A/n: the song is what I'm using as the theme for this book. You can listen while you read if you want :)
Travis' PoV
I stare into her sky blue eyes and see myself reflected back in them. I see the pain, betrayal, and fear as she stares back at me. Time slows, and everything else disappears. I'm met with only silence as the realization hits; she's going to die.
But somehow, I can't move. I just keep staring at those eyes, the same eyes I fell in love with all those years ago. They speak for her as the life leaves them. They remind me that all of this is my fault, and that I failed. I could have saved her, could have fought Michael, but I didn't. It's my fault and she's paying the price.
I blink back tears and continue looking into her eyes. Just before Garroth throws her they communicate one final message, only three words long. 'I hate you.' Then she's gone.
At those three words, my heart shatters. I never thought I'd hear them from her. I loved her with all my heart. But I couldn't save her, and now she hated me for it.
I fall to my knees but no tears come, just an ear piercing scream from deep in my throat. I feel as though my ribcage has broken and caved in, stabbing my heart in every place.
Physically, I'm fine. But the pain I feel inside hurts more than I could have ever imagined. Katelyn's gone and my dad's going to be next. I'll have nobody left. I'll be alone. And worse yet, I'll have to go on living with the fact that she hates me, that she, the love of my life, died hating me.
By now, Michael's gone. He's inside my father. I look up at him and see the same things in his eyes. He communicates the same three words. 'I hate you.' That's all it takes to break me for good. Everyone tries to talk to me, tries to drag me with them to the helicopter. They say this place is coming down.
Let it.
I'm not going anywhere, there's no point anymore. I'm going to stay here. One way or another, I'll be with them, be it from the stab wound or from the cannon collapsing.
One way or another, I'll be better off.
::::::::
Then I wake up. It was just a dream. Katelyn never said she hated me. My dad never did either, he never would, and I knew that. Still, the dream hit me hard.
Would I...Really be better off had I stayed on the cannon?
I push the thoughts away and focus on something else. Something that, at first, surprises me; he's out of my head. Out of my body. It feels so odd not having him their anymore, constantly feeling his presence and watching as he controls my body. I'm in control of myself again, and it'll be something to get used to.
I should be happy, but I'm not. I'll never be happy again knowing I'm the reason the one person that mattered most to me was killed, and that the other died saving me. People come in and out of the room, talking to me and asking questions. They tell me I've been out for two days; it doesn't matter much to me though.
Everything is so...blurry. They ask how I'm doing, how I'm feeling. I can't even find it within myself to answer them.
What's the point? Everyone I've ever cared for is gone. They keep telling me it's not my fault but I hardly hear them.
Deep down I know it is. I wasn't strong enough to stop Michael. I'm the reason she's gone. The reason he's gone. Just like in my dream.
I get into my wheelchair (with much difficulty) and roll over to the balcony of the hospital room, looking out at the sunset.
That last image of her, sword through her stomach, pain in her eyes, keeps flashing through my mind. It won't leave me alone. It follows wherever I go, I can't escape it.
When she fell into the ocean, my heart, light, everything I cared about, fell with her. Now it's all at the bottom of the sea, never to be seen again.
They didn't find her body. The Coast Guard assumed sharks had gotten to her first. Maybe it's for the best, I don't think I could have handled seeing her like that; lifeless...still. The Katelyn I knew was always so full of energy, so lively, so...Beautiful, inside and out. It would have broken me.
Why...Why did it have to be her? It should have been me.
I should be the one at the bottom of the ocean right now, not Katelyn. I should be the one killed in the cannon, not my father. They both had so much ahead of them, and I took that away.
I wish I could hold her one last time, hug him. Hear her voice, see his smile. Just, be with them again, happy. They both meant the world to me and I know I'll never get over this...Loss...
So much loss...In my lifetime I've been surrounded by it more than I care to remember. First my mom and then my dad and Katelyn.
It's not fair...I lost my mother so young and had to grow up without her. I was an only child, so my dad was the only family I had left. He cared so much about me, and raised me to be the best I could be, even with Michael inside him. I respect him more than one could imagine. And Katelyn, I loved her the second I met her, when she hit me with a volleyball in high school. I always wanted to have a chance with her, and then I finally did with the fake relationship. It eventually became a real relationship, but then...I lost her too.
It feels as though everything I touch, everyone I'm close to, only dies. Is there something wrong with me? Am I...The one making this happen? Am I the one killing everyone? I know I'm the reason Katelyn and my father are gone.
Irene, if only I'd never lied to my father. We wouldn't have come here and wouldn't be in this situation. She'd still be alive...They would still be alive. They'd both still be in my life.
My mother...I guess she couldn't be helped. But Katelyn and my dad, they could. I could have saved them. I could have been strong enough. If only I'd just...
"You can't keep dwelling on it, it's not your fault," Aphmau's voice shocks me from my thoughts. I look up at her but say nothing. She sighs and says "Travis, I know how you feel, believe me. I know how important your dad was to you. And I loved Katelyn too, and Aaron." That's right; Aaron lost his memories and left Starlight with Melissa. I'd forgotten about him in my mourning over Katelyn and my dad.
"But we can't blame ourselves. In the end, we were in a bad situation and did our best. There was nothing we could have done." Aphmau continues, but she doesn't even believe it herself. I can hear it in her voice; she's just telling me what she thinks I need to hear.
"I'll never get over it," I whisper so softly I'm surprised she even hears me, "I loved them, and I still love them." It's the first time I've talked in days, and it feels odd.
"I know how you feel," Aphmau replies, trying to hide her shock at my speaking to her, "But, think of it this way; they're in a better place now..." She trails off; I know she's mourning too. Katelyn was her best friend, and Aaron was the love of her life, the same way Katelyn was to me. She's in no place to comfort me, nor am I to her.
"Do you...need a hug?" I ask. Aphmau looks up, surprised, but then nods. I give her a long hug. She breaks down and cries into my shoulder while silent tears roll down my own cheeks. We're going through the same thing.
"I'm sorry I can't help you..." Aphmau sighs, pulling away from me.
"It's alright. We can just be here for each other right now." I reply. She nods, pulls up a chair next to me, and we watch the sunset together. I guess not everyone I care about is gone, I still have my not alone buddy. After a few minutes she speaks.
"You know, we can't let their sacrifices be in vain. They died to save us, so we have to keep living. Otherwise they died for nothing," She whispers, "At least, that's what my mom said. It's the same thing she told Eric, so I thought I'd tell you..."
I nod. I hadn't really thought of it that way, but now that I have, I know she's right. I have to keep living. I have to keep going, not like in my dream.
::::::::
After Aphmau leaves, I'm left alone again, just me and my thoughts. Surprisingly, I'm feeling a little better after talking to her. I feel...Not alone...I guess. That is the whole point of a not alone buddy, isn't it?
I'm just getting ready to go to sleep for the night when I hear someone running down the hallway outside.
The footsteps are light, but frantic. Maybe someone young...A child? They seem to be running towards my door, but I doubt that. I don't know hardly any kids, especially here on Starlight. They're probably running to someone else, down the hall.
But they stop in front of my door. Wanting to know who it could possibly be, I turn my head to the door as they open it.
It is a child, as I suspected. A little girl, maybe ten or so, is standing in the doorway with an expression of complete shock on her face. She wears a navy blue and white romper with light grey ankle boots. Around her neck is a black choker with a heart shaped charm. She's also holding a bouquet of flowers, but there's no way they're for me.
Her long blonde hair is left down, and there's a streak of dark blue that reminds me of someone. That's not the only familiar thing about her, though.
What really catch my attention are her bright blue eyes. They...They're just like...Hers...But there's more to it. I feel as though I've met her before somewhere, I just can't place it. Maybe I've seen her around the island?
"S-sorry, wrong room..." She says in a small voice, closing the door behind her. I had figured as much, as I didn't even know her or expect the visit. But something inside me tells me I should go after her...She's just so familiar...
I decide to ignore it, as I'm probably reading too much into the situation. I turn off the light, lie down, and soon drift off to sleep.