The most difficult and important decision is taken when we are in pain and we feel alone, confused and... Done!
~about an hour later, palace's dungeons~
Diana's pov
Daniel tightens his hold around me when we stop right outside the cell in which Emily's brother is and I turn to him to find him staring at me with great worry.
He didn't want me to come and I am lucky Ellie and Alice stayed with Nikki and informed Robert to go and check on her, because I wouldn't have made it just on time otherwise.
The girls knew how much I wanted to find Daniel and ask him if everything Landon told us is true and I owe them for assuring me they wouldn't leave Nikki, who is still dizzy and scared us, so this is why Alice asked from Robert to go with them.
After Ellie's firm statement that Nikki would be alright, I decided to leave them and run to the room I knew we were keeping Emily and I was lucky Daniel, Parker and Emily were still there, although I found them at the door, as they were ready to come here and talk with her brother.
The truth is it was an awkward first meeting for me and Emily, because she and Parker couldn't look at me in the eyes and Daniel was nervous about my reaction, but I told them immediately I knew everything because of Landon and I had absolutely no problem with them.
It was a shock for me to hear they were mates, we had no way to make Emily's brother talk and I was an idiot for leaving Lucas run away and join my 'father's' side, but when I saw Daniel's worried and full of adoration eyes, Parker trembling and avoiding looking at me, because he thought I wouldn't approve his bond with Emily, and Emily so panicked and ashamed, I gained my full temper back.
Daniel and the other guys were right and I already knew it, but I still had to accept it completely. We can't harm Emily, because she is already one of us, we love Parker very much and we don't want to hurt him or keep him away from his mate.
Also, Daniel surprised me for once more with his plan and left me speechless. I wouldn't have been able to think what he did and I wouldn't have been so calm to deal with this so serious issue with so much maturity and wisdom. He was too fast to explain to me he would try to approach Emily's brother in another way and he apologized to me for not wanting to harm him anymore. He thought I would be mad at him, because he wanted to shoot Aiden and he ended up shooting him and he wants to somehow 'save' him, but I assured him and the guys I had no reason to get mad. I trust Daniel and his abilities, I also trust Emily's honest intentions and Parker's will to help, so all I have to do this time is make a step back, be patient, support Daniel and the guys, let them deal with it and interfere when it's needed.
Daniel told me I could miss it, because he saw I am overwhelmed and I still haven't told him the reason which is Nikki and Landon, but I told him I couldn't leave him alone.
And how could I leave him, when we are finally one, necessary to each other and he needs my support?
He has captured my heart, this man doesn't stop at all, he keeps on proving me he is the best and this is why I am sure his small alternative plan is going to work and Emily's brother is going to change his mind and talk to us.
"Are you sure, baby? You can stay here with Tucker, if you don't feel ready." He whispers to me and leans to kiss my cheek.
I smile and place my other free hand on his arm to caress it and I shake my head to show him for one more time I am not changing my mind. I am going in with him and the guys, I want to be present and listen to everything the man has to say (if we are lucky enough).
"Alright, but I want you to be prepared for the worst. I have already told Emily that his condition is dramatic, it will be a very heavy and hard scene." He murmurs and I nod in understanding.
I don't find it crazy or difficult to believe. They are torturing him for the last couple of days, his wolf can't heal him, because they are injecting him with wolfsbane and they haven't fed or given him water yet.
I am fully prepared to see him and I am not worried about me, I am worried about Emily. She is his sister, she loves him and I am trying to put myself in her place and imagine how I would feel, if I had to see Aiden like this, but I can't. My heart can't bear the thought, it's too much and I feel sorry for Emily, but from the other side I know she is lucky Daniel will be so generous, kind and logical to let him leave, if he cooperates.
"Don't worry, I will be fine." I assure him again and he sighs heavily, not completely calm and then turns to Parker and Emily who are standing right behind us.
I mimic him and my eyes fall on Parker and then to Emily. Parker has a nervous look, he has one arm wrapped around Emily and I smile to him. Who could have imagined he would be so caring and expressive in this short period of time?
Don't get me wrong, I know his heart is full of love, but it's like he knows Emily for years and they chemistry is more than obvious. They behave like an 'old' couple and this is what I admire on them so much.
Emily is panicked, tears build up on her eyes, I listen to her loud heartbeat, I see how much she is fighting to stand on her ground and my worry about her grows even bigger. I want to hope she stands to see her brother even in the condition he is in and if she doesn't, I will ask from Parker to take her out. We can't play with her feelings, we must support her.
"Emily, whenever you feel you need to get out, do it. Parker won't leave you alone, he will be by your side all the time." Daniel tells her softly and she stiffens, but soon nods and turns to look at Parker, who caresses her arm.
"Tucker, we won't need you. You can stay here and wait for us, but I want you to give me the key's for his chains' locks, I will unchain him." he continues and looks at Tucker, who is staring at him with widely open mouth.
I see he wasn't expecting this, but he can't protest. Daniel's word is final and he knows he has to obey and do as he says. He loves him and me, I feel he does and that's why he can't show mercy or understanding on any prisoner we have, but this time he is not the one in lead here.
"As you wish, Your Royal Highness... I will be here." Tucker states, hands him a small package of four keys and gets ready to open the cell's door for us.
Daniel gives me a short gaze to make sure we can continue and with a motion of his, Tucker opens the heavy from steal door and the displeasing scent of dirt and dry blood hits my nose and affects me.
I have smelled blood so many times, I have smelled dirt and moldiness even more times, but it still makes me want to throw up when the scent is so intense. I narrow my eyes from the displeasing sensation and my gaze lands on the heavily chained man right opposite of us.
I lose my breath for some seconds from the horrifying scene and I instinctually move closer to Daniel. I was an idiot before, when I thought I was fully prepared, because I realize I can't take it, honestly.
My heart tightens from sympathy for him and for Emily, although I know he doesn't deserve it for his actions, but I can't feel differently when I see him almost dead some meters from me.
He is almost naked, his head is bended, his body fully stretched and tightly chained, there is no single part on his skinny body that is not covered with bruises, cuts, wounds or dry blood and he can't move, he can't even lift his head or make the slightest sound.
I am going to have nightmares for weeks and my heart breaks for poor Emily. Maybe she shouldn't be here to see him like this, but I know Daniel is aware of what he is doing, he knew about it.
I feel Daniel taking a step forward to get in the cell and I shake my head to gain my mind back. I look at him, but he is already observing me with the corner of his eye and I do my best to follow him inside. He was right for telling me I shouldn't get more overwhelmed, but what is done, is done. There is no way I'm leaving.
We get inside the cell, but we don't stop after we pass the door, we continue to stop and stand in the middle of the room and quite close to the rogue. I hear slow footsteps behind me while Parker and Emily walk inside and the door behind them closes again from Tucker.
The deadly silence makes my skin shudder, I forget how to breathe and my heartbeat faints dangerously. I get in another world, I am not Diana anymore, I am a ghost, a simple observer and I don't understand when Daniel leaves my hand and walks to the rogue to unchain him and put him to sit on a small seat in the right, back corner of the room.
My hearing doesn't work, my mind can't think, I forget about Emily and Parker, Destiny stays completely silent, but never leaves me alone and I stop feeling my body.
All I can do is observe Daniel, who is now unlocking the lock of the chains on the young man's right hand.
The man doesn't move at all during the whole process' time and I am trying to prevent myself from getting panicked, when I notice he is putting great amends to open his eyes. It's like he is about to pass out again, or he is fighting to stay awake and I would like to help Daniel who places very carefully and quite gently the man on the seat about two minutes later, but my body doesn't cooperates with me and I can't move.
I stay frozen and keep on observing the heartbreaking figure and I feel Daniel's eyes on me, but I can't look at him, not yet. I am drown in this man, who starts moving and groaning after few very hard for all of us seconds.
My hearing is finally back and I hear Emily's low sobs, Parker murmuring something to her, Daniel's slight footsteps, the rogue's painful groans and cries and our very loud heartbeats.
I bury myself in Daniel's arms when he reaches me, not really caring that his clothes got dirty from Emily's brother and he leans to kiss my forehead while his strong hands rub my back to help me stay calm.
I bite my lower lip when the man manages to lift his head enough to see us and I gasp the moment he opens his eyes widely and a loud panicked cry escapes his lips when he sees Emily here.
They told me he got informed we found and brought her here, but right now I realize he didn't believe it, this is why he is so shocked and scared. He thinks we are going to use her, which was our original plan, even though I know Daniel enough to be sure he never was very fond of this idea.
"Em..." he whispers while some tears fall from his blurry eyes and his voice cracks.
I grit my teeth to keep my temper and not cry and my body trembles. I don't see the rogue and Emily right now, I see my brother and me!
Daniel did it, his plan has a strong effect on me, his thought was logical...
He wants to show Emily's brother that he and Aiden were, are and will always be on the same side, just like Emily and I. They are our only older brothers, they would die in order to protect us and we need them with us. He wants to make him see we are on the same side because of this.
"You shouldn't do that, Preston... Look what is happening now." Emily says unable to control all that pain and despair in her voice and he exhales heavily with regret to groan from the sudden pain.
I have the feeling this is going to work, it is already working, Preston (this is his name, but I had forgotten Daniel had said it to me) can die for Emily, her opinion matters to him like nothing else.
"Your sister is here and she is one of us already. Her mate is our friend and they are going to stay at the palace with us from now on. They have accepted each other, they want a happy life and this changes my plans." Daniel states confidently to gain Preston's full attention and Preston blinks his eyes confused and speechless.
Hm... What did he think?
I guess we all know what, but he was wrong, although his way of thinking had a good point.
"I am going to be honest with you, I wanted to use her and make you break and talk to me, but I won't do it. I am still very angry and I can't forgive you completely, but I am willing to try, if you help and take our side." Daniel says next after he has given him few seconds to realize his previous words.
Preston's jaw already drops from the first words of Daniel's, the surprise and shock are written on his pale face and he is struggling to believe his ears. I understand Daniel sounds crazy, but he means it, my man is furious, but he wants to give Preston a real chance.
"Why would you do that?" he asks Daniel unconvinced and gives a hurt look to Emily, who doesn't move an inch from Parker's tight hold.
"Because I don't want my brother and his mate in pain. I can't break them apart and make Emily hate us and him by hurting you, unless I give you one last chance to choose, if you are going to help and tell us what you know about Mason and Lucas, or continue being silent." He replies confidently and Emily with Parker takes few steps to stop next to us.
I turn to Emily who has stopped crying and she raises her hand to me. I just admire how much strength and bravery she shows and I give her my hand without losing more time. Then, we look at her brother in union, Daniel and Parker step backwards to stand behind us and Preston's eyes meet mine.
He looks like Emily, they have similar eyes, hair and face structure, but his features are a little bit wilder than Emily's due to the tortures and the fact he is a man.
I try to read his inner thoughts through his eyes, but I fail, he seems to be confused and upset. I am not sure if he thinks or feels something, he needs some more time.
"I told them why you accepted to help Mason Rollins and they knew you thought it would be the best for me, because you would have the power to protect me and make me happy. I know you love me and you know I love you, you are my rock and the same thing happens for Diana and her brother, Aiden. That's why it was wrong what you did, brother!" Emily speaks up and squeezes my hand to make me talk.
It is my turn...
The four of us discussed about it before we come and Daniel thought it would be better for him and Parker not to talk or interfere that much. Emily has her way with Preston, she knows him better than anyone and I...
I'm the 'Queen', they say I know how to talk in people's hearts.
I take a deep breath and focus on my instinct. I want to be completely honest and make him understand that Aiden is my rock! I know I have Daniel, my dad and all the others, but without Den I am nothing, I was nothing.
"My brother was protecting me for years when we were kids and Mason with Mila were trying to release their anger on me. It was like we were orphans like you and Emily, but we had each other. He did what a good, big brother would do, he saved me countless times from his hands and when he left, I was alone, I couldn't reach him, I lost him and my life became a hell. I had no shelter without him, because he was my shelter!" I begin and pause to wipe the first tears that fall from my eyes and begin to roll down my cheeks.
Damn, I'm going to break into sobbing. I remember what he and I have been through, how he left and I stayed alone and I think I still live in the past.
"I know how it feels like to lose your older brother and I don't want this for anyone or even Emily! I also know how my brother felt when he left, because he didn't want to leave me, but he had no other choice. He accused himself for what happened to me, I almost died and he couldn't help me, we lived apart for years, he thought I was dead and he wanted to die, so..." I say next and stop unable to say more.
I can't talk for now, no. I recall the discussion I had with Aiden few weeks ago when he didn't know yet I was Diana, but Iris and my heart flaws. He had told me he would commit suicide, if I was dead and he meant it. We were lucky he had his suspicions and his heart was screaming to him I couldn't be dead, because if he had died because of me, there would have been no life for me. I had to approach him years earlier, but I couldn't. I was scared and I knew he was suffering and blaming himself, but I decided to continue being Irish Black.
He never had to forgive to me how selfish and what a coward I was for not approaching him, but I will never forgive myself for leaving him to suffer. This is one of the million reasons I love him. He is happy with everything as long as I'm alive, what matters him is my safety and happiness, nothing else, he doesn't care about himself, he has a greater heart than I have, he does!
"Diana lived without Aiden and she can't live without him again. The same goes for me, although I have never lived for so long without you except the last days. Do you understand us, brother? You want me safe and happy, like Aiden wants Diana and I want my big brother, like Diana wants hers!" it's Emily's turn to say with emotion and Daniel clears his throat to talk next.
"The man you wanted to shoot is actually your own self and the woman you would leave alone with this action is your own sister. Forget that I got in the middle and you shot me or what happened next. We are willing to forgive you, give you a place next to us and help you in any way we can, but I need you to understand we are on the same side. We have something in common, we love! We love our family, you love your sister and she is one of us now, but Mason Rollins wasn't, isn't and won't be on your side, because he feels no love or any other emotion." He says and places his hands on my shoulders while Parker joins Emily's side and she takes his hand in hers.
"Your sister won't be happy and proud, if anything happens to you and this thought kills me, because I already love her, I swear I do. Our life won't be happy, if you make us kill you. We take a step back and we are asking from you to take one back as well. We want the same thing, Emily always happy and safe and we can't make it without you by our side." he says quite touched and Preston lowers his head, his body starts trembling and some low sobs escape his lips.
I press my lips together in agony and pray from inside me he accepts to join our side and Destiny purrs. She is more positive than I am and I find it weird, but my insane, sweet wolf has sometimes been wiser than me in the past, although she is tougher and not so kind. She has her reasons for feeling this way with Preston, I know she does nothing accidentally or from sympathy and mercy. She has a feeling...
"I am sorry... I will... Tell you everything I know, but... I don't know many." Preston whispers after about a minute that has killed almost all of my hopes and I gasp surprised, Daniel jumps up like he gets electrocuted, Emily lets out a low scream and Parker laughs excited.
I sigh relieved and still speechless and I turn to Daniel who has already wrapped his arms around me. The smile on his face is breathtaking, his green eyes shine to seem even brighter and I feel his heart beating inside his hard chest and against my back. Destiny smirks to me playfully I couldn't understand her before and Emily breaks into sobbing from relief.
Parker hugs her, Preston turns to me and Daniel after he makes sure Emily is gradually calming down with Parker's help and my smile faints from his nervous, panicked expression.
SHIT!
"Diana... I am sorry for everything, I really am and I will apologize to Aiden as well, I promise. Also, I owe you, Daniel. Thank you for your understanding and I wish I wouldn't have so bad news for you, but unfortunately I have. This is why you must be fast and not tell about the details to anyone, at least not the location Mason and Lucas took Mila." He says and I stumble from his last words, but Daniel holds me tightly and prevents me from falling down.
My heart aches when I hear my mother's name and my blood freezes from fear. Preston's so serious expression and firm words are bad news and the need for me to sob is back again.
I don't want to lose her, I need to know the truth, I need her!
"All I know about Mila is that she was protecting and helping you and Aiden from Mason behind his back, but he is clever. He has realized everything, she was betraying him and she was about to come here to you, give you information about his plan to become King and betray him for good and this is why he decided to take her with Lucas' help and leave to get rid of her and hide himself for a while." Preston continues after a quick sign from Daniel and the Goddess' words with the feather come in my mind again.
She meant my mom, I was right, she loved us... She was pretending she liked hurting us because of him! She was caressing my hair, she was crying above me every night when he wasn't home and the voice of the woman in that 'dream'...
It was hers, my mother's!
"I am sorry I don't know details, Mason wasn't talking that much, but I know the last place he told me they were. He called me about a week ago to tell me your mother had managed to escape, he give me some last instructions about how to kill Aiden and he told me where they were, but it is not safe to tell anyone about it. Search for them, but not share the place with anyone, it isn't safe!" he says in hurry and stops to take a breath, but I lose my patience, my panic deluges me and all I want is to hear where he has taken her.
I won't tell anyone, we are going to tell all our trackers to go to that location, but I need to know it now!
My mother is in danger even if Mason and Lucas haven't found her yet. We can't lose time, we need to move the sooner we can!
"Where did he tell you they were?" I ask in demanding, high and wild tone and he stiffens before he replies.
"To Northern Alaska!"
~many hours later, late at night, palace's hospital~
Nikki's pov
I look at the black with dark shades photo from the first ultrasound I am holding in my left hand and with the right I wipe my most recent tears.
I can't believe I can't stop crying, I had never imagined I would cry so much and these pregnancy's hormones are pushing me to cry ever more, despite how hurt I feel from Landon's sudden change.
What has gotten into him? We were perfect until the night Diana asked from him to interrogate the rogue who shot Daniel, so what changed?
What did I do? Why is he doing this to me and why now?
I was always dreaming of the day I would find out I am pregnant, I thought it would be the happiest day of my life and it turned out to be the worst of it!
I'm a wreck all these hours since he left and I passed out and I can't calm down, despite Ellie, Alice and Robert's tries to help me feel better, because I can't feel better when I don't know what made Landon change or where he is and I know for sure he won't be happy about the baby.
Damn, a new round of crying begins and I leave the ultrasound's photo on my desk to place my hand on my lower stomach and caress it.
Landon and I had discussed about having a baby few days ago and he was the first who said he would love us to have one the sooner. He was excited with the whole idea, because as he said I am (or better was) the woman of his life, he has (had) no doubt for us and he wanted us to create a big family.
Back then I didn't talk, I just kissed him, but my heart was about to explode from joy, because I always wanted a family with the man of my dreams and this man is Landon, but not the Landon I see the last few days.
I know we have our differences... He is expressive and very talkative, extremely energetic and funny, he likes making pranks and adores training, he is restless and many times reckless and I am very calm, sensitive, sometimes serious, silent, logical and I love reading books, going for runs or watching movies.
We loved we are different, because we don't get bored, we complete each other and everything was working perfectly fine, but this doesn't happen anymore.
He finds me tiring, he behaves like I am his greatest enemy and he hates me, he doesn't want me and he doesn't care about the way I feel, he even hates my job!
I'm aware of the fact we know each other for less than two months, but we do know each other, at least this is what I thought until earlier today. We had never fought before, we were talking and expressing what we wanted or how we were feeling, everything was ideal, our life was a dream, we were very happy.
What changed now?
Am I not enough for him anymore?
And if I'm not, why isn't he talking to me?
I have accepted him completely from the very first day we met, so why can't he do the same with me?
From the first moment I couldn't imagine my life without him, I would die for him, but...
Not anymore, because he chose to treat me like I am dirt, he doesn't try to explain what is happening to him and last but not least, because I have a baby inside me, our baby and it is my first priority!
I love Landon and I know I haven't shown to him or anyone else my 'strong', fighting side, but I am not that weak, because I decided to become a doctor and save other lives. I may don't talk or be so cheerful, but this is who I truly am and I'm proud of myself.
Nobody can kneel me down, if I don't want him to and Landon won't make it, I have my pride!
Yes, he is my mate, the man of my life, my baby's father, the only one for me, but I have my limits, I need respect, love, appreciation and peace.
"Give him time, he is mad and it is obvious he is not mad at you. You are right, you do know him and so do I and this is why I am telling you that something is bothering him." my wolf, Natalia murmurs softly, but I ignore her completely.
I have no courage left to disagree with her. She keeps on telling me Landon is not alright and this is why he is so aggressive and he is not only with me, but also with everyone else, if we think what he said to me, Ellie, Diana and Alice about all of us back in our room this morning.
The real Landon I know would never, ever talk like that about his brothers, his new best friends and me.
"Exactly, this is why you have to be patient and stop being so dramatic. Think our pup, you know better than me it gets affected!" she states reading my thoughts and I exhale, fall back on my leather chair and close my eyes.
The baby... My baby, my little precious!
I already adore this baby, I would give my life for it and when I saw it with Robert in the ultrasound, something unbelievably new got born in my heart. I discovered a new piece of me and it happened because of this sweet soul.
It is too soon, I know. The baby is so small we barely saw it with Robert, we can't hear his heartbeat yet, but I already feel it inside me. It is my life's purpose from today and for the rest of my life and it doesn't matter what Landon wants, because the baby comes first.
I can raise it completely alone, if he doesn't want it or he wants us to break up, because he got tired of me. I can leave and go back to England, Luke has told me the doors are open for me, it is my original pack after all and the pack hospital needs me and I will be in lead of it as the head doctor in few years, after my uncle's retirement.
Yes, I could do that, if things with Landon get worse and I am done.
I haven't shown my teeth to anyone yet, many believe I am weak, but it is not true, I'm strong, I know it and it is more than enough for me and my baby.
Only I know how many times I have bled in my life, how many difficult fights I have won and what I'm capable of doing. It wasn't always my dream to become a doctor. I wanted to become a fighter, although my family didn't want me to because my mother was and she almost died in a big battle when I was six years old.
I had fought many times with my parents for this, you see, they didn't want to lose me, my dad knew the pain and danger of a possible loss, the last thing my mother wanted was to lose any of her kids and they said I am a woman and my first role is to become a mother, I couldn't repeat my mom's mistakes, so I lied.
Yeap, I did it!
I lied, I pretended I agreed with them and I changed my mind. I said I wanted to become a teacher and they sent me to a university here in USA, but what they never found out was that I did it on purpose, nobody knows about it till now, not even Landon, my sister or Diana. I had read about the underground fighters and I found some people who needed new willing werewolves to train and put them in the fights to represent them and I managed to talk with one, a big 'head'.
That's when everything began...
I was attending my classes at university, but when I was done I was running to meet my team, the trainers and the other fighters, I was getting trained in the hardest ways there are and for about eight months I was in love with this.
Everything changed a night we were out for a drink with few other fighters. We were going to celebrate our progress, I was one of the best 10 between the 50 and they had announced to me I would became an official fighter too soon, but we had a fight with another 'team' which found us and we ended up fighting and things changed.
During our fight a young girl made the mistake to come and try to separate two boys and they injured her heavily by accident.
I don't know how I stopped my fight against my opponent, a young man, but her screams woke up a new need inside me, I saw everything clearly and I just stepped back. I tried to help her, I did my best with the few things I knew, but I didn't make it, she died in my arms, I couldn't help her...
And I left, I run away!
I went back to my family and I announced I wanted to become a doctor. I realized what I was born to do. I was born to save lives and this is what I do now and I am proud about it, I haven't regretted my decision, I won't.
Taking a life is easy, but saving a life is a difficult task and I am good at difficult tasks!
So, Landon and anyone else can believe whatever he wants. I don't feel bad I haven't talked about it with him or anyone else yet. Those months were dark, I need to believe that they never existed, I don't want to remember them. I hated myself for years for my decision to become a fighter and a part of me still does hate me, I could have killed innocent people.
"Nikki, are you alright?" Robert asks from too close to me and I jump up scared.
I find him standing right next to me with a tired yet concerned expression and I manage to breathe again after some painful seconds.
"I knocked more than three times, I called your name. Did you fall asleep?" he mutters and kneels next to me, but I shake my head negatively.
Great, now I lose the communication with the environment, I heard absolutely nothing!
"I think I told you to go and sleep. It is my shift tonight." I say in a try to change the subject and he smirks in understanding, places his right hand above my left on my stomach and smiles.
"I can't leave you and grandkid alone, when I know how upset and sad you are." He replies hurt and I press my lips together when his eyes meet my puffy ones.
Robert is a very sweet man and he means what he said about my baby. He has Landon like his son and when I told him I was pregnant with Ellie and Alice, he cried, congratulated me and he said I am his 'daughter', because he can see himself in my eyes and he loves me very much.
He hasn't stopped asking me how I feel all day, we saw the baby together and he didn't want to leave me alone, because it is my turn to spend the night here, but I convinced him and as you saw not for too long.
He is back just after one and half hour since the moment I almost dragged him out of my office. He doesn't want to leave me alone in my condition.
"And what about the others? I decided to hide myself here and I saw nobody expect Ellie and Alice who came to make sure I wasn't crying." I say again to change the subject for one more time and he rolls his eyes in annoyance.
He knows I don't want to talk about Landon, how I feel and how worried I am for the baby, I mean if I tell Landon and how. He doesn't like it when I avoid these topics, but I don't feel ready to talk about them again, I need time.
"They are in their rooms, all of them. The palace is peaceful tonight and Daniel, Gideon and most of the guys asked me about you during our dinner. I told them what we agreed with Ellie and Alice's help and they believed you wanted to make sure Preston's condition would be steady and you had to stay next to your patient." he says quickly and I shake my head pleased.
"Don't mention this in front of Landon, he is going to kill me for doing my job and helping Preston..." I throw with bitterness and he stands up sighing, narrows his eyes and gets ready to say something, but I prevent him by talking first.
"And did Daniel and Diana talk with Elena, Adam and Caroline about Mason, Lucas and Mila's location? Did they say anything new I don't know?"
"Nikki..." he mutters through his teeth in frustration and walks to take his seat on one of the two chairs in front of my desk.
I pissed him off, but he has to respect I don't want to think about Landon or his heartbreaking behavior. Not to mention that I am really curious to know about the location, but the guys told us nothing and Preston keeps his mouth shut.
You see, Daniel asked from Hunter and Jeremy to bring him here after he agreed to help us and he is my patient, we talked, but he was very tired, weak and careful not to tell me what he said to Daniel, Diana, Emily and Parker. It's not that I have a problem they don't tell us where Mason and Lucas are hiding Mila, but I have a weird feeling about it and I am not used to this kind of secrets from the guys.
"Just answer to me, Robert..." I whisper exhausted and give him a begging look to make him soften with me.
"Fine! They talked with them to tell them the top secret location, the trackers are going to be there the sooner from what I heard, but we still don't know where they are and the same goes for your mate! So, if I were you, I would worry about him!" he says in a high, frustrated tone and I groan.
Shit, not again!
"And who tells you I am not worried about him, Robert? I am freaking out, my heart is breaking, he hasn't come back yet, but I don't know where the hell he is! I wish I could tell Daniel, Jeremy and Elias what happened and ask from them to help me find him, but they will be furious! They had a fight earlier in the morning, I don't want them to have one more because of me!" I yell losing the last sign of patience and temper I have and stand up ready to break into sobbing when someone knocks the door and I fall back breathless.
Damn your stubborn brain, Landon!
I hate that I love you so much right this moment! How did you leave me alone like that? How?
I feel desperate and helpless for the first time in my life, my heart aches since the moment he left, my inner voice screams his name all the time, I need to see him and make sure he is alright, but my hands are tied up, I can't speak to the men. I don't want to tell them about the baby, they will kill him once they find him and I will feel even worse.
"Calm down, it is Jim. The last thing we want is him to see you crying, he will report it straight to Daniel or Jeremy." Robert whispers warningly and I nod.
I didn't smell Jim because I was crying before, but I am glad Robert did. Jim is a great young man, we all like him, but he mustn't see him crying as Robert said, because he is too close to Daniel and Jeremy. He tells them everything and the guys can't find out about the way Landon behaved to me.
The girls and Robert promised they won't say a thing until I'm ready, the others realize it on their own, or even Landon speaks.
I wipe my almost dry tears and exhale before I take a deep breath and fix my robe's collar. I close my eyes to focus and calm my nerves down and then clear my throat.
"Come in, Jim!" I order and the door opens the next moment.
A pale Jim appears, but he doesn't walk inside. He stops at the door and stiffens when he notices Robert who has already turned his head to him.
"Yes? What it is?" I ask breathless while a weird feeling appears in my heart and he shakes his head thoughtfully, looks at Robert for a second and then turns to me.
"Um... I am sorry I had to bother you, Nikki. It's your shift tonight, but Dominic, the guys' friend with the clubs brought Landon and he is drunk!" he states and I stand up instinctually, my stomach tightens and my cold skin shudders.
Disappointment and pain strike me and new tears tingle my eyes, my wolf groans hurt and Robert runs his hands through his hair.
I had to expect it, seriously this is...
He makes it worse!
"I wanted to take him to your room, because he can't walk on his own, but he is screaming your name. He wants to see you and nobody can calm him down. I didn't want to wake up the others and if you don't come, he is going to wake up the entire palace. Dominic told he was crying before. He went to find him lots of hours ago, they were together all day, they talked, but Landon ended up drinking and he couldn't stop him, because Landon was very aggressive. He apologizes for not informing you, but Landon didn't allow him to text you." He adds in hurry and I hold back a sob, I take off my robe, my anger comes back to me and I storm to the door passing by Robert.
Alright Landon, this is it!
No more fucking games!
I stay here, I cry for you and you go to Dominic (fortunately), talk to him, spend the day with him, drink like there is no tomorrow and come here drunk to scream my name and wake up everyone!
Just fuck!
"Robert, could you stay here and replace me for a while? I need to go and see him..." I say more like a statement and not a question, he groans positively and I get out with Jim running behind me.
That's it, Landon. That's it!
~some time later~
"If you need me anything, don't hesitate and mind link me immediately." Jim whispers with a sympathetic smile and I tap his arm thankfully.
"Don't worry, really." I whisper back through my teeth and he gets out and closes the door to leave me and Landon alone.
Well, the man I see in front of me looks like Landon, but it's not him! He is a wreck, he sits on the edge of our bed with efforts, he is going back and forth, he is pale and he smells alcohol and only.
I was angry until now, but the more I look at him, the more broken I feel.
His blurry dark brown eyes are locked on me and his expression reveals pain. It is obvious he was crying like Dominic said to Jim and he is about to cry again now.
I don't know how I am standing on my feet. I feel extremely weak and alone, Natalia is doing her best to support me, but the emotions have overflowed my heart and it is unbearable.
I can't see him like this, I wish he could talk to me, I realize something certainly bothers him and I feel useless he haven't talked to me about it. I am his mate, I have told him I am here for everything, his problems are mine, but he ignored me.
"Nikki, I love you so much!" he suddenly says touched and breaks the silence, opens his arms the most he can and gets ready to stand up and walk to me, but I rush to him like a flash.
He is going to fall down, he doesn't have so good balance and I won't be able to help him get up, if he falls. Also, the guys are going to listen to us, they are going to wake up.
"Lay down, Landon. Don't try to stand up, you are..." I say as I reach him and place my hands on his shoulders to stop him, but he wraps his arms around my waist and before I react, he pulls me on him and he falls on the bed with me on top of him.
"I am an idiot who doesn't deserve you, but I love you like crazy! I love only you, you are the woman of my life." He states with his head buried in my neck, interrupting me and I pull back for our eyes to meet each other's, although it is quite dark.
The time for me freezes when I look at the childish, emotional, innocent and complaining way he is staring at me and his eyes shine from fresh tears that are ready to fall.
I can't explain how I feel, it is extremely complicating. From the one hand I want to kiss him, tell him I love him too and I could feel his love, but on the other hand I want to slap him, scream that he broke my heart and left me alone with our baby inside me and run away from him.
"I know I'm just the King's useless Beta, the one who stays behind and can't even make a rogue break and talk... I know I am the funny stupid guy, the tiring with his excitement man, the one who embarrasses you and that's why you very often scold me, but I can change for you. I will be the man you want me to... I know you deserve someone better, but don't leave me." He continues and tightens his hold around me, both of us start crying and his words become my death.
He thinks he is not enough and I want to change him?! I don't love him?!
"Do you doubt me, Landon? Do you doubt my love?" I ask without thinking about it, my burning tears fall on his hot skin and he nods immediately with complaint.
"I know you don't love me as much as I love you, this is the reason I was so distant and aggressive the last days. I wanted to prove myself I will make it without you, if you decide to leave me one day, but I can't! You are my life, I will fight to become a better man for you, I will do anything." He says and with a sudden move I am pinned on the bed, he lands on top of me and moves low to stop above my flat for now belly.
I stiffen ready to talk, but he pulls my blouse up on my breasts, his hot breath hugs my bare skin and warms it up and he leans to kiss my belly and then rest his forehead against it. I have stopped breathing, my heart hovers in my chest, Natalia purrs in adoration and my body escapes from my control.
I close my eyes, bury my hands in his soft, silky blonde hair and surrender to a power I don't know.
He behaves like he knows about our baby and his fast breaths turn slow, our muscles relax and he exhales against my flesh to burn it and make me gasp and open my eyes.
"Do you..." I begin to say, because I can't hold back for more and I feel the need to tell him I'm pregnant, but he raises his hand to stop me and rubs his right cheek against my stomach.
"Sh... I want to tell you... I changed my mind. We have to use protection..." he whispers with his eyes closed like he is ready to sleep and I shut my eyes closed again in order not to scream in realization.
I knew it, I was sure, my bad feeling comes true and I feel devastated. He doesn't want it anymore, he wants us to be careful, although it is pointless and his words mean the end, because he means them.
"If we make a baby, I am going to lose you for good and I don't want to lose you! You are the only one I have only for myself. You will love the baby and you will leave me for it, because I'm useless." He cries and moves with his eyes still closed and I open mine just on time when he leans to kiss me.
I turn my head to the right from the alcohol's smell which makes me want to throw up and he ends up burying his face in my neck. I have no idea how I am still doing it and stay 'strong' and silent when my entire world collapses.
He just admitted he is insecure, but he has no reason to feel this way. I show him my love every day, I have told him what a great man he is and how proud I am to have him as my mate, I have never tried to change him, he is more than enough for me, because he is everything I ever wanted and he doubts me and my feelings, he said it clearly.
He believes I am ashamed, my feelings are not strong and I will leave him one day, he doesn't want a baby, because he doesn't want to share me like a baby is going to take the love I have for him and he ruined everything, he killed our relationship!
I feel like I can do nothing right, because if he feels this way about me and my feelings for him, I have failed completely! I thought I was enough for him, but I'm not.
"Do you love me? I can die for you, I am sorry for hurting you, I didn't know what to do, I was scared of telling you, I had to drink to... I am sorry." He whispers and kisses his mark on the crock of my neck, but it doesn't ease my pain this time.
A part of me dies, but I really love him, although he doesn't believe it.
"I love you, Landon. Calm down and try to sleep..." I murmur breathless with great efforts, not knowing what else to say or do and he whimpers something, kisses his mark again and sighs heavily.
"Don't you ever leave me alone, Nikki. I need you..." he whispers close to my ear and lower than all the other times and he doesn't speak again.
He falls in a heavy, peaceful sleep and I fall in hell.
I won't leave him alone, because I can't. He left me alone already, I'm alone!
He destroyed everything we had and he doesn't want our baby, so I am done. I can't stay and face him once he wakes up, I don't feel ready to talk with him, I am scared of staying and I want to run away, as far away as I can!
I have to take care of myself for the baby and find my peace. I can't do either of them here, so I have no other choice. I am leaving tonight and I know the perfect place to go.
I have been there once and I loved it, my best friend from the university leaves there with his younger sister. Their parents died years ago and we are still very close friends, we talk daily.
Albert and Stacy won't have a problem, if I call Albert now and ask from him to let me stay with them for a couple of days. He had invited me to go recently anyway.
Yes, I could go there! They live isolated in the middle of the wild, endless forests, some cities are close, but they don't have many residents and my pregnancy has no complications. Albert is a great doctor and he has medical equipment in any case and nobody knows where he lives or how to find him, I will turn off my phone and take it with me, so no trails.
One week will be enough. I will have the opportunity to get lost, go for long runs in the beautiful forest, admire the lakes around and think what to do. I won't have to worry about anything and anyone else.
It will be just my little baby, Natalia, Albert, Stacy, I and the vast forest, but I have to hurry.
I won't take any luggage with me, it is not safe, the guards are going to see me, the cameras record me and I have to buy clothes from somewhere. I won't leave from the closest airport, I will drive to another city, buy clothes and everything else I need tomorrow early in the morning and then I will go to an airport to take the first flight for where Albert lives...
To Northern Alaska!
********************
Hello my friends and welcome to the chapter 52, a long one with some reveals and 'signs'!
I guess you have some suspicions about what is going to happen next, right? And you also know why Landon behaved like that, but he is going to tell us even more in the next chapter.
So, how do feel about this chapter? What do you think of Daniel's plan? Also, what about the way he, Diana, Parker and Alice talked to Preston and what about his reaction? Moreover, how to you feel about Nikki? What about her dark past's reveal? Also, what do you think about what happened with Landon, he feels insecure and he did his stupitidy, right? And last but not least, how do you feel about Nikki's decision? What is going to happen next?
As always at this point I would like to thank you very much for your love, support, commends and impatience in order to read the chapters and I am sorry if I don't reply to some of your comments but I forget because of the books and all the plots and things I have to do but I read them all and thank you for commending! Also the book has reached about 113.060 views and I don't know what to say, I am at least grateful. I am trying my best so continue showing me how much you want more and:
1) Vote,
2) Commend and tell me your opinions and thoughts, or
3) Share the story.
This is it for this time, see you again in the next chapter. Be safe and happy until next time!
I love you all,
Marie...