Today, I had time to drop Lenny off at school on my way to work, which I was absolutely grateful about. There's not a lot of moments we get to have together and sometimes that worries me as a mother because I don't want her to feel that I'm not there for her or that I don't care. I care so much about her and she was possibly the best thing that ever could have happened to me.
When we'd first found out I was pregnant with Lenny, Harry and I were criticized a ton and a lot of family members began to doubt our capability to take care of a child.
Specifically, Harry's father Thomas, who had never been much of a supportive father in Harry's life at all.
His reaction to the pregnancy wasn't a surprise to either of us but I remember Harry being extremely angry at his father.
Thomas would rant about how much of a disappointment Harry had always been and would constantly remind Harry of what he'd preferred him to do.
And Harry having a child at such a young age he said further proved his point.
One thing was wanting Harry to join sports, which Harry tried to get into for the sake of his father but decided to quit because he just wasn't enjoying it.
But of course Harry being the multitalented human he is- had a passion for singing.
I'd heard him sing only a number of times throughout our relationship. Whether it were his little hums while he showered or when he would sing along to a song on the radio, there was no doubt he sounded absolutely incredible.
Sometimes, I wonder what he could've accomplished if he'd approached that route.
Harry had once told me that at the age of 15, he'd saved up for a beautiful Martin D-28 acoustic guitar that his friend happened to be selling. He'd spent months working extra shifts at his part-time job to save up enough money.
Once he'd finally managed to get a hold of that guitar, he felt extremely excited and proud.
The feeling of finally having enough saved up for something you've been wanting for so long felt so amazing and overwhelming to him.
But not even a week later, Harry had returned from school to find his guitar smashed in the corner of his childhood bedroom.
Thomas' reasoning was that he didn't want any distractions in Harry's life. (Another thing to add in list of reasons why he doesn't like me specifically.)
Since then, Harry has never wanted to pick up another guitar.
Thomas wanted Harry to become an entrepreneur like himself.
Except- not his company.
He wanted Harry to build a life for himself- one that was successful and one that he could brag about to his snobby rich friends.
But the thing is, Harry was successful.
He did built a life for himself.
So why wasn't he satisfied or proud of his son?
Harry became a writer- a passionate one with an extremely big and talented heart. He has millions of people lining up, wishing they could take his place and I'm not so sure Thomas has that.
Harry grew his own family. He appreciates his life, priorities his daughter and I love that about him.
He cares so much.
Harry and I promised we would do everything to ensure our daughter is loved.
This was extremely important. Especially to Harry because he'd wanted to be an amazing father unlike his dad.
Thinking back to that promise that we had both made, I know that we would both be keeping it regardless of where our relationship stands and we weren't going to think any differently just because we weren't together anymore.
"Hey, sorry I'm late." I say out of breathe as I enter the office. "I had to drop my daughter off at school and traffic was an absolute nightmare."
Nancy looks up from her screen to see me on the other side of her desk. Giving me a smile before responding.
"Hi Nina! You're alright honey, I don't think anyone is even focused on work right now with the whole promotion celebration." Nancy says with a slight chuckled laugh.
I don't completely take her words in but when I do, I find myself doing double take.
"Promotion? Someone's getting promoted?" I ask curiously.
As far as I knew, Holmes didn't have any plans to promote anyone. This was news to me.
"Ethan!" She smiles. "Holmes promoted him to managing editor. Thought you'd know since you both talk to each other."
Ethan?
This has to be a joke.
I can't seem to find the words to respond with, so I walk past her and reach my cubicle.
As soon as I enter the room, I realize there's rarely anyone working. Most of the staff seems to be gathered behind the transparent walls, inside of the meeting room.
Music can be heard blasting and I'm able to see bright colored decorations as everyone surrounding Ethan. I watch him hold up a wine glass, preparing to toast along with everyone else in the room. Holmes stands proudly beside.
Slowly, I approach them still not quite believing what I was witnessing.
As soon as I step a foot inside, Melanie- a reporter offers me a glass of champagne but before I can even open my mouth to refuse, she hands it to me anyways.
"I would just like to give a huge thank you to Daniel Holmes here who has promoted me to managing editor. I cannot thank you enough for this opportunity..." Ethan starts off. "I've worked very hard to get here and I'm glad Holmes was able to recognize my attribution and hard efforts to keep this paper going. Therefore, I'd like to raise a toast for Holmes. I promise I'll make you proud. Cheers."
He finished off raising his glass.
I'm still in shock.
Someone explain how the hell this son of a bitch got a promotion before me?
Everyone lifts their glasses up and chugs down their champagne while I'm nearly close to throwing mine into Ethan's face.
I'm filled with rage.
I don't want to sound like a bitch but why out of all people was Ethan chosen for this position?
"Thank you for that very kind speech, Ethan." Holmes responds. "Glad to have such a wonderful hard worker on the job."
Am I dreaming? Am I being Punk'd?
Tell me Ashton Kutcher is hiding under the fucking table.
Everyone's cheers soon turns into chatter and I'm breathing out a dry laugh.
This is unbelievable.
Ethan's eyes gaze over to mine, his face lighting up with a grin once our eyes meet.
"Nina! Isn't this crazy?"
"So crazy." I mumble, avoiding eye contact.
"Who would've thought?" Ethan responds with a laugh.
Not me.
"I'm in complete shock!"
You and I both, buddy.
"Although, I am so excited to have earned this position, I want to say you deserve it way more than I do." Ethan says sounding sincere.
I stare at him. Giving him a "I don't believe you" look before he nods.
"I'm being completely honest here. When Holmes told me I was getting promoted, I had refused at first." He starts off. "I told him that you were much more qualified for this position than I was but he just...insisted." He shrugs with a laugh. "And here we are."
Yep. Here we are.
"Congratulations." I say giving him a fake smile. I place my champagne glass on the table in front of me before Ethan speaks up again.
"We're actually going to be celebrating for a bit, if you would like some cake." He grins.
I look around the place once more at all the balloons and decorations before turning back towards him. "I appreciate it but I have work to catch up on."
And with that, I leave to my cubicle.
Fuck. Am I being too petty?
I'm jealous. It's clear that I am but I'm also really angry at the moment.
What could I have done differently to gain this promotion?
Instead of celebrating, for the next hour or so I look through emails, replying to people's messages and trying my best to focus on my computer screen rather than the ongoing beats of the pop songs blasting through the meeting room right now.
Eventually, the celebration ends, everyone goes back to their offices and cubicles with slices of cakes and sweet treats in hand.
My palm is resting on the side of my head from the giant headache I've developed when suddenly my work phone begins to ring.
"Nina Garcia." I answer, trying my best to sound cheery.
"Garcia. I need to speak to you, please see me in my office." Holmes voice sounds making me freeze in my seat.
This sounds like I should be worried.
Should I be worried?
I let him know I'll be there in a minute before standing out of my seat and towards his office.
As soon as I'm in front of his door, I knock and head his voice from the other side, allowing me in. I enter and close the door shut behind me before taking a seat in front of his wooden desk.
"Hello." Holmes mumbles. He doesn't look up at me. Instead, he's got a pen in one hand and a list in the other writing notes.
My mouth parts open ready to speak before he interrupts me. "Alright, Garcia. We've had a bit of a back and forth between the people we feel that work best with the company." He leads on. "But we've also had a bit of a talk between the other editors and I feel that it's time for a change."
"Okay..." I say, not quite understanding where this was going.
"We've decided to let a number of people go it was a very difficult decision but I have to inform you that we're going to let you go."
Sorry, what???
"I'm sorry- I- what?" I stutter as my heart drops down to my stomach. "You're kidding right?" I say with a dry laugh.
Alright, Ashton Kutcher. Gig is up, I know you're in here somewhere.
"Unfortunately, I'm not Miss.Garcia." He admits, marking something off on the paper before setting it aside. "It's important for us to keep this company in check with the people we've been working with and like I said, it's time for change."
My mouth drops open and I can't help but let out a nervous laugh. "What does that even mean?"
"It means, we're letting you go." He responds getting a little impatient with me. "I've said that very clearly now."
"Uh- okay..." I say. "Will you please give me a reason as to why I had to be apart of that change?"
He looks at me in a very annoyed manner. I'm absolutely sure that I'm pissing him off at this point. But I wasn't going to let him just fire me without an explanation.
"Your efforts being on staff weren't enough to keep you here and we have people who deserve this position with better ideas to expand the paper." He says focusing back to the paperwork on his desk. "Now, you're just wasting my time, alright? Just leave."
"Excuse me?!" I gape at him. "I have literally done 90 percent of the work you're supposed to do while you get paid to sit on your ass at home..." I rant getting off track. "While I have to sit in a fucking cubicle every goddamn day instead of being with my 5-year-old daughter and my 'efforts weren't enough'?? I have given up so much for this fucking position-"
"That's enough-"
"No!" I interrupt. "It's not enough. You can't just tell me you're letting me go and not give me a good reason. I know I've worked hard for this job! I've stayed late hours, given you tons of content and by the way, hiring Ethan? Big mistake on your part, sir. Gotta admit, you fucked up with that one."
I feel my face growing bright red as my rant begins to get louder and harsher.
"Miss.Garcia, please have a seat-"
"I have worked so fucking hard, I know I deserve to keep my job and I'm not just going to let some bald man tell me that 'my efforts weren't enough to keep me here,' that sounds so fucking ridiculous!"
"Garcia- god you woman are unbelievable." He mumbles under his breathe.
What the fuck.
"Leave my office." Holmes mutters in anger. "Now!"
I'm so close to throwing another insult at the bastard but instead, I walk out without saying another word. If I stay here any longer, he might not come out of that room alive.
As soon as I step out, I realize I've never heard the entire building so quiet.
All eyes are on me as if they were waiting for me to say something but all I do is walk right past them, grab my shit from my cubicle and walk out of the building.
Not even Nancy said a word on my way out. Instead she gave me a pitied look.
As soon as I'm in the car, I drop my head onto my steering wheel and my heart begins to feel heavy.
This hasn't happened in a really long time.
At least not like this.
My body begins to shake and my chest begins to wrench as my breathing gets heavier. I try to control my breaths, inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my lips, something Harry had once taught me to do but not even that could help me in this moment.
I can't believe I've once again managed to fuck up something for myself once again.
What the hell was I going to do now?
How the fuck am I going to find another job?
My mind wanders with endless questions as I overthink and feel myself beginning to panic.
I need to get home before this gets any worse.
As soon as I start the car and drive out of the parking lot, phone begins to ring.
I don't even take the time to look at the caller ID as I answer the phone. Trying my best to recompose myself, taking a deep breathe before speaking. "H-hello?"
There's nothing but muffled silence on the other side. I'm about to repeat myself when I hear Harry's voice on the line.
"Nina?"
"Yeah?" I respond, trying my best to sound myself as possible.
"Is everything okay? Are you alright? You sound a little off." He asks me in a concerning tone.
My grip on the steering wheel tightens and I nod, forgetting he can't see me before I give him a response. "Yes." I say a little too quickly through gritted teeth.
"Nina..." Harry trails off. "What's going on?"
He can sense something is wrong and my brain can't seem to form any words in this moment to lie to him.
"Your scaring me now." He admits in a more nervous tone. "Is Lenny okay? Nobody answered the door when I came to pick her up just now and Genesis told me she had the day off so, I thought I'd call..."
"Oh crap- I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to tell you she's staying with my mom tonight." I tell him. "Yes, Lenny is fine." I assure Harry, hearing him exhale a much more relieved sigh.
"That's okay." He responds. The line goes silent for a few seconds, neither of us not really sure what to say. I'm convinced he's ready to hang up before he's speaking again. "Are you alright?" He asks me once again.
"You've asked me that already."
"And I'll keep asking until I know that you are." He says softly.
My eyes start to brim with tears and I choke back a sob as I focus on the road in front of me. "I'm okay." I manage to let out.
"No, you're not." Harry responds immediately calling me out on my bullshit.
After I don't respond, he speaks up again. "Is it alright if I come over?"
My mind is telling me to say no. I don't need him to see me in such an vulnerable state and I'd hate for him to waste his time on me.
But shit, I had no idea what brought me to blurt out the exact opposite.
"Yes."
-
A/N:
I'm going to try my best to get the second chapter up by this weekend!!
Thank you so much for sticking with me and being so patient with my slow updates.
-n
Also, if you live in the U.S and you're able to vote,
PLEASE VOTE!!!