The school had some things to say especially when I asked them to no longer contact my mother. Of course Mr. Jacks had to talk to them and explain some things that changed the tune they were singing pretty quickly. Having signed some forms and made plans for my school work, making sure to contact my teachers once a day to get a recording of the class. It's not going to be fun to do, or even deal with. I mainly just want to get this mess over with. I don't want to have to think about everything that's going to happen.
I don't think I'm ready to face my biggest fear, I don't think I'm ready to fight him. Walking back out to the car I feel eyes on me, and I can only shake my head, I'm not acknowledging them. I can't at this point, seeing the pictures of prom I have to wince. I'm hoping to catch a flight Friday night, and be back in time to not ruin Ryker's prom in the very least. Because let's face it, at this point I'm not really in the mood to go to prom. For some reason I just don't see myself being in the mood for the party.
Getting into Sandy's car, I heave a sigh holding packets of work and homework that I'll need to have finished by Saturday. Since prom is at the school, the principal said I could just drop off my work at the office once I arrived for the part. "I'll drop you off at your house. I think it's best you have a talk with Ryker alone." Sandy says and I nod slowly. I don't want to have this conversation, not that I really know what I'm going to be saying to him at this point.
"Yeah, that's probably the smartest." Resting my arm against the door I place my head in my hand, letting silence coat the interior of the car. Neither of us can really find anything to say to one another. At this point I don't know what to say to myself. Sandy pulls up to my house, and stops looking at me.
"Alright, well I'll see you at home tonight." I nod and get out, walking up the steps to my house before stepping inside. I just want this night to be over with and relatively soon if that's at all possible. Unlocking the door I walk inside, heaving a sigh. I really hate this house, and this supposed new start it was supposed to mean. The only good thing that came out of it was Ryker and Blake. Everything else has just been a headache and a heartache. I feel tears well up in my eyes again, I hate myself and my stupidity.
Shaking my head I force myself out of my thoughts, I really can't be contemplating that right now. Setting down the paperwork on the counter I head upstairs. I need to pack clothes for the trip. What's going to happen when I come back? What do I do when I come back? I don't think I can come back here, I don't think I should come back to this house. Feeling my frustrations build I head upstairs, I need to at least pack everything that belongs to me. I can just rent a storage shed. When I come back I'll need to find a place to live. I can't continue to scrounge off of Ryker's family, it just isn't right.
Pulling out my suitcase, I start packing up enough for the trip. The trip is all I can worry about now. I have to stop as I see the tablet on my desk, pausing as I search for plane tickets. I need to do this, now more than ever. Finding one for early tomorrow morning, I purchased it. The five hour flight will suck, I don't doubt I'll be stuck in my head the whole time. Feeling a weight settle on my shoulder, this has to be done. Shutting off the tablet I slip it into my suitcase, I'll need some kind of entertainment.
Hearing a knock downstairs has me leaving my room as the front door is opened. "Babe? What's going on? Mom just said to come here as soon as I could. Is everything alright?" Hearing Ryker's voice has me calming and tensing all in one go - I hate this.
"I'm upstairs." I reply simply, heading back to my room to continue packing my bags. Grabbing outfits from my closet I fold them and stuff it into the bag.
"Oh are you packing more things to stay at the house? I'm guessing your Mom was on the phone with you when I got in." I have to shake my head, swallowing harshly.
"No, It wasn't my Mom calling. She hasn't talked to me since she left." Keeping my back to him I once more head into my closet.
"Who called that made you upset?" It wasn't who that made me upset, it was what they had to say that pushed me over the edge.
"It was Mr. Jacks. He had some news for me, listen I need to go to California for a few days." I finally take a chance and look over my shoulder at him, watching as his expression changes, clearly confused with everything I'm saying.
"Wait, what are you saying? Why do you have to go back there?" Grabbing another outfit I tuck it into the suitcase.
"Keaton, he has a parole hearing. I can't let him get out, my mother is already speaking on my behalf, I don't trust her to tell the truth." I shake my head, no if I left it to her, she's going to swear left right and center that he's a changed man. Turned to religion to turn himself around. I know that's not the truth, a man like him could never change.
"Why does your Mom have such a hard on for this man?" I hear the frustrations in his voice and I sigh.
"Keaton is my father, they're still married." I'm not sure if he's put any thought into Keaton or my father being the same man. It's not like I've tried to correct him on the matter. Well it's not like I've talked much about the matter.
"Oh." His simple answer makes me nod as I shove stuff into the suitcase before zipping it closed. "Does your Mom know you are going to be at the hearing?" Stopping I turn and look at him before dropping onto my bed and staring at my hands.
"No, Mr. Jacks put my name on the list of speakers against Keaton. My Mom won't know until I walk out onto the stand." I watch as he rubs his face in frustration before dropping onto my computer chair.
"What did he do to you? How bad did he hurt you?" Looking at my lap, I feel a tear slip from my eye, and roll down my cheek.
"He abused me, until he took things a step too far. Can I tell you the rest when I get back? I'm not ready to go into details - I don't want you to hate me." I shake my head, I couldn't face that, not now, and most certainly not later.
"Rae, I don't give a damn what he did to you. That could never make me hate you."
"Ryker, I'm just not ready to take that chance, give me a little more time. Please?" Ry looks at me before shaking his head sadly.
"Don't you trust me Rae?" I stare at my lap, feeling tears roll down my cheeks I hate this. Everything about this sucks.
"Ry, of course I trust you. I just want to be sure that Keaton won't get out of jail. I fear if I talk about it, he'll be free. Once he's free, I'm afraid I'll never be able to stop looking over my shoulder." I wipe at my eyes feeling pitiful and stupid, my logic doesn't even make sense at this point. Am I just being stupid? Ryker drops his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side.
"Ok, when you get back we can talk about it then. I don't want you to feel pressured." I nod in thanks.
"Thank you for understanding. I know it doesn't make sense." I shake my head feeling ashamed, am I really making excuses for myself at this point. Ryker kisses my head, rubbing my arm before he answers.
"It doesn't have to make sense Rae, if you're not ready to tell me, you aren't ready. I don't want you to feel like you need to do something you're not ready for. I do have one question for you." Forcing myself to pull away I look up at Ryker wiping at my tears once more.
"Yeah?" Ryker looks around the room, heaving a sigh.
"I don't want you to stay here, even once you get back. I know we're young, but once you get moved in with me. I already talked to Mom and she said it was ok. After we graduate we can start looking around. Maybe find an apartment together. I know it's quick but..." He gives me a shrug. And I stop and look at him before a slow smile comes to my face.
"Really you want that?" Ryker gives a chuckle looking around with a soft blush on his cheeks.
"I know it's soon, it feels right. I like being with you, it's not like we spend a lot of time apart. Besides I think it'll be fun to live together." I chuckle nodding as I rest my head on his shoulder. It'd be more than fun, let's face it, I don't think I could live on my own. I don't make enough to pay all of the bills. What better roommate than your boyfriend?
"I'd love to, I didn't want to come back here. I don't think I could, I know that having my mother in my life isn't healthy. You were right about her, and I hate that I didn't listen to you." I shake my head, rubbing at my sore eyes. I should've listened to Ryker from the start about my mother.
"Trust me babe, this isn't something I'm proud to be right about. I don't like seeing you hurt - it ain't right." He kisses my forehead again, and we just sit in peace. Looking around the room, I haven't made many memories here. And yet I can't seem but to hate it.
"I need to finish packing." Shaking my head I stand up walking to grab the last bits of clothes for my trip.
"I'll drive you to the airport in the morning. Do you have any boxes?" I nod, as I zip up the suitcase.
"I have some downstairs somewhere, they shouldn't be too hard to find." He nods and leaves my room, I have to look around the room. I can't believe I'm moving out of this house. I get flashbacks to all of those times I moved back in California. I know this time will be different, I won't be alone this time. Moving this time means something completely different. Moving here I was determined it was going to be bad. I had a different outlook on everything then. Shaking my head, I climb onto my bed, pulling off the nick nacks that adorn my bed.
I pause staring at the tall candle Shelly had given to me before I left. There's small heart carved into it, initials carved in under family. She told me that I should burn it when I feel lonely, or when I'm missing them. I've never been able to do that, it's too special to burn, I know it's silly because well it's a candle. It's funny because all I can do is stare at it when I miss them. I am excited to see Mr. Jacks and Shelly, I can't wait to give them both a big hug. I'm sure Shelly and I are going to break down in tears when we see each other.