Mairie continued, "Her grandparents were lovely. Really kind." Mairie arched her back in an attempt to relieve some of the strain from her protruding belly. "But her parents always struck me as mean. If they came down with her, long weekends and stuff, they would tell her to make herself scarce, that she was underfoot."
Gray blinked in surprise, "What?" Victorian attitudes in this era?
Mairie bobbed her head, "Honestly. The first time we met Regan, Lucy, Jen and I found her by the stream, crying inside, if you know what I mean." She looked across at Gray and wondered if he understood. Maire continued, "I can't remember what it was about. But she was so unhappy. So miserable and so dejected. You could see it in her eyes." The memory surfaced, as she remembered Regan's face. Regan's eyes were flooded with tears, but her face was schooled not to show her fears. Where sadness was masked with embarrassment and fear. "You know, when you think you are alone and realise that someone is watching, it takes you from security to alarm. It leaves you in a vulnerable position." Mairie said softly, "So we tried to cheer her up. As young kids, pretending we were adults we asked her if she was lost? Was she hungry? And Regan was so bemused by the onslaught of questions she just remained mute!" Mairie smiled ruefully, "Typical Lucy, she insisted Regan came back to her place. Jen said her mum would look after her. And you know Lucy, once she sets her mind to something, it just happens. So we just reached for Regan's hands, pulled her up and practically dragged Regan to Lucy and Jen's home!"
"She came to the Jones' place."
Mairie nodded in remembrance. "I am not sure what Lucy told her mum, but her mum fussed over Regan." Mairie remembered how astonished Regan was when Alison wrapped her arms around her shoulder and just gave her a cuddle. Regan was so stiff at first, unsure what to do, and then she just allowed her to be held. " I remember Alison cuddled her. I now know, her parents never did that." Mairie smiled. "Alison was amazing. Within minutes, the sadness in Regan's eyes, evaporated. I guess that Alison recognised the sadness in Regan's eyes and what it masked beneath. But you could see the sadness returning when it was time for Regan to go back to her place. Like peeling a scab, leaving the wound seeping."
Gray swallowed the lump in his throat. He narrowed his eyes, "Mairie, I get it, that you are supporting your friend, but..."
Mairie ignored his interruption. "When Regan came to stay for holidays with her grandparents without her parents, she was another person. As my sister, Alice, used to say, Regan was as mad as me and Lucy! But around her parents she wouldn't say boo to a goose. She would remain quiet. Would not say anything. Prim, solemn, earnest. " Mairie hesitated. "But here, with the Jones family, she would come in and get a cuddle from Lucy's mum. I always got the sense that being cuddled was a novel experience for her. The fact that someone really cared for her, that she didn't have to perfect, that someone would love her. That she mattered."
Gray poked his tongue in his cheek as he let those statements wash through his system.
Quietly, Mairie said, "I think she liked the fact that she could join in, with us, and if need be become filthy and get hugged!" Mairie smiled ruefully, "That her behaviour was fine, that she didn't have to be perfect. That someone loved her. That it didn't matter if she was grubby."
"Grubby?" He could not imagine Regan grubby until that evening where they wrestling in the paddock. The moment when she doused him with the hose, it squashed his previous assessment of her as a bluenose. Squealing, squawking and laughing as if she was having a wonderful time. They both laughed, despite the fact they were soaked, were wrestling in unknown soil pedigree, and the fact that they were close to kissing. And that scene was replayed in his mind, over and over. Like now.
Mairie missed the flush in Gray's neck and cheeks. "My impression was that her life in Auckland was very cold and starchy. I never actually spoke to her parents, but Lucy did. And Lucy thought, that they weren't into showing affection. Jen, Lucy and I came to the conclusion that they didn't want her around. So different to Lucy and Jenny childhood." Mairie sounded very sad.
"Your childhood?"
"Yes. I mean, in my family, we have lots of squabbles, but we all knew, if anything happens to us, my family would be there for us. No question. I always knew I was loved. Unconditional love. Like Lucy and Jenny. They knew they were loved. Unconditional love. But I am pretty sure Regan never felt like that, as a kid." She sighed. "Real, normal, family interactions was a complete shock to her system. I think Regan had a bleak life. Lonely, I think. Deserted emotionally, while remaining in a family. Even as a kid, I knew her life was awful."
Gray wondered whether Mairie was exaggerating. "I can understand that she's your friend. But..."
Mairie was beyond incensed. She glared at Gray. He quirked an eyebrow. Mairie interrupted with fury in her voice, "It still astonishes me and Lucy how Regan could possibly turn out to be one of those glass half full people. Can see potential in almost any situation. Regan has a huge heart." She continued to glare at Gray. " And I get it, well, actually, I will have to accept other's people view of you! Think you are a decent man. And they respect you. Even Alison said you were a kind, thoughtful, astute, intelligent man. So I don't get why you think she was a scrooge. You worked for her and Regan paid you a labourer wage."
"Exactly. A labourer wage for doing the work of a full-time manager."
"She is not a scrooge!"
He asked rudely, "Really?"
Mairie was closed to smacking him! "Regan gave every spare, and come to think of it, not spare, cent, to you and your family. She didn't have any spare cash before you arrived, and what little she had was spent on your family!"
"Oh, come...."
"She didn't have much but she went out of the way to ensure that you and your family were ok. She spent money on you and your family. Time and time again."
Gray jammed his hands into his pockets and he narrowed his eyes. "We worked for it."
Mairie snorted. "Yes, and you had new furnishings and furniture in your rooms while she made do? Using her grandparent's old linen, their furniture, their décor. She did not have money to splash around, so she invited the auctioneer to see if there were any antiques she could sell." He straightened up, as his assumptions began to disintegrate as he remembered the room he'd looked into. The shabby state of the furniture in her bedroom. He also remembered asking her, no, telling her that they wanted to take the new furniture they'd bought for their rooms.
Mairie could see that he was battling with his conscience. "Regan said she wanted you all to feel at home and if that meant spending a little money on you to make your rooms comfortable, and to suit your taste, then it was a small price." Mairie rolled her eyes, and said somewhat dryly, "Hardly a small price! Your sister has taste, but it's expensive taste. And you took it away when you left! She could have used it!"
Gray wondered if Mairie knew they had taken the furniture with them when they'd left. Gray folded his arms in defence, "Regan was happy with ...."
"Yes. I know. But for you to say she has no substance and only thinks of herself, that's not fair. And it's just plain wrong. You have misjudged her. Completely."
He rubbed at his cheek and chin and then mumbled, "If you say so."
Mairie huffed. "I'd have thought you'd see how big hearted she was, even if her parents seemed to miss it during her childhood. It was as if they didn't want her around, so they pretended she wasn't around. Just ignored her when possible."
He said with clear disparagement. "You are exaggerating ..."
Mairie blew out a breath as she attempted to rein in her temper. She interrupted, "They always dumped her with her grandparents when they could. I think that's why she's trying so hard to hold onto the farm, because her grandparents gave her their time and attention. The place is special to her. It gave her hope. I think she feels she owes it to their memory to keep the place going. Even though she knows nothing about managing or running a farm. It's a place where she was happy, with people who cared for her. That's why she's holding on to it. Working damn hard too. No point, tell you that!" And with that she flounced off though her pregnancy made the flounce more of a waddle. She was angry with him and with herself for telling him so much personal stuff about Regan.
Gray watched her go. Perhaps Mairie had embellished the facts, he thought. But something about her tone suggested that she had only provided the surface.
He stalked towards his grandfather, muttering to himself as he went, while he rehashed the last few minutes.
Sam frowned at him, "Everything ok?"
"Mairie said Regan took the locum job to pay my wage?" He nearly glared as his guilt surfaced. Instead he settled for a frown only to note that news was not new to his grandfather. He asked pointedly, "Granddad, you know?"
Sam shook, "No." But that had Gray's eyebrows winging upwards when he recognised his grandfather knew more. Sam, continued to shake his head, "Gray, I didn't know. Not for sure."
"I can see it in your eyes, Granddad."
"No. I just recognised it now. It made sense."
"Made sense?" His eyes remained cool. "About?" But on the inside, his guilt and fury were vying for precedence.
There was a silent standoff for a few seconds. As Sam processed the information and what he knew from his time at Regan's farm.
"Granddad?" Mairie's information was reviewed in his head. How could he have missed that? The fact that she was working to generate a wage for him? It was strange, Gray thought, how in the space of a few minutes, your life and attitude towards someone, could change.
"It makes sense, she was always working." Sam said quietly.
Gray rolled his eyes and said bluntly, "Yeah, because she was avoiding me!" Sam shook his head. " Granddad, every time I asked for something for the farm, she dodged me. I even left her notes on the kitchen counter, on the corridor-table beside the coat stand where she left her car keys. Notes about what was needed, the equipment, fixing things on the farm."
"Exactly." Sam threw his grandson a speculative look. "If she was really avoiding you, why help you at all?"
"Me? When she did what..." That statement petered out. He ran a hand through his hair. "You mean that evening when she boosted my confidence before that first date with Caro." He frowned in earnest and blew out a breath, "Why didn't she tell us? She is so bloody proud!"
"Reminds me of someone I know." Sam snorted and Gray picked up the subtle message.
He wished, now with hindsight, he wished he'd asked her for more details when they first arrived at her place. Why she took them on? Why feed them? Why give them a home? Why give him a job? How she was going to pay him? But his unexpected yearning for someone he barely knew clouded his time on her farm and his judgment. He ruthless banked his passion, desire and longing for her, covered with rudeness and more than open distrust. Dating Caro was not the answer in trying to ensure that he didn't fall for Regan. Scepticism. Misgiving. Cynicism. Wariness. Framed his conversations with her. The woman of his dreams was pulled down because he had feet of clay. Time to change his strategy, his attitude and accept his feelings.