Church on Sunday morning was the same as always. I listened to the Pastor drone on and on for three hours straight before hiding out in the bathroom after service to wait for my parents who decided that they need to speak to every member of the congregation.
I've been waiting for Ashley for the past fifteen minutes so we can leave together. She wanted me to hang out with her and Darrell today. My immediate response was no, but she begged, very annoyingly I might add for me to say yes. If you ask me, I'm not exactly looking forward to third-wheeling between the happy couple.
She said I could invite a friend, but all three friends that I texted were busy with their own lives. Erika was babysitting, Dylan was helping his mom since she was due soon, and Destiny was busy having sex with Jasper. Why she couldn't skip it for a day was beyond me, but I wasn't going to interfere.
"What about the Instagram boy?" Ashley had asked me on the phone Thursday night when we made the plan.
"Hell no," I answered, scribbling down answers for my Physics homework. "He's probably busy, anyway."
"Why haven't I met him?" She asks like we're dating. He's just some guy that I'm friends with. "And you never talk about him!"
"There's nothing to talk about," I say to her as I've said to Destiny many times before. "I'm not introducing him to you because that's a short jump to my parents."
"What's wrong with your friends meeting your parents?" I close my eyes, trying to decide whether I should tell her about Jace's stance on how we spend our Sundays.
"He's an... atheist." She gasps and I immediately regret telling her.
"Okay..." She pretends to act cool with people who think differently than her, but she was raised traditionally. Her parents ingrained in her brain that God was the only person she should be listening to. "Does he know that you're Christian?"
"Yes," I lied easily. "We don't talk about religion often, but he respects my decision." My voice strained, trying to spit out the words. It's never been my decision.
This thing has been shoved down my throat since I was a child, they would've sent me to a Christian school if we could afford it. I was constantly running from my belief trying to learn, see what everybody around me was seeing. But when they talked about Evolution in Biology. The Big Bang Theory in Chemistry. I listened and hung onto their every word. It didn't matter that I had a cross choking me around the neck since the minute I was born. Jace was the only person who knew and I only told him because he could never reach my outside world. My secret would be safe with him because he had no one to tell. But I never imagined, telling him would lead to finding another person who knew what it felt like to be different. Who god forbid had a different idea than the people around them.
"As long as he's not trying to force you into--" Her voice tightened before she trailed off, but I already knew what she was going to say. Converting.
"That could never happen," I assured her and she changed the topic.
I don't think she wants to meet Jace after that. Ashley came into the bathroom a few minutes later with her box braids in a tight bun that weighed at least 50 pounds with the amount of hair she had added. She quickly undid the bun and let it fall down past her waist. I was thinking of getting braids like hers but decided against it. I loved my natural hair too much to hide it.
"Are we changing before meeting Darrell?" I said, walking out the front door and the warm spring air greets me. She just nods her head with a wide smile at the prospects of seeing her boo. Even though they go to the same school and just saw each other two days ago.
"Can I get a ride?" I turn around to see Brielle strutting towards me with sunglasses taking up half of her face to hide her glare. I look to Ashley who just shrugs.
"Why?" She could've just asked my parents.
"I need you to drop me off somewhere," Brielle admits. I shake my head, the places she goes aren't somewhere I need to be associated with. "Please sis, I need you!" She whines from behind me as I make a beeline for my car.
"Take Uber!" I scream, unlocking my doors. She shows up at my window before I can get my seatbelt on. "No, Bri. Not after what happened last time!" She pouts.
"It was just a small drug bust."
Small, my ass! The entire El Chappo squad was in there with more cases of coke and weed then I've seen in my life. And with all the parties that Des has dragged me too I've seen my fair share. Ashley's eyes are bugging out of her head with this newfound information about my sister's sketchy life.
"Just no, get the fuck out of the way!" I'm tempted to run over her toes, but decide against it when I see my parents exit the church. "There are your parents, go ask them!"
"You know that I can't."
"The only thing I know is that you're going to make me late." She takes her sunglasses off to give me a good look.
"You're going to regret this," Brielle smirks before stalking away. "Watch your back, bitch!"
When she's out of sight, I look over to Ashley who just stares back at me, sympathy clouded in her warm brown eyes.
"I didn't know she was such a-"
"Mean. Vindictive. Slimy little bitch." I finished off for her, a headache forming. She nods, wordlessly.
Another thing Jace and I have in common. We have shitty sibling relationships. While he and Jasper's issues are still unclear to me, mine is pretty evident. Nothing can save us now.
Ashley hooks her phone up to my aux cord and the Cardi B song blasting through my speakers distracts me from my thoughts. I make it all the way home and my parent's car is nowhere to be found. We run upstairs once I've unlocked the door, knowing that we have to meet Darrell at the Harbor in less than half an hour. She warned him in the car that we're running behind, but stupidly she only bought us an extra ten minutes.
We quickly change out of our church clothes and into our more provocative springtime attire meaning mid-thigh shorts and a tank top for me and a shorter spring dress for her. Ashley is obsessed with dresses and a girly girl overall. I'm not a girly girl, but my thighs chafe too much to constantly wear dresses. We drown ourselves in Bath and Body Works perfume which ends in a coughing fit when I accidentally inhaled some.
We ran back outside to the car which I forgot to lock. Yikes. That's bad, especially in my neighborhood. We made it downtown through afternoon traffic in under twenty minutes which is nearly impossible especially for somebody who only got their license last year. I parked on a side street behind Shake Shack (different from where I saw Jasper, obviously) and we met Darrell right outside of Barnes and Noble. I think she only did this for my benefit.
Ashley walked fast, dragging me along when I kept my eyes trained on the water even though it was murky and brown, it's Baltimore's crowning achievement. I don't come down here often, but I like to soak it in whenever I can. It's truly beautiful. The expensive yachts. Overpriced restaurants. Millions of dollars worth of real estate just to live over dirty water. It's crazy how a whole city can hide behind this harbor. People who come down here as tourists and this is the only thing they see. They ignore the drugs and guns and gangs and bullets and fear. Tricked to believing Baltimore is an amazing place to live in because of the trash-filled water. We can slap a price tag on something and fill the neighborhood up with Starbucks and yoga studios, but nothing has changed. It pains me to think that this is most likely the only place in the city that Jace has been too. He ignores it all to come here. His father probably has a yacht right over there. He's probably been to one of these restaurants. Drove an hour and a half just to see dirty water.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Ashley's voice. I see Darrell standing next to her from a few feet away. He's wearing ripped jeans and a dark blue Nike shirt.
"Long time no see kid," I say easily with a wide grin. I always like hanging out with him even when I had to watch him fawn hopelessly over my clueless cousin.
"How you been shorty?" He's called me that since we met because of height not because he's trying to act ghetto.
We exchanged pleasantries before I decided that I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day because I woke up late and barely managed to be on time for church let alone have enough time to take care of my health. After listening to them bicker for ten minutes on where we should eat, Shake Shack or Chick Fil a, I decide to make the decision for all of us. We ended up at Chick Fil A and while Ashley and Darrell were whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, I was focused on the group of gorgeous teenage boys seated at the table next to us. Ashley stopped touching on Darrell long enough to notice me glancing at the group more than once.
"Just go talk to them!" She says a little too loud. I panicked looking around to see if anybody noticed, but it seems I'm the only one that cared.
"Are you crazy? I could never do that."
I'm not the go for it type of person. I'm more of a wait for fate to take its course kind of girl. If destiny wanted me to talk to the guys then I would have been given a reason to talk to them. Destiny on the other hand would've had their numbers within two seconds of her walking through the door while I was just her weird friend in the background. I'm not even exaggerating this has happened many times before. It's become a sort of routine for me. I've accepted the fact that guys don't go for girls like me and I'll forever be pushed into the background for many years to come until finally it's going to be one guy who looks at me and it's not just because he wants to get in my friends pants.
"Thanks for the encouragement, Ash. But I'm good." I lay back in the booth and make a point to start messing with my phone like I've forgotten about the whole thing.
It's been off since church started and I've been too busy to turn it on. When I do, my phone is dry aside from a few email notifications from Forever 21 and one from Team Snapchat telling me to get this new filter. I was about to give up and just go back to staring at the boys when an alert from Jace pops up.
I'm boredddd
I roll my eyes with a stupid smile on my face. He's such a child.
"Who you texting over there?" I glance up at Ashley who raises an eyebrow which I decide to ignore
I'm third wheeling
That's wayyy worse than being bored
I do it with Alex and Cam all the time
I'm struggling to hold back my vomit
They are giggling and whispering
I'm all alone because all my friends were busy
I regret adding that last part.
You didn't ask me
And that's why I regretted it
You would've hated this
Not if it was with you
My heart beats a little faster at that. For some reason, I wish he was here. We could've hung out in the massive Barnes and Noble and found a new reading spot. He could've made friends with those cute guys and got me a number. We could've walked around the water together and I would've stopped him every ten seconds to take a picture. It would've been a good day. An amazing day. If only things were different.
I promise you would've
I know he would've loved it. That's the tragic part, Jace would've loved it down here. But it's too close to home. It's too far in my territory. There's a line separating my life and Jace's and coming to the Inner Harbor less than twenty minutes away from where anybody from school could come and expose me is definitely crossing it.
I didn't notice that Darrell left the table until he came back with my milkshake and all our orders in his hands. Ashley doesn't move to help him instead just stares me down with a hint of a smile. I take some of the food out of his hands in fear that he'll drop it all over me. Ashley takes her iced tea and nothing else in true Ashley fashion.
I thank Darrell for being a gentleman and he slides in next to Ashley who won't stop looking at me.
"What!" I snap. She sets down her drink and switches it out for her carton of fries
"You're blushing," I slap my hands to my cheeks and indeed they are warm despite it being nearly 60 degrees in here. "Anything to do with who's blowing up your phone?"
"Don't make any assumptions," She narrows her eyes, teasingly. "I mean it! Nothing's happening." I spit angrily, chewing hard on a nugget.
"I didn't say a word." She says innocently. Darrell just looks at us, amused with some confusion about whatever the hell we're talking about.
"But you thought it." She doesn't respond, already getting the reaction she desired.
I check to see if Jace texted me back. Not that I cared, but I didn't want to be rude.
I finished the To All the Boys series btw
It was cool, a little girly, but good
I understand, why you like them
You're just like Lara Jean
Hopeless romantic and stuff
Then where's my Peter Kavinsky?
I asked, half-joking.
If you're looking for him then he won't come
It has to be a complete surprise
Somebody you never expected
A girl can dream
It takes a while for the side characters to
get their happily ever afters
Remember?
You're not a side character
Neither are you
Liar.
I shut off my phone before my food can get cold. I finish quickly, stuffing fries in my mouth as my body grumbles in hunger. When I'm finished, I see that the cute boys have vacated the premises and the happy couple is too immersed in each other to take notice of me.
"I'm going outside for a second." Ashley sends me a thumbs up and I grab my phone and my milkshake and slide out the bench.
I push open the door and am met by fresh air. Well, as fresh as polluted air can get. I find an empty bench that overlooks the water. The sun is reflecting over it perfectly turning it from brown to gold. But when the sun hid behind marshmallow-like clouds, the water returned to its original copper and the beauty was gone.
I slide on my headphones and breathe in the air before covering my nose when I see a smoker a few feet away. There's nothing I hated more in life than second- hand smoke or smoking in general. Jace told me the same thing yesterday, but I think his reason is because of Jasper. I sometimes see him with a lit cigarette on the balcony next to his room when I'm walking to my car. I know he sees me too, but we make it a mission to avoid each other as much as possible. Which isn't hard considering Jace refuses to be in the same room as Jasper for anything more than coincidence. I don't know what happened between the two, but that's one thing I'm determined to find out.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a ringing in my ears that overpowers my Adele song. I glance down at my phone, annoyed, but that soon fades as I realize it's Jace's face timing me. Actually, it's probably Jasmine who took his phone, she calls me from it a lot mostly to annoy Jace, but also to give me updates on her Lucas crush. Usually, her over- concerned big brother leaves the room with a grunt when we mention him.
"SCARLETT!" Jasmine screams in my ear when I answer. She's in Jace's room, I can tell by the headboard.
"Jas, she's busy." Jace's voice doesn't have the same happy- go lucky tone as usual. He sounds... dejected. Like somebody just told him that his favorite bookstore was closing.
"No, I'm good," I said because I wanted to find out what was wrong with him. "What's going on Jas?"
There's a dark part in the pit of my stomach that urges me to drive over to his house right now and throw my arms around him. But a bigger part of me, the rational part, says that the idea sounds crazy.
"Lucas is coming over today!" My eyebrows shot up in surprise. My parents never would've let a boy talk to me, let alone allow him in the house.
"Alex is coming over to do a project and he's babysitting," Jace explains and I relax. That makes way more sense. "I thought you were busy?"
"Third-wheeling is way more fun when you ditch the couple," I hear a short chuckle in the background and the dark part of my stomach goes a little lighter. "There's a Barnes and Noble down the street; I might just find us a new spot." I lied, nothing could ever replace our spot.
His face comes in the camera and I see the bags under his eyes. If he had trouble sleeping, why didn't he just call me? He always calls me.
"Rough night?" He was looking at something in a distance, but when I made the comment his eyes quickly flitted back to me.
"No," Okay so we're lying now. "Just stressed because of t-this project." If there's one thing, Jace is never stressed about its school work. He's unbelievably smart like way smarter than me.
I hear the loud ding dong from the doorbell ring throughout the house. Jasmine's eyes are dancing with excitement. The siblings go downstairs and Jace puts me in his pocket.
"Hey bro," I hear Alexandra greet. "You look terrible. Problems with Scarlett?" I scrunch my eyebrows together. What does he mean by problems with me?
"I'm good and there's nothing wrong with Scarlett." I don't know if he's saying that because I'm on the phone or if it's actually true. I can't think of any argument we've had that might cause a problem.
"Hey, Alex!" I say just to make my presence known.
"Scarlett!" His surprise is evident and Jace pulls his phone out his pocket. I'm met with both of their faces and feel incredibly lucky to know Jace's insanely hot friend group. I know if I saw them hanging around the mall I wouldn't hesitate to let my eyes follow them down the hallway in longing. "Where are you?" He probably noticed the blue sky and heard the baby crying a few feet behind me.
"Harbor," I answered. "Third-wheeling with my cousin and her boyfriend."
"My dad has a boat down there." Alex casually mentions like those boats don't cost close to if not more than a million bucks. I waited for Jace to say something like 'same' but he doesn't, instead, he says something I wasn't expecting.
"Do you hang in the city often?" I almost choke on my milkshake but settle for having a coughing fit instead. "You good?" I nod while I feel my face going red in embarrassment.
"No- no I don't come to the city often. I only go to the harbor," I've calmed down and held a steady voice. "Do you?"
Why'd I even ask this question, of course, he doesn't.
"Not really," Told you. "I've walked around the harbor a few times, but that's about it."
"You've never been anywhere else in the city?"
My disbelief showed a little. I didn't expect him to spend any time down here, but now I feel disconnected. Here, I am. Living and breathing this city, but he's never even truly experienced it. Another reason, why not telling him would do me more harm than good.
"Why would I want to?" His privilege is showing loud and clear.
"Because there's more to just Baltimore than a tourist attraction!" My anger seeping into my words. I sound way too passionate about a city that I don't live in. "I mean... there are a couple of reasons."
"Maybe we can check it out together," His tone wasn't confused or insulting. It was warm, he wanted to experience the parts that he didn't know with me. "If it's important to you than I want to know more."
"That would be cool," I heard Ashley call from outside of the Chick Fil A. "I have to go and be the third wheel again. Talk to you, later?"
"Have fun, Let!" I almost forgot about that stupid nickname. Alexander mumbles something with a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips up to his mouth. I hang up and take my milkshake over to where Darrell and Ashley are holding hands.
"Who were you on the phone with?" My cousin asks, being nosy.
"Nobody," I reply with a smile on my face that says more than words can that it was anybody but nobody.