Toronto is basically a cold, less interesting New York and Harry doesn't like it. The city is mostly dull, appearance-wise at least, but Harry's never spent enough time there to change his mind about it. Maybe this dinner at the CN Tower that Charles is dragging him out to after his second show in the city will contribute some positive feelings towards Toronto in Harry's mind.
Harry is quite tired because he woke up at 5 AM and couldn't fall back asleep and then during the day, he didn't have time for a nap. He's yawning, probably like a cat, as they enter the restaurant atop the CN Tower. When Harry takes a good look around the restaurant, it's completely empty.
"Wait, did you get the restaurant to empty out just for us?" Harry asks Charles with wide eyes. "Love, you didn't have to."
Charles takes Harry's right hand into his and kisses the back of it. "I wanted to. I haven't seen in you two hellishly long weeks. We deserve some alone time that isn't in a hotel room, don't we?"
Harry pouts in thought, nodding. "Can't argue with that logic. It's actually quite romantic in here," he walks off from Charles between the tables, all lit up with a candle in the middle. "It's very romantic, with the skyline and everything," Harry looks at Charles over his shoulder, smiling. "Thank you. If I eat a super late dinner after a show it's usually room service or a shelf-stable pastry I got at like, a corner shop on the way back to the hotel."
Charles saunters to Harry and wraps his arms around his middle from behind, kissing his neck. "Only the best for you, darling."
"You're spoiling me," Harry whines around a laugh. "I'm gonna become a spoiled brat who expects candlelit dinner every single night."
"You deserve them, if you want them," Charles only indulges him. "Shall we sit down and have a meal? It is quite late."
Harry pulls away but grabs Charles' hand as they walk towards a designated table with a candelabra in the middle and the neighbouring tables pushed away. "I did tell you that we could do this when I have a day off. Toronto was our little scheduling nightmare, I usually have a more lenient schedule."
"It's alright, love," Charles says as they sit down. "I'm not that old that I need to be in bed by ten."
"Of course you're not," Harry chuckles and spreads the white cloth napkin in his lap. "I'm just warning you that I mightfall asleep in the car on the ride back. I've had a really long day and actually four shows back to back so yeah, I'm knackered. But this is a very lovely treat, so thank you."
"You don't have to thank me so much," Charles smiles. "Are you not used to people doing nice things to you?"
Harry lets out a surprised chuckle. "Not so often, no. Nevertheless, my mum raised me right. I say my please and thank yous rather excessively than not at all."
"Anne did raise a wonderful man," Charles nods. "I couldn't possibly thank her enough. You're a wonder, Harry."
Harry scoffs. "You always say that. Just wait until you're with me when I'm not on holiday or tour. I'm much less graceful."
"That is literally impossible," Charles says. This little squabble is interrupted by a waiter, who automatically welcomes them while pouring them two glasses of red wine that Charles must've had arranged beforehand.
"Do we get like, an actual menu or have you already chosen the food?" Harry asks Charles.
"You can get whatever you like," Charles says with a smile. "Menus?"
The waiter nods and he promptly hands them two long relatively narrow sheets of fancy card paper. Harry frowns at the menu. He looks up at the waiter, "Please, wait here for the order, it'll be just a second." Then he turns his eyes to Charles and flashes him a smile, "I'm starving, I want to get this dinner over with so we can get back to the hotel and finally sleep in that enormous bed."
Charles gently raises his brows in the way all his rich and aristocratic friends do when they're mildly offended. Harry's noticed, oh he's noticed alright. Charles most likely doesn't know he has.
"Whatever you want, love," Charles sighs a little.
Harry orders them both a charcuterie board with extra bread and apparently one of their staples is now a fancy cheeseburger so he orders that as well. The waiter nods and scurries away promptly.
"God, the view is incredible," Harry sighs and leans back in his chair as he looks over the Toronto skyline. "Even if the view isn't the best. But any city is beautiful at night, you know the lights and everything. Big cities never truly sleep, do they? So many things to do, so many professions with night shifts."
"You're a much better view," Charles says and puts his hand atop Harry's on the table. "You're my favourite view in the world and I've seen quite a few beautiful places. They could never compete with you."
Harry lovingly rolls his eyes, smiling. "You know how big my ego will get in a moment? It'll push through all these windows and the tower will collapse."
"You're only saying that, darling," Charles shakes his head gently. "With your beauty, and your success especially, any other human being on the planet would feel like they're untouchable, better than everyone. Yet you're still so humble and kind."
"You're trying to butter me up," Harry blushes. "But I still feel weird about having the treat people with kindness phrase trademarked. It does make sense from like, a business standpoint but is everything about money? It really isn't."
"Well, many things are," Charles points out. "We couldn't be sitting right here in this restaurant without it."
"Yes, but, we don't really need all this to be happy," Harry retorts. "You probably don't see it like that but I grew up in a regular working-class family. I don't think you would understand the simple pleasure of, I don't know, having a family dinner at a restaurant instead of at home. That used to be a big deal."
"No, I get it," Charles waves a hand. "I do enjoy the little things in life. Besides, you don't have to worry about all that anymore."
"No, I don't," Harry agrees. "But I can't let it all get to my head, you know? Fame, money, all that. I'm still just a human being. I just have a pretty insane job that pays rather insanely well."
"You're nothing but extraordinary, Harry," Charles insists. "There are only a few like you in every generation. You know, the big names. Elvis, Bowie, Jagger."
Harry rolls his eyes. "Are you starting with the comparisons too?"
Charles scoffs into his wine glass. "I'm in the music industry, darling, you think I'm clueless about your potential, about the incredible success you already have? You only need to build upon it, work harder, write more amazing records and you'll be right there with them."
Harry goes to retort, shut down this very narcissistic talk when the music starts playing in the restaurant. Harry's jaw is left hanging in a silent gasp but a smile replaces it when he recognizes the music, "They're playing Etta James. Sunday Kind Of Love, my favourite."
Charles' expression softens, "Yes, I'm well aware."
"That's so random, I love it," Harry grins. He then notices their waiter coming with the food. "Oooh, yes, finally. I'm famished. Thank you so much," he tells the waiter, "I actually love you right now. Thanks."
Charles clears his throat, about to make a remark but Harry's not in the mood for conversation. He's still sticking around with Harry for three more days and Harry doesn't feel like he's being the best company in the world but he's tired and hungry and he feels like a little monster sometimes when he's like that. They keep chit chatting about random things as they eat, and Harry downs two glasses of red wine too.
"This is really good wine," Harry says with his mouth full as he refills his glass. "Like, actually amazing. It tasted good even with a cheeseburger. That's magic."
"Yes, it's from this organic winery in Provence," Charles says. "I knew you would like it."
"Oh, I love it," Harry says after he wipes his mouth. "It's nice and sweet and it's not hitting me, actually. Ideal with a meal. So smooth." He brings his glass to his lips, leaning it against them as he looks out of the window. Nights in a city are always so strange. Terrifying and enticing at the same time. Harry wants to both run away and hide until the sun comes out and roam the streets, hiding in the shadows and counting stars. Even if that latter part is mostly impossible due to light pollution.
"Why do you think we as humans love a skyline at night so much?" Harry muses out loud. "Sparkly things?"
"I genuinely have no clue. We just like beautiful things, I suppose."
Harry hums, his eyes still trained on the city. He sips at his wine, Etta James still crooning in the background. It's a wonderful night, actually. The show was great, he loved the crowd which went wild. And now a proper romantic dinner out of nowhere with the best view in the city. Harry truly can't complain.
"Harry?"
Harry throws back the rest of his glass as he turns to face Charles. He finds him staring at him and then Harry's eyes drop to the middle of the table and he fucking spits out that good gulp of red wine.
"What the-" Harry coughs as he reaches for a napkin. "Charles?"
Charles picks up the open ring box that was sitting in the middle of the table and nearly made Harry choke to death on wine. "I know this is a bit of a surprise," Charles starts, the box in his hands that are leaning against the tabletop. "But proposals are normally meant to surprise you, aren't they?"
Harry frowns. "I guess."
"Well," Charles looks down, then back at Harry. "I'm not a man of many words. Not when it matters at least. I will tell you the three most important words - I love you. I love you very much, Harry and I've told you many times over the last few months. Our time together has genuinely been the highlight of my life and I wish to only extend it and... I suppose, keep our love alive forever. I can see our future so clearly. Just you and me, living our best lives. We'll travel the world, we'll see all the finest things that our planet has to offer. So what do you say, Harry? Will you marry me?"
Harry breathes in deeply, diverting his gaze. He clears his throat again and drinks some of the water he hasn't touched all night. The frown can't seem to leave his face.
"Oh boy," Harry sighs and puts his hands together. "How do I put this?"
"It's rather easy," Charles smiles hopefully. "A simple yes would do."
Harry looks at Charles for a long moment as he takes a deep breath. "No. No, it wouldn't do because my answer is no."
Charles looks like he's just been burned. "No? What do you mean no?"
"God," Harry covers his eyes for a moment. "No. No, I won't marry you, Chuck. I don't want to marry you."
Charles straightens up his shoulders and swiftly snaps the ring box shut. "May I know why?"
"Yes, you may," Harry sighs, taking a rather long pause. "Fucking hell, Chuck, I don't think I love you. Truly love you as you deserve to be loved. As I would need to love you to enter a marriage with you. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. We've been together for what, not even a full ten months?"
"Time doesn't matter here," Charles argues. "I love you, we're happy together, where is the problem?"
"Did you just hear what I said?" Harry asks. "I'm not in love with you. I like you, I've been having an amazing time with you, even today. It was great. I enjoy your company, we have spectacular sex, I love dating you. But that is not nearly enough for marriage. It isn't."
Charles looks properly angry right now. His face is harsh, cold. "Then what would you need for marriage? If all this isn't enough?"
"It isn't enough for me," Harry says, his hand on his chest. "I don't want to marry someone who wants to spend the rest of their life flying across the world all the time, attending posh parties and having sex. It's fun for a while, sure, but we don't want the same things."
Charles scoffs. "It would be wonderful if you, for once, told me what you actually want because it seems like I have read you completely wrong."
Harry laughs sharply. "We haven't been together long enough to start discussing serious things. Or maybe we have, you just weren't listening to me when I told you I wanted to settle down with Lucrecia. Or when I said I would love to be a dad one day. That I want to have a family and a relatively normal life. I don't plan to live like a rich bachelor for the rest of my life. Sure, I've been having fun the past year but I'm only thirty, I have plenty of time for all that I've just named. I'll happily marry you if you want to be served divorce papers in two years."
Charles clenches his jaw. "That was cruel, Harry. I genuinely love you. I want a life with you. And you throw my affection into my face."
"Chuck, look, I'm sorry," Harry sighs. "You sprung this up on me out of completely nowhere, what am I supposed to do? I'm telling you the bare truth. I can't marry you because of multiple reasons. I want to have kids, you said you never want to, and I quote, have a snotty pooping screaming thing in your house. You said that while I was babysitting my godchild. I didn't tell you anything then because I didn't feel like fighting but I also didn't see our relationship going far enough into the future where children would be a pressing topic to talk about. You hate staying in one place for too long whereas unless I'm on tour, I tend to stay at home in London for the majority of the time, save for a few trips and some work travel. We are fundamentally different, Charles and while short-term, our relationship was great, this could never ever work for the rest of our lives. I'm sorry. I truly am."
Charles chuckles pathetically as he rolls the box around the table. "I was so sure you would say yes. I've never felt more connected to anyone in my life."
"Chuck," Harry says softly and puts his hand atop Charles'. "I really am sorry to break your heart like this. I've had my heart broken before so badly. I never wanted to do this to someone else. I didn't think you saw our relationship like that. I like the way we work together now, but we aren't my forever, I'm sorry."
"No, you're right," Chucks gives Harry a sad smile. He overturns his hand and holds Harry's in his. "I wouldn't want to force you to give up so many things you want. I honestly do not want any children, I mean, so many of my friends already have grandchildren and you're still too young to have them. I can't really give you what you want since it's vastly different from what I desire in life."
"Yes," Harry agrees, his voice low. "I mean, I might never have a family, with my horrid luck with romantic relationships," he chuckles sadly. "But it still is what I want. I can't know what will happen in ten years from now. I may be sitting alone in my house, hitting my head against the wall, cursing myself for not marrying you. But it isn't what I want right now."
"No," Charles shakes his head and grabs Harry's hand in both of his. "You're still such a wonderful soul, even if you've just violently shattered my heart. However, there is no way in this universe there isn't someone as incredible as you waiting for you to love you in the exact way you need. I do hate that person, whoever they may be, but you deserve happiness."
Harry's eyes well up. "Thank you. You deserve the same too, you know. Like, there is your special someone who will be much more fun than I am, who will love you and you will follow you to the very edge of the world. They probably won't deserve you, because you're amazing, but that's life right?"
Charles nods. "That is life. Cruel, heartless life."
Harry sighs, smiling softly. "I think I'm gonna go, yeah? I'm sorry again. I didn't think we would be the couple to end with heartbreak."
"We can go together," Charles offers, already prepared to shoot out of his chair.
"No, no, no, it's fine," Harry says and quickly gets out of his chair and puts on his suit jacket. He's still wearing the outfit from the show, regrettably. "I'll see you at some point or another, yeah? We'll have a shot of whiskey at the next industry thing, I promise."
"I will be bleeding love into the glass," Charles says.
Harry smiles and hugs Charles from behind his chair, kissing his temple. "I know it sounds strange, but soon enough you'll thank me for walking away." And with that, Harry leaves.
Mere minutes later, Harry is walking down the street in Toronto's dark night, alone and foolishly brave. He doesn't want to hide, he feels like seeking the shadows tonight. Another relationship down the drain. Harry chuckles to himself like a madman. He knew the eventual breakup with Chuck was coming but he wanted him to stick around for a few more months. They did have some amazing times together but trying to keep this going with Charles would've been incredibly selfish and cruel, and Harry tries not to be that person.
Another breakup that didn't leave him brokenhearted, Harry knows this feeling. Years ago, when all he could think about was a certain someone with dark hair and whiskey eyes anyone would get lost in even as they were kissing someone else, breakups were merely a chore for Harry. Nothing ever stuck, because he didn't want it to. Harry's eyes were on one person and one person only, for so long he nearly forgot how to love altogether. Lately, Harry's mind has been a similar picture as when he was young and foolish and unable to love anyone else but one man who he believed was the one. The past that Harry so bravely left behind isn't as gone as he would like it. More and more things remind Harry of him every single day and it hurts sometimes, knowing how much love still hasn't disappeared yet there is nothing Harry can do about it.
Soon enough, Harry finds himself in a livelier neighbourhood with bars and pubs still littered with people and that is his cue to call a car. He gets an Uber and waits nearby an alley, where people are unlikely to approach him.
If this was a film, Harry would've met the love of his life that night. It isn't, so Harry leaves alone in a car that smells like too much vanilla air freshener, only to come to an empty hotel room. Strangely, Harry doesn't mind. He doesn't mind at all.
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sorry chuck but harry can't be your permanent sugar baby :( go find a twink and not a man built like a mf wall mate.... ANYWAY do you think harry will stay single or find someone new? what do you think he's gonna doooooo???
thank you all SO SO SO SO SO SO much for reading, voting and especially commenting! i have so much fun talking to you guys!! i hope you liked this chapter and that you come back for more soon :) i might not post the next chapter tomorrow because theres also the bookclub and i have lots of IRL things to do and i haven't started writing the next chapter sequence yet so i think we'll take a break so you don't have a huuuuuge break before the next chapter sequence :)