Crowded inside the girl’s locker room, mostly are taking a showers others are chit chatting with their friends, others are dressing, picking their right outfit so that if they will come out from this room they will look presentable. In the center of the big room there was a specific room for the soccer team, each team has her own specific combo lock lockers, with names in it, specifically printed intended for the best player around, as I stroll along the hallway of those exquisite lockers and exquisite wallpaper printed room, I heard some girls say.
“I’m lucky I get in, I had this locker all by myself” said the other one.
“Me too, I glad I take soccer” as she said smiling at me as I pass by them, and in the end of this locker there was a door right in front of, then afterwards I saw my name printed in it---- Whoa!!---I had my own room, in the locker room? This is suite!!! as I thought opening the door.
We are like real athletes, like big star athletes, inside was a desk with my name on the front, some pile of soccer balls and paraphernalia about soccer, a sofa in the corner a little television, a fridge and a dispenser, then at the other corner was a door leading to my bathroom, I was eager to take a bath because I feel sticky whole afternoon under the heat of the sun playing and kicking some balls, a stress afternoon watching some ladies kicking balls whole afternoon.
As I wash myself up feeling the warm water flowing down my body, feeling that the sticky feeling was gone, cleaning myself, putting moisturizing soup in my body, refreshing myself from the exhausted day, then afterwards I wear my clothes on, same sweatshirts and a pair of jeans I wore last week, and a loud knocking in my door.
“Who is it?” I ask as I put my jeans on.
“It’s Nich” as the voice from the other side replied. Inside me feels like that I don’t want to see him, I don’t want him to be around me, I don’t want to open the door to talk to him, I’ve been on an exhausting afternoon and plus this one.
“What do you want?” as I open the door.
“I just want to talk to you” as he begged in front of me.
“Nich there’s nothing to talk about okay! I understand you” as I said actioned to close the door.
“Why?! Sammy, Sam!…..we have to talk I’ve been to the girls locker room! To come to you! these girls are staring at me like they want to patronize me or something!”as he admitted with his begging face.
“But!! you’re still on the girls locker room!” as I said trying to let him realize that he still inside the locker room.
“Please Sammy! just! Let me inside please!” as he said to me. I wanted him to come in to talk and to clear things out and to be with him again but my alter ego was saying I just don’t.
“Just leave me be!” shutting the door in front of his face. Inside the room I sat on the floor wrapping myself, I wanted to cry my emotions out but I don’t want anybody to hear me, I want to shout out loud but I don’t want anyone to be in concern.
After the day and the next day and the next day, a week had past and I never talked to him, not even once, he seemed not bothering me, I’ve heard he is going out with my Aunt Sassy but that’s no big deal, I know my Aunt truly, I just kept myself busy about my sport, handling my team, putting the deserve ones into first stringers and those second stringers are the bench, handling my team with our coach, Coach Snarls, she is beautiful and petite like Laily’s size, had a sporty attitude and I can see that she dedicated her life into soccer because she is well damn of a coach, she trusted me very much, sometimes she plays and I coached the team, we are like sisters. I kept accompany now is Emily, Ele is on Nich’s I don’t know why she abandons me, so Emily now is my friend, I could not consider her best friend coz’ I don’t her that much, I like her we share same experiences about sports and she had great enthusiasm about arts too, she collects paintings and she also paints, she had several in her dormitory, she showed me one of her work, a very fine and exquisite piece of art, I could not described her paintings, some of them were abstract and some are views from the places she went to together with her family last season, I discovered also that she likes to travel, she’d been to lots of places, inside America and also in the Eastern countries, she paints what she like most, but then her parents did not support her skills in painting, so she just kept it in herself, she told me that she visits her Uncle every Sunday to paint, her Uncle supports her so much because he himself is a painter, her Uncle buys her some of her exquisite and fines paintings, and also her Uncle is the one who sells her paintings to painting lovers, he mostly went to Paris to sell every piece of art Emily paints, and then Emily gets the 50% of her
Uncle’s total profit.
Her parents only supported her through her sports and she was forced to enroll here because she disobeyed them by choosing to go to an Art school instead of going to the school where her parents wished to enroll her, she made them disappointed and they forced her here, or else her paintings will be burned and turned into ashes. Ah she told me story, I felt sorry for her, I can see that she really likes to paint more than anything, she has this great passion about paintings, like me, I have great passion about my sport which is soccer, too bad my parents are not here to see me again play.
“Why don’t you join the Arts Club?-- I’m sure they will help you out, and they will definitely have use on you, you have such fine works and other people already recognize you through this, Arts Club is your stepping stone to reach your dream Emily” I encourage her, to fulfill her dreams and putting some hope inside her.
“I can’t, my parents would know my activities, they will find out” as she said to with her hopeless eyes.
“C’mon Ems! or you could do paintings in my room, and we could ask some materials to the Arts Club, or I could beg on Madam Stone to allow me to go out every other week this season to visit my brother and I could buy you some materials, and if the piece is done I could sell it outside and if you want we could give it to the Arts Club to recognize your work.” I said to her trying again to put hope in her face and enlighten her mind to follow her dreams and not someone else’s dream.
“I told you I just can’t to do this Sam I would face in grave consequences if they find out, you must understand me, my Uncle is not here anymore, and I stopped painting long time ago, I’ve erased it from my memory now okay! since he DIED!!” as she said to me with tears flowing down her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry Emily I did not know! I’m so sorry!” as I said to her hugging her and comforting my new friend.
On a Thursday afternoon I called for a meeting with my team alone, I did not inform our Coach and the second stringers, I only called for the first stringers.
“What’s the problem Sam?” asked Aunt Laila.
“Nothing, I just wanted to inform you that seasons game is fast approaching and we have still lots of things to cover up, I did not decide yet who will be our constant goalie and the center forward who will be our two sweepers, out half backs” I said to them enumerating some positions in the game.
“What about those previous games that we play, are those not yet final?” Sassy ask.
“Well others are not in their right positions, they don’t deserve to be in there, others don’t have potential, in that particular positions, so I’ve been experimenting on them” I explained to them firmly.
“So what do you mean, you have persons in mind that deserve to be in that positions?” Ele asked with an annoying face.
“Yes! listen ladies, sweepers will be Ele and Monica, half backs are Sassy and Laila Center forward Emily, Tanya you’re a big girl you will be our goalie, and the others so on, must keep the eyes on the ball understand me?” I said to them in a bossy tune and with a bossy attitude. “why did you decide this one alone, I thought Coach Snarls will be the one to decide” as Sassy interrupted.
“We already talked about this one and she gave me the authority to do so” I said.
“So what are anyway besides the Team Captain, the team mascot?” as Ele make a joke at me.
“I’m your STRIKER!!” I said to them boldly, I know Ele always wanted that spot but I did not gave it to her.
“What!!???? I thought I will be the striker? Sam we already talked about this one!” as she said bossying me around.
“You don’t have the potential Ele! I can’t risk such position, and besides it’s Coach’s final decision, and I can’t just waste such opportunity” I said pissing her off.
"And also, it’s my team so it’s my rules, whoever objects on that one is free to leave the field.” I said with arms widespread.
“You became Captain because Nich wants you to, because you’re with him, but now you two are not together anymore, I bet Sassy will be the Captain next season so better do your best as a captain and enjoy every opportunity that had been offered, who knows, it will just banished in a one blink of an eye” Ele threaten me loudly.
“Team is dismissed!” I ordered my team, “what is your problem?!!!” I grab Ele arms and face her pathetic face.
“My problem?!!!! you’re asking me about my problem? I tell you what is my problem! ever since we get back from your home, ever since you met that Emily, you never approach or even say hi to me! you never answer whenever I asked you some questions and you never go lunch with me anymore, I hardly see” as she said to me with anger in her face. Why are people her so sensitive? I thought to myself.
“So you’re jealous of me and Emily? why don’t you joined us sometimes I’m just awkward to approach you because you were with Nich, you know I can’t stand to be with him anymore, you know what happened.” I said to her and walking away.
The following two days after that happening, Emily and I go lunch together.
“I did not know you used to date Nich Stone? too bad you didn’t last, I can see some Chemistry between you both” as she tease me.
“It’s a long time ago, we’re over, and besides he dated my Aunt now”
“Sassy is your Aunt?”
“Yeah kinda confusing right? it’s a long story”
“Maybe if Nich and you are over, why is he always staring at you all the time?” as she looked Nich behind me.
“He’s staring?” I panicky asked. “yah!….every time we are on lunch”
“Every time?” Emily just nodded and continued eating her meal. I did not bother to look at him, maybe he is still looking at me. I just walk and leave my meal.
“Where are you going?” Emily trying to stop me.
“I just, I just need some air.”
“Do you want me to accompany you?
“No, finish your meal, see yah at practice!” I said to walking away from the canteen.
As I walk my way towards my room I realize Nich was following me.
“What do you want?!!!!” I shouted at him while he sneaks behind my back.
“Sam all I’m asking is a little talk, could you just give me that?” as he said to me, with surprisingly teary eyes, like a hopeless boy that is asking for a second chance in life.
“A little talk? we already talk little…..”
“Please, just a talk, and promise I will not bother you anymore”
“Okay! wanna go inside?”
“Inside would be fine, thanks Sam” as he smiles to me I feel delighted seeing that perfect smile of his again, for a long time, since that day happened.
"So what do you want?” I said to him offering him a seat..
“Sam I’m sorry I’m sorry for everything, I’m sorry for hurting you, and if I make you feel untrustworthy, if I’m not being honest to you, if I took the risk of you being understandable I’m sorry if I make you cry, I make you feel less worthy, if I’m not being perfectly honest to you---I’m sorry if I didn’t reach your expectation of a guy, of me! I’m sorry if I’m such a jerk and shouted at you stupid me! how could I ever let you go you’re precious to me Sam you’re my Sammy! I can’t bear to live another day without you in my life, knowing that we are over, knowing that my dream is all over, knowing that I woke up now, knowing that I’m now in the reality” as he said to me those words with such emotions of guilt and emotions of a guy who is being soft, of a guy who just tell the world what he really feels, it really leave a mark deep inside my heart, as he kneel in front of me, crying, crying his feelings out, crying and begging for me to come back.
“Nich it’s not that easy we live our lives now, separately we have our own field we just can’t change that, you have Sassy now, she likes you as I can see that, I’m happy for you both---Nich I know that you love me, but Nich I just can’t do this easily, believe me or not I regret the day that I say I LOVE YOU!” I said to him full heartedly holding his cheeks, crying in front of him holding him like never letting him go but I said those words now, I just can’t take that away!.
“I don’t believe you Sam I know you still love me I can feel it, Sam I want us to be back together, very much Sam remember I’m still hoping” as he exit’s the door and closed the door softly.
Inside my room I was crying, sobbing, crying my emotions out deep inside of me, I still wanted for him to be mine again, to be in his arms again, to feel him again, to smell his precious and unique scent, to cuddle in his strong arms, to watch his beautiful face all over again, to mesmerize his smooth soft hands I wanted to feel that his hands are twisting and curling again my hair, rubbing my face with his bare hands, I wanted all of that to be back but now, it’s all seemed to be just a dream, all those precious times we shared together, all of it! I wanted to go after him but my feet won’t step on the floor, my body won’t move and my voice won’t come out I feel I’m completely paralyzed. The following morning, I went to Filming class with big eye bugs in my face, which is obviously I did not sleep last night, thinking of those words that came out from my mouth. And well obviously Nich as well entered the room with tiredness painted all over his face.
“Nich! are you okay? what did you do last night? Why are you tired?” as Sassy approach to him, hugging and comforting him.
“Sass, this is just nothing, go back to your sit” as he go directly to his sit, which apparently next to me.
“Bad morning Sammy? I can fill it with enthusiasm, remember when I always fill your day with gladness? I always wanted to see those beautiful face of yours again, I always wanted to come back on those days” as he said to me while I turn my back on him.
“Nich, just leave her alone, it’s obvious she doesn’t want to talk to you, just leave just for now” as Ele save my day. The following weeks are all the rumors about Nich and Sassy together, rumored about they’re perfect match, rumored about they will be together forever, my ears are filled with Nich and Sassy thing, it’s almost a two months since our last talk, then one day when I rested myself in my favorite hang-out place which is the Big Oak Tree Sassy came to approach.
“Hey niece of mine, how are you? we’ve never talked you know” as she sat beside me, and lean her back on the tree. I can see that she’ve change, she is blooming and even more beautiful this days.
“You’re blooming!----you look good today..” I said to her.
“Dear---you’re glooming” as she said to me with such an attitude.
“I don’t understand? what are you trying to say?”
“You know what I’m trying to say to you, you wanna know the real reason why I studied here?, why I forced myself to learn that pathetic sport? And why I convinced Daddy to moved in this remote Truro place? Sam!!! I wanna be like you! better than you!!! Sam I want to have what you have! I want to achieve what you achieved! I want to love what you loved! I want everything from you, you are the only topic Daddy is always talking about your achievements! Everything! Samantha!!! I want NICH!!!!!” as she said those words to me, it start to convinced me that this is not my Aunt that is in front of me right now.
“Sassy! I don’t understand??? well the fact is you have everything! you have Nich now!!…”
"And it’s still not enough!! I want your friends!!! I want your room!! and I want Madam Stone’s trust!!! like the trust she gave you!! The treatment she bestowed upon you!! Sam I want to be better than you!!!”
“And you will be!!! I will support to that! You want to be better than me, then you will!!! just believe in yourself!!! You are my Aunt remember?” as I put my hands in her shoulders!!…
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND DON’T YOU????” as she shouted at me putting my hands away as she stands and leave, as she runs back to the building!
I can see now why they moved here so sudden, I can see that why she forced to learn herself soccer when the first place it’s not her thing---- she can be with Nich, there are no strings attached to him at this moment. And then a guy from the back stumble into my sight.
“Lassy!!!! you’ve heard our conversation? I’m sorry for that” as I apologize to him.
“Yah!!! She EXPLODES!!! Back there huh! It bursted out immediately!!!! it’s like a bomb ready to set its target!!” as he sat himself beside me.
"It is kinda embarrassing that you’ve heard all of that!!! what’s there to me to be jealous about? I’m just an ordinary girl who just wanted to have a normal life”
“Everything in you Sam there is in you that girls had to be jealous about”
“Yah!!!?? and what is it??”
“ME!!!!” as he said joking.
“You’re kidding!!!!” as I burst myself laughing!!!
“SEE!!! I made you laugh!!” as he pointed his fingers to my wide mouth bursting myself with laugher.
“And you made a good one indeed”
“Sam is there a chance for you and Nich to be back together?”
“Why are you saying this to me”
“Well it’s not my business or anything, but Nich well at home, he always asked me of you, which currently we never talked, or hang-out, so I have nothing to share to him, everyday he keeps on bugging me to talk to you, maybe you will listen to me, Madam Stone said to him that he should leave you alone just for now, to give you some space”
“Thank you for that, understanding and well, I still don’t know, when I see him my temper just rise up and when I don’t see him I want him as a necessity.” as I lay my head on Lassy’s shoulders.
“Wow!! I never knew you would love that deep….anyway if you need anyone to talk and share the problems I’ll be right here you know where to find me”
“Thanks” as I close my eyes and just let the moment happened.
After a few days, everyone is busy about this so called “Grand Ball” in honoring the founder of this school which I discovered it was Nich’s ancestor, the owner of the house I went to, girls are so busy looking for an outfit, I could not bare listening to their conversation about what to wear, what color, what everything!. And then I just dig myself to read some books in the library. And then as I scanned the book I saw a letter addressing to me.
“Meet me at the Playhouse, please”
I recognize the penmanship, inside of me was happy, but my ego is telling me not to go, but then I took the risk and went to the first place where Nich and I have a talked. The place was slight different from the last time I went inside, there was a table set-up for two and a lunch, the pictures are still hanging on the wall, the place was all white and there is a new set of chairs and in the corner is a big picture of Me and Nich in the rocking chair, taken the first time he confess his feelings to me.
“You came, I’m glad” as he ascended from the back door.
“I have to show respect---so what do you want?”
“Lunch?” as he offered me a sit.
“No I’m full”
“Sam don’t be hard” as he put his hands on my face.
“I can’t do this anymore Nich! I’m tired!” as tears flowing in my face, holding his hands again. “then stop pretending you can’t fool yourself Sam you can’t fool you heart” as he hug me tightly. But I did not hug back instead I push him away from me.
“Stop this! you’re only making it complicated!”
“Sam I said I’m sorry could you not just forgive me?”
“And you said you will stay away from me when I insisted you to!!!” as I shout at him.
“Fine I’ll stay away if that’s what make my Sammy happy, you know I will do everything to make you happy, even if it will hurt me” as he stay back and smile with teary eyes at me. I went outside with deep angry feelings, I just let my tears fall, I just let them flow in my face even if students will see that I’m crying, even they will see my reddish eyes, I did not care. And then I went again to my friend, the tree. It like hanging out here, I like it, it’s the only friend that never leave me, it will always be here whenever I needed it, it will always there for me.
“You’re crying again” as Emily approach me from behind.
“I didn’t see you there” as I wipe my tears urgently.
“What happened?”
“Ems, I pushed him away” as I said to her with tears again falling down my face.
“I pushed Nich away, I did not mean it, I just need some space to think, I just need him to lay low for a while but he made me do that! he make me forced him away! Ems I’m afraid he will not come back to me anymore, I’m afraid he will not love me anymore, I’m afraid that he will not be my Nich anymore, that he will avoid me, I’m afraid that I will not see him again, feel him again, talk to him again, hugging him again.” as I embrace my friend Emily, as she comforted me, I feel like I’ve been comforted by my very own sister, I’m so thankful that I met Emily, she is such a true friend.
“Sam it’s okay I’m here for you, cry that out it’s going to be fine burst that feelings of yours out” as she continue to comfort me.
“He will be at your side” as she continue. With a shock I face Emily.
“What are you talking about?”
“Thanks Emily” as a man went out from the back.
“It will never happened remember I promised! you are my forever” as he put me into his arms. Feeling his arms again, seeing his wonderful face again, holding it, smelling his scent again, hearing his heartbeat again. I’m now again into his arms, into my Nich’s arms.
“I never regret anything----since the day I met you” as I wrap my arms into his neck, hugging him now back.
My heart was overjoyed and so is his, it feel like I’m now in a light that once was a dark place, a dark atmosphere, I can feel now warmth instead of once very cold days----I can feel it all now, that once was paralyzed, my heart was filled with warmth that once was icy cold. All of that because I’m back now in my Nich’s arms.