing me a piece of paper with codes.
I kinda wanted to laugh.
"I'm hurt that you think so little of me," I said, teasingly.
"Ow, I'm so sorry," she replied, clearly not really sorry. I rolled my eyes at her antic, and went on my book hunt.
We worked quickly around walking around each other, picking books. I kept giving Lexi glances. She was super engrossed with her task, biting her lip, mouthing her codes, frowning.
It felt... oddly natural to work with her.
I guess were could be a good team if I wasn't teasing her all the time, and she wasn't judging me all the time.
We had to whisper her. We had to be mostly quiet. It was a good place to share secrets.
I'm not a jerk, Lexi.
I was a few feet from her.
She turned around, looking surprised to see me there.
"Wh-"
Lexi, I know you think I'm a jerk, but I'm really not that bad. And I'm pretty sure I love you.
I couldn't tell her this. You couldn't tell someone you weren't a jerk. You had to show them.
You shouldn't just tell someone you loved them.
You should show them...
Lexi was looking at me, and not moving.
Her eyes were wide, her breathing quick.
Show her...
I took a step closer.
I could kiss her.
I had wanted to kiss her for years.
In a life of feeling like shit, of feeling like a bad brother and a bad son, kissing Lexi was the unattainable dream.
I wanted to run my hand through her hair and brush my lips against hers, push her back against the book stacks and hold her against me.
Let me kiss you Lexi, let me know it's okay to kiss you. I don't want anything else.
"Hmm... I think that's the book we were looking for," Lexi whispered, pointing me.
The moment was broken. I blinked.
I was an idiot.
Of course she didn't want to kiss me. What could make me think that she would ever want anything to do with me?
I turned around and went to look for the last book.
"Alright I think that's all of it," I said softly, and grabbed the little stack we had gathered, heading for check-out.
"Found everything you needed?" the same lady as earlier asked.
Of course, everything I needed was standing just beside me. I just wasn't what she needed.
___________
A/N: Oof. Okay so like, I know it's technically not Blake's birthday anymore, but whatevs.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's always tricky to write Smirking Jerk. I never know what to cut and what to keep. I don't want to repeat everything all the time. I want to mix it up a bit. And if I ever want to finish this story, I can't re-write absolutely everything. Ugh.
I hope you're happy with how this chapter turned out.
Also, couple of things.
First off, I have a website. I post three times a week on it, recommendations and rambling. Check it out. It's at kariannegiard.com
Also, I announced today that I was going to start doing livetreams of me reading edited chapters of I Sold.. on Instagram (I'm at kaygiard on IG). I'll also be uploading these chapters in a book called Pitiful I Know. Do check it out.
Finally, I uploaded Weird and Weirder a couple hours ago too. It's Josh and Daph's story if you guys didn't know. Go give these two weirdos some love if you can.
Alright, I shall leave you alone for now.
Byyyyye. Love you guys (and remember, the less you pressure me for a new chapter, the more chances you have of having it quickly ;P)