Auntie toasts the VRMMORPG

By Joan_Ninja_Hen

24.9K 1.9K 193

After Flora Fluss burns down the kitchen, her son insists she is too old to live alone. She's got two choices... More

1. Polyester Hats cook Dragon Eggs
2. To the new World
3. Engineering a Body - The Skeleton (Part 1)
4. Engineering a Body - The Skeleton (Part 2)
5. Engineering a Body - Ligaments, Muscles, and Tendons
6. Engineering a Body - Blood and Organs
7. Engineering a Body - Nerves, Senses, and Skin
8. Welcome to the Metaworld
9. Central Bank Robby
10. Banking and getting an AI
11. Nocks
12. Riverstones and Jerkies
13. Riverstones and Crafting
14. Animated Skins
15. Trick Beach
16. The Seven Masters Dojo
17. Potion Guzzler
18. Free-Running Workshop and Coffin Optimization
19. Trick-Animations
20. ToDo-List
21. Anti-Collision
22. Lawyers
23. Meeting Squad Four-One
24. Grinding XP
25. Martial Arts Mannequin-Routines
26. The Garage
27. Doom Moon - Part 1
28. Doom Moon - Part 2
29. Wing Tsun Advancement and Eddie
30. The Trail of Worlds
31. The Class System
32. Preparations
33. Doom Moon Second Attempt
34. Doom Moon 2 - The Sewers
35. Doom Moon 2 - Energymaster Flora
36. E21
37. Workshop Expansion
38. Robo-Melee Crafting
39. A new Lair, Charade and Books
Bonus Chapter: Genesis
40. Octopussy, Library and Stehaufmaennchen
41. Doom Moon 3 - Deja Vu
42. Doom Moon 3 - Escape
43. Doom Moon 3 - Conclusion
44. 3D-Printer and Class-Tree
45. Priesting and Smithing
46. Plans
X-Mas Bonus Chapter
47. It's a Trap
48. Robo Handler
49. Conference
50. Focus on the Focus
51. Fire-Flies and Fire-Tigers
52. The Virtual WS in the Virtual WS in the Virtual Reality
53. Elemental Classes
54. It's a Trap not a Turret and Hammering
55. Refining Metal
56. I'm the champion!
57. Cluster Short Circuit!
58. Unusual high-grade AI
59. Project Four-Hands
60. Robo-Melee Training
61. Robo Melee Training - The Battle
62. Tigressa Flamante and Ranking
63. Tidying up the Skill Tab and Mia's Batticle
64. Batticle Modification
65. Ready to sleep
66. Counting Sheep
67. Bulldozing and Super Mario Aunties
68. Building the Pyramid - Part 1
69. Building the Pyramid - Part 2
70. Building the Pyramid - Part 3
71. The Mini-Masters Lounge
72. Player versus Player - Lesson
73. Player versus Player - Matches
Chapter 74. Robo-Melee - The Arena
75. Robo-Melee - Battle Royal (Part 1)
76. Robo-Melee - Battle Royal (Part 2)
77. The Quality of Flowing Flowers
78. Technomancer
79. Prep Crafting
80. THE DUEL - ROUND ONE
81. THE DUEL - ROUND TWO
82. Doom Moon Four - Engines
83. Doom Moon Four - Patching
84. Doom Moon Four - Resolution
85. THE HERO'S ENTRANCE
86. The Sewage
87. Garbage Disposal
88. Garbage Disposal - Sewage
89. Garbage Disposal - The Alchemist
90. Wrapping up the Hero's Entrance
91. Temple Business
92. The Banquet
11.b In the Loser's Corner
2.0 Dear Diary - Recap of Book One Flora Style
2.1 Temple Cleaning
2.2 Temple Cleaning - Favorite Home Appliance
2.3. Temple Cleaning - The Burden of Proof is on You
2.4. Temple Cleaning - The wayward Pope
2.5. The Woes of Gods
2.6. Training Academy
2.7 Building a Training Facility
2.8 Building a Training Facility - Affinities and Abilities
2.9 Building a Training Facility - Boxes
2.10 Building a Training Facility - Construction
2.11 Building a Training Facility - Construction Part 2
2.12 BBQ Planing
Mia's Backstory
2.13 Teaching the Pebbles
2.14 Contribution Analysis
2.15 The Opposition is rearing their white Heads
2.16 Teaching the Pebbles - Part 2
2.17 Weekly Chat with the Goddess
2.18 Investigating the defiled Shrine
2.19 Dull Spoons
2.20 Stake Out
2.21 #CancelFlowingFlowers
2.22 Stake Out - Part 2
2.23 Stake Out - Part 3
2.24 Planning
2.25 Sweeping Blow Aptitude Test
2.26 SBAT - Attributes
2.27 SBAT - Attributes 2
2.28 SBAT - Attributes 3
2.30 SBAT - Party Role - Ranged DD
2.31 SBAT - Party Role - Damage Dealer
2.32 SBAT - Party Role - Melee
2.33 SBAT - Party Role - Tank
2.34 SBAT - Party Role - Healer
2.35 SBAT - Effects
2.36 Animator
2.37 Animator - Part 2
2.38 Animator - Part 3
2.39 SBAT - Companion Administration
2.40 SBAT - Wrap Up
2.41 Breach
2.42 Breach - Part 2
2.43 Consolidation
2.44 Brain Boils
2.45 Healing
2.46 Spar Day
2.47 Riverstones versus Brooklyn Bouncers - Pre Game and 1v1
2.48 RSvBB - Tag Team and 3v3
2.49 RSvBB - 4v4 Relay and 10v10
2.50 RSvBB - 10v10 - Part 2
2.51 Training Montage
2.52 Achievement Hunt
2.52 Bonus-Material (as an Atonement for all the Thorn Cannons)
2.53 New Ride
2.54 Homebody
2.55 Homebody - Part 2
2.56 Real Life
2.57 AI History
2.58 Questing
2.59 Questing - Killing Production Line
2.60 Questing - Cavern of Squack
2.61 Questing - Rewards
2.62 Zauberberg
2.63 Elemental Caverns
2.64 Elemental Caverns - Part 2
2.65 Elemental Harvest
2.66 Babysitting
2.67 Entourage Selection - Meeting
2.68 Entourage Selection - Meeting 2
2.69 Analysis of the Shrine Attacks
2.70 Entourage Selection - Test 2
2.71 Entourage Selection - Result
2.72 Mia sleeps, Flora hustles
2.73 Holy Tolly
2.74 Speed-Run - Elemental Challenge
2.75 Speed-Run - Part 2
2.76 Relaxing, or at least attempting to relax
2.77 Nock Jam-Session
2.78 Crafting and Shopping Spree
2.79 Skin Carver
2.80 Last-Minute Grab for Goodies
2.81 Tutorial Tower
2.82 Tutorial Tower - Part 2
2.83 Tutorial Tower - Part 3
2.84 Tutorial Tower - Part 4
2.85 Tutorial Tower - Part 5
2.86 Remote Arms
2.87 Leveling Up!
2.88 Playing around

2.29 SBAT - Weapon Talent

62 5 0
By Joan_Ninja_Hen


The fairy led Flora to another dome. Without Flora's input, she changed the time dilation. Flora assumed that she had figured out that Flora was slow, and if she wanted to clock off anywhere near her regular hours, she should better provide the overzealous engineer with extra time.

The oblong room had a white line crossing the small side near the entry. A training dummy stood on the line and others at 5 meters, 15 meters, 30 meters, and 50 meters away.

**************

Weapon Aptitude Test

The weapon test has four phases per weapon:

1. Free Trial: You may try out the weapon on an unresisting dummy(1 minute)

2. Mannequin-Routine: You may receive a one minute long instruction via a kin-route

3. Free Trial 2: You may try out the weapon on an unresisting dummy(1 minute)

4. Live Test: I'll generate a target for you

First, I will provide you with weapons you have used before, then some you showed interest in the multiple-choice test and fitting to your primary attributes, and at last, you may wish for any weapon you want.

Please, don't use skills.

You may skip or repeat any phase or weapon.

**************

Flora rubbed her hands. "I'm ready."

**************

Hand-to-Hand – Free Trial

**************

Nothing happened. Nothing changed. Hence Flora shrugged her shoulders and punched the dummy. Then she did some Wing Chun chain punches, some elbow action, kicks, and more chain punches.

"One minute can be quite long when you have no goal." Flora mused.

Finally, a pedestal with a kin-route appeared accompanied by another message.

**************

Hand-to-Hand – Mannequin Routine

**************

Flora touched the little statue of a fighter in a boxing pose. Inside the routine, the body performed a one-two jab combo on a sand-sack and then some kicks. If Flora had to guess, she would bet on experiencing a kick-boxer.

**************

Hand-to-Hand – Free Trial 2

**************

Flora reenacted some of the movements she just learned and remembered, but skipped the rest.

**************

Hand-to-Hand – Fight

**************

A blue bipedal, shaggy monster appeared in front of Flora.

"Woa!" She jumped back. "They really love the pastel colors. Minty slimes, a fluffy pink smasher and now a baby blue colored bigfoot."

The monster didn't appreciate Flora's analysis and swung at her. Flora ducked under it and chain-punched his side. Its other arm rocked towards her, and she trapped it and hit its muzzle.

After a fourth hit, the bigfoot screamed and stumbled back while protecting its head with its arms.

Because Flora was slow at following the monster, it used the distance and kicked at her. It telegraphed all its moves, and Flora had no problems catching the leg and elbowing the kneecap.

Still clutching its leg, Flora kicked out as well. Her foot smashed under his chin, and its head snapped back with a crunch.

The monster vanished as suddenly as it had arrived.

**************

Intent Focus – Free Trial

**************

A weapon rack with one scepter appeared next to Flora, who shrieked again.

"Burned Toast! I will get a heart attack from these magical vanishing and appearing tricks!" She exclaimed. "And please give me two scepters."

A second scepter materialized on the rack. They consisted of a silvery rod and an ornate head. When Flora picked them up, she noticed they weighed quite a bit.

Flora hit the dummy with the damaging and healing beams and even the scepter itself, watched the kin-route, and skipped to the fight.

This time, a monster and a knight showed up in a fifteen-meter distance.

At first, Flora thought something had gone wrong, that the knight was her new opponent, and the Bigfoot had come back for revenge, but then they started fighting with each other. Only when the bars of the knight appeared above his head and on her HUD, she realized that the knight was on her side. So she alternated between healing the knight and pelting the monster.

A full-sized staff with a flaming red crystal on top leaned against the rack for the next trial. Flora shot fireballs from it, and when the monster reached her, she smacked it over his head.

"Not bad!" She grinned. "A magic club might be better, but I had to make do."

Next came the plasma sword. "After you get over the awesomeness of wielding a light-saber, it's a pretty shitty weapon," Flora stated while swinging the sword listlessly. "No parrying possible, no satisfying thud when you hit... I don't like it anymore."

The bazooka raised her spirits. Explosions just had that effect on her.

Thoroughly fed up with throwing, Flora skipped the throwing knives section as soon as she saw them.

Next, two shields materialized on the rack.

"Uhm, do people really fight with two shields, or are you following my wish for a weapon for each hand?"

**************

Both.

**************

"Fair enough." Flora shrugged and picked them up. The tower shields had not only spikes but also sharp edges. When she smashed them together, they functioned as a giant vertical snapping mouth.

Flora had more fun than she had deemed possible. She enjoyed ramming the dummy and later the monster and snapping at their appendages.

**************

Combat-Tool – Free Trial

**************

"Is this the first new weapon?" Flora asked. Intrigued, she picked up the gloves. They were metal, and blinking LEDs and circuitry gave them a cyberpunky look.

"No, Milady. Your Multi-Tool Scepter counts as a combat-tool as well. You received the ability through it."

Name: Training Combat-Tool

Type: Combat-Tool

Regular Mode: 2 OV Mana-Regeneration

Built-In Skill: Shoot repair beam; Cost: 1 mana; CD: 2sec;

Built-In Skill: Shoot EMP beam; Cost: 1 mana; CD: 2sec;

Base Damage/Healing: 2

Tier: 1

Rating: C

This time the monster was a metal robot, in Flora's opinion, a definite upgrade. The only detriment of the combat-tool was that it damaged non-electronic enemies for half the value and only healed machines.

**************

Recommended Weaponry

**************

With two wands in her hands, Flora shot mini magic missiles at the monster. She was disappointed that it died before it had reached her. She wanted to pull off the Harry Potter trick, sticking the wand in its nose.

After the arcane foci, Flora had to suffer through an assortment of ranged weapons. Bows, crossbow, rifle, and handgun, nothing felt right to her, and she skipped many phases.

Next, a majestic greatsword, as tall as Flora, popped up. She picked it up and gave it a trial swing before she assaulted the dummy.

"I love it! I want one!" Flora chirped after she split the monster in half.

The following options weren't to Flora's liking.

Daggers: "Too tiny. I don't feel comfortable that close to my enemies. Please ignore that I don't have the problem with hand-to-hand combat."

Rapier: "I want a weapon and not a toothpick."

Sword: "It feels unwieldy and awkward. Please ignore that I don't have the problem with the greatsword."

Spear: "Bigger toothpick equals better toothpick. However, I want to slay dragons and not work on their dental hygiene."

Whip: "Can you please vanish the whip? Or give me some daggers to cut myself free?"

Ax: "I'm a Lumberjack, and I'm okay, I sleep all night, and I work all day! I cut down trees; I wear high heels, a toaster, and a bra. I wish I've been an engineer exploiting nature's law."

Quarterstaff: "It doesn't throw fireballs? Why not? That is a failed design."

Halberd: "Too cumbersome to make lumber."

Mace: "Ok, not bad. However, a failed opportunity like the staff. I should be able to combine a scepter and a mace. Flora likes smashing" *thud*

**************

Would you like to try a bone club? It's a hybrid melee weapon and intent focus used by shamans.

**************

"Sounds amazing." Flora chirped, but she had to laugh when the monstrosity appeared. It was the thigh bone of a big animal. One end was whittled down for gripping, the other remained thick and was adorned by feathers. It easily reached her chest. "Let's go tribal!"

Because of its size, Flora picked it up with two hands. She whacked the dummy over its head and rated the thudding sound with an A. The club was surprisingly light, so Flora changed to a one-handed grip.

Hitting the training dummy felt alright, but Flora had problems directing the beams from the massive weapon. She had swung her multi-tool and the wands for the cantrips but had only pointed the staff in the right direction. Both methods worked with the club but felt awkward one-handed.

Watching the kin-route showed her another option. The shaman wielded the club like a rifle for the cantrips, with one hand on the grip and one hand on the shaft. For melee, the host wielded two shorter clubs at the same time and hit his opponent like a drum, then one-handed with a round shield in the off-hand and at last, two-handed.

Flora had fun emulating the techniques on the dummy and later on the bigfoot.

**************

Would you like to try another weapon, repeat a trial, or see your results?

**************

"I want to get the Animator Class. What weapon would you recommend for it?"

**************

The usual mage weapons like staff or wands are fine. Some kinetic mages prefer chained weapons attuned to telekinesis.

**************

"Sounds intriguing. I'd like to try out those, please."

Vicious spikes and scythes on chains appeared on the rack−only pumpkins were missing for the perfect Halloween decoration.

Flora picked up one of the mini-scythes.

Name: Kinetic Training Kusari Gama

Type: Chain weapon

Regular Mode: 1 OV Mana-Regeneration

Built-In Feature: Attuned to telekinetic control;

Tier: 1

Rating: C

Carefully, Flora swung the chain and aimed for the sickle to hit the dummy. The scythe lodged inside its torso.

"I got this!" Flora said, swinging with more enthusiasm.

Thirty seconds later, the whip-incident had repeated itself: Flora found herself bound by her own weapon, with the addition of the scythe sticking in her thigh. '

"This time, I can at least use telekinesis to free me," Flora grumbled as she disentangled herself.

The kin-route impressed Flora. Her host artfully weaved the weapon through the air, changing directions and momentum on a whim via telekinesis. Unlike Flora, he only used the end with the counter-weight for swinging around and held the sickle in his hand.

Flora used the next free trial to imitate the host. Although she enjoyed the telekinetic tricks, it took a lot of concentration.

The fight against the bigfoot went okay. Flora received an own-goal when she smacked herself on the shin with the weight, but managed to kill the monster.

"Maybe I'll get one for training, but I can't imagine using it in a fight while casting spells and commanding companions." With a bit of regret, Flora put the weapon back on the rack.

**************

Would you like to try another weapon, repeat a trial, or see your results?

**************

"I like to finish on a high note. Anything extraordinaire you can offer?"

**************

Beastkin can change themselves into animal form and fight. It's not on your list due to your low rating of nature-oriented topics. Would you like to try anyway?

**************

"Yes! I want to be a dragon!"

**************

Dragon is a tier 4 evolution of the tier-1 Wyrm. Would you like to try being a wyrm?

**************

"Alright." Flora wasn't informed about dragon lore and disoriented when she changed.

'No appendages at all?' It felt like her arms and legs were bound together while her spine grew flexible beyond human capacity and elongated.

She raised her head full of sharp teeth and bit the dummy. 'Tastes like cardboard...' Then she whipped her tail around and struck it. The motion felt as great as it did foreign. Flora repeated it.

'Left, right, left, right! Smack, smack. I love the thuds!'

Instinctively, she felt as if she could spit something besides the usual phlegm.

Flora sucked something behind her jaw out but then choked. Coughing, she sprayed a green substance over the melee-dummy. She sniffed on the sizzling liquid. 'Acid?'

In the next attempt, she produced a proper acid ball and let it fly. The range was just 5 meters, but Flora was still proud that she hit the dummy in the distance.

After the enlightening kin-route, Flora faced the bigfoot. At first, she was hesitant to bite a living being, and only spat on it and whacked it. However, she wanted to sample the whole experience, so she snapped at the bigfoot. To her astonishment, it tasted like cookies−crunchy and sweet.

Her victory-roar sounded more like a bird's cry, but Flora was satisfied.

***************

Flowing Flowers excels at magical weapons.Summary

She enjoys physical weapons with high impact, primarily if they produce "thudding" sounds and hybrid weapons.

If Flowing Flowers' enemies want to defeat her, I recommend giving her a whip.

Suited Classes: Paladin, Priest, Shaman, Tinkerer, Combat Technician, Mage, Elemental Shield, Elemental Guardian, Druid, Witch.

***************

"The record bonus is probably + 1 OV for the weapon ability. What are my chances, dear test? Any top 0.1 rankings?"

***************

I'm not geared to compute chances. You rank in the top 1% at using Intent Foci, which is your highest position.

***************

"What do you think, team? The key point for my hesitation is the question of why I rank so low, even with my stats. I don't know what I could do better. Shouldn't my stats carry me to the top?"

"The test isn't concerned with stats, Milady. The forum commenters are sure they adapt the results. The opinions differ what about what the test emphasizes instead. Some think targeting weak points or high scoring zones like the head influences the assessment; others think the test even rates your posture. I noticed you were below the maximum fire rate."

*beep*

"I can do it more elegantly... and faster! Test, we'll repeat the intent focus." Flora grinned, straightened, and tipped the appearing scepter to her head, before pointing it at the dummy. "Enguard!"

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