SAM
In the same way people might bite their nails, fidget, and mumble, Sam Hayes had the tendency to lie.
By fourteen, Sam hated Ned Flowers with all his heart.
He hated the way Ned spiked his hair with too much gel, the way he used the length of his arm to itch his nose, and the way Ned's brain needlessly complicated everything. But most of all, Sam hated all Ned had to do was smile at Sam to get what he wanted.
Ned refused to go inside Sam's house as if a dragon dwelling there would swallow him whole given the chance. In reality, it was only Sam's mother with food poisoning. She took a fat enough sleeping pill to spend the rest of their summer vacation unconscious. Sam suggested Ned's house as an alternative, but he shuddered at that option, too.
For Ned alone, Sam suffered. Sweat trickled down his neck as his shirt damped and clung to his back. Sam watched a sun burn form in real-time across his arms.
"Sam," Ned spoke, taking a break from picking at the grass in Sam's yard.
The summer before their high school career carried the heat that caused long last skin damage. There was no shade in Sam's front yard. The boys had to fight for their lives with only SPF 30, half melted popsicles, and a dream of cooler weather on the horizon. Sam, at least. Ned enjoyed anytime out of the year where he was out of school.
"Why don't we get invited to parties?" Ned asked.
It wasn't just any parties. He referred to parties like the one currently happening across the street, where a horde of high schoolers gathered around to talk and joke and play games. An aggressive match of Cornhole had been booming for almost an hour now. In celebration of another record year for their high school, Cory Fletcher threw a party and passed around a little lawn gnome with sunglasses around so people could rub it for good luck.
Closing his eyes, Sam rolled his neck and savored every crack. "Know people who throw parties."
Sam peered back across the road as a chorus of shouting was building. They cheered one boy along. The same kid from Sam's temple that admitted Jar Jar Binks was his favorite Star Wars character. He was going purple in the face as he grunted and tried smashing a can of coke flat against his shaved head. He was going to do it or shit his pants trying.
With a crunch, the can flattened, and this kid roared like he just scored a world series touch down, slamming the can to the ground. Everyone went wild.
Ned's dark eyes sparkled, and Sam could've sworn he saw drool. As they both raced towards puberty, Ned had grown like a weed this summer, so now all his shorts were too short, and his sleeves were on the verge of being too tight.
"It looks cool," Ned said. "It's like they're in a music video. Do you think we'll ever be that cool?"
Sam grimaced. "I hope not."
"I don't know." Ned shrugged as he leaned back on his hands. "It seems fun, and it'd be nice to have a million friends like that."
"The quality of friends is more important, Ned."
He just shrugged again, and Sam rested his cheek on top of his warm knee. Ned had inky black hair like the text from Sam's favorite novels with eyes so dark Sam spent too much time staring at them. He was serving his last year of his sentence with braces and wore his dentist's favorite basketball team colors because Ned was too awkward to refuse. Sam could look at him and tell something was brewing inside his head.
He hated Ned.
Glancing back at Ned's hand, a bad idea sprang into Sam's head. Mirroring Ned's posture, Sam leaned back, settling his hand on the grass beside Ned's hand. His fingers were longer, but Sam's joints were bigger. Itching, his fingers crept towards Ned's hand. He wished he could say the sun made him flush, but that wasn't it. It had nothing to do with the partying going on just across the boiling pavement.
It always came back to Ned Flowers.
"But Ned," Sam said. His voice cracked, so he had to clear his throat to start again. "I like that you're not cool—"
Just before his fingers made contact, Ned jumped to his feet and it forced Sam to dodge out of the way from his flailing hands. Ned held a mighty fist up to the sky as if challenging God. "That's how I'd do it."
"Do what?" Sam asked. Ned stood in front of the sun and Sam had to squint in order to keep looking at him. "What are you doing?"
"Become someone cool. Become someone like Cory Fletcher."
"Cory Fletcher? Wasn't he the one that got electrocuted by sticking a fork in his toaster?" Following Ned's fiery look, Sam realized Cory was enjoying the lawn party by running around pretending to give The Gregor a piggyback ride. "No. Wait. He licked a broken lightbulb for ten bucks, didn't he?"
Ned rolled his eyes. "No! Not like that. I wanna be infamous."
"That's not the right word. Al Capone was infamous. Ted Bundy was infamous—"
"Sam!" Ned pleaded with him, almost begging as he lifted Sam from the ground. He held both of Sam's shoulders and Sam realized he had grown another inch since the last time he saw him. Looking at him like this while being so close, it was like the sun was still blazing behind him. Ned blinded him.
"Trust me," Ned said. "It'd take something huge to become a real legend in this town. Not just something weird. Something huge, but not in stature. But in its name. One day everyone is going to know who Ned Flowers is because I'm going to steal The Gregor."
The Gregor.
Their rival high school's lucky talisman. With that little lawn gnome that had sunglasses super glued to its face, they had won every regional championship for the last five years and they always kicked their teams' asses out on the field. Their clubs won bigger prizes. Their art programs received wider recognition. And all this luck can be traced back to their reception of The Gregor.
Though nobody knew where he came from.
The Gregor's origins were as mystical as his presence.
"Well," Sam said, eyeing the lawn party. "Now's your chance. It looks like they're going inside to cut the cake."
Ned snapped a surprised look at all the high schoolers running into the house, taking their chaos with them. Cory sat The Gregor down on one of the lawn chairs, making it look like the little gnome was working on his tan.
"You're right," Ned said, but he already sounded breathless. His face reddened. Ned's face always went red if he was nervous. Even the tips of his ears looked like they were stained with cherry juice... it was one of Ned's cuter features.
"Here I go," he said, but he still hadn't let go of Sam's shoulders. "I'm going."
"Go, then." Sam encouraged Ned and while the nerves sat around the edges of his words, Sam knew Ned well enough to know what was really going to happen.
Taking a deep breath, Ned walked off Sam's lawn. He stopped as if an invisible wall ran smacked dab in the middle of the road. They stood still for several beats and Sam watched Ned just burn redder and redder.
Finally, he whipped around, his head buried between his shoulders as he insisted, "Actually, you know what? Now's not the time. We're not even in high school yet, so what's the point? That'd be pretty dumb."
"Super dumb." Sam cracked a smile, resisting the urge to tease him more. Sam knew it. Ned would never actually go through with actually taking The Gregor. That kind of thing took guts. Ned didn't even like taking things out of the oven in fear he'd get singed on the sides.
"The dumbest."
"Come on." Sam grabbed Ned's shirt sleeve, giving it a little tug as he started for his house. "Let's go back to my house. My mom should be out for a while and if I have to be outside any longer, you'll have to mop up the puddle of goo I leave behind."
Ned didn't argue. He walked right behind Sam, the tickle of Ned's stare on the back of his neck. Sam was suddenly hyper aware of how he held himself. It killed Sam that he didn't know what Ned was thinking when they were together. Was Ned ever sparing a thought on him? Did he waste as much time as Sam thinking about him?
"Hey, Sam," Ned spoke up just as Sam had both feet on his porch steps.
"Yeah?" Sam turned immediately.
Ned's face was red again, and his chest clenched. He had a firm grip on the railing, feeling like his legs threaten to give out. Ned rubbed the back of his neck, not quite able to look at Sam. "I—um, I'm really glad we're still friends, even though our parents, you know..."
"Hate each other enough to cause World War Three?"
Ned grinned nice and wide. He was so beautiful when he smiled. Sam had to remind himself that they were the same species.
"I was just going to say crazy." Ned shrugged and finally looked at him.
Sam should be more careful with what he wished for.
Ned meeting his eyes sparked a fire in Sam's chest that burned hotter than the sun gazing upon them from the sky. He blushed and couldn't look at Ned. Guess they were taking turns. "Definitely crazy... but they just don't know you like I do. If my parents got to know you, they'd have to like you."
"So..." Taking a step forward, Ned brought himself closer. He touched the railing, sliding up to meet Sam's hand. "Does that mean you like me?"
Rolling his eyes, Sam couldn't stifle his smile no matter how hard he tried. "I'm saying they don't know how nice you are."
"I'm nice?" Ned teased him, tilting his head so it would force Sam to look at him. He took another step towards Sam, and Ned's hand slid on top of his. "Just nice?"
"You have your moments," Sam whispered as the space between them shrunk.
Sam followed his mouth as it found his. The moment Sam could feel Ned's soft lips, he shut my eyes tight because that was the only thing he knew you were supposed to do when you kissed somebody. His heart leapt up into the middle of his throat and sat there as a tornado of panic whirled within him. Only on the inside. Outside, Sam stood perfectly still and squeezed Ned's fingers.
Ned leaned away and met his eyes again. Sam sucked in his lips, worried they were too dry or something.
"Is this okay?" he asked.
Sam nodded when words failed him. After all the books he had read, Sam still couldn't come up with the words to tell Ned that this was significantly more than just okay. This was what he always wanted. His last birthday wish was to kiss Ned... well, specifically, it was to kiss Ned in the rain while La Vie En Rose played, but he'd take this too.
Ned smiled awkwardly and kissed him again. This time, Sam moved his head, so their noses weren't as mushed up together, but he kept his hands at his sides.
One, he didn't have the strength to lift them.
Two, he honestly didn't even know what to do with them. Sam was too petrified to even dare to touch Ned. Thinking about it made his face feel even hotter.
"NED FLOWERS GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF MY SON!"
Mom's screeching nearly cracked the sky with its power as she threw their front door open, making it slam against the house. Sam's bones jumped, hitting the ceiling of his body as a yelp flew out of his mouth. Ned flung himself down the steps, slipping on the grass and falling right on his backside.
Storming down the front of the porch, Sam's mother was only wearing a bathrobe, fuzzy slippers, and a nose strip. Her curls were wild and falling out of her bun. She waved a spatula in the air as she nearly ran Sam over, stomping down the stairs. "What do you think you're doing?! Are you out of your mind?!"
Ned scrambled to his feet and Sam watched in horror as his mother chased him Ned halfway down the lawn with her spatula. "Get off my lawn, Ned Flowers. You just wait till your mother hears about this!"
"S-sorry, Mrs. Hayes!" Ned called back as he scurried away.
"You better be sorry!" She yelled at him just as he made it across the street and into his own house. He slammed the door behind him and Sam dropped to the front step, burying his head in his hands. He could never face Ned again.
"Samuel Hayes, you get inside and brush your teeth! What is the matter with you? I didn't suffer through forty-eight hours of labor for you to disrespect me like this."
Sam looked up at her and hated the way he could see his own face in hers, especially when her eyes went all wide and crazy like now. "Mom!" Sam whined, motioning to Ned's house. "It's just Ned! He's harmless!"
"Harmless? Harmless?" She did a double-take, as if Sam just told her the grocery store was no longer taking coupons or that Dad had erased all her recorded episodes of Dateline. "There's not a person alive that's HARMLESS, especially not someone from the Flowers family. They will say all kinds of terrible stories about you. Remember, I told you the time his mother told everybody that during middle school I was out of school because my parents returned me to the orphanage?"
"I know. You've told me a million times." Sam rolled his eyes, and his mother shot out, lightning fast, to smack him upside the head.
"Or what about the time his father stole your dad's dog and refused to admit it?"
"I know! I know!"
"Sam, honey, if you wanna find a boyfriend, that's fine. I'll introduce you to a nice boy from the synagogue, but under no circumstances are you ever allowed to date Ned Flowers. Do you understand me?"
"But mom—"
"Don't back talk me."
"But you asked me a question!"
"Don't yell at your mother! Go to your room. Your father will have something to say about this when he gets home. Let me tell you. I'm going to find your sister and make sure she's not trying to tongue John Flowers somewhere. Margaret!"
"I wasn't tonguing Ned!" Sam screamed back before flinging himself onto his bed and praying to die.
#
THE GREGOR
This story is essentially about Ned. Ned, who gets stood up the day before Christmas Eve three years later... but this story is also about how Sam Hayes met his first boyfriend, Mathew Geller. They went to Olive Garden with their parents and ended up dating for four excruciating long months for everyone involved.
But this story is also about how Ned never initiated a first kiss ever again... well, not for another three years.
Around Christmas time.
Author's Note
Hey friends! I'm having so much fun with this dorky romcom. It's bringing me back to my 30DTP days and I'm not complaining at all. I really thought I'd never write another contemporary novel, but this whole idea was just too fun. This story (after this flashback) will all take place over (around) twenty-four hours. I'm excited, if you can't tell.
So tell me all your thoughts and feelings! What are your first impressions of Sam and Ned? What did you think about their kiss? And the interruption? Lol. Also, if you've been on a first date? Where was it? Mine was a movie theater date :)
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