TW: this chapter talks has some descriptions of depression and suicidal thoughts. Please do not read it if this might be something upsetting for you!
HB3112
The sun was shining through Seb's car windows, Valeria pulled down the sun visor trying to pinpoint where Seb was driving her to. They had spent a couple of days in Germany with his family but, in the early hours of the 29th of December he had grabbed two cases he had packed, told her to get ready and had started driving. If he hadn't been Sebastian Vettel, she would have been slightly worried for her safety, but she knew he would never do anything to hurt her.
'are we going to the airport?' Valeria finally recognised the road towards Frankfurt.
'maybe' he smirked.
'Seb, what the hell? We just got here!' Valeria asked confused.
'you'll soon find out' he told her, with a smile. 'you just chill'
Seb parked his car at the airport not long after. A feeling of excitement and stress had taken Valeria's gut as she grabbed her case out of the car. She followed Seb, still unsure on anything that was happening, until they got into the terminal.
'So, now you'll have to find out as we are checking in and that. Do you want me to tell you now?'
'please, I'm so confused' she replied.
'So... I know there's a place you always wanted to visit, but couldn't. You also said it's the place you need to see before settling down...'
'No' Valeria interrupted him, shocked.
'yes'
'you're taking me... to... fucking... new Zealand?'
'happy early birthday, amore' he smiled, giving her a kiss.
Valeria stood there, motionless and frozen. How was Seb so chilled about such a big gesture? She felt him grab her hand as he walked to the check in desk. She heard him chat along with the lady at the desk who, in Valeria's opinion, seemed a bit too interested in him as she kept chuckling at stuff that even Valeria could understand wasn't funny. He passed her their passports and Valeria noticed her eyes gazing at his name for a bit. The lady put their tickets in their passports and passed them back to Seb, slightly touching his hand doing so. Valeria couldn't stop her eyes from rolling a bit.
'what's up, Schatzi?' Seb asked her, as they walked towards security.
'lady was definitely trying to flirt. I don't need to speak German fluently to understand this' she told him, touching his hand as she did.
'was she? I just thought she was being nice'
'Yeah she was, because she wanted to take you right there'
'is someone jealous?' Seb teased her, pulling her in under his arm.
'no' Valeria blushed.
'you're cute when you're jealous, you never show this side of you. But you know I love you, right?' he kissed her temple.
They went through security controls and sat in the first class lounge.
'This must have cost you a bomb' Valeria said.
'I've been planning it for a while' he shrugged.
'since when?' she asked curiously.
'Australia?'
'We had been going out for a month and you were already planning my birthday?' Valeria asked, shocked.
'Mhmh' he nodded, nonchalantly. 'I knew I'd wanna spend it with you and, if you didn't want to spend it with me, I'd have sent someone else with you, maybe Dan? He's already on that side of the world'
'Wow. You are... unbelievable' Valeria kissed him.
'always the tone of surprise' he teased her. 'I've also packed this for you' he added, passing her the German copy of the hobbit he had got her for Christmas. 'this should be a lot easier than the lord of the rings'
Valeria smiled widely, opening up the book to find he had folded a piece of paper in it. It was the booking for the lord of the rings set tour they were going to go on on her birthday.
Growing old is, unfortunately, compulsory but I thought I'd make it better by taking you to your happy place. And I thought we'd start the new year off together, just you and me. Ich liebe dich. Seb he had scribbled on it with his extremely neat handwriting.
Valeria didn't know what to say, Seb was just so perfect at everything he did.
'this is way too much for my birthday. I got you vinyls and a cake. You make me look so cheap' she told him.
'Schatzi, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't care about money?' he asked. 'stop worrying and just enjoy, please'
Some 20+ hours later
Valeria walked out of Auckland airport unsure if her life was just a dream. She pinched her own arm, as she looked out to the sea of cars and taxis in front of her. They had left Germany in the early hours of the 29th of December and they had reached New Zealand late on the 30th. Valeria felt knackered but Seb had already told her they had a 2 hour drive down to Matamata, she had offered for her to drive for half of the trip but Seb told her he would take care of it. He had just gone to pick the car up and told her to wait for him. She was standing outside in the warmth, her body confused by the jetlag and the change of season. She texted her family to update them on what felt like the most unbelievable day of her life, just as a black city car stopped in front of her.
'hey beautiful, do you need a ride?' Seb asked her, as he rolled the window down.
'sorry, my fiancée is actually coming to pick me up' she joked, as she opened the back to put the suitcases in.
'it's always the best ones who are taken' he stated, as she got in. 'got you coffee'
'you know me too well' Valeria replied. 'thank you'
Valeria watched as Seb relaxed on his seat, driving on the motorway. She had dated the man for ten month, lived with him and was engaged to him and her knees still weakened when she looked at him. Not only he was a pretty handsome guy, but he also was one of the best people she had ever met. She never thought she could love anyone as much as she had loved Jules but Seb had proved her wrong.
Seb had just said something Valeria didn't catch.
'What, Seb, sorry? I was in my head' she asked.
'just said we should be there soon' he pointed at the sat nav.
'good, I can't wait to hit the bed'
'you're a sloth! I swear in the past 11 months I've known you, you spent... 8 months sleeping' he joked.
'that is factually impossible' Valeria replied, as he got off the motorway.
'but you would if you could, wouldn't you?'
'Hell yeah' she stretched and yawned.
A good twenty minutes later, Seb parked outside a little house in the middle of a forest.
'You do like your murder cabins, don't you?' Valeria teased him, as he grabbed the key out of the safe.
'I like places where I can be with you and nobody can bother us, yes. But more than panicked screams, I am expecting you to scream for another reason' he smirked.
Valeria felt her cheeks burn and she knew she had gone bright red. Seb could go from his most romantic to his filthiest in a matter of seconds.
'Jesus, Vettel!' she huffed, walking into the house. It was small, but cozy and beautiful. Valeria started looking around the kitchen when she felt Seb grab her from behind.
'it's almost midnight, do you want to wait up to celebrate?' he asked.
'Sure. Ask Noemi, I love waiting up for my birthday... on the actual day everyone is too worried about New year's and they forget about me'
'I'd never' he kissed her lips sweetly 'you're always my number one... now, grab a bathing suit, we'll wait for your birthday in the hot tub' he said.
Valeria opened the suitcase Seb had prepared for her. He had been really good in choosing the stuff she would have needed. He had packed different styles of shoes, shorts, dresses and tops. He was such a dad to her sometimes.
She changed into a baby blue bikini and joined him in the hot tub.
'You look great'
'you only say that because I'm in a bikini'
'yeah' he laughed. 'I mean you could always take it off' he shrugged.
'Sebastian Vettel, would you please stop it?' she blushed.
Seb smiled, he loved being cheeky and making Valeria blush. She wasn't particularly prude when it came to the bedroom but she always seemed "uncomfortable" outside of it. He moved over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. He checked his watch one more time. '30 seconds' he whispered, with his lips on hers.
'sieben, sechs, fünf, vier, drei, zwei, eins... buon compleanno, amore' he pushed his lips onto hers one more time. Valeria latched onto him, making the kiss deeper.
'thank you, you're the best thing that happened to me' she told him.
Seb grabbed a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket he had prepared before she had joined him. He poured two glasses and passed her one.
'to the future' he clinked his glass with hers. Valeria smiled, instinctively touching her wrist. The future. She needed to finally let go of the past... and what better way to do it than doing it on new year's eve?
'Bärchen, I need to tell you something' she started.
'is every thing ok?' he asked, worried.
'Yes, it's all good. It's... something I've been keeping inside for far too long'
'You don't have to share anything if you don't want to' he said, looking serious. His blue eyes piercing hers, as he gently lifted her chin.
'I think you need to hear this and I think I need to tell the story' she took a deep breath. 'I have told you about my relationship with Jules and how much losing him shaped me, but I have omitted one thing. One thing that I knew would make you like me a lot less' she stopped, as she felt tears coming. Seb, who had been holding her hand to that point, got closer to her to dry her tears off.
'impossible. Nothing would' he whispered, passing his thumb over her tears.
Valeria smiled feebly 'when Jules passed... The pain of losing your best friend, your first love and just your rock is stronger than any pain I ever felt. I had to leave the funeral early, I couldn't deal with it. I called Dave, at the time, for some support. He didn't even bother picking up. When I got back to the UK, I needed him, mostly for emotional support, instead he told me that the reason I was feeling that way is because I never loved him and I only loved Jules. It made it personal for him. He broke up with me. Four days after my best friend died. I was... for a lack of better words... fucked. I felt like I lost the biggest part of me. I wasn't me anymore. So much so that I felt like I lost any will to live. If Jules weren't there, there was no point of me being there either. I didn't have many people I talked to constantly. I had nobody, after Dave left me. And I was in London, a town I called home but never felt mine. I started writing notes to my family and my friends. Then my grandad and grandma appeared at my door. Out of the blue. They were worried I hadn't replied to any of their calls or messages. I was in the bathtub, you know...' she didn't want to spell it out, the memory of her silly mistake still hurting like crazy. Seb nodded, squeezing her hand a bit more. Valeria could see tears on his face, he never thought she had gone through something like that. 'they talked me out of it. They took me with them, I lived with them for a few months after that. My uncle Dean is a therapist, he helped me out a lot. A couple of years later I moved back to Italy. My grandparents and Dean are the only people who know this. And now you.' She concluded.
'Schatzi, I would have never known. I'm so sorry you went through this... what a dick. Sorry that's the only way I can describe someone like that. There is nothing in what you just said that will make me love you any tiny bit less. Actually, it makes me realise, even more, how strong willed you are. You came out of the worst place anyone could ever find themselves and still be the most amazing human I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I love you even more than before' he kissed her. 'but definitely less than tomorrow. And I can promise you I'll make it my life goal to never let you feel even remotely as sad and alone as you felt then'
'I told myself I could never be able to love someone as much as I loved Jules, until I met you. It's weird, I feel like I've known you for so long, I don't remember a time you weren't there'
'Come here' Seb opened his arms for her to cuddle up to his chest. Valeria let the German hug her and she finally felt like she was at ease with herself.
'you're my soulmate' she whispered.
'and you are mine'