With my Mai Tai in hand, I have just one thought as I sit on the beach and watch the sunset.
I never really let Ethan go. My careful consideration of how I'm going to do this is interrupted by the ding of my phone.
I hope you're having an amazing time in Hawaii. I'm missing you, Charlotte.
The message from Paul is unexpected and catches me off guard. I want to miss him. I should miss him. But the truth is, he hasn't crossed my mind since I arrived. Feeling like a horrible person, I hold my cocktail in the air and snap a photo of it against the background of the orange and pink sky. I type out a message and then re-type it three times. Not being able to lie but also not allowing myself to speak the truth, I decide on something simple.
Wish you were here :)
I send the photo and message and down the rest of my drink. Taking a deep breath, I work up the courage to get up. Dusting the sand from my thin-strapped black maxi dress, I start the short walk towards the beachside venue. I'm going to be late for the rehearsal dinner.
*************************
"I want to thank you all for being here with us and for helping us celebrate over the last few days. Tomorrow is officially the day."
Liam announces as we all cheer.
"We hope that you enjoy the feast and we ask that you help us dance the rest of the night away," he adds with the raise of his glass.
Holding up our drinks, we all toast to that as the live band begin their upbeat song. Sophie and Liam share a kiss while the Polynesian dancers take the stage. Their hula skirts move hypnotically to the beat of the music. Several people join but I stay seated, enjoying the traditional island banquet of roast pig, fresh seafood, and pineapple glazed chicken. By the time the tropical fruit comes out, I can barely move.
"This next song is dedicated to the soon-to-be husband and wife," the singer says as a slow melodic beat begins.
"Tomas, let's dance," Katerina says to her nephew.
The teenage boy smiles and takes his aunts' outstretched hand. I watch as they make their way to the dancefloor which is now full of swaying bodies. I beam at the three young children who dance in a circle by the stage. I don't notice Ethan's presence until he places a glass of wine in front of me.
I turn to him and provide a small smile, "thanks."
"You're welcome. Can I take a seat?" he asks tentatively.
"Sure," I motion to the empty place on my left.
His closeness has my body on high alert. I ignore how attractive he looks in his cream linen jacket and dark navy chinos. But damn. I can't deny how good he smells. Expensive and clean. I take a large sip, immediately recognizing my favorite brand of merlot. For some reason, that just makes the situation even more torturous.
"Are you having a good night?" I ask to rid my mind of the thoughts taking up my consciousness.
"It's been great. You?"
"The shows have been amazing. And did you try the roast pork?" I turn my attention to him and notice the amusement in his eyes.
"I did. It was delicious," his boyish smile has him looking handsome.
I nod in response, afraid that my words might betray my highly inappropriate thoughts. Turning away from him, Janine and David catch my eye on the dancefloor. Janine points to me, to Ethan, and then to the space next to her. David laughs at her theatrical demonstration.
Ethan aims a confused look at Janine. When he meets my eyes, he winks playfully at me. Recognition strikes instantly and I join in on his game without hesitation. I look to Janine, knot my brow, and hold my hand up in confusion.
Janine responds by pointing to the floor more obviously and mouthing, "get up."
"What?" I mouth, holding my ear.
Ethan feigns confusion as he looks at me and then shrugs at Janine.
Janine's eyes narrow. She abandons David on the dancefloor and makes her way over. Placing her hands on the empty chair opposite us, she provides an exasperated sigh, "the two of you need to get your asses up and onto that dancefloor."
"That's what you were trying to say?" I act shocked at the revelation.
Ethan knocks his head with his hand and exclaims, "oh."
Janine looks between us and smiles, "what you both lack in intelligence you sure do make up for in looks."
We laugh at the backhanded compliment.
"Now, will you be able to find your way onto the dancefloor or do you need me to lead you?" she says with the rise of her brow.
"I think we can manage," I affirm as Ethan nods in agreement.
Janine's emerald dress sways as she turns and reclaims her position in David's arms.
"I guess we have no choice but to dance," Ethan says as he gets up from his seat.
"We may be murdered if we don't," I reply as I follow his lead.
Just as we find our place on the dancefloor, a new song begins. The ballad is slow and entirely too romantic. We stand two feet apart awkwardly, neither of us making the first move. Ethan suddenly tumbles towards me as though he has been shoved.
"Sorry," Janine says with a playful smile.
"I have two left feet," David provides after a gentle nudge from his wife.
"No problem," Ethan responds while I stifle a laugh.
He steps forward, this time voluntarily. His hands slip around my waist and he pulls me against him. My arms lift of their own accord to fold behind his head. We begin to sway with the music once the jolt of awareness passes. Just kidding, it doesn't pass. But other things mingle with awareness as he pulls me closer. Longing. Want. Love.
I rest my head against his chest. The erratic beating of his heart matches mine. I don't know what this is. It's less than a kiss but more than an embrace. And for a moment, anger splinters through me with the realization that the same man who broke me can make me feel whole again when he holds me in his arms like this. I'm unsure how long we stay locked together. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. But he pulls back slightly and I force my arms to release him, to let him go.
My stare shifts to his heated eyes that watch me intently. His gaze reflects my own longing back to me as his attention drops to my lips. Just when I think he's going to take a step forward, he looks away.
"Thanks for the dance," he utters.
Before I have the chance to respond, he turns and walks away. And just like that, the old crack in my heart re-opens.
*************************
"Say your goodbyes love birds."
Liam, Sophie, and I walk down a dimly lit pathway after the successful rehearsal dinner. It was now past one in the morning and as maid of honor and all-around amazing best friend, it is my job to get the bride and groom home safely.
"Goodnight wifey," Liam says as he sweeps Sophie into his arms.
"Goodnight hubby," Sophie responds.
"Not so fast. The wedding is in-" I pause and look down at my wrist for the time. It takes me a second to realize I'm not wearing a watch. "-a few hours so the two of you need to get some sleep."
"You're right," Sophie says as she follows Liam into their room.
"Sophie, you are staying with me tonight," I say authoritatively.
"Tradition sucks," Sophie responds with a pout.
"It really does," Liam agrees as he kisses Sophie.
"Get a room," I yell.
"We're not allowed," Sophie laughs.
"Save it for tomorrow. Liam, we will see you then," I hug him goodbye.
He releases me and turns to Sophie, "love you, babe."
"Love you, more," Sophie blows him a kiss.
"Message me when you're in your villa," he waves as he opens his door.
"I will," I state as I link arms with Sophie.
The uneven pavement and our heels have us leaning on each other for support. The few wines we consumed may also be hindering things. Although I had sobered up considerably, Sophie was tipsy.
"Are we there yet?" Sophie mutters.
"Almost. The villa is just over there," I point into the distance where a pair of doors stand side-by-side.
The warm breeze blows my hair out of my face and I inhale the fresh, salty air. With the sound of the ocean in the distance, things feel calm. Too calm. For some reason, I am preparing myself for the storm that I hope will never hit.
"We're here," I announce.
I open the door and help Sophie inside. Sending a quick message to Liam, I abandon my phone and bag on the table in the living room. I'm startled by the large thump that sounds from behind me.
"Ouch," Sophie says from the floor.
"Soph- are you okay?" I rush to her side and help her to her feet.
"I didn't see that there," she points accusingly at the reason for her fall.
I laugh and she narrows her glazed eyes at me, "you didn't see the big white couch there?"
"It was a sneak attack," she states seriously.
I laugh harder, "I think it's time for bed."
With my assistance, Sophie makes it into the bedroom safely. Finding the bed, she flops onto it, landing on her back, "I can't believe the day has finally come. Char- we're getting married."
"You are."
I drop to the floor, reaching for Sophie's legs that hang off the side of the bed. I remove one of her white sandals and then the other. She doesn't bother removing her dress before she slips under the covers, "I thought you and Ethan would have been the first to make it down the aisle."
I say nothing as I draw the sheet over her shoulders. Leaving the room, I can hear her from the adjoining bathroom when she says, "he screwed things up by leaving." She continues when I sit beside her on the bed, "he told Liam how much he regrets it."
"It wouldn't have made a difference even if he stayed," I state as I begin to remove her makeup.
"You can't predict that," she says with closed eyes.
"It's not a prediction. Unfortunately, it's a fact."
She holds my wrist, halting my movement as her narrowed eyes glare at me, "is there more to the story? Char- what happened between you two?"
The distance was the least of our problems. It isn't the right time to admit the truth to Sophie though. I don't know when it'll ever be. "We just weren't meant to be together," I place the make-up wipe on the bedside table.
"What the two of you had was amazing. You try to erase the past and all the memories by pretending it never happened but-"
Her words inspire an idea, "Soph- you're a drunken genius."
"Wait, what?" she responds with her face wrinkled in confusion.
"I can erase the past by pretending it never happened. All I have to do is rid myself of it," I state matter-of-factly.
I'm shocked that the thought hadn't come to me sooner.
"Huh? What are you talking about? What I meant is that it's obvious the love between you is still there." Something in my expression prompts her to add, "Charlotte, you can't murder Ethan."
"That's not what I had in mind but I appreciate the suggestion." I kiss her forehead and shift off the bed, "Goodnight Soph-"
"Love you. But seriously no murders before the wedding."
"I won't be committing any crimes tonight."
With her eyes already shut, Sophie mutters, "good, save it for tomorrow night."
"Will do," I shut the lights and bedroom door behind me.
I know exactly what I have to do to move on from Ethan. And now as I stand outside his door, the time has come to finally do it.
Thank you for reading The Ex: Chapter twenty-one!
Please comment to let me know what you think and vote if you enjoyed it :)