This is my 20th chapter and i am soooooo happy right now. Because all of you are so lovely i decided to make this chapter longer and alot more interesting ;) This one is probably one of my personal fav's i've written so far! Enjoy xoxo
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Hermione POV
I didn't even go into my room to get changed. After I found Pansy's very malicious note I immediately started to go to Ginny's room earlier than I expected. I struggled to fight back the tears as I almost ran through the corridors. A few students noticed my tears and sniggered but I didn't care. I have no idea why I was even crying, I had no right. Was I jealous? I was aware of the growing feelings I've been developing for Draco over the past few weeks but I never thought I'd ever get as far as crying over him. I felt really stupid, Draco is entitled to do whatever he likes in his free time, so what if it's with Pansy Parkinson. I shouldn't care! But I do care, I couldn't help it. But what was all that fuss in the corridors with Pansy earlier? Surely if Draco didn't think something of me he wouldn't stand up for me infront of most of the school. I was so confused. I felt like my head was going to explode.
As I approached Ginny's door I wiped away all evidence of tears from my face, I took a deep breath before knocking. She opened it up after a few seconds with a huge smile on her face, I only managed a weak one. She gestured for me to come in.
"I thought you were getting changed?" Ginny asked me as I threw myself into her blue arm chair
"Uh...I changed my mind. So what's up?" I said, I made myself comfortable
She shrugged "Okay I just need your advice about my relationship with Harry."
"What do you mean? Has something happened with you two?" I ask raising my eyebrows full of concern for my two Best friend's relationship.
"Oh of course not, we're great. But it's not that!" she exclaimed
I crossed my arms as I sat back in her armchair. "Alright... so what is it then?"
She looked serious now "So recently I've been thinking that maybe it's time that I take my relationship with Harry to the next level. I haven't spoken to him about it yet, I wanted to talk to you first."
The mood changed completely.
"What do you...Oh right. Wow. That's a big step Ginny..." I definitely wasn't expecting this, nor did I expect Ginny to come to me to talk about this. I'm not exactly an expert with this kind of thing.
"Yeah...." she said shyly "We've been together for a while now and I feel ready one hundred per cent."
"I presume you were thinking of doing this next week when he comes over for Halloween?" I ask and she nodded "Well... I guess there's nothing else I can say other than be safe and I hope all goes okay for you."
She sighed. "I mean obviously I've never done this before and I'm just nervous that he won't want to for whatever reason... or that we'd started doing it and he's change his mind or push me away-"
I put my hand up and shook my head to silence her. "Don't be silly. What kind of guy would say no to his beautiful girlfriend when she asks to sleep with him? He'd be a fool if he did say no, which he won't."
"You really think so?"
"Yes Ginny, you don't need to worry. Harry loves you and you love him, and if you both feel like this is the right time to take things to the next level then you don't have to think about rejection. He genuinely adores you and I really don't think I've seen a relationship as rock solid as yous and Harry's... you'll be fine."
I obviously was not an expert regarding these sort of situations, but judging by the satisfied smile on Ginny's face, I knew she felt somewhat better about herself.
She laughed and came to sit next to me, I moved to give her some space. "Thanks for assuring me. You're a good friend. I'm so glad I got this off my chest. It's been on my mind for days now."
"It's no problem. I'm always here if you need me"
She grinned "This is the happiest I've ever been, I love Harry a lot and taking our relationship further will bring us even closer. He's definitely the man for me and I... oh my god I'm so sorry Hermione!"
I didn't mean for her to notice my discomfort. I felt myself begin to tear up again because of him and my bad luck with relationships recently.
"I'm terribly sorry. I didn't think..." she said apologetically, desperately taking my hand in hers. She didn't seem to care that it was clammy.
"Ginny don't be sorry. It's fine, I'm fine. I'm delighted for you and Harry, I really am." I sniffed as I pulled my hand away. "You probably think I'm acting so strange right now."
"You don't look fine... and I don't think your acting strange." She wrapped her arm around me tightly. "We can... talk about Malfoy. If you like, that is."
I sighed. It was now or never. I needed to talk about him at some stage...
I found myself spilling my heart out to Ginny. I told her all about my encounters with Malfoy since starting School again. And of course, that kiss. Ginny was in a state of shock and I don't blame her. I'm just grateful she didn't once judge or pass any comments.
"Hermione Granger, I cannot believe you kissed Malfoy and didn't tell me." Ginny put on a fake angry voice which made me giggle.
I didn't expect it, but I felt comfortable talking about this with Ginny. I never expected to talk about Malfoy with anyone, let alone her.
"I guess I struggled trying to come to terms with it. Sorry I didn't tell you but I was in a difficult position."
"Has he been mean to you over it?" She asked, all joking aside.
I shook my head "Uh... yes and no. Nothing serious though, I can handle him. But he's.... different now."
"I have noticed a change in Malfoy lately but I thought I may have been wrong" said Ginny. "He isn't the person everyone thinks he is, that I know for sure. But he just seems...sad."
"Exactly. He's really troubled and spent all his life doing things to impress others. It's all taking its toll on him now, especially after what happened a few months ago." I exclaim "But I'm surprised you're taking this so well Ginny... I expected you to be furious."
She laughed "I could never be mad at you even if I wanted to. I think you're a bit crazy, yes. But if he makes you happy then I'm happy."
"Woah... I never said anything about being with him. The situation with your Brother and I isn't sorted yet." I quickly responded looking straight to the wall in front of me.
Ginny shrugged "What is there to sort? The Boyfriend and Girlfriend thing with you and Ron is well and truly over now and I think you already know that, as harsh as it may sound, it's true."
I bowed my head down "I'll still have to talk to him next week when he comes with Harry."
I spent about an hour with Ginny. We spent most of it talking about school, Halloween and trying to come up with a scenario of what I should or shouldn't say to Ron next week. After I had left I dreaded going back to my room. I really didn't want to face Draco, not after that little surprise from Pansy. But I needed to snap out of it. I couldn't carry on like this.
You're being pathetic. My breathing increased as I reached my destination. I practically needed to push myself through the door.
All feelings of nervousness and dread was gone and replaced with fear. I stood in shock as I witnessed Draco Malfoy sitting on the couch with blood dripping down the sleeve on his shirt. What has happened? He didn't even look startled to see me. It was like he was numb. His grey eyes were sad. His hair was brushed back and he looked paler than usual.
I swallowed a lump in my throat as I slowly walked over "What is this? Why is there blood?"
He didn't answer, instead he stood up and attempted to walk away but I managed to grab hold of him. "Draco! Don't walk away, tell me what happened right now."
"Don't," He spat. "Call me that. Just don't."
"It's your name and I will call you that."
He sighed with frustration. He was holding his bloody arm in discomfort now "What do you want from me?"
I tried to touch his arm but he moved back. His expression was unreadable. All I wanted more than anything was to reach out and comfort him but he would never allow me to.
"I want to help you..." I say slowly. "What happened to you?"
"Isn't it obvious? Draco Malfoy coping with pain in cowardly ways." Draco scoffed and let out a very loud and humorless laugh. After a few moments of doing that -and my feelings of pure shock and terror increasing- he sighs and squeezes his eyes shut."I can't do it anymore"
"Do what?"
"Live like this. I'm a mess." He said, voice full of venom. "My mind is full of nothing but pain, destruction and tragedy. I try so damn hard to not think about what happened and who I was but it's impossible." He spoke that last word loud and clearly.
My heart broke for him. Poor Draco was so tormented by the past. Nobody ever considered the amount of things he went through "You may think it's impossible but it's not. Time helps.."
Useless. I felt utterly useless. First it was Ginny confiding in me as to whether or not she should have sex with Harry, and now this. Only this situation, obviously, was different and more difficult.
Delicate. Handle it delicately...
"Oh please. Don't try and act like you know what I'm talking about. Nobody will ever get a chance to be in my position, ever" He yells at me before I can even think of what to say next.
"I'm not trying to act like I know. The pain you feel... I will never be able to feel that but I understand Draco, I really do. I've experienced pain before you know, not in the same way but I understand the feeling of hopelessness, after Fred died I-"
"No, stop it. I don't want to hear about another person who died in that war." He stepped back once again until his back hit the wall. He ran his fingers through his blond hair, facial expression full of pain and grief. "People are always going to remember me for joining them. It's partly my fault."
"No," I say. "No it's not. I know for a fact you didn't want to join them but you didn't have a choice. It's not your fault. You're a victim."
He laughed another humorless one."A victim? There have been many victims but I'm not one of them. I'm pathetic and weak and-"
I cut him off from his sentence by kissing him on the cheek. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I pulled back. My blood boiled in my cheeks and I desperately tried to focus on something other than his face.
What are you doing!?!?
Draco didn't move, he looked stunned but somewhat calmer compered to how he was a few minutes ago. I wanted to run away into a dark room and never come out.
"You aren't any of those things." I whispered to him. "To me, you'll never be. I'll always see something more.."
He watched me as I bent down and slowly rolled up his blood soaked sleeve. He winced in pain as I did. I gasped at the sight of the disturbingly neat cuts over his dark mark. It made sense. He did it because seeing his dark mark everyday reminds him of all the suffering and torment. He wanted to take away the emotional pain and replace it with physical pain, and more specifically, he wanted to feel pain in that place. The place that is a constant reminder.
"Oh Draco." I muttered trying not to allow myself to break down. "You shouldn't hurt yourself like this."
He sighed carelessly then flinched as I ran my finger lightly over one of the wounds. "It's nothing."
"Well it clearly is something. You are hurt." I lightly pressed my lips against the soreness and kissed it. I could hear him breathe heavily.
"S-stop" he spat. "You shouldn't act like this."
I stood up to face him again. "And why not? Because I'm a mud blood?"
"I don't want to hear you call yourself that, ever." he said. The tone in his voice was different. It wasn't arrogant or harsh, it was gentle but somewhat urgent. Something about it made me tremble. We stood in silence for a few moments. Each second that passed felt like a lifetime.
I looked down to his arm again. "I'll get my wand, I know a few healing spells-"
"No," he grabbed me to prevent me from moving "I don't want that. I want to feel pain, I don't want to explain why..."
I frowned, then placed my two hands on my hips. "Don't be silly. Just allow me, please."
"No. Just leave it. I'll be fine. Pain is what I deserve." he said firmly. He started to walk away once again but I stopped him.
"God dammit Granger."
"If you're not going to let me heal you, at least allow me to wrap it with some bandages so it won't get infected." I demanded furiously.
There was no way in hell that I was going to let Draco Malfoy walk away soaked in blood, and leave him suffer alone.
Slowly but hesitantly he shook his head. I led him into the bathroom where I knew there was a first aid kit. I brought his exposed arm under the running tap, he immediately pulled back gritting his teeth in pain.
"I can't help you if you won't let me."
He rolled his eyes, putting his arm back under the water. I used my hands to rub away most of the dried in blood. Blood still oozed out from the fresh wounds as I removed his arm from the water.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked as I covered his wounds, a lot slower than I should have.
"Because you're bleeding."
He laughed. "No, I don't mean that. I mean why are you being nice to me when I'm always horrible?"
I shook my head. "You're not horrible. You're just misunderstood."
"Still doesn't excuse me though," he muttered "Ouch! Watch your fingers."
"Sorry. And yes it does. It's the misunderstood people who often say and do things they regret, like you. There's so many reasons why Draco. You always tried to live up to your fathers standards all your life. I don't even want to begin to imagine what that's like."
I had finished wrapping up his arm and he looked down at it with approval. "Thanks"
"It's okay... but more importantly are you okay?"
His usual famous smirk appeared "I am now."
I feel like a lava pit and all I want to do is run the opposite way and never come back. But something changed. I no longer felt intimidated by Draco Malfoy. His platinum hair fell in front of his eyes now, his pink lips were slightly parted but turned into a smile when he saw how embarrassed I was. He truly was the most breath taking male I have ever seen. His arrogant smirk made him appear ever more attractive. Tonight I feel like I got to know Draco Malfoy a little bit more and I felt a sense of pride. I could no longer ignore the tension.
I leaned in and pulled him for a kiss. He seemed stunned but didn't push away. I shivered with anticipation as his soft lips started to move against mine. I ran my fingers though his sleek hair. I always wondered what it felt like. I began to grip onto it as our kiss got rough. My mouth briefly opened so he took that as an opportunity to enter his tongue. I lightly moaned as he began trace his fingers up and down my back. He broke away from the kiss, but only to leave a soft trail of kisses along my jaw line and neck. My eyes fluttered closed, this was a lot to try and deal with.
"Do you like that?" he seductively whispers as he plants a kiss on my collar bone. His good arm wrapped eagerly around my waist.
"Tickles" I said in barley a whisper.
He deeply laughed "Good". He kisses me a few more time along my neck. I felt like I could literally melt into his touch. When we finally broke apart I felt some new urges that I never felt before. In order to prevent embarrassment I decided it would be best not to throw myself at him. He had a lustful look in his eye but didn't act upon it.
"It's getting late." He says with a hint of regret in his eyes.
"Yeah," I shrug. I take him by the hand and lead him out of the bathroom. When he saw where I was taking him and pulled his hand back.
"Er what are you doing?"
"Going to bed." I say innocently.
"I...uh... I don't think that will help. I s-still feel pretty crap and-"
"I'm not like Pansy, Draco. I don't have any intentions." I laughed. "So are you coming or what?"
I had no idea what I was doing, but in this moment it felt right. I wanted to show him that I cared, that he will always be cared for. I wanted to help Draco Malfoy more than I ever wanted to help anyone.
I gestured towards my bedroom and he nodded much to my surprise. I wasn't sure how I felt about this but I definitely had no regrets.
"Make yourself comfortable." I tell him. "I'll be back in a minute."
I left him sitting on my bed as I left the bedroom. When I was out of his view I took out Pansy's note which I had kept in my pocket. I didn't even feel angry anymore. This note is nothing, she is nothing. I grinned as I tore it up and tossed it into the rubbish bin. I wasn't going to allow Pansy Parkinson torment me any further. It ends today. I quickly got changed out of my school uniform in the bathroom and went back in to Draco. He was in my bed now. My cheeks burned when I realised he had removed his shirt. I really hope he had his lower half dressed....
"Coming in or what?" he mocked
I laughed nervously "Yeah... I...."
He grinned "Don't worry, I'm wearing pants. Unless you want me to take them off, I will do that. Happily."
I playfully smacked him on his arm as I climbed in beside him. He winced in pain. "Oh god, sorry. I didn't realise that was your sore arm"
"It's alright" he positions his head on the pillow and locks his eyes with mine. I slowly lay beside him. He was staring straight at me with a sleepy smile on his face.
"What's the smile for?"
"As tempting as it is to roll on top of you right now, I'm tired." he stifled a loud yawn.
"Me too." I paused. "I... uh... I didn't mean the roll on top of you part... I meant that I'm tired too."
He merely laughs when I expected him to come out with some snarky comment.
I turned the opposite way and as I did so he put his arm over me. I couldn't help but smile too. If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I would be sharing a bed with Draco Malfoy after I kissed him I would probably laugh in their face. But now that idea definitely isn't as hard to believe.
"Goodnight Hermione" was one the last things I heard him say before I fell into a deep slumber.